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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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Old 09-10-2012, 04:57 PM
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Question Has Your MWI Asked You To Stay Faithful?

Hey Everyone! I was going to post this in the Husbands/Boyfriends thread but really I'm curious about MWI relationships.

Have you and your MWI had the talk about staying faithful through his bid? Did he ask you to stay faithful during his bid/remainder of his bid or was it automatically assumed when you two became 'official?'
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Old 09-10-2012, 05:21 PM
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When my fiance n I were just penpals he had his ad removed n I decided I wouldn't write anyone else but when he told me he was catching feelings n I knew I was too it was assumed. When we became official it didn't need to be said
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Old 09-10-2012, 05:23 PM
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My guy and I were discussing this after I read a post on another forum about this very subject. His response was that if it was meant to be that I met someone out here that he would be okay with that and said we'd just have to tone down our letters a bit. I wrote back and asked him why he would think that would be "Okay" because I certainly didn't think it was okay. This discussion was after we had told each other our feelings and that we loved each other. He simply said that he had forgotten that there are loyal loving women out there like me aw, I feel more in love after that letter . Even if he was totally okay with it I would never be unfaithful in our relationship. He still has 9+ years to go so if I really didn't think I could do it I would end things before it got to that point. He is the most amazing person I've ever met in my entire life so I sure wouldn't risk losing him over a night or two of sex.

My thoughts are that if you have to "ask" then the relationship isn't as strong as it should be. It should just be assumed that you would. Real love and commitment doesn't need this issue in the middle.
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Old 09-10-2012, 05:32 PM
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I think once you say "I'm in a relationship" - being faithful is a given.

I firmly believe however that men (inmates or not) don't respect women who have intimate encounters outside of the relationship. Even if they say "it's okay", it rarely is. There may be a handful of open relationships that are successful but in my 30-odd years on this earth, I've personally never seen one work.
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Old 09-10-2012, 05:35 PM
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When Sebastian and I became official we had already discussed what being in a relationship meant to each of us so in our case it was a given that being faithful was part of that.

Communication is key to any successful relationship. Discussions like this are important regardless of how or where the relationship begins.
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Old 09-10-2012, 05:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel1962 View Post
My guy and I were discussing this after I read a post on another forum about this very subject. His response was that if it was meant to be that I met someone out here that he would be okay with that and said we'd just have to tone down our letters a bit. I wrote back and asked him why he would think that would be "Okay" because I certainly didn't think it was okay. This discussion was after we had told each other our feelings and that we loved each other. He simply said that he had forgotten that there are loyal loving women out there like me aw, I feel more in love after that letter . Even if he was totally okay with it I would never be unfaithful in our relationship. He still has 9+ years to go so if I really didn't think I could do it I would end things before it got to that point. He is the most amazing person I've ever met in my entire life so I sure wouldn't risk losing him over a night or two of sex.

My thoughts are that if you have to "ask" then the relationship isn't as strong as it should be. It should just be assumed that you would. Real love and commitment doesn't need this issue in the middle.
I was searching for a post similar to this 1 before I posted, I must have read right past it!
That is really sweet the way he responded to your answer! I definitely understand where you're coming from though, that you don't see how it would be 'Okay.' I also agree with not having to 'ask,' or the relationship isn't where it should be.
My question came from a letter I received a few months ago from my MWI. He told me about his ex BM & how she's moved on, that all he was 'asking,' for was a great girlfriend to be faithful to him during his bid. (This was before our letters became serious/intimate.)
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Flow into the sea for eternity
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Last edited by KirstenTaylorC; 09-10-2012 at 05:42 PM..
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Old 09-10-2012, 05:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Patty View Post
Discussions like this are important regardless of how or where the relationship begins.
This is perfectly put, simple & says it all! Thank you Patty
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Old 09-10-2012, 05:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenTaylorC View Post
I was searching for a post similar to this 1 before I posted, I must have read right past it!
That is really sweet the way he responded to your answer! I definitely understand where you're coming from though, that you don't see how it would be 'Okay.' I also agree with not having to 'ask,' or the relationship isn't where it should be.
My question came from a letter I received a few months ago from my MWI. He told me about his ex BM & how she's moved on, that all he was 'asking,' for was a great girlfriend to be faithful to him during his bid. (This was before our letters became serious/intimate.)
No worries! It wasn't this forum.
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Old 09-10-2012, 05:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenTaylorC
Hey Everyone! I was going to post this in the Husbands/Boyfriends thread but really I'm curious about MWI relationships.

Have you and your MWI had the talk about staying faithful through his bid? Did he ask you to stay faithful during his bid/remainder of his bid or was it automatically assumed when you two became 'official?'
My man and I have discussed being faithful and what it means to each of us to be in a relationship.. we both know what we expect from the other as far as conducting ourselves as we are in a relationship. For me, I 'automatically' assumed the responsibility of being faithful, even before we became official. He didn't ask me to. He would actually tell me "go out, have fun, enjoy yourself".. but something just told me he was gonna be my man and it ended up so. We communicate regularly and I trust him & he trusts me..
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Old 09-10-2012, 08:20 PM
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Like some of the previous posters, the subject of fidelity had been brought up long before we became a couple. He knows my history and that I will leave a man who cheats on me without waiting to hear an apology, excuse or explanation. He is equally firm in his views on faithfulness. Infidelity is a deal breaker for both of us.
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Old 09-11-2012, 05:02 AM
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He didnt ask for my faithfulness but I know he wanted it so I gave it without his asking. My choice. I didnt ask for him to be faithful to me but he gave me it. His choice.
Ive never cheated on any man,he has never been faithful to any woman. Now he is faithful but its easy to be faithful in there....the tests will come when he gets out.
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Old 09-11-2012, 06:10 AM
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Before our feelings were fully developed, and certainly before we declared them, he said "I can't tell you what to do, and I wouldn't try to, but I would like to think you're not with anyone else.". I wasn't (or I wouldn't be talking to him to begin with), and I told him so. The bottom line for us is, the way we feel about each other negates the desire to be with anyone else. One of the things I've said to him more than once is that this is far from an ideal situation...him there, me here...and that I'm not with him because he's my only option, but because I CHOOSE HIM. I don't have any desire for anyone else. His location, and limitations mean nothing to me. I'm his, without question. Cheating not only morally isn't an option, but neither my heart, nor my body, nor my mind have any desire to stray.
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Old 09-11-2012, 09:23 AM
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My baby didn't have to ask me to be faithful, once we decided to take our relationship to the next level. Faithfulness should be apart of any relationship no matter how it starts. So I'll give him the same level of respect I expect him to give me

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Old 09-11-2012, 10:59 AM
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The exact words to stay faithful wasn't said out loud but when we first started having feelings for each other, we had discussions about our expectations of a relationship, what we thought of cheating and what constitutes cheating in our eyes. Thank God my fiance and I have the same feelings about this!
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Old 09-11-2012, 12:56 PM
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The only way we have discussed that topic is when he says he only has eyes for me or I tell him he is my one and only and he also says that to me. I recently just sent a letter telling him that there would be no other man but he didn't ask or anything. So, I believe we are on the grounds of, it is just implied.
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Old 09-11-2012, 01:42 PM
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DEMANDED! Thats one of the things we will not tolerate! We established that very early on.
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Old 09-11-2012, 01:58 PM
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I have had my own issues with this subject, as Patty and others are aware of on the MWI forum. I have known C for 2 1/2 years. 9 months ago we expressed our feelings for one another and continue to do so. C has always told me to "Be Good !" But told me he would never ask or expect anything of me while he was in. I told him i have no desire for anyone else. He of course liked that, but didnt want me to become frustrated and resent him. Even though people should be faithful if they are official, i think all things should be discussed.
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Old 09-11-2012, 03:16 PM
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It was an unspoken respect for billy and I. It was just a given that's the way it would be.
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Old 09-12-2012, 02:01 AM
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One of the things I love about my man is his very selfless nature and I appreciate that he is considerate of my needs and doesn’t place any restrictions on me, including being with other guys while I wait for him. However, I love him far too much to indulge in such freedom and being with someone else would feel wrong to me. I feel that senseless gratification would not be worth compromising our precious bond and that it would be disrespectful to him. If I were with other guys, I think somehow we wouldn’t hold together as strong and I don’t want that for us. Being loyal and faithful to him is a way for me to overcome the distance and feel connected to him, as I think if I were with another guy it would break that connection and make him feel further away... If things were reversed I wouldn’t want to restrict him either, but I know in my heart it would deeply hurt me if he were with another girl and I never want to hurt him, or give him any reason to feel insecure with me. As difficult as it feels sometimes to be on my own, I don’t want to see other guys or hook up with them because my babes, what we share and our future together is far more important to me.
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:09 AM
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My baby hasn't asked me to be faithful and I know he's afraid that I might meet someone on the outside.

I told him that I meet new people every day but that he's the one that has my heart and soul! I love him and no one else :-)
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:22 AM
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Honestly what fits for you might not fit for someone else. Its a choice all your own
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Old 09-12-2012, 02:39 PM
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My ex asked me to be faithful..but then didn't really do the same himself. Do talk about these things at the beginning. Like an idiot, I just assumed he would be faithful. At least he used me to find other women to try it on with... that way, I had the option of leaving him!
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Old 09-12-2012, 05:46 PM
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Mike asked me to be faithful after we became official only because his ex wasn't faithful to him at all. I told him that I will never cheat on him. We've made it clear to each other that if either one of us isn't faithful to the other, the relationship will be over.
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Old 09-12-2012, 08:55 PM
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I kicked mine loose once for messing around. He has been a good boy ever since. I usually don't give a second chance but I'm glad I did. We are going on 3 years pretty soon and it has been great this last 2 years. We are committed to each other and he knows how much he hurt me. He has been doing everything to make it work ever since.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:09 AM
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my man has never asked me to "stay" faithful usually once you have stated your in an fully on committed relationship being faithful is a given.

he knows how much i love him and care for him and he knows deep down in his soul that i would never ever even think about "cheating" on him...

my man does tell me to "be good"
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