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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: would you let your mate tke a year to do nothing?
yes why not 22 9.17%
no 3months maybe 51 21.25%
Heck NO! 148 61.67%
not a year but 6months 19 7.92%
Voters: 240. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 09-10-2011, 06:42 PM
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Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
Not even a small chance of that happening! "Idle hands are the devil's playground" would be the second thing out of my mouth, right after "You effing want WHAT?
Thanks, I didn't think of it that way...I used to think that he would need the time to enjoy things that he has missed (so far 14 yrs.) but now I'm seeing a whole new light on things!
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  #77  
Old 09-10-2011, 06:50 PM
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I voted maybe 3 months, but I doubt I'd even give him a month. I've been working 40+ hours a week to take care of our son since he's been locked up, and he can't wait to come home and start working and help raise our son together.
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  #78  
Old 09-10-2011, 07:42 PM
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Hell no! My boyfriend plans on looking for work as soon as he's out. He realizes how much I've been supporting him (calls, commissary, etc.), especially since his family doesn't help. He's willing to do whatever it takes to pay me back, plus some. His "break" will be at the end of this month, while he's waiting for his prison sentencing (currently in county jail).
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  #79  
Old 09-11-2011, 04:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erics4ever
If he wanted to lay around and do nothing-HELL NO!!

To me, that means-not watching the kids, cleaning the house, taking care of: the dogs, grocery shopping, cooking, errands, yard work, keeping the cars up etc. There is a difference between doing nothing and being a stay at home Dad. When my husband was home, he did all of the above and then some. He is Mr. Mary Poppins/Mr. Mom/Father Goose all in one! Cooking, baking, shopping, cleaning, taking car of the cars etc, he did it all even though he was in the streets. Now that we are older and the streets would not be in the equation, I would be ok with it especially if we had a child after he came home. Women are stay at home Mom's and nobody ever says they don't work, are lazy etc. Except for when they stay at home and do nothing and the man comes home after a day of work and the breakfast dishes are still in the sink, house a mess, no dinner etc. I know for us, that would not be the case. I would give him time to adjust, us to plan what type of business we would start together, and yes he would still be looking for a job-GOD willing we get him home, he has been in 14 years so far ( which I never thought of prison as a 'vacation'), I am not crazy enough to think he will walk out and land a job in a few days. So him being home and productive, would take a ton of things off my shoulders. But that is just us. He might be at home, but he sure would not be doing nothing!
So well spoken. My man had been in for 19 years. Though he would like to have work lined up before he comes home, we know that is probly not going to happen. I know people that have no prison experience that have ben looking for work 2x years!!! My long ago ex made a career out of doing nothing (thus the ex ). That I won't do even for a day. But to come home after a hard day and the home stuff be managed..... :-)
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  #80  
Old 09-11-2011, 06:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaylove View Post
. I know people that have no prison experience that have ben looking for work 2x years!!!
I understand that finding a full time permanent job may be difficult, HOWEVER, there are organizations and churches that will help put felons to work for a day. They may only pay them $20 for 4 to 6 hours of work, but still, it is $20 more than they started the day with. One has to crawl before they can walk.

There are all sorts of legal ways to make money without an official job. Coupons, donating plasma, internet surveys, mowing lawns and on and on. I think co-signing the idea that it's acceptable that they don't bring any type of income in for a year is not a healthy mindset. I feel one should at least have the mindset that they need to be out there crawling around and making legal money any way possible.

Maybe it's just me. My son always calls me a soul survivor, because I always make a way. I suppose I expect the same standards/mindset from my man.
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  #81  
Old 09-11-2011, 07:25 AM
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I would not be supporting a man for a year while he "chills". He is in a hurry to go to work. I want him to take SOME time to get a grasp on his recovery "on the outside" first. Therapy is a must. But I am also realistic, it will take some time to find work. So, he will be spending his days at first, looking for work, meetings, therapy sessions, getting around on the city transit, and working on the home. I hope that the actual employment comes after he has a sponsor, and is dealing with the issues that put him there in first place.
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  #82  
Old 10-07-2011, 06:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RellyRellMisses View Post
Don't y'all think the pressure forced on them to get a job and adjust to life immediately, after being locked up for years; will push them away?
No, I do not think that. That's life. You get up everyday, go to work, pay the bills and make sure there is food on the table for your children. Mine will be paroled. One of the stipulations of parole is to have viable employment. I'll be darned if he's going to go back for not having a job. I realize it won't be easy for him to find a job as a convicted felon; but he said something to me one day when I worked at the prison that made me realize he has a pretty good head on his shoulders. He said, I don't care if I make minimum wage, I have been making tops .42 cents per hour for the past 10 years. Minimum wage will feel like I'm rich. He has no intentions of sitting around and for that I am glad! If they do sit around and not work, there is always the chance that they will reoffend out of boredom. They must get back to work!

And, no I do not believe prison is a vacation; it would suck like nothing else. It would be stressful, but not for the same reasons we feel stress out here. You would be watching your back constantly, worrying about write ups, and being told what to do and when to do it. Life is full of stressors, no matter what situation you are in; you have to learn how to control that stress.
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  #83  
Old 10-07-2011, 07:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robsgirl2011

No, I do not think that. That's life. You get up everyday, go to work, pay the bills and make sure there is food on the table for your children. Mine will be paroled. One of the stipulations of parole is to have viable employment. I'll be darned if he's going to go back for not having a job. I realize it won't be easy for him to find a job as a convicted felon; but he said something to me one day when I worked at the prison that made me realize he has a pretty good head on his shoulders. He said, I don't care if I make minimum wage, I have been making tops .42 cents per hour for the past 10 years. Minimum wage will feel like I'm rich. He has no intentions of sitting around and for that I am glad! If they do sit around and not work, there is always the chance that they will reoffend out of boredom. They must get back to work!

And, no I do not believe prison is a vacation; it would suck like nothing else. It would be stressful, but not for the same reasons we feel stress out here. You would be watching your back constantly, worrying about write ups, and being told what to do and when to do it. Life is full of stressors, no matter what situation you are in; you have to learn how to control that stress.
Great points!! My man has said the same thing, he doesn't care if he has to scrub toilets he will do what he has to do. And prison is definitely not a vacation...
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  #84  
Old 10-07-2011, 02:36 PM
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I'd be patient in knowing that its going to be a hard process for him to get established once out of Prison...after all he'll have a record & its already tough enough trying to find a job even without a record, as long as I saw him trying I'd be content!!
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  #85  
Old 10-07-2011, 03:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherry2013
and i dont see jail as a vacation
I agree, so many have said thats their men have had a long enough vacation. And if your man is in there trying to better himself he shouldn't be just doing anything. Like my man is taking college classes, na classes, dv classes, everything he can do to better himself. But as to if id give him a year to chill, no def not. Hell need to readjust but if hes doin nothing hes gona get in trouble a violate parole! And I dunno how ppl are making judgments on her man, she didn't ask you to dis him and his ethics she asked if you'd give your man a year. My answer is no lol but if jail were a vacation it wouldn't be so bad to go
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  #86  
Old 10-07-2011, 10:38 PM
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Took the words right outta my mouth LOL. For that matter he has been doing "nothing" his entire sentence so why does he need more time off? And by nothing I mean no obligations or responsibilities. But luckily this is not EVEN an issue for us he can't wait to get out and get back to work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
Not even a small chance of that happening! "Idle hands are the devil's playground" would be the second thing out of my mouth, right after "You effing want WHAT?
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  #87  
Old 10-10-2011, 02:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robsgirl2011

No, I do not think that. That's life. You get up everyday, go to work, pay the bills and make sure there is food on the table for your children. Mine will be paroled. One of the stipulations of parole is to have viable employment. I'll be darned if he's going to go back for not having a job. I realize it won't be easy for him to find a job as a convicted felon; but he said something to me one day when I worked at the prison that made me realize he has a pretty good head on his shoulders. He said, I don't care if I make minimum wage, I have been making tops .42 cents per hour for the past 10 years. Minimum wage will feel like I'm rich. He has no intentions of sitting around and for that I am glad! If they do sit around and not work, there is always the chance that they will reoffend out of boredom. They must get back to work!

And, no I do not believe prison is a vacation; it would suck like nothing else. It would be stressful, but not for the same reasons we feel stress out here. You would be watching your back constantly, worrying about write ups, and being told what to do and when to do it. Life is full of stressors, no matter what situation you are in; you have to learn how to control that stress.
I agree with your opinions.
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  #88  
Old 10-10-2011, 02:43 PM
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Wow . A year?! He can relax and do nothing where he is. That's crazy. A couple of weeks okay, maybe even a month or so but a year?
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  #89  
Old 10-10-2011, 04:15 PM
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Im tryna understand how he wants you to have 2 kids while he is inside??? Then he wants to chill for a year ummmmm thats a big pause moment right there if not STOP!!!
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Old 10-11-2011, 09:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Camsbabygrl View Post
I agree, so many have said thats their men have had a long enough vacation. And if your man is in there trying to better himself he shouldn't be just doing anything. Like my man is taking college classes, na classes, dv classes, everything he can do to better himself. But as to if id give him a year to chill, no def not. Hell need to readjust but if hes doin nothing hes gona get in trouble a violate parole! And I dunno how ppl are making judgments on her man, she didn't ask you to dis him and his ethics she asked if you'd give your man a year. My answer is no lol but if jail were a vacation it wouldn't be so bad to go
Lol thnk you for your post!! And I see a lot of people are obviously not reading carefully smh my man is 23 and has 3yrs in 10more to go so the year off thing was a thought his "young" mind thru out I never said it was a definitely statement cause u neva know what he will feel in 10yrs ...he's taking college courses for business and I'm opening an account so he can save money and get the business he wants..I also wrote the thread to see how others would respond to there man asking for a year off ....I didn't ask anyones opinion on how I should handle my man or my situation.
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  #91  
Old 10-11-2011, 09:11 PM
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I hate to be negative but have his children while he is on the inside that would be a HELL NO! A year off when he comes home...another HELL NO...

He needs to learn to take responsibility for HIS actions!

Best of luck to you.
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  #92  
Old 10-11-2011, 09:16 PM
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Not just hell no but F no
And every other bad word they don't get to have time off they have there
Time off while there in while were busting our asses sacraficing sticking by them etc!! That's just crazy!!!
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  #93  
Old 10-11-2011, 09:21 PM
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Originally Posted by futuremrzC View Post
Lol thnk you for your post!! And I see a lot of people are obviously not reading carefully smh my man is 23 and has 3yrs in 10more to go so the year off thing was a thought his "young" mind thru out I never said it was a definitely statement cause u neva know what he will feel in 10yrs ...he's taking college courses for business and I'm opening an account so he can save money and get the business he wants..I also wrote the thread to see how others would respond to there man asking for a year off ....I didn't ask anyones opinion on how I should handle my man or my situation.
You're right a LOT can change in 10 years! Hopefully our economy is one of those things that changes (for the better) so he can get his business started.

As I stated, I wouldn't have a problem with it, because he wouldn't be doing nothing even if he wasn't working. But that's us. Do whatever works for you two! Best of luck!!
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Old 10-17-2011, 08:36 AM
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Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
Not even a small chance of that happening! "Idle hands are the devil's playground" would be the second thing out of my mouth, right after "You effing want WHAT?
Idle hands are the devil's playground....aint that the truth! that was my thought when i answered the poll!
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Old 10-17-2011, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted by futuremrzC
O goodness here goes another thread lol. Well Von & Myself have discussed our future together on many occasions from careers to how many children we will have. Von wants me to birth 2kids while he is still incarcerated and 1 more when he comes home. He ALSO wants to take a year to himself to relax and do nothing and readjust to outside life. My problem with this is with me supposedly havin all these kids you want to stay home all whole year doing nothing WTF!? I could deal with a few months of him lounging around but a YEAR no way I refuse to bust my ass working and payn bills while he's chills and does nothing !

Would you let your man tke a year to "readjust" ?
I told my fiance that I'm out here doin all this work paying bills and taking care of our kids n he needs to get a job and he agreed. He knows that as soon as he gets home he has work to do there's no time for hanging out get a job and u can hang out on ur days off.
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Old 10-17-2011, 06:54 PM
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no way he will stay home for the summer once he comes home because the kids will be out for the summer so he will be the babysitter lol daddy daycare but before the summer ends he needs to have a job all these dreams we have your right cant come if he dosnt work
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Old 10-17-2011, 09:01 PM
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I dnt see how he can tell u dat..my man sees how I struggle raising OUR daughter all he talks about is how he can't wait to come out and support us & work for all our dreams we have..and also if u have kids while he's in they will suffer daddy wont be home..and he gets the easy way out
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Old 10-29-2011, 01:16 AM
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After doing time like this, they're supposed to be on race mode...on ur marks, get set n goooo. My man has voiced his short/long-term plans and relaxing won't be tolerated. I've stated my expectations as well, but that goes without saying. Depending on the individual's lockup experience, it's ideally up to HIM whether he finds the motivation to "keep going strong" when he's released, especially when responsibility is involved. Best wishes to u all!!
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Old 10-29-2011, 01:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lil peep View Post
Taking time to adjust to life when you come home is one thing, but to plan to sit at home for a year doing nothing and expect you to have three kids to take care of? What's he been smoking? This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen...
Plus, the young lady stated she had a 2-year old child right now, so Mr. I'll-sit-around-for-a-year-man wants to add two more children to saddle her with (during his incarceration, no less!), then add yet another child after he's out?! So that would make this lady support 4 children, plus herself, plus her husband -- maybe she is a high earner, I know I couldn't afford that.

Consider waiting until he's done serving his time, AND he's contributing to the household with income, before purposefully bringing yet more babies into the picture. And as far as 'assistance' the lady did say she did have some to take care of daycare for her littlest one -- day care is very expensive, but not so much when there is government assistance. Sorry to sound harsh, but everyone can understand one baby and needing assistance for crisis period in your life -- that's what it's for -- but purposely bringing 3 more into the picture, on only one income (unless you're very well-to-do), that really is a disaster waiting to happen.
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Old 11-02-2011, 03:04 PM
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So, uh.... He wants to skip the crying baby stage and leave the sleepless nights and diaper changing to you... Twice? Doesn't really seem fair to me. I'd be a little concerned. And the year off? He must be joking. Is he serious?
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