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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Is your man just using you?
No,I know he loves me 337 89.39%
He only pays attention to me when he needs things 15 3.98%
He always needs money & favors or sex,then leaves 12 3.18%
family & friends say he's using me but they are liars 21 5.57%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 377. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 10-25-2012, 02:59 PM
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I don't think my man is using me... I have send him money but only for him to contact me. He is the sweetest person I have ever met. I truly believe in my heart that he won't do that to me. I do have my fears and insecurities but thats cause of past relationships. He was a past relationship but he didn't do anything to end it in the past. If he has held on to me this long and wants a life with me when he get outs that proves to me he is only using me for the love he excepts in return. I promised him I would love him while he is in and when he is out. I'm keeping that promise until we get though this together<3
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  #77  
Old 10-29-2012, 04:45 AM
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i knew my guy on the outside before he went to jail but because of where we both lived we couldnt make things work..so when he contacted me last september i thought maybe he was just using me for a place to stay cause it was 6 months later but found out he didnt have his sisters address to get ahold of me otherwise he would have contacted me before then..he is home now and we have only had 1 problem because he was in jail for 2 years but he is very good to me so no i dont think he is using me and i believe he truely loves me like he told our friend one time
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  #78  
Old 10-29-2012, 12:20 PM
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Do you honestly feel that your man has always been loyal to you? I know for a fact that my man has been honest about everything that he has went though in his life. I would say that in the beginning he did lie about a lot but came clean about everything. For instance, didn't know that he was homeless, was in jail for four years and just came out for six months. Everyone, I saw him he was clean and always presentable. Now I can't even keep him from keeping his mouth shut with the truth about things.

If your man has ever cheated on you before,can you trust him now? No, he never cheated on me. We were together everyday.

Do friends & family tell you he's using you? My mother actually adores him but he have these moments where he flips. When that happens that's where this notion comes into the picture. But everyone knows the truth, that he is in a somewhat stressful situation and it doesn't help that he have only 21 days left in prison until he comes home.

Has your man always been true to you & you are 100% certain? 100% certain that he loves and has been true to me. Since he been in jail I have received some of the most beautiful artwork from him. PLUS he went the extra step and has gotten my name tattooed over his heart. I know for certain that he loves his woman.

Does your man only pay attention to you when he needs something? Nah, it's nice knowing that at the end of the day, I have someone who is concerned about how my day went eventhough he's physically not here.

Did your man spend alot of time with you before being locked up? We dated one month before he was locked up and spent every minute in each other company. Once arrested we continued dating for another 3 months. Then got married. Now we've been married for over a year now and love every minute of it. He's almost out that system door. But once he's out, he have a home waiting.

How do you know he loves you for a fact? Because I know. I see it everytime I see him, how he lights up just seeing me on the visit. Everytime he writes me, every single phone call. He knows and most of all I know. It's nice to know someone loves you more than you may love them. As my mother always say "have a man love you more than you love them. Leave them wondering, not you"
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  #79  
Old 11-20-2012, 09:49 AM
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Default Is he using me or playing games with my heart!

I'm a little confuse here, about my situation and I was hoping you ladies, will give me some insight. My husband is locked up. before being locked up we was separated for 2 years he's been in jail for about a year during this separartion time and in that time he had a baby with some other girl. I had came to the realization that it was over and gave him my blessing. He said if I still loved him how can I give him blessing to be with someone else. I was confused you are already with her what would you like for me to say? He went to jail in September of 2011. His bm had been contacting me so I can have my son come over to meet his new little brother and I did. His release date is in Feb 2013. He started writing me and asking about his son and he also ask me about my life his gf told him I had a bf. He asked me if he could write me from time to time and I said only if it's about your son. He sent me another letter and ask how did I feel about getting a divorce. I said I think it would be best because we have both moved on. The truth is I haven't moved on with another man just with my life. He told me he didn't want a divorce and he wanted to make our marriage work. I said what about your relationship he said he have to be honest that he had strong feelings for her. But he was still in love with me and all he ever wanted me to do was to express my feelings for him. I am still in love with him but I put my feeling in my pocket and kept moving forward because he was with someone. I don't know if it's real or fake he never asked me for anything he sends me letters and cards. He brings up all the good and special time we shared together. I know we needed this separation because we both needed to grow. I don't want to get hurt again could he actually be telling the truth?..Now his gf is very very young girl but I do know she loves him and no they wasn't having any problems that I know of..I went to her fb page just to see because she is the type to put all her business on fb. I notice she had openly admitted she slept with someone while he been locked up and he knows about that he says she told him and I said is this the reason you had this change of heart he said no. I miss us and if that was the case after she told me I would have been writing you he said he forgave her because no one is perfect. He said as much as me and him try to love other people it's hurt because we still are in love with each other. Help me I have a confused mind but strong and faithful heart.
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  #80  
Old 11-20-2012, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Jrfavoritegirl View Post
I'm a little confuse here, about my situation and I was hoping you ladies, will give me some insight. My husband is locked up. before being locked up we was separated for 2 years he's been in jail for about a year during this separartion time and in that time he had a baby with some other girl. I had came to the realization that it was over and gave him my blessing. He said if I still loved him how can I give him blessing to be with someone else. I was confused you are already with her what would you like for me to say? He went to jail in September of 2011. His bm had been contacting me so I can have my son come over to meet his new little brother and I did. His release date is in Feb 2013. He started writing me and asking about his son and he also ask me about my life his gf told him I had a bf. He asked me if he could write me from time to time and I said only if it's about your son. He sent me another letter and ask how did I feel about getting a divorce. I said I think it would be best because we have both moved on. The truth is I haven't moved on with another man just with my life. He told me he didn't want a divorce and he wanted to make our marriage work. I said what about your relationship he said he have to be honest that he had strong feelings for her. But he was still in love with me and all he ever wanted me to do was to express my feelings for him. I am still in love with him but I put my feeling in my pocket and kept moving forward because he was with someone. I don't know if it's real or fake he never asked me for anything he sends me letters and cards. He brings up all the good and special time we shared together. I know we needed this separation because we both needed to grow. I don't want to get hurt again could he actually be telling the truth?..Now his gf is very very young girl but I do know she loves him and no they wasn't having any problems that I know of..I went to her fb page just to see because she is the type to put all her business on fb. I notice she had openly admitted she slept with someone while he been locked up and he knows about that he says she told him and I said is this the reason you had this change of heart he said no. I miss us and if that was the case after she told me I would have been writing you he said he forgave her because no one is perfect. He said as much as me and him try to love other people it's hurt because we still are in love with each other. Help me I have a confused mind but strong and faithful heart.
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Both partners must be committed to do what's necessary to work thru and build a stronger marriage.... IMHO
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  #81  
Old 11-24-2012, 09:32 PM
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Default i know he loves me

I have known my man all my life. We have been through life and death together and a lot of crazy Shit in between. He has never used me. But He has cheated and lied, but when you're young and dumb, and addicted to everything, what else are you gonna do? He is the love of my life, and we have a beautiful baby boy that will be 10 months on the 30th.
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  #82  
Old 11-24-2012, 09:33 PM
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I'm sure they are using you but there could also be feelings and the thought that he truly wants to be with you, he May be in need and has to use you doesn't mean he wants to Use you or doesn't love you .I bet there are menwho do just use females, you will find men of all types every where
I've personally never given my Guy money, me wasting gas and money to see him is enough. The fact that I go proves he has my love and support. Maybe one day I will give him money but if he cares for me of wont matter weather I do or not

Last edited by Jayy; 11-24-2012 at 09:56 PM..
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  #83  
Old 11-25-2012, 08:27 AM
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I'm sure they are using you but there could also be feelings and the thought that he truly wants to be with you, he May be in need and has to use you doesn't mean he wants to Use you or doesn't love you .I bet there are menwho do just use females, you will find men of all types every where
I've personally never given my Guy money, me wasting gas and money to see him is enough. The fact that I go proves he has my love and support. Maybe one day I will give him money but if he cares for me of wont matter weather I do or not
Hey Jayy wasn't for sure if you was responding to what I wrote, but he never asked me for anything since he been in. He sends me letters and cards but I know she is supporting him and she should that's her guy. She don't know he is writing me me trying to get back with me. I know he loved me but has he grown mentally yet. I just don't no. He said he has but that could be jail talk. I guess I will see the true him once he is release in feb 2013.
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  #84  
Old 11-25-2012, 05:59 PM
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I'm just gonna reply to the lady who is getting mail from the guy with a girlfriend/wife.... If they will do it with you they will usually do it to you...and you're always gonna have trust issues!!!!how would you feel if you were the one who was supporting him???? I'm not judging you it's hard when you love someone but we as women need to have each others back!!!!
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  #85  
Old 12-27-2012, 09:30 PM
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Mine has always been loyal to me and I have no reason in the world to doubt his sincerity! We have been in this a really long time, I am sure if there was something to be known it would have surfaced by now.
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  #86  
Old 12-27-2012, 09:41 PM
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My husband and I had our rocky start in the beginning of our relationship because he wasn't really over his ex but he was very honest about her! We have had our share of testing times as we both were with someone else at one point but have realized that the grass isn't greener on the other side! we both admit our faults and have had to earn each others trust back which wasn't easy but I have realized when you love someone you will fight for what you love!!
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  #87  
Old 12-29-2012, 06:54 PM
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No, baby and I are not using each other. For one we're to old to go down that road. 2. We complete/ complement each other. We are each others constant. There's more if you wanna hear.

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  #88  
Old 01-01-2013, 05:13 PM
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No my husband loves me and I love him
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  #89  
Old 02-03-2013, 06:46 PM
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I couldn't vote because of the circumstance that I'm in at this moment. None of the last 3 go with me. If it wasn't because of the cheating situation that I just found out about I would say that he loves me, but I'm sure that he doesn't use me for sex or money.
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  #90  
Old 02-03-2013, 08:02 PM
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Ladies we just have to put our big girl panties on and do for our LO because we love them, without expectations on either side. Everyone is grown, and have to just know what they know, and keep it moving. Everyone, including the family and friends will have an opinion, but I think this is a prime example of when the relationship between two people is really only understood by those two people. Everyone else can kick rocks with their opinions. And if you are being detrimental to yourself trying to hold him down, again, put your big panties on and think about yourself, your kids, and your well being and take care of YOU first. He'll be okay, guarantee it :-)
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  #91  
Old 02-08-2013, 04:55 PM
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so true, Moka. my babe didn't start asking for help until he went back to a level 5 and fresh out of lock up. and i just do what i can and if that's a problem with him i'm sorry. is this something that i am use to? no! but i do bcuz i love him and i know he has needs. sometimes it can be a strand on our relationship, but i'm staying by his side. praying he can get a parole cut
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  #92  
Old 02-09-2013, 03:06 AM
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Started talking and getting reaquaited in March. He was dating a few people, I was not. Eventually, he stopped seeing other females. He was VERY open & honest with me, from the jump, about all this, and we weren't TOGETHER, so I do not consider it cheating, what so ever. Heck, he had JUST gotten out in Dec. 2011 when we ran into eachother (after 13 years, we had dated in high school), and he told me from the start he was dating and didn't have time for a full time, settled down relationship, he was just meeting one of his kids (who had been born during his last bid) and had a baby on the way (yeah!! got a girl pg like a week after he was released.....CRAZY!...but someone who he had known since 97 and had been a good support for him over the 2 year bid...she's the one who got him on his release date) BUT....we took it day by day really, just digging into each other's brain and communicating, and spending time together....we TOOK OUR TIME. He started spending majority of his time with me, or me at his house, and we started doing LOTS of things with his kids, and we just fell back in love....over time, those old feelings we had and new feelings we had just overpowered us both! We just couldn't deny IT was there!!! We spent nearly every day/every other day together the 4 months before his arrest. I was able to pay his bail, and we just sat in the car, infront of his house for 4 hours....he opened up to me about everything he was afraid of, how he had failed, and how upset he was that he was going to have to tell his mother, his kids, and his kids' mothers, that he was fixing to have to leave....AGAIN. We stayed that night together, he was so distraught. I waited till he fell asleep, and then I just laid there, looking at him....crying! We spent everyday together before his court date, had "family" days with his kids, slumber parties with his girls at my house, and then he decided he wanted to take me on a trip before he went in. He took me on a 28hour road trip, showed me where he went to college and told me everything about his young days before getting in trouble, introduced me to some of his family, and we had a BLAST. We experienced things together that we had not experienced with anyone else, like handing out money to some of the homeless, just because we could afford it. Meeting people from other states, because we both like to talk and he DEF has a way about him...you would look at him and think "thug"...decked out in freshest clothes, hair always braided up nice, jewelry, gold tooth, bangen ass body, tatts, (oh yummy, I can picture him now!!!!)....but he has the BEST heart, he is a HARD worker, he is DEDICATED, he is A FABOLOUS FATHER, he is a HELPER, he is approachable, intelligent, loyal, and will help ANYONE!!! He took me to the HUGE mall where we were at, and just gave me some $ and told me to "have fun." When we got home, a week later, we spent at least 3 hours together, each day. We went to a nearby city and he had me test drive a super nice car, which I immediately fell in love with, and we were discussing trading mine in & him putting a little down on it so my payments would be super low (as he said, I gotta make SURE you are comfortable while I'm gone). Come to find out, he was going to surprise me and just get it for me for Christmas, but he got caught up (arrested again) right before that (my roomate told me)! He gave me $ to put in my account for his books and for me to use for phone set-ups and a little extra for bills (I had recently lost my job of 13 years and was JUST starting to get my unemployment when he went in). My car recently messed up, so he immidately made sure I went and got one of his cars, he paid for some maintenance, and now I've got a vehicle. There's NO way he's using me....this man is amazing. He has been very honest with me from the jump. I feel confident in his love. We had a rough start when he first went in, and a lot of that is on me, but we finally worked through the issues, and just straight up admitted, OUR love is TOO strong and WE are BETTER than what we were putting out there those first few weeks in county. We talk daily or every other day. I am THE writer, so he gets LOADS of letters from me and he is getting back into his writing as well, so I got me a nice 7pager the other day. We have a total of 17 months to go, but we are focused on good time, halfway house, and getting out in 11. I've NEVER waited on a guy before, I've been in this position before, BUT him and I have something I have NEVER had before....him and I have such a wonderful, trusting, honesty, loyal foundation...friendship....and extremely deep, real LOVE...that I couldn't imagine NOT waiting on him! I am always talking to his family, and that makes it easier, as we can support one another....they've been through all this, several times...and they teach me a lot. Plus, his mother is AMAZING. Her spirituality and the way she lives her life is something that I want to ATTAIN in my life! I love just LISTENING to her. She makes me want to be a better person.
I started rambling a little (guess I'm missing him a little....as he finally is in the transition...to find out where he will be going to spend his Fed time....and he got to call me LATE tonight, which was AWESOME!)....but, I think my answers and my proof are in the above paragraph!!! <3 Love this man!!!! <3
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  #93  
Old 02-09-2013, 10:46 PM
MizFormaldehyde MizFormaldehyde is offline
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Not at all. He was the one supporting me before he left.
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  #94  
Old 02-10-2013, 04:46 PM
Abunchofwords Abunchofwords is offline
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Cool I am truly hip to the BS

Trust him, no I don't, he has no support so I give a little here and their. He knows I don't trust him because I told him in his face and over the phone. I had to put him in his place because his patterns started to arise and I had to let him know that I'm not his sidekick and he won't be running me around like I am some chicken with no brain.

We talked about it but when you are institutionalized the whole situation becomes useless, after while, you begin to wonder if you even have a relationship and if you do what is it based on. I don't really care if he is writing someone else, or talking to them on the phone because it's not my money. I send packages and if he trades them that's on him it's not on a regular basis.

He has had the respect of not having no one else come when I visit so I am fine with that. I've really grown out of patience with all this jail movement because, I am physically tired of men in jail, from my experience. They often mean you no good and they attempt to take advantage of you, especially if you are not smart like them or two (2) steps above the bull.

Makes me rethink my life often..........
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Old 02-11-2013, 10:05 PM
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people like to say he must be, but truth is, I had to lie and say money was from his brother one and only time I sent him some. Only other thing I send is stamps cause I like lots of letters!
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  #96  
Old 02-22-2013, 01:55 PM
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If you had asked me this question a month ago, I would say no. But today...YES!

A bit of background: I got pneumonia a few weeks ago and was unable to work. My internet/phone bill came due and because I had missed my paychecks, it got turned off. My man called and I told him that I had been sick and that my services were being turned off. He then said "well if your internet is off, how are you going to send me money?" He didn't even care about my situation. Then he wants a SecurePak for his birthday and the max is $85. He sends me a list of exactly what he wants. I didn't even spend $85 for my mother for her birthday. Hell, that's more than my phone/internet and cable for the month. Every time he talks to me it's "send me a magazine subscription, send me some money, send me pictures, send me this and that, put money on the phone." I think he is a user, even though that's a hard truth to accept. I think I've really involved myself in a letter-for packs of cookies exchange here. I'm not going to add any more money to the phone account, and I'll just stop writing...
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  #97  
Old 03-13-2013, 03:30 AM
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What kind of question is this? If we believed we were being used, why would we put ourselves through this?!
Anyone who answers they are being used should just leave that relationship now.
I agree with you.
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  #98  
Old 03-14-2013, 07:12 PM
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i know now for a fact that he was using me..the way i found out about it was messed up! but at least i know..and i had an instinct he was using me and cheating on me, but i had my blinders on! some ppl are just manipulators by nature..even if they dont have the intent to hurt you, they will because they choose to ignore the damaged part of them that ended them locked up in the first place..maybe he does love me..but he lost out on a loving relationship all to fulfill selfish needs..and i will never give him another chance again!!
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Old 03-15-2013, 11:20 AM
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No he is not using me the only requirement he asks of me it to send him a letter and pics everytime I get a change but he doesnt ask for money. He says my job is being his fiance and taking care of our kids not taking care of him
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  #100  
Old 03-18-2013, 07:13 AM
Soul surfer Soul surfer is offline
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Some people use one for money others for attention , sex or security, to hold off loneliness or just to maintain a connection with the outside world.There are a myriad of reasons why one could be used. Most people don't know when they are being used.
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