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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: WOULD YOU STAY IF HE PICK UP A LIFE SENTENCE WHILE HES ALREADY INSIDE?
YES, I WOULD STAY NO QUESTIONS ASKED 31 26.50%
NO, I WOULD LEAVE 44 37.61%
I DONT KNOW IT DEPENDS 32 27.35%
OTHER 10 8.55%
Voters: 117. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 05-30-2013, 11:50 AM
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Default Would you stay if he picks up a life sentence while hes already inside?

I was watching locked up lol and there was this couple that was on there. The guy was doing a bid for 5-10 years and other who was doing 20 years at 65%. While he was in prison there was a racial riot and he did not have a choice but to be involved or have problems with the group of guys. During the riot a man was beating to death. One dude was already serving 170 years, 1 had two life sentences, and one had 39 years to life, then there was the one who was doing 20 years at 65% and the last one who was doing 5-10. There wasnt much they could do to the ones who had life or long sentences but the other two guys were giving life sentences. Smh i believe they both were married. Would you stay? I know for me one thing that keep me holding on is i know that october 2015 they have to let my husband go. Im not sure if i could stay ive already waited a big piece of my life.
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:10 PM
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I voted no. I'm only 26 with my whole life ahead of me. If my guy picked up a life sentence I don't think I could hold him down I think being MWI would make it harder to stay. If I was already married to my guy the choice may not be so cut and dry but it would def be a hard decision to make.
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:15 PM
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Not at all. This is a one shot deal for me. My love was 19 when he committed his crime and because he has shown growth and remorse I stayed by his side. I also expect him to do whatever is necessary to stay out of trouble and he has. If a riot was to break out, he better hide his a** under a bed or something. Swallow your pride babe, and stay out of it. Forming cliques or gangs or whatever tends to get people in trouble, which is why he keeps his circle small. I've been doing this since I was 18, and I'm 31 now. I have it in me, but if you can't get your stuff together and keep it together, you don't deserve me.
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:17 PM
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hell no !!! i cant do it im sorry i cant imagine dealing with a man thats going to never get out..thats like me setting my self up & ill be living a lie hoping & wishing one day we'll be together . some women can do it some cant . ill be his friend write him every now & then . and ill move on with my life .
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Meow.. View Post
I voted no. I'm only 26 with my whole life ahead of me. If my guy picked up a life sentence I don't think I could hold him down I think being MWI would make it harder to stay. If I was already married to my guy the choice may not be so cut and dry but it would def be a hard decision to make.
man, my hat goes off to the women that ride it out with there lifer but i dont think i could. My Bestfriend is a lifer and sometime its hard dealing with him smh and i watch the females that come and go they stay 2-3 years and then leave
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:24 PM
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Not at all. This is a one shot deal for me. My love was 19 when he committed his crime and because he has shown growth and remorse I stayed by his side. I also expect him to do whatever is necessary to stay out of trouble and he has. If a riot was to break out, he better hide his a** under a bed or something. Swallow your pride babe, and stay out of it. Forming cliques or gangs or whatever tends to get people in trouble, which is why he keeps his circle small. I've been doing this since I was 18, and I'm 31 now. I have it in me, but if you can't get your stuff together and keep it together, you don't deserve me.
Rotfl @ he better hide under the bed lol
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:27 PM
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hell no !!! i cant do it im sorry i cant imagine dealing with a man thats going to never get out..thats like me setting my self up & ill be living a lie hoping & wishing one day we'll be together . some women can do it some cant . ill be his friend write him every now & then . and ill move on with my life .
For real. These last 2 years seem like a lifetime so i cant image a real life sentence
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:40 PM
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Id stay with him of course, he's my best friend && also love of my life. I promised him thru thick n thin I'd be by his side. I wouldn't just up and abandoned him.
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:43 PM
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Id stay with him of course, he's my best friend && also love of my life. I promised him thru thick n thin I'd be by his side. I wouldn't just up and abandoned him.
I wouldnt just leave him. We are bestfriends first but i dont think I would be there emotionally and mentally there like he would need. This is a tough one I honestly dont know
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Heluvedme1st

For real. These last 2 years seem like a lifetime so i cant image a real life sentence
i agree just imagine life..wheeeeew no lol ill go nuts
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:52 PM
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i agree just imagine life..wheeeeew no lol ill go nuts
I know thats right lol im going nuts right now it seem like my ticker is not even moving
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:54 PM
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Well I actually had to vote "other" on this one. My man is a lifer so obviously I will wait with a life sentence. We have had discussions though that if he picked up a new case and lost his possibility of parole I would have to reconsider our relationship and most likely go back to being his friend.

If it was a situation beyond his control I would be understanding. My point in setting that boundary with him is that he has had bad behavior in there in the past that he has worked hard to change. If he started making those types of choices again and got in trouble I think I would have to leave, not because I don't love him but because as partners with all the work I am doing out here to try and help him get parole someday I need to see that he is doing the work in there to make it possible too. I need to see that the possibility of him coming home to me is something we both take very seriously and are committed to working towards at all times.
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Old 05-30-2013, 01:03 PM
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Id stay with him. I dont miss out on anything while he is in there I still live my life and I cant have children so there isnt the need or want to have a family. I wouldnt be amused if he caught another case in there but Id deal with it and stay by his side.
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Old 05-30-2013, 01:05 PM
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Well I actually had to vote "other" on this one. My man is a lifer so obviously I will wait with a life sentence. We have had discussions though that if he picked up a new case and lost his possibility of parole I would have to reconsider our relationship and most likely go back to being his friend.

If it was a situation beyond his control I would be understanding. My point in setting that boundary with him is that he has had bad behavior in there in the past that he has worked hard to change. If he started making those types of choices again and got in trouble I think I would have to leave, not because I don't love him but because as partners with all the work I am doing out here to try and help him get parole someday I need to see that he is doing the work in there to make it possible too. I need to see that the possibility of him coming home to me is something we both take very seriously and are committed to working towards at all times.
I could not have said it better myself. Hes in there because of bad decisions so he should have learned that hes decisions can alter his whole life. Hes 30th and has been in since he was 19 that should be enough time he paid to the system
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Old 05-30-2013, 01:09 PM
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Id stay with him. I dont miss out on anything while he is in there I still live my life and I cant have children so there isnt the need or want to have a family. I wouldnt be amused if he caught another case in there but Id deal with it and stay by his side.
You missing out on having a normal relationship. Having your man there and doing normal everyday things like going on a date or waking up next to each other
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Old 05-30-2013, 01:40 PM
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I would still love him and be there for him, but I would have to move on. I'd still write and visit.
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Old 05-30-2013, 01:47 PM
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No way I just couldn't do it. I want a relationship where he and I can actually go out and do things, go to the fair, go fishing, camping, etc and of course have sex. Illinois doesn't do conjugal visits.

I go without this stuff now because I know sooner or later he will be home. I could not do it for life though.
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:05 PM
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I dont believe I could ever just walk away from him. It would kill me to have to give up having kids but if that was what I had to do I would do it. I think the only problem would be whether my husband agreed to it or not. He once told me that if he ever got life he knew he would have to cut me off completely and it would kill him because he wouldnt want to but that it wouldnt be fair to me to make me wait for him if he was never coming home. And he knew as long as he responded to my letters, called me or accepted visited I would continue to hold on and wait for him. So on my end I would not give up, but I guess if my husband did cut me off like that and continued to do so after a long long period of time I would have no choice but to try to move on. I just know I could never love anyone the way I do my husband so not waiting for him would actually be living the lie.
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:19 PM
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Come on, if we all wanted a "normal" relationship we wouldn't be with our loved ones and I think a sentence shouldn't matter even if its only for months or years or even life!!

I guess really it depends on the woman and the amount of love she has for her man .. If you were okay by sticking by his side thru his original sentence but yet if he caught another you would walk away. Hm, kinda speaks different volumes.

I mean what if he had no other choice and he caught a charge what if it was his life vs somebody elses and he took matters into his own hands .. I mean I think can't speak on what you haven't dealt with ... until it actually happens to you!!

All I know is if today, my man caught another charge and he was gonna not end up coming home and end up having to do life .. of course I'd be angry and mad and hurt but also, I know there was a REASON for him to do what he did and I couldn't knock him for that!!

I'd support him and love him and care for him just like I have been for years now. I rather be with him as we are than to not be with him. I truly believe if we were not supposed to be together I know God wouldn't of placed me in this path.

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Old 05-30-2013, 02:29 PM
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come on, if we all wanted a "normal" relationship we wouldn't be with our loved ones and i think a sentence shouldn't matter even if its only for months or years or even life!!

i guess really it depends on the woman and the amount of love she has for her man .. If you were okay by sticking by his side thru his original sentence but yet if he caught another you would walk away. Hm, kinda speaks different volumes.

i mean what if he had no other choice and he caught a charge what if it was his life vs somebody elses and he took matters into his own hands .. I mean i think can't speak on what you haven't dealt with ... Until it actually happens to you!!

all i know is if today, my man caught another charge and he was gonna not end up coming home and end up having to do life .. Of course i'd be angry and mad and hurt but also, i know there was a reason for him to do what he did and i couldn't knock him for that!!

i'd support him and love him and care for him just like i have been for years now. I rather be with him as we are than to not be with him. I truly believe if we were not supposed to be together i know god wouldn't of placed me in this path.

i respect your opinion. But at the end of the day im being honest with myself. This life is hard for me and im not doing it a minute longer than i have to.when he first went it he stabbed someone and got more time. He recently got into a fight and got 6 months added to his sentence. But a whole ass life sentence i dont think i would say but thats just me
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:31 PM
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Originally Posted by a&jalways View Post
Come on, if we all wanted a "normal" relationship we wouldn't be with our loved ones and I think a sentence shouldn't matter even if its only for months or years or even life!!

I guess really it depends on the woman and the amount of love she has for her man .. If you were okay by sticking by his side thru his original sentence but yet if he caught another you would walk away. Hm, kinda speaks different volumes.

I mean what if he had no other choice and he caught a charge what if it was his life vs somebody elses and he took matters into his own hands .. I mean I think can't speak on what you haven't dealt with ... until it actually happens to you!!

All I know is if today, my man caught another charge and he was gonna not end up coming home and end up having to do life .. of course I'd be angry and mad and hurt but also, I know there was a REASON for him to do what he did and I couldn't knock him for that!!

I'd support him and love him and care for him just like I have been for years now. I rather be with him as we are than to not be with him. I truly believe if we were not supposed to be together I know God wouldn't of placed me in this path.
Yes I realize that stuff happens and some guys might have to take matters into their own hands or their life might be in danger. But I know my man would take every measure he could to not be in that situation.

And yes I know that none of us have a "normal" relationship but I could just not do it if he ended up getting a life sentence. Like I said I want to be able to go shopping with him, fishing, camping, going to the fair, grocery store, etc. That doesn't mean I love him any less. I love him like crazy! He is my world! I just know that I could not do it. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. I would still be there for him as a friend but to me in a relationship affection is very important. I want to be able to lay next to my man in bed at night and lay on his chest feeling his heart beat. Having him hug me when I'm crying.
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:41 PM
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some ppl need to understand every woman is not like them..whats okay to u may not be okay for me..i feel like ill be selfish to sit be with a man who F'd up and got life .. yeah prison life isnt normal,but its good to know the outcome is he'll be home..not being in there for life..and @aj u said if we leave after he pick up a sentence it speaks volume..no it doesnt if thats the case half of us wouldnt even be on the forum.i cant see myself sitting around 50 years from now unhappy,lonely,miserable wanting to touch a man feel him kiss him go to bed with him basically build a life with him beyond prison u cant do that with a lifer ..sorry.i dont wanna be writing and paying for calls my whole life.to each to own .. ill never down a woman whose with a lifer shes a good strong woman to each to its own
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:58 PM
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I would still write him, visit and take his calls...but it wouldn't be fair to me or the kids to put ourselves through that. He has been gone since 08 and has lost some of his good time, but a whole life (since VA doesn't have parole) sentence. I just couldn't do, not that I would actively look for someone else. But just beinging honest the past 5 years have drove me crazy, the only thing that gets me through it is knowing eventually he will be home.
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:59 PM
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Telling other women, who said no they wouldn't stay, that their love isn't strong enough really sucks.
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Old 05-30-2013, 03:17 PM
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Telling other women, who said no they wouldn't stay, that their love isn't strong enough really sucks.
ughhhh i think i was the only one that felt that way it kind of pissed me off
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