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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #76  
Old 04-21-2013, 03:45 PM
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Wink improvise

me and my loved one have a good imagination..we do things like listen to a few songs while he on the phone and pretend we out clubbing..we will watch the same shows at night at the same time..share lots and lots of pictures..he even helps pick out my sons shoes..i will ask him what kind..find a bunch of different nice ones and print em' and send it to him and we will choose together..we talk about everythinggg! there isn't anything that happens in a day that he don't know about!! talk and play out holidays..for example what we would be doing right then for them! there is alot you can do!!
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  #77  
Old 04-25-2013, 12:00 AM
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You are right if we keep our minds busy then we wont think about the time so much. Good luck on your schooling that's a good thing. Communication is very important in a relationship an it sounds like you have that. I wish you the best of luck.
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  #78  
Old 04-25-2013, 12:12 AM
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I really like the idea of tracing your hand I think I may have to try that one. That sounds really special.
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  #79  
Old 04-25-2013, 01:05 PM
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Take it one day at a time...

When it feels like FOREVER until he comes home (2017), I tell myself that we'll never get to his release date, unless we get thru each day until then...one day at a time. This works for me when it all seems so overwhelming.
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  #80  
Old 05-06-2013, 08:04 PM
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He's only been in for two months, so I'm still really adjusting but what seems to help the most is to stay busy. I keep a planner and try to always have something to look forward to each week. Also, what others have said, take good care of myself and let out the emotions when I just need a good cry ; )
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  #81  
Old 05-07-2013, 03:45 AM
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We take this time to grow closer and closer to each other and really get to know each other, we write every day and i send him pictures of everything I do so that he feels like he is part of it. He knows he is my world, my soul mate and we work on our plans for the future.
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  #82  
Old 05-21-2013, 03:26 PM
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Default A Note to myself about "What If...".

It seems like there are a lot of new people on PTO right now and I wanted to share something that I hope will be helpful to someone. Like most of us, my man's incarceration was VERY hard on me. Add in the fact that he would get deported 7,000 miles away after prison and...well lets just say I don't do well without plans and I've had to learn how to trust my man completely with my heart through a sea of unknowns.

I wrote a note to myself on my phone a long time ago that I would read on those really hard days. Well I'm missing my man again now that we are long-distance for now so I re-read this today. I just thought I would share it with y'all since we can drive ourselves crazy with all the "what-if" scenarios!

"Don't complain! Don't doubt him! No unnecessary fighting! Pick your battles and let little things slide. Remember he is WAY more stressed out and life is much harder for him right now. He has done NOTHING since he's been there except love you, support you, protect you and be honest with you. DON'T forget it!! STOP questioning IF and HOW he loves you. Be a better support to him. Stop crying. Stop CONSTANTLY telling him you miss him! Live day to day. Don't listen to other people's opinion about him or your relationship...only WE know how deep our love is for each other. This is a walk of faith...believe in him, trust him and have faith in him."

I wish I had looked at that message more often when he was locked up. A lot of these things I still need to remind myself of! I want to be a soft spot for him to land...the woman that loves him and who he turns to. That doesn't mean that when I'm having a tough time I don't tell him, but I had to remind myself how little control he had in his life while in jail and even today I have to have patience and keep believing in him...and in US.

Anyway, I would suggest writing yourself a note like this to read on those tough days when you need a reality check! I hope this helps someone.
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  #83  
Old 05-21-2013, 05:06 PM
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That's beautiful and such a great idea! Thank you for sharing that
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  #84  
Old 05-21-2013, 05:11 PM
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This really puts things into perspective. It's helpful to always stop and remind yourself of where you're at...and what is really important. Thanks for sharing.
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  #85  
Old 05-30-2013, 07:31 PM
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Focus on the next call, the next letter, the next visit.. don't focus on the years apart.
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  #86  
Old 06-12-2013, 09:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Geauxin'KraZee View Post
Making plans and setting goals prior to his release gave him something to look forward to. We had our own business before he went in and had no one to run it while he was in. I just kept letting him know that we were going to pick up where we left off and whatever he needed me to do, if it was in my power, I would do it. He asked me to maintain his contacts and to make sure our truck was started on a regular basis, to keep up all of our licences and things of that nature. I. Wild always keep him informed of new prospects. Also, he was.somehow always included in family. celebrations via telephone and that made him feel still a part of instead of apart from. The main ingredients in our successful relationship are trust, honesty and communication (listening,as well as talking to each other) . Letting each other know.how much we mean to each other and an honest desire for each others happiness. Also, being able to agree to disagree in a civil manner. If we get aggravated with each other( and we do), we say what we have to say, sometimes its unpleasant, and we say to each other that we aren't solving anything and walk away for a little while. We eventually come up with a mutual.agreement. Our mission in our relationship is this - we don't need to do things my way and we don't need t do things his way, what we need to do is learn to do things OUR way. Its challenging, but we are doing it and yet still being able to maintain our individuality. Its a work in progress as it should be. All you need is two willing participants. Hope this helps!

It is great to hear from someone who is on the other side of this now and made it through!!
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  #87  
Old 06-20-2013, 08:43 AM
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Thank you for posting that, NeverDull! Something I needed to see today!
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  #88  
Old 06-21-2013, 11:35 AM
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My bf is serving a 10yr sentence. And he told me before he left that he was scared of losing me because he was going to be gone for so long. I'm a strong believer in communication so I write him everyday and let him know what I'm doing so he does not feel like he is missing out on anything in my life. Whatever he ask for I send it. I work to jobs so I can make sure we both and my child is taking care of! IM going back to school so I can start my own business so he will have a place to work when he come home! We have set a goal to get married when he gets home so I'm saving for that. I told him I'm not going anywhere! I love my Mike always and forever!
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  #89  
Old 06-21-2013, 01:40 PM
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Personally, for me it has been important stop dwelling on time. We do live just today, at this moment, and we never know about tomorrow. So I try to concentrate on this moment and what we can share today. It doesn't mean that I don't prepare for future though...

I was told not to put my life on hold, and this tip has been my lifeline. I set my goals to make this waiting time as easy as possible and I have been determinedly working for a better future for us, same as he has been doing too, no matter if he is in prison or not. We made plans about how we can spend even few more hours a year together, and we have been thriving to accomplish our goals. It helps keeping us focused and time flies.
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  #90  
Old 07-29-2013, 09:46 AM
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Default Stay strong ladies <3

Read this and wanted to share!
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  #91  
Old 08-04-2013, 02:32 AM
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Quote:
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Personally, for me it has been important stop dwelling on time. We do live just today, at this moment, and we never know about tomorrow. So I try to concentrate on this moment and what we can share today. It doesn't mean that I don't prepare for future though...

I was told not to put my life on hold, and this tip has been my lifeline. I set my goals to make this waiting time as easy as possible and I have been determinedly working for a better future for us, same as he has been doing too, no matter if he is in prison or not. We made plans about how we can spend even few more hours a year together, and we have been thriving to accomplish our goals. It helps keeping us focused and time flies.
you're so right. Ive started to plan our future, so I started working towards those goals and he can join in when he is home with me. the planning has given us some happiness and focus. It has helped me to not dwell on the the unknown or the what ifs
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  #92  
Old 08-26-2013, 05:38 PM
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Everyone has said it! Communication is key! Honesty is key too. I'm always completely honest about what's going on with me, and I always make sure that I ask him what's going on with him (and I don't take 'nothing' or 'fine' for an answer). Mutual respect is important too. Respecting each other helps keep us from allowing disagreements to become fights. I work at including him in everything that I'm doing and butt into whatever he's doing , if he's eating right, getting enough sleep...

Mostly though, I think it's about making the effort. I think it's about reaching out, grabbing his hand and not letting go no matter what. I think everyone, inside and out, just want to have someone to call home. That goes a long way.
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  #93  
Old 08-29-2013, 07:48 PM
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Talking Just Must Say- it does get easier!!!

I have been a prison wife for almost 2 years now and we still have about 3 years to go. I have had every emotion that you can think of from the worried cause he didn't call or the fear of the phone call saying something was wrong. I have also watch as my husband became a different man now see we have had a long hard history and things have come a long way from what they were but I can honestly say things are getting much easier to deal with. We have learned to be open and honest with each other which has included him coming clean about alot of things he has done in the past. I know when he will call so I don't normally miss his calls. I just want anyone new coming to this to know that it might be hard to begin with it does get easier and you can make it through. I love my husband and cant wait till he comes home......
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  #94  
Old 08-29-2013, 08:13 PM
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My hubs and I were strung along for 2 1/2 years before he was sentenced to 3 years (less if he completes the SO program the judge recommended- only problem being that that program was discontinued 15 years ago) and was taken to prison last month... So we are only beginning our nightmare, but look forward to each day bringing us one day closer to being back together for good...
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:30 PM
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when my husband and I write letters we always say something like another week closer to the forever after. I have over 100 letters right now and when I miss him I just fall a sleep reading the wonderful letters he has sent me. It might fell like a nightmare but it will be over soon enough.
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  #96  
Old 08-30-2013, 04:54 PM
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Some really good tips here
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Old 09-13-2013, 11:52 PM
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Communication is key, but sometimes it can be difficult if your loved one is in a different state, or doesn't have access to phone privileges. My ex doesn't have phone privileges but he does have email. He is in FCC Coleman and I live in NJ, so letters usually take about a week to get there. But when I do write him, I usually write a poem to go along with the letter. I also spray the paper with the perfume he likes me to wear, and seal every letter with a kiss. It's not much, but he likes it. Also, I just try to let him know that I will never lose faith in him no matter what. Also, just like someone else wrote, it's important to keep living your life as you would if your significant other wasn't in prison. That ensures that you will have n regrets or resentment towards him. Also, being honest and trustworthy is important, but one thing I think a lot of women don't want to admit is there is such a thing as being too honest. I tell my guy mostly everything, but if it's something that will upset him, I try not to tell him unless I absolutely have to, because I don't want to add any more stress on him.
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  #98  
Old 09-25-2013, 07:42 AM
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I have only been with him 2yrs and 10 months but I learned we have some of the same worries with men in and out of prison. Its how you look at it that counts. I love my man and I have to trust that he willnt hurt me just like out here. You get to learn the ins and outs of your mate better I feel this way. We talk everyday and I am lucky enough that I can have a 6hour date with him every Saturday . We spend half of christmas and thanksgiving together. I believe we know more about each other than my ex and myself did over a 15yrs together. Talk to each other
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Old 10-05-2013, 06:58 PM
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Take it day by day!
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Old 10-29-2013, 09:38 PM
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Default he's out , now what?

QUOTE=Geauxin'KraZee;6947733]Sharing my experiences about my man and I now that he is home, is a real pleasure for me. I hope in doing so, that it gives courage and hope to those of you ladies who are still patiently waiting for the return of your loved ones. Sharing my experience with others is like an investment in my relationship. It keeps me wanting to continue to nurture and grow in my relationship. That's why so many times I see couples drift apart, they stop feeding and nurturing what they have and like a plant, if you don't water and fertilize it-IT DIES!

My man has been home.for.quite a while now and I'm still here. I want to stay a part of this community to provide some insight as to how life is now that he is home. I hope that what I share helps many of you. But if I can only help ONE person, then I consider it worth my time.[/quote]

We have been just friends for 2years. I was the only one who stuck by him. He has been living with me as a roommate for 7 months, did a 20 day sanction, now he loves me. I have always had a crush on him. He's out again and says he loves me, wants to marry me! But, no sex, hand holding , kissing, nothing....he tells me he's impotent. I'm going crazy! What do I do?
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