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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Is your man just using you?
No,I know he loves me 330 89.92%
He only pays attention to me when he needs things 13 3.54%
He always needs money & favors or sex,then leaves 12 3.27%
family & friends say he's using me but they are liars 20 5.45%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 367. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 03-10-2009, 06:17 AM
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Lightbulb Is he just using you?

Do you honestly feel that your man has always been loyal to you?
If your man has ever cheated on you before,can you trust him now?
Do friends & family tell you he's using you?
Has your man always been true to you & you are 100% certain?
Does your man only pay attention to you when he needs something?
Did your man spend alot of time with you before being locked up?
How do you know he loves you for a fact?
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  #2  
Old 03-10-2009, 06:26 AM
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I asked this question because I know alot of female friends that have told me
personally that the only time their man shows them love & affection is when they
want or need something or need their help in some way ( some are free men &
some are in jail or prison) many women say that before their man got in trouble,
that he was never there for them but when he found out he was in trouble he
was right there & started to show them love & affection. They even got lots of
letters & phone calls from them while they were in jail or prison,but when they
got back home,they forgot all their promises,sweet words & declarations of love
for them. many of these ladies were heartbroken because they waited for so
long & they were so good to these guys only to find out they were being used.
I hope everyone will be okay here & that their love will last,but life doesn't
always go smooth & promises sometimes get broken. May God bless all of you
& your relationships & may each one of you find true joy & happiness with the
ones you love!!!
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  #3  
Old 03-10-2009, 06:49 AM
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well we were friends before he went in. not like great friends but newfriends i guess. i wrote to him first, and they were always friendly letters, his just friendly too. but in time it slowly evolved to us falling for each other. we got to learn about each other only thru letters, which made us learn from the inside out. ya know. its weird but true. and had we dated prior to this, i dont believe we would have bonded in the same way. and he has never asked me for anything but pictures. and is grateful. and feels bad that i pre pay for his phone calls,and always thanks me yet worries about me spending money on it. all my past boyfriends have used me. lol. but this one doesnt ask me for a penny, really. i believe he is for real, and a giver not a taker. i only wish i had seen how beautiful he was sooner.
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  #4  
Old 03-10-2009, 06:59 AM
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Amen! There are some guys who do learn from making mistakes & it sounds
like your guy is one of them.he sounds like my guy in many ways. Me & my
man found each other again after years of being apart & we wrote thousands
of letters & sent each other many cards & it makes you closer & makes the
bond stronger than ever!!! I believe in true love & yours truly is love.
Enjoy your loving man all you can because no matter how rare a good one
is,they are out there waiting for that one rare woman. It's wonderful that
you have one another to love in this Crazy world!!! May God bless you both
& give you a lifetime of loving one another with many great & joyful memories
to share together!!!
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Old 03-10-2009, 07:51 AM
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My guy does not ask for money, only attention.

Does he love me? I dunno. It's easy to love somebody from prison. It won't be until he is released that I will feel confident in the relationship.
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  #6  
Old 03-10-2009, 09:06 AM
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sugargirl,that is a very good sign that he may truly care for you!
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Old 03-10-2009, 09:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarGirl View Post
My guy does not ask for money, only attention.

Does he love me? I dunno. It's easy to love somebody from prison. It won't be until he is released that I will feel confident in the relationship.
same here. my precious man does not ask for money. in the 3 years we've been together i can count on 2 hands the # of times i sent him money. but it was MY choice. b-days and holidays,that's it. he's never cheated on me, and no he doesn't only pay attention to me when he needs something. he knows how to jail,been on his own from a very young age. he writes me every single day,never less than 5 pages. calls me every chance he gets. matter a fact when i told him i couldn't put money on the phone, 2 diff. times he used his entire state's(month's) pay to buy phone cards. and he says he'll continue to do that but i told him no way, he needs things in there. i know he adores me. he shows it all the time. we def. have our ups and downs but that deep abiding love is there. we are mwi so i won't be 100% sure of everything till he gets out(46 more days,yeah!!!!!!) he's even agreed to go to a half-way house near me and not move in with me not only for my kids sake but he wants to be on his feet before we get married. never does he want to have to depend on me financially. he's a good guy and honestly i've never thought he was using me for money(if he was it soo wouldn't be worth it, i've sent him so little,lol!!)
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  #8  
Old 03-10-2009, 10:18 AM
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marcsbeth,thats great! Congratulations to you that you'll soon have your man
back!!! It's also wonderful that he cares so much about YOU & it shows!
Too many times people don't change or they refuse to let someone love them
when they have made some mistakes in their life.I know there are some good
men out there who have been in trouble with the law & women like yourselves
here on prison talk are helping to prove this to the world.
My man is a good man too,but my Mother doesn't trust him since he got into
trouble but I want her to see how wrong she is about him.She liked him before
this happened & she will again,I just know this in my heart because he's still
that man with a heart of gold she once liked,& he just made a small mistake
this time. Many great blessings to you & your man & family!
May God smile on you both & the children!!! Much happiness to you!
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  #9  
Old 03-10-2009, 10:25 AM
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no my man is not using me, he didn't before he went in he isn't now he has a whole network of family so all he needs from me is the love we share

marcseth i am soooo jealous don't 4get me when he's home
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Old 03-10-2009, 10:41 AM
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What kind of question is this? If we believed we were being used, why would we put ourselves through this?!
Anyone who answers they are being used should just leave that relationship now.
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  #11  
Old 03-10-2009, 10:51 AM
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well honestly,I think some people are good at fooling other people very
well,but I also honestly believe that just because a man or a woman has
made some mistakes it doesn't make them bad. People may judge you or
your relationships,but that doesn't make them right,but if someone does
feel they are being used there is no shame in saying so on a support group
is there? At least you'll get honest answers from people who can help & give you
comfort. I asked these questions for a few good reasons,but I know that most
of us don't feel like we are being used & I am sure that most of us are not being
used,but the reality is,some people are being taken advantage of & they also
need support because it takes a good hearted,brave & loving person to go thru
all of this for someone else.
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  #12  
Old 03-10-2009, 10:52 AM
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No, I know he definitely is NOT using me. I send him $20 a week, which he doesn't ask for. If it doesn't come, he doesn't stress. When he knows I'm sending it, he reminds me to mail it by Thursday(he knows I'm realllly forgetful about stuff like that). He doesn't really have anyone else to rely on. He will ask his dad or brother for money sometimes, so I don't have to worry about it. But his dad has never sent any, and his brother has sent money about 3 times in 7 months!
I keep money on the phone, and we talk 3-4 times a day, at least. I do this for ME...because I would go insane without talking to him. He knows better than to tell me NOT to put money on the phone, but he makes it clear that if I can't afford it, we can go a few days without talking before I get paid.

My parents don't trust him at all. They've always told me he's using me, since THEY have money. Which I get none of as long as I'm with him. And he knows this. He could care less. He worries about if *I* can handle not have their support, since right now we can't afford the things I'm used to(material things, new cars, designer clothes and purses).

Before he went in, we each had to take care of half of the bills, and that was that. I was working 6 days a week, 8-12 hours a day, so we could live on our own. But now that he's been in, he's determine to work hard enough, and continue his education and training so he can make enough so I don't have to work, or work part time if I want. He wants to PROVE to my parents that we can do this without them!
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  #13  
Old 03-10-2009, 10:57 AM
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Ants wife,I am happy for you too! Thats great about your man. The more faith
we have in our guys,the better because I truly believe we all love the men we
love for very good reason,& I hate lables & stereotypes,& I hate it when people
judge someone just because they made some wrong choices.
I'm sure you all know what I mean? When people hear your man has been in some
trouble with the law,you know how some people react,& it's not right at all.
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  #14  
Old 03-10-2009, 11:07 AM
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Kev'swife7,it's great that your man loves you & wants you to be happy.
I know how parents can be.My Mom threatened to call Ben's parole officer
& try to get him in trouble by saying she would lie about him ( she's suppose
to be a church going christian) so when his parole officer found out he left
town for the Holidays I wondered if she told them,but then I realized she
didn't know he would be at his families house for xmas,but it hurt so much that
she could dare say those words! Stand by your man with or without your parents!
I had to tell my Mother that I love Benny & I will always love him with or without
her blessing!!! May God continue to bless you & your man all the days of your lives
& May God bless each loving & brave soul here at prison talk who is going thru the
wait for the one they love,amen! Stay strong for your man & many,many years of
joy & happiness for you both for all you've been thru together,amen & amen!
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Old 03-10-2009, 12:45 PM
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On a similar note, has anyone read Double Dose, by Terri Woods? Whenever I buy hubby a book, he sends them home to me once he's done, so I can read them. This one is basically about a guy who gets pen pals, JUST to take all of their money! Pretty crazy book!
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Old 03-10-2009, 02:54 PM
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Of course we've been together a long time and I know he loves me so that is the main reason I know he isn't using me. He shows true appreciation when I do things for him and feels guilty when I do something for him because he knows its money I could have spent on me. But just to think logically he doesn't have to use me. His family is there for him in all ways. His family sends money, answers calls, and go to visits. His family would never let him need or want for anything. So even if we broke up he would still be taken care of in all those ways. The only thing i'm good for is loving lol.
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:18 PM
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Do you honestly feel that your man has always been loyal to you?: yes

If your man has ever cheated on you before,can you trust him now?: he's never cheated so this question doesn't apply.

Do friends & family tell you he's using you?: yes and I am not speaking with the people who disrespect him for no reason.

Has your man always been true to you & you are 100% certain?: yes

Does your man only pay attention to you when he needs something?: nope

Did your man spend alot of time with you before being locked up?: well we were only together about two weeks before he got locked up.

How do you know he loves you for a fact?: I just know, through everything we've been through since he got locked up. The way he is there for me through the hard times, he always knows just what to say to put me at ease and lift me up. He genuinely cares about my well being and my feelings. We can communicate through any problem or issue and we can share with each other everything without feeling awkward.
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Old 03-10-2009, 11:50 PM
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I just love all of your positive & good responses! Faith moves mountains & Like
all of you have posted,I too believe in my man! I am so happy to see such great
faith you have in your men!!! Sometimes people judge because of what they hear
& see in the media such as the news,other peoples stories & lives,yet they fail to
understand that no 2 people are just alike & LOVE like many other things exist in
the hearts of ALL PEOPLE,no matter what they may think!!! Thankyou for your
wonderful & faithful answers everyone!!!
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Old 03-10-2009, 11:53 PM
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My man never once has pressured me for anything.He's actually shocked to see how that I'm truly in love with him and have stuck by him the way that I am.
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Old 03-11-2009, 01:56 AM
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Chynab,That's Wonderful!!! Many happy & joyfilled years to you both!
May God smile on the two of you & make your lives totally blessed for
many long,long & fantastic years loving one another, & enjoying the
love God has blessed you with! Much happiness to you both!
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Old 03-11-2009, 09:14 PM
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everyone around me says he uses me and that im too good for him...but he was always the one providing for me...never has he asked me for anything but pictures and thats understandable....He writes to me nearly everyday. Even when he wasn't in prison if he needed something he wouldnt ask.

No one else sees the same man i do. I wish they could see things from my point of veiw just for a minute or two. I think they would understand why i do the things i do.
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Old 03-11-2009, 11:40 PM
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My Babe got his own and took a wad full of $$$ with him when he turned himself in. Honestly, some people think I'm using him, lol! The quarterly packages I send, phone bill and visits I make he pays for.
Only thing he expects for me to do is write everyday, make the 5 hr drive to visit 2 x a month and keep our mental connection going.
If I had to front any of it, out of my own pocket would do it in a heartbeat, just like he'd do for me.

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Old 03-11-2009, 11:50 PM
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Nope I know he loves me! He struggling and so am I so if he got, I got. I love that man
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Old 03-11-2009, 11:53 PM
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No my husband is not using me! He does not ask me for anything because I have our 3 kids to take care of and he has been very considerate of the fact that I am out here by myself because he's gone. So I am really carrying the weight of running a household and being a parent to 3 little kids(10 and under) so his mom is taking care of him right now! Also I know with out a shadow of a doubt that he LOVES me....lol

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Old 03-12-2009, 12:12 AM
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i just wanted to add the fact that we are all being used in different ways. relationships are a give and take situation weither its for comfort, or just time or whatever. But ladies, i must warn you guys will be guys in or out of prison and theres nothing to stop them even while there busted. I know this for a fact because i have had many homeboys who would mess around with staff, and other visitors. Does your man love you well your on your own on that one, but are you being used YES because thats just the way relationships are.
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