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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Are you faithful to your man?
yes 1,495 92.51%
no 66 4.08%
would rather not say 55 3.40%
Voters: 1616. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 02-21-2009, 07:14 PM
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I'm in love with him and I have absolutely no desire for anyone else in the world! Plus, I keep myself constructively busy.
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  #27  
Old 02-21-2009, 08:44 PM
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It's only been like two weeks for me, out of at least three years, and I know it will be hard but I'm going to do it. Someone asked me about whether we talked about like dating other people or being with other people, and he even asked me "you mean you wouldn't want to have sex with other people while I was away?" and I was like no, because I have no desire to be with anyone else and am not attracted to anyone else, and I respect our relationship too much to ruin it... If I'm going to wait for him, I don't want to screw up our relationship or anything like that.
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  #28  
Old 02-21-2009, 09:23 PM
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My husband has been in for 4 years and I have to admit that there was some rough spots in our relationship, but I have never cheated on him. I have no desire for another man, I love my husband just as much now as I did when he went in. I just stay busy with Church and my kids. Sex in a relationship isn't everything, but to each his own.
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  #29  
Old 02-21-2009, 09:34 PM
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He's my most perfect, erotic partner and soulmate.
I've had long term, serious relationships on a daily basis in the past (not long-distance) that lacked the most fundamental intimacy.
He leaves me wanting for nothing...even from there.
I can't imagine not being faithful...why should I?...how could I?...I'm not unsatisfied.
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  #30  
Old 02-21-2009, 09:59 PM
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Default I'd rather be blue...

Hi,

There's an oooooooooold song in the movie "Funny Girl" that goes like this:

I'd rather be blue,
thinkin' of you,
I'd rather be blue over you,
than be "happy" with somebody else...


Well! I tell Dana that I'd rather be alone in our bed THINKING about making love to him, than actually DOING it with anyone else.

Today I got a letter from him and he said:

"I am so in love with you. I trust you. I never trusted anyone as I do you. I know you will never hurt me. I know you love me with a strong, sincere and passionate love. And in your love I feel safe."

Nothing...and I mean NOTHING...could compel me to break his heart or betray the trust we share.

xo,

WW
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  #31  
Old 02-21-2009, 10:10 PM
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Thank you WW.
That brings a very special song to mind...


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  #32  
Old 02-21-2009, 10:14 PM
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Talking staying faithful

Hi my fiance has been in for al most 15yrs and we have been to gether for 5yrs and some months and the key to being faithful is GOD. Thats the only thing that keep me sane He's always on me about me getting some oneelse but i feel like there is no other man for me. It's hard but i only have 2yrs and 9mths and he'll be home!!!!
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  #33  
Old 02-21-2009, 10:40 PM
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WOW! I dont think that i expected some of the things that I got. I have had a bad past as to say maybe i shouldve been a man but in the past yr my life has changed. I didnt marry my husband strickly for sex that would be dumb especially since hes my 3 marriage. I married him bc we love each other and I want to stick by him. I have "thought" about cheating and when I do it just makes me feel gross. I used to just have sex with anyone I wanted when I wanted and yes you may say "what a slut" and maybe I was. I then realized in Jan of 2008 when i got pregnant with my son that I needed to change my lifestyle for him and my daughter. Since the first time he is the only man ive been with and im very proud of myself. I want to stay faithful for myself as much as I do for him. I am currently in the process of getting closer to God but Im just starting and I have a great church family that has been helping me through all of this. so thank you to all of you and i just need to tell myself that i do love this man and i will wait for him and in this time we can work on the other aspects of our marriage. IM NOT A MONSTER. I promise pls dont think that.
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  #34  
Old 02-21-2009, 10:47 PM
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i admit its hard, but it has never been a problem for me! i love my man more than words and will stick it out
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  #35  
Old 02-21-2009, 10:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katiesimmons View Post
WOW! I dont think that i expected some of the things that I got. IM NOT A MONSTER. I promise pls dont think that.
Oh hon, please don't take it personally. I don't think anyone was implying that you are less than faithful or loving.
We just all get pretty emphatic about expressing our own strength and faithfulness.

No one thinks you're a monster!
And you're still so new to PTO...welcome! You'll get used to us and our bold replies.
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  #36  
Old 02-21-2009, 10:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cali310 View Post
What can you do to stay faithful to your man?? You stay faithful!! Not to sound rude but how or why did you get married?? This is not your boyfriend but your HUSBAND. You don't know if you can remain faithful?! For 2 years?! Only 2 years?! Apparently, you married for sex and not love. When you truly love someone you're not thinking about relations with another person. Real relationships are not to be based on sex but rather on love. Your husband is in prison and all you can think about is sex?? There are so many other things you could do: college, pick up a trade, culinary classes, join the gym, get a second job, church group, volunteer, etc. Making us women look bad, no wonder this men get nervous in their thoughts. Acting like sex addicts... we are women not men.
Sorry Cali, but I have to disagree with your approach and your words on this. This is a young lady who came here looking for helpful advice not a judgment of her thoughts. You ask:
"Why did you get married" well maybe she didn't expect a long distance relationship when she said "I Do." Nothing in her post says she married "just for sex" but even if she did she is concerned about not having it. She obviously thinks about things other than "sex" because she came to a website looking for ways to help her endure her separation instead of just giving in. I don't know what she posted to discredit YOU but she did nothing to "make THIS WOMAN look bad" IMO nor is she acting like a sex addict; have you ever witnessed a Meth addict with available drugs come to a website and seek advice on how to deal with them? I for one am thankful that she was able and honest enough to share her personal struggle with us here and I have no desire to put her down or make her feel "less than" because she came looking for advice. I am honest enough to admit I masturbate while reading his letters because I miss that special touch. I MISS SEX TOO! If that makes me "look bad" or behave like a man..oh well. I love him, I am waiting patiently on his return but it is NOT always easy. JMO...Marcia
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  #37  
Old 02-21-2009, 11:45 PM
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we put god first, there's not anyone else but my man I want. I am devoted to my man. I work and write him all the time. all we want is each other.
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  #38  
Old 02-22-2009, 08:57 AM
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i have slipped not gonna lie... i went to the bar one night and kissed a guy come to find out the guy knew all of my husbands friends (this was before we got married). well the guy went and told shannons friends that it went farther that we actually slept together. shannon keeps telling me "i know you have needs that i cant take care of and that you are gonna do you reguardless" but i would never take it to the level of sleeping with someone.
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  #39  
Old 02-22-2009, 08:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katiesimmons View Post
Question. How do you stay faithful to your man when hes going to be gone a LONG time. What can you do? It bothers me bc I dont know if I can but I dont want to ruin my marriage and cheating is one way to throw it right out the window. What do you women do that have to wait for 20 yrs or so. Mine is only 2 yrs but I dont think that I can wait for him to come home!

Well it is VERY HARD!!! I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for 3 years this November 2009. I have been faithful to him but it has become very hard. But what I have done to keep me occupied is became a Passion Consultant. So I am a consultant who sell Adult Toys and talk to individuals and couples about how to spice up there love life. This keeps my mind off of having to think about me having sex physically with anyone else. That's far from my mind. Yes, it's weird but it works for me. Everyone is different. And I spend alot of time writing my husband, as well as talking to him on the phone everyday. He was sentenced to 35 years and has done 13 1/2 already. He will be eligible for parole (hopefully) in 3 1/2 more years. So that's my side of it.
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  #40  
Old 02-22-2009, 09:04 AM
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He's been in just over a month and I have gotten the "just save me some" and "tell them to leave me some" and I am like why is he saying this.

Anyway, I'm not doing anything but he says he'd understand if I dipped out under the circumstances because women have the same needs as men. Hmmm...

I feel bad that it's even on his mind or a concern. I tell him I love him all the time and that he's my Knight. All I can do is reassure him that he has the only key for this ignition. My sweet baby.

Aris
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  #41  
Old 02-22-2009, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aris View Post
He's been in just over a month and I have gotten the "just save me some" and "tell them to leave me some" and I am like why is he saying this.

Anyway, I'm not doing anything but he says he'd understand if I dipped out under the circumstances because women have the same needs as men. Hmmm...

I feel bad that it's even on his mind or a concern. I tell him I love him all the time and that he's my Knight. All I can do is reassure him that he has the only key for this ignition. My sweet baby.

Aris

You have more patience than I...if my guy said that to me it would make me sick. Save me some? Eeew. I hope he doesn't keep that up it's not very encouraging for you.
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  #42  
Old 02-22-2009, 04:09 PM
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Default Loyalty is my foundation

How do I stay faithful? LOYALTY!! I am a huge person of loyalty and that is what makes it so easy to stay faithful to my husband. I personally feel like that is the biggest way to cross him so it's not going to happen. Most importantly my husband loves me so purely and takes care of me like a queen so waiting for him to bless my body is a small price to pay. Our relationship is built on loyalty so there is nothing that could make me crack that foundation. What we have is bigger then the moment of someone getting me wet between the legs. Plus
NO ONE, CAN LOVE ME LIKE ME!
I am going to be honest with you in MY OPINION two years in NOTHING! That is short time and not a long time to keep your legs closed for someone that you say love and want be with. Find a way to please your ownself sexually. And I mean no harm, that's just my opinion.
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  #43  
Old 02-22-2009, 05:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katiesimmons View Post
WOW! I dont think that i expected some of the things that I got. I have had a bad past as to say maybe i shouldve been a man but in the past yr my life has changed. I didnt marry my husband strickly for sex that would be dumb especially since hes my 3 marriage. I married him bc we love each other and I want to stick by him. I have "thought" about cheating and when I do it just makes me feel gross. I used to just have sex with anyone I wanted when I wanted and yes you may say "what a slut" and maybe I was. I then realized in Jan of 2008 when i got pregnant with my son that I needed to change my lifestyle for him and my daughter. Since the first time he is the only man ive been with and im very proud of myself. I want to stay faithful for myself as much as I do for him. I am currently in the process of getting closer to God but Im just starting and I have a great church family that has been helping me through all of this. so thank you to all of you and i just need to tell myself that i do love this man and i will wait for him and in this time we can work on the other aspects of our marriage. IM NOT A MONSTER. I promise pls dont think that.
Please don't take any of the responses you got from this post personal. All of us here have different battles to fight my friend. Your test may be this and ours may be something completely opposite. Do not let this struggle get you down! The enemy knows our weaknesses and everyones weaknesses are not the same but I promise you...we all have them in some aspect of our life. Just because the enemy knows your weakness does not mean he can destroy you with it. It appears to me that you are fighting and seeking help in your fight...GOOD CHOICE SISTER...and those of us who recognize your struggle and pray will be fighting with you in prayer. Hang in there sister! You will get through this and you will be STRONGER, WISER, and MUCH BETTER!!!
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  #44  
Old 02-22-2009, 05:38 PM
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we have made it thru almost six years and yes it gets lonley but just knowing what we share is so right another man could never fill his empty place in my life. I agree with almost all of the other post. I think the stories really got us thru the HARD (LOL) times.
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  #45  
Old 02-22-2009, 07:50 PM
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You have more patience than I...if my guy said that to me it would make me sick. Save me some? Eeew. I hope he doesn't keep that up it's not very encouraging for you.
Not really more patience just that I know that he's not going to be in for long and since I really care about him and he still cares about me there's no need to replace him.

Hopefully, this will deepen our bond since we were last intimate partners before he went in and we'll be together when he's home. I've never had a break like this without breaking up so it's different for me.
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  #46  
Old 02-22-2009, 11:02 PM
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well i believe i found all the answers i was seeking today at church. frontlinelady hit it right on the head, the enemy knows our weaknesses and he will do what he can to make us to evil (cheating). we all have different things that are harder for some than others. we are all different and need different things. The stories and the advice really does help and i think that maybe some took it a little extreme but thats ok we have to "let it out" some where. We are all the same in so many ways yet so different. We are all in love with an inmate and we dont choose who we love. Someone said that there is more to a marriage than sex and yes thats right and if you put the physical stuff aside (bc you have no choice in our cases) then you learn more about each other and I believe that if a couple can make it through what we all face everyday we should be able to overcome anything that comes our way. If some1 is still struggling with hard times, which i am sure that i am not over them just looking at them differently now, then break out your bible and read Peter 1. This really helped me today. I feel like my preacher was speaking directly to me it was great. Im so glad that I went today of all days. Thank you all and we just have to "Stand strong in our faith"
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  #47  
Old 02-23-2009, 12:06 PM
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If you craving your man...then really it's not worth your trouble to be with another guy...because at the end of day when it's all over and your done cheating...It's still not your man...and you still wont' be satisfied..and thats how I see it..
The flesh is weak and the devil is always working....Don't let him win. That's how I use to think...when I first started this time with my husband. It was harder when we first met..but now it's not even worth thinking about. Plus he's so close to coming home I just think of how it's gonna be to Finally have him Home and In my Arms
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  #48  
Old 02-24-2009, 01:57 PM
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The no sex is so easy for ME.The things I yarn for and miss the most have to do with Intimacy and nothing to do with sex.I am not saying I do not miss sex...I miss it with him I dont desire to be with anyone else.When I catch urges and feelings they are for him.We have been doing this for a lonnnnnggg time.This bid almost 10.5 years.Yes I miss being held,kissed and touched but the only arms I to wrapped in are his and only lips I want to kiss are his and the only hands I want on my body are his. But you always have to do what works for you.As long as you are happy and fullfiled in your relationship then I am sure yoou can get over the sex hump.I write him steamy letters and if it is one of the nights he calls then we talk about it.And the build up is going to make the homecoming that much more explosive and passionate.
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  #49  
Old 02-24-2009, 04:27 PM
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Yes I am. It hasn't been easy but I know the reward will be great in the end.
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  #50  
Old 02-24-2009, 05:08 PM
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I held my fiance down for 7 months. He did 4 months in County and 3 at GIST in Texas, I was his friend before he went in and the romance hit while he was in. We are getting married in March (was supposed to get married on Valentine's Day, but finances delayed things).

If I, being married to him, had to hold him down for 20 years, that would be very hard. We both discussed this thread. Even his 7 months was hard for me. The men have just as much of an opportuniy for sex, maybe more, than we do!

He shared a story with me about a CO at County. Some of these guys have no choice. This was something that happened when he went in before he knew me. "Come with me right now. If you say anything to anyone...." They have no choice and I find it equal to rape IMO.

Getting back to the point....If Billy did something to get him in jail, that would be his fault. He had to have known that his action/s would possibly jeopardize our union.

I read alot of "poor babies" and "oh my sweeties", but he did the crime and he expects you do to the time with him. Not fair.

If Billy had to do 20 years, I wouldn't ride this train with him. The stress from commissary, letters, no mail days, lockdowns. Not my kind of cookie to chew up and eat. It would be over.
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