Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Is your man just using you?
No,I know he loves me 337 89.39%
He only pays attention to me when he needs things 15 3.98%
He always needs money & favors or sex,then leaves 12 3.18%
family & friends say he's using me but they are liars 21 5.57%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 377. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #26  
Old 03-12-2009, 02:29 AM
Zira Heredia Zira Heredia is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: California Riverside County
Posts: 6
Thanks: 0
Thanked 10 Times in 3 Posts
Default

To everyone out there stay strong but the fact remains this lifestyle is'nt for everyone. Is he using you, "YES" but in a relationship you use each other. Its a give and take situation, weither its for companionship, money, fame, or just the glory of having many penpals. You should believe and trust in the one your writing and involved with. I've been with my husband for 8 years and we have been through so much. Infidelity being one of them, and if you stay like we both have thats something you just learn to deal with. There are going to be many days where you question your relationship, IS HE CHEATING?, DOES HE HAVE PENPALS?, IS HE USING ME?, IS HE MESSING AROUND WITH STAFF OR OTHER OFFICIALS?, beware ladies heed my fair warning most likely there will be times where other broads or men will enter our mens life while their with us. However, if you feel that he is worth the arguments, and tears, then stay... But are we being used? The question is what do you feel your being used for?????
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Zira Heredia For This Useful Post:
babydoll7x7 (03-12-2009), his_lucky_charm (03-12-2009), ladybug33 (11-14-2012), princesspat (10-25-2012), ririisland (03-21-2013), starr_poet (03-13-2009)
Sponsored Links
  #27  
Old 03-12-2009, 05:36 AM
babydoll7x7's Avatar
babydoll7x7 babydoll7x7 is offline
Love Yourself First!
 

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: USA,Texas
Posts: 607
Thanks: 347
Thanked 202 Times in 145 Posts
Default

Zira,you bring up a very good point! a big part of Love is about give & take
as well as sharing,ect.... Only you know what is in your heart. We all have
questions in our minds at times & it surely doesn't help when others remind
us about these issues who are not on this forum,but it's no use in running
from these thoughts especially when we have a bad day or get upset,so it's
better to face these feelings head on & not run from them.Talking & keeping
the lines of communication is healthy & can help us all deal with our worries,
bad days,fears & so on. We can also show our faith & the times when we feel
strong too! face your doubts & your issues & see how fast they run away!!!
__________________

* men are smart enough to know which girls will put up with cheating & which girls won't!
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 03-12-2009, 05:39 AM
babydoll7x7's Avatar
babydoll7x7 babydoll7x7 is offline
Love Yourself First!
 

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: USA,Texas
Posts: 607
Thanks: 347
Thanked 202 Times in 145 Posts
Default

Everyone has shown alot of great faith here & thats wonderful too!
__________________

* men are smart enough to know which girls will put up with cheating & which girls won't!
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 03-12-2009, 08:21 AM
sj7362's Avatar
sj7362 sj7362 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: georgia usa
Posts: 33
Thanks: 3
Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
Default

My man would never use me for anything. I know he loves me , he stuck by me thru all my mess ups even when he was out.Our love is definately true.
__________________
sherryy:]]
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 03-12-2009, 09:32 AM
barbie16118 barbie16118 is offline
1 love....1 God
 

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 5,057
Thanks: 335
Thanked 700 Times in 466 Posts
Default

Do you honestly feel that your man has always been loyal to you? yep

If your man has ever cheated on you before,can you trust him now? he never cheated

Do friends & family tell you he's using you? never , neither his family or mine have issues with our relationship

Has your man always been true to you & you are 100% certain? nothing is 100% in life so ill say im about 70% certain

Does your man only pay attention to you when he needs something? no i usually dont know when he needs something he never ask me for things which is good cause i wouldnt be sending him stuff

Did your man spend alot of time with you before being locked up? alot no but we were together, with work during the day and kids at night we spent some time together (lol)

How do you know he loves you for a fact? i can feel it



johnny isnt using me this i know for a fact but if he was it would be so much easier to walk away
__________________
"In GOD I Trust"

I am the author of my life and unfortunatly im writting in pen and cant erase my errors


SAVE A LIFE DONT DRINK AND DRIVE

Justice is only served when the one whom injustice was done to is satisfied
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 03-12-2009, 11:56 AM
grace0380 grace0380 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: OK, USA
Posts: 56
Thanks: 11
Thanked 21 Times in 15 Posts
Default

I don't think he's using me. I kicked DH out 6 months before he was arrested and he still paid all the bills so that I could continue being a SAHM. He only asked me for money when he was first arrested so that he could get the neccessities. He's going to be releasing money to me in fact so that I can finish college. I have a real man. He woldn't dream of taking away from DD and I.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to grace0380 For This Useful Post:
babydoll7x7 (03-13-2009)
  #32  
Old 03-12-2009, 04:02 PM
his_lucky_charm's Avatar
his_lucky_charm his_lucky_charm is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: texas/usa
Posts: 963
Thanks: 2,854
Thanked 1,156 Times in 569 Posts
Default

zira says it best. We are all being used. My husband told me a long time ago there is a difference between using someone and USING someone. In all relationship someone is being used from visits to letter writing to phone calls to a whole lot of things.
__________________



Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to his_lucky_charm For This Useful Post:
babydoll7x7 (03-13-2009), princesspat (10-25-2012)
  #33  
Old 03-12-2009, 09:26 PM
esteli's Avatar
esteli esteli is offline
Marty's Wife
 

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 5,862
Thanks: 8,777
Thanked 9,536 Times in 3,740 Posts
Default

No, my man now loves me to pieces but my ex he only was there when he needed money, sex, letters, canteen funds, etc. He was there all the time, but the loving part was only there when he was in need.

My guy now...tells me differently...tells me to keep my money, that he loves me and is sweet and loving no matter what where when...you can tell.

I'm gonna marry that man!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to esteli For This Useful Post:
babydoll7x7 (03-13-2009)
  #34  
Old 03-12-2009, 09:39 PM
Jillian Jillian is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: T.E.X.A.S.
Posts: 22,321
Thanks: 3,737
Thanked 5,594 Times in 2,182 Posts
Default

No i don't feel that he is using me, as he was there for me before he went in and i know when he comes home he will be the husband and father that he needs to be
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Jillian For This Useful Post:
babydoll7x7 (03-13-2009)
  #35  
Old 03-12-2009, 10:26 PM
miss00mac's Avatar
miss00mac miss00mac is offline
Yep-I love him :)
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: VA, USA
Posts: 64
Thanks: 38
Thanked 26 Times in 18 Posts
Default

He never asks me for anything but sudoku puzzles

He's constantly telling me how much he appreciates everything I do for him as far as letters and cards and paying for phone calls and I'm constantly having to reassure him to now feel guilty about me spending so much time sending him things. As far as money-I just sent him a money order for the first time today and it was completely my idea. I was told by him that he would rather go without than to put me in a tough spot.

I don't worry at all. His father tells me on occasion that he's a user and a manipulator. When he was using he was a manipulator-like alot of drug addicts. But he hasn't used in over 4 years. He says I help keep him clean because he doesn't want me to ever see that man again.

I don't let others bother me or tell me what to do as far as he goes. I love him and want to be with him. If in 2 years I realize that for some reason I was blind to the fact it was all an act I have nobody to blame but my self.

I suppose it's always a risk that you have to take. But it's mine and I'm taking it.

Plus...i don't feel like in my case there's too much of a risk
__________________
Waiting since January 5 2009

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
-Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to miss00mac For This Useful Post:
babydoll7x7 (03-13-2009)
  #36  
Old 03-13-2009, 12:53 AM
babydoll7x7's Avatar
babydoll7x7 babydoll7x7 is offline
Love Yourself First!
 

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: USA,Texas
Posts: 607
Thanks: 347
Thanked 202 Times in 145 Posts
Default

Great answers everyone! You not only show your love as well as your
faith in your man,but you are also showing a great deal of honesty &
the truth sets us free.Faith is believing without seeing & when you see
what you believe come true,it's pretty amazing!
Faith moves mountains too,so what you believe in may truly be a great
thing when that faith is strong!!! So many women allow themselves to
be used & they know they do,yet cannot help it when they are too sad
& too vulnerable in this life,but when they wake up,& many of them do,
they will find the man who is worthy of them & their love. Self respect
breeds respect,& many of you ladies here seem to have that!!!
May God keep you all strong,safe & free from too much worry & stress.
This is a hard road ladies & I know that your positive thinking & your faith
will keep your love strong so that you'll get your Baby back in your arms
where he belongs before you know it. Thats what did it for me & my baby
the first time around,it shall again! Thanks for all of your answers ladies!
__________________

* men are smart enough to know which girls will put up with cheating & which girls won't!
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 03-13-2009, 10:18 AM
Elijah's Love's Avatar
Elijah's Love Elijah's Love is offline
He owns my <3
 

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 538
Thanks: 43
Thanked 642 Times in 333 Posts
Default

Using me - Nope he's not. The only thing he's ever ask me for was a specific brand of deoderant when he was still in county and to send him letters. I put time on the phone because I can't stand not hearing from him and I send him something daily becuase I want him to know how loved he is. I've only put money on his books maybe 3 times in the past year and he fussed at me over each of those and told me I should have kept the money incase the kids or I needed something.

Does he really love me - You better believe he does! This is the man who after his divorce swore he'd never love someone else and would NEVER get married again. BUT he tells me and anyone else who will listen how much he loves me and he would get married today if I were ok with a prison wedding. lol. For goodness sake, he sent a picture of he, I and our daughter to his best friend with a note that said "this is the woman I'm gonna wifey for life" and his best friend called me and ask me what kind of spell I had put on him because before me he would panic if someone mentioned marriage in any context to him. Lol.
__________________
Who wants a knight in shining armor riding a white steed? I'd rather have my tattoed, muscular, bad boy and his screw you attitude any day of the week! HE is my
Prince Charming!

Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 03-13-2009, 02:57 PM
PeanutNDohBoy's Avatar
PeanutNDohBoy PeanutNDohBoy is offline
IROCKHISRING/LASTNAME!
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Southeast Nebraska
Posts: 356
Thanks: 415
Thanked 306 Times in 175 Posts
Default

Kevswife...good for u for standing by your man. im having a roug time because we recently got engaged and my family will flip out when they find out. That and im disabled, get all the assistance that uncle sam allows in my state,(nebraska). Found out that generally if i marry i lose my benefits but where he's a lifer i don't see how thats possible because he gets very little income and doesnt have any property @ all.

Wow, kinda long winded sorry
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 03-13-2009, 04:03 PM
starr_poet's Avatar
starr_poet starr_poet is offline
We're back at it
 

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: I bring the Illinoise to Boulder Co.
Posts: 554
Thanks: 1,321
Thanked 301 Times in 170 Posts
Default

wow.. Using me..
Well..
To begin with, our relationship was convenient for both of us.. We loved each other, I'm sure, but we had each other around for all kinds of reasons. He never expected me to stay because NO ONE in his life has. he sent me letters telling me he knows I can find better, and he is blown away I settled for such a loser..
i am also a loser, but I don't act out. We all have our issues, you know?
Love heals. I Would never believe it unless I had it in my own life.
<3
__________________
Forever and Ever No matter what Papi!!!
once again in the grind, but we'll get home eventually!!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to starr_poet For This Useful Post:
esteli (03-15-2009)
  #40  
Old 03-13-2009, 09:40 PM
PEN PAL 2 FEW's Avatar
PEN PAL 2 FEW PEN PAL 2 FEW is offline
HIS MRS. HIS HEART
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: BIG O*C.~ SO CAL ~
Posts: 2,356
Thanks: 1,016
Thanked 1,201 Times in 729 Posts
Default

I know my Hunny loves me because he has chosen me to be the woman he marries, the only woman who has ever met his family, and he treats me like a KWEEN He has never asked me for a penny, only thing he asks for our pictures and letters, in fact he takes care of me and the lil one, he sends us money and gifts for every ocassion, he is honest, truthful and loyal, I know it, he knows it and so does his whole family

__________________
"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."



Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 03-13-2009, 10:37 PM
KeithsWifeyxOx KeithsWifeyxOx is offline
Banned
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: .
Posts: 2,417
Thanks: 2,699
Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,236 Posts
Default

I always used to be so paranoid that he was using me...But then I looked at the big picture. He never asks me for money, unless it's for the phone which he's been paying for EVERY phone call lately so I don't mind chipping in...Plus he's introduced me to his whole family who I'm now close with, and he's also asked me to marry him. I know that some prison marriages are a result of the man being "insecure" about their girls being unfaithful, but I'm pretty sure he was serious because he really doesn't have that much time left at all.

He tried to pull all that crap in the beginning like having me three-way call people and whatnot, but I set limits, and he's followed them. When you're locked up for that long, you're obviously going to have some boundary issues and try to reach out and get what you can since you don't have a lot of resources for money, contact, etc...But if you set guidlines and they agree to respect them, then it shouldn't be a huge deal. If someone sits there and send their man money order after money order, then they'rekind of fueling the fire for them to believe they can walk all over you, but that's just my opinion.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 03-14-2009, 05:10 PM
~Hustle_Bunny~'s Avatar
~Hustle_Bunny~ ~Hustle_Bunny~ is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 97
Thanks: 185
Thanked 145 Times in 42 Posts
Default

this is a hard question to answer for me, i've had two other boyfriends that spent some time in jail, neither actually went to prison. both of them used me more so emotionally than monetary. they gave me false promises and "suddenly" proclaimed their love for me, within a couple months of getting out all that was down the drain

its hard for me to answer cuz i think i hold my man to the ex's actions even though he has given me very little reason to. its sort of a defense wall i have built up..never actually thought i would have to encounter it again
__________________
This is not what will define our love, but rather what we are going through because of it... ~Hustle_Bunny~ aka Mrs. Tyson




Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 03-14-2009, 06:40 PM
breeann's Avatar
breeann breeann is offline
Texan Cajun
 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: East Texas, United States
Posts: 722
Thanks: 14
Thanked 12 Times in 7 Posts
Default

Do you honestly feel that your man has always been loyal to you?
I know we had an issue with another woman writing him who was a friend of an ex cellie.

If your man has ever cheated on you before,can you trust him now?
He never has cheated on me physically but emotionally I felt a little hurt by the other woman contacting him. I trust him because he earned my trust back by telling me honestly and showing me the letters.

Do friends & family tell you he's using you?
No they do not say that.

Has your man always been true to you & you are 100% certain?
Yes he has been true to me and I am 100% certain.

Does your man only pay attention to you when he needs something?
No he pays attention to me regardless. If he needs something he asks his family and I do what I can for him without being asked.

Did your man spend alot of time with you before being locked up?

I would say so... we grew up together and were bestfriends before dating. Once we started dating we were inseparable.

How do you know he loves you for a fact?
I can see it in his eyes. I feel it through his words and actions.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 03-14-2009, 11:46 PM
dubuque's Avatar
dubuque dubuque is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: houston
Posts: 172
Thanks: 19
Thanked 44 Times in 36 Posts
Default

honestly i know hes cheated and it sucks because i have trust issues with him before i was so chill and i aint gonna lie it makes me insecure.But at some point you eithet poop or get off the pot and yes i decided to forgive him i go with what i feel God wants me to do so were getting past his mistakes as well as mine and im working on trusting him everday and when he gets out it will be more of a challenge but with God all is possible and hes the only one i want .lastly he might have a funny way of showing it but i feel he loves me.
ps i was one of the girls always telling my friends dont give a cheater another chance
__________________
God is good
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 03-14-2009, 11:58 PM
dubuque's Avatar
dubuque dubuque is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: houston
Posts: 172
Thanks: 19
Thanked 44 Times in 36 Posts
Default

i do send him money not a whole bunch but if i didnt no one would but he mainly just wants to hear from me and hes sent me card to oh and hid family loves me and said hes never behaved the way he has with metwuth other guls so imsure he loves me
__________________
God is good
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 03-15-2009, 01:44 AM
rogersrabbit18 rogersrabbit18 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: USA California
Posts: 105
Thanks: 67
Thanked 60 Times in 28 Posts
Default

nope.I know for a fact he doesnt use me...He asked me ONCE if I could maybe put a lil money on his books so he could get a calling card so he could call me more often but when I told him no he wasnt stressin it at all...As long as he can keep in contact with me in some way hes happy...I mean he reallyyy realllyyy wants to see me but thats just cause hes been in county for almost 2 months and I still havent been able to visit him(my i.d hasnt come yet ughh..)but as long as we have some way of communication my babys happy.
__________________
Im gonna wait as long as it takes,cause true love never dies....I love you sweetie with everything I have.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 03-15-2009, 11:38 AM
KEWONTRE KEWONTRE is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: CHICAGO IL
Posts: 6
Thanks: 2
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

If you know deep down in your heart that you are not being used while your love one is incarcerated let no one convince you otherwise. It was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. I have a friend thats currently incarcerated and we were good friends prior to his incarceration. He made sure he contacted me through his family so that we remained in contact through this most difficult time in his life when he needs people the most. I constantly kept money on the phone for him to call, sent letters every week, pictures twice a month and erotic letters twice a month. Also, visits atleast 5 times a year. He then asked me to marry him and I said yes but prior to his incarceration we were just friends/lovers. He tells me he loves me all the time and that I'm his soulmate and bestfriend. He sends me V-day gift, Christmas gifts, poems, drawings and all sorts of things to show me his love for me is true. I believed it until I let his kids mother convince me that he's selling me a dream and everything he and I discuss he tells her and to keep putting money on his books and she even thanked me for going to see him because she has yet to visit him with his kids. A very important point to know is that his kids mother had his back for about a year after he left but then moved on with her life. She now realizes that the new men in her life can't give her what he could while he was there and she now wants him back. So she now calls me every disreptful name their is and tells me that he's selling me a dream and to get over him already and that their back together now and he will never leave his family for me. It worked and I stopped everything that I did for him only for him to now convince me that it was never true ansd is so disappointed in me that I let her convince me to hate him. Now our relationship could never be the same I don't think. I'm trying my hardest to get things back the way they were before she started harrassing me but I can't help but wonder still if he's playing both sides?? He has about 5 more years to do. Your thoughts?

Last edited by KEWONTRE; 03-15-2009 at 11:43 AM.. Reason: left out information
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 03-16-2009, 09:12 PM
kimberly brooke's Avatar
kimberly brooke kimberly brooke is offline
I love you baby..
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dumont, NJ
Posts: 536
Thanks: 0
Thanked 148 Times in 110 Posts
Default

Josh has treated me the same lovable way since day one. He has never said any nasty remarks toward me, nor has ever hurt me. He respects everything about me, and he never forgets the meaningful moments. He never asks for money, even when he's broke and cant pay for the phone calls(he always pays for our phone), he worked extra hours in the hospital at the prison to buy me a beautiful promise ring. I know he loves me because I see it in his eyes when he looks at me, in his voice when he's speaking to me, and in his heart the way he cares for me. He loves me, trust me!!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 03-17-2009, 04:18 PM
Rainbozz's Avatar
Rainbozz Rainbozz is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Alabama-USA
Posts: 410
Thanks: 16
Thanked 62 Times in 38 Posts
Default

Unfortunately, i found out the hard way that after 3 years of giving everything i had to give... once he was released a week ago - he has not even called, visited, written, thanked me.... notta! - It's like i never even exsisted. All he talked about inside was how much he had changed & how different things would be upon his release, which i totally relied on... so ladies, all the certificates, good time, mushy letters, poems, ect. don't ALWAYS mean that the inmate has TRULY changed... Altho i do wish you all the love you deserve from your loved one. Thats just 'my' story. It was definately a shock!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Rainbozz For This Useful Post:
Iamjustagirl (03-23-2009), princesspat (10-25-2012), SugarGirl (03-17-2009), TerrysLover (03-23-2009)
  #50  
Old 03-17-2009, 05:47 PM
jessie'sgirl jessie'sgirl is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 13
Thanks: 3
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

I hope nobody minds me venting here but I am very depressed and also very confused. I have been writing and talking to Jessie since Sept. and have fallen head over heels for him. He used to write me and call me all the time but since being transferred to the halfway house his calls are a lot less frequent. I am lucky to get 10 mins. of his precious time unless of course he needs money, then he will call me six times in one day. Since we have started talking I have sent him close to $1000. He told me that he was going to send me 2 money orders for $200 each. I received one of them, weeks after he said I was going to get it. He called me last night and promised that he would call me this morning when nobody else would be on the phone, but of course I got up early for nothing. He always tells me how much he loves me and when I went to see him a week ago, we had a wonderful time together. He was sweet, kind and considerate and treated me great. Lately though, I feel totally unappreciated and like I am not a priority to him. Should I tell him how I feel or wait it out? He gets out in 44 days.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to jessie'sgirl For This Useful Post:
zachsgirl (11-28-2012)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:27 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics