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  #1  
Old 09-08-2005, 12:32 PM
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Default Question for Former Inmates- Guys & Multiple Girls on the Outside??

Ok here is something that has kind of bothered me a bit all along. How common is it for a guy in prison to be writing multiple girls? Especially when he is proclaiming his love and devotion for one. How would these girls find out? What about with money? phone calls? visits? How do they keep it all straight?
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Old 09-08-2005, 12:38 PM
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Just like they keep it all straight on the outside. It's gotta be even easier locked up.
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Old 09-08-2005, 04:17 PM
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That kind of thing is more common while they are inside becuse they find women that feel sorry for them not to metion they are safe we belive they are not cheating they say all the right things hell what female will not fall for a smooth talker no matter where he lives you feel me
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Old 09-09-2005, 01:34 PM
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Thank you guys for your responses. I agree with both of you completely. What I am trying to find is someone that has been inside that has either done this or seen it going on. I want the background on this so I can make sure it doesn't/isn't happening to me. I am not sure how they get in touch with someone and such. How do I go about asking him. I know if he is doing it he will lie, but I can usually tell when he is lying. I can't imagine what I would do if I found out I was getting played by a guy while he was in prison. It is bad enough that we have to deal with that out here, let alone while he is in jail. I would freak!!
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Old 09-10-2005, 06:23 AM
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I knew a guy who had an ex-wife, a full time girlfriend (live in) plus two other girlfriends he was writing to, but this was just an extension of his life on the outside... he was a bit of a worry... :P None of them knew about the others... I dunno.
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Old 09-10-2005, 02:12 PM
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While some inmates really do feel they love each of these women, the rest think that they will never get caught. However they do get caught. It is sad to say that many of them are now taking up this habit. And alot of it is for the greed of money. Get someone who loves you and send you money, and someone who will fight for you on the outside.
I have seen this happen not only to women & men who get a pen pal they have never meet. BUT also someone they have known all their life. And most have never seen it coming.
Ask yourself this....What type of person was he on the outside? How trustworthy was he then? Is his letters basically the same format? Hey whats up, I need you love you miss you, gotta go, need this and that?
Use your common sense. NOT ALL PEOPLE ARE GETTING SCAMMED, because I know alot of you will be pmming me saying my loved one doesn't do that. Their are bad apples in every bundle. Use common sense and what your heart tells you. If it is too good to be true, it probably is.
I hope this has helped shed some light on it??? And I hope I have not scared or upset you.
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Old 09-11-2005, 03:24 PM
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One of my best friends at 18 years old went down for murder .He was released after 16 years , yes he did it , served his time and has been home for a few years now . I visited often and he would let me know when one of his ** harem** was coming , I didnt agree with it then or now ** he is out with a harem** but he felt he was taking the strain financially , off his family and friends, in fact it did . I was very surprised to learn that he had c.o.s (( not all of these cos are sexing inmates )) included in said harem , one lost her job and still visited when he got transferred , and he dropped her upon his release . He controlled the situation by telling them when and when not to come . I even noticed other visits while seeing him , and i was like that isnt who was rubbing on so and so last week !! He just grinned. Woman visiting their men would try to hollar at the men i came with in the parking lot when i visited with his brothers or cousins as well .
not all people are scandelous , but some are !!!!
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Old 09-12-2005, 12:21 AM
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They do it, some even think its love, while my husband was locked up (i can't remember which time) we even got divorced. of course as you see he is again locked up and we are again married. i must be a glutten for punishment
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Old 09-12-2005, 01:14 AM
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Cool I understand

Not an easy subject for me. Rich has asked me to marry him before & after his incarceration. I have first hand experience with this. The truth is not easy under any circumstances. I knew he had atleast 1 baby on the way, he assured me I had nothing to worry about, their relationship was strictly for the childs sake. Being a mature mother of 2 girls, I wouldn't expect anything less. However, I have had a young, naive 19yr old girl calling me to convince herself, she had nothing to worry about from me, even stating it was ok for him to talk to me. My heart has gone out to her. She doesn't have a clue about what a habitual offender will do just to get what he wants. We have been friends for 8 yrs. A special friendship that will endure the test of time, even if only as friends. She drives by my house, makes silly excuses for it, even went as far to stop & talk to my girls today. My youngest chose him as her daddy, the only one shes ever known. The older one, has been threw hell over her brief period of being daddys girl, with their biological person, in the worst ways imagineable. She has also chosen Rich to be her only daddy. The way I see it, time will tell! There are no quarantees in life. Anything could happen & is possible. It's not easy, find something to enjoy that will occupy your mind. I'm here for you! Have you thought about checking the pen-pals behind bars? You've already set truth in motion, it'll come to you. What you chose to do with it, only you can decide what you can handle. Remember your feelings do count, don't take on more than you can handle. Love yourself first, you'll do just fine!
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Old 10-02-2005, 01:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KRoe
Ok here is something that has kind of bothered me a bit all along. How common is it for a guy in prison to be writing multiple girls? Especially when he is proclaiming his love and devotion for one. How would these girls find out? What about with money? phone calls? visits? How do they keep it all straight?
That's easy. A player on the outside is the same on the inside.
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Old 11-04-2005, 08:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigTime
That's easy. A player on the outside is the same on the inside.
EXACTLY!
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Old 11-04-2005, 11:16 AM
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When my ex-husband was doing a multi-year bit he had the same cellie for quite a while (unusual, but they got along so it worked to his advantage). We'd be visiting and the cellie would have different girls visiting all of the time. I don't remember exactly how many but I think that he professed his undying love and devotion to more than just a few. He said that they supported him emotionally and financially and took the burden off of his family. My ex heard from him a few times when they were both out and the cellie was lying low and hiding out from all of the girls.
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Old 12-29-2005, 03:39 PM
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I have a friend who has two girls, not quite the harem player, but he says he won't choose between them. He did say one he's in love with and the other he's got love for, which is his babys mama. babys mama doesn't know the extent of his relationship with his girl tho', who his brothers all know and who he even got a job in the company he owns. he is out of prison now and had his girl pick him up-she got the first nut, he spent the day and evening with her and then she dropped him off at the bus station where babys mama "picked" him up. He's bad and sometimes I want to say something, but you know at some point, somethings going to happen, and as his friend, its not my place to interfere with his relationships. I can only tell him hes a fool and going to get caught
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Old 12-29-2005, 03:46 PM
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Default Multiple correspondants

I know u asked this question back in July but I;m new here nd really wanted to voice my opinion on this subject. When my fiancee was first incarcerated we weren't exactly together. We had split up and I guess men waste no time because his mother and myself were on our way to visit him when she pulled out a letter addressed to her from him. She asked me to read it and when I did, he was asking her to bring "one of his girls to the visit." And even had the nerve to name me and this broad from my hood!
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Old 01-03-2006, 06:49 PM
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It happens all the time. Most men in prison are, after all, there for a reason. Most are big time liars, too, and know how to lie pretty well. They have alot of time to figure out conniving schemes and manipulations. There are very very few innocent men in prison. Some spend their whole lives finely honing their skills of in depth deception. And all the men in prison and everyone else who doesn't say anything about it is just perpetuating the situation. They like to say "It's none of my business" blah blah blah. People ought to stand up for the women on the outside who are being kind hearted and only getting used. I would ...that's for sure. I had a husband in prison who got out and started abusing me....he had someone else when I first met him but then stopped seeing her. Another woman told me about it who visited her husband there..and I'm glad she did. I'll always be grateful for that...
God Bless you all...
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Old 01-11-2006, 01:35 PM
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Bailey is right on the money on this one!
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Old 01-12-2006, 11:01 PM
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My husband has been in and out for 20+ years, 10 of it I went through with him, and still am. He gets out again soon. This time around I wrote few letters, sent no money,no visits, no phone calls etc... CUT OFF... I mean geez, he did 4 straight, got out and 3 and half mths goes back. GRRRRRR... Back to the dope, and blaming his choices on everyone else. I remember going and seeing him before, all the different women that would go see the same man. I got mad about it. After all the bull they put us through out here, and then gimmie, gimmie gimmie in there, oh woe is me. Feel sorry for me. Now, if they are asking for money and stuff, then the family cut him off for a reason. So they prey on us. If he is and was writing other women and having them see him, Someone should tell me. And them for that matter. Why should we or anyone else let them keep hurting others. That's why they are there, Right? False hopes, This is our lives and when you write or are involved with a inmate, it is real, at least for us out here. They grab our hearts, we feel bad and sorry for them. We become a prisoner in our homes trying to be that one that did not leave him while he was down, being that rightous woman that stands by him. Everything they say is the right thing, the compliments, the dreams and hopes. The dead promises, As you find out later. I mean, when you keep going to prison over and over again, there is a RED flag. And it is not nobody cares, no one sees me for who I really am, I never had a chance. I did 2 years in 93. It is a horrible place. Which i did my parole, and have never been in trouble again. That was before my husband now, But, you can not spend over a certain amount of money a month on canteen. No more than that. The rest goes to well, you can figure it out. They play with us women. And when they get out, listen closely to the way they talk to the homies. Betcha you will hear some surprising stuff. I know I did. The lock downs he got in, was not because of what he told me, they were for other reasons. The I don't have time for you right now, why are you up my you know what, give me some room And the list goes on and on. Believe me. I know a lot of personal friends over the years, and well, none of it is good. And hey, if they constantly want to know over and over what day and what time. Think about why? The real reason. Who would pass up a visit, food and all the time with you ( the one he loves), for anything?????? Unless, someone else is coming???? I know how hard it is, he lies out here all the time. So I can pretty much be sure he is there. (I am talking to myself here too.) Mine is a abuser too. Addict, Liar and a smooth talker too. Confuses the heck out of me. I know I have to let go. A con is a con. Don't get me wrong, there are a few that are on the up and up. And I have a huge heart, (not good for me) and I care about all you women who are going through all this. Because it is lonely, heart wrenching and breaking. It is hard. Stressful. And the list goes on. The kids we drag through this. I took my kids in there. And I look back now. My son is 6. I started taking him when he was only 20 months old. Up until he was almost 6. And the attitude and the heart break and oh my. His daddy gets out in Jan. After 4 yrs, and goes back the day of his birthday party. Which was Apr. I feel so stupid for taking him there and feeding him all the hype, and promises only to have it all broke and wrong. I mean look. My husband is a addict and a abuser. With a wife and 2 kids. And if is writing other women and they have no idea. What do you think would happen to them if they hooked up????? Any difference?? I think not. Only heartbreak and possibly a real good beating. The abuser stuff by the way, I am working on me. I filed for divorce this time. He did not hurt my physically his short time out. But everything else was hurt. He was not my first inmate either. I know the excitement you feel when you are involved. And how special they make you feel. Good luck to all of you....
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Old 02-06-2006, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigTime
That's easy. A player on the outside is the same on the inside.
Maybe easy, but not so cut and dry. My husband has been a chronic player on the outside and a chronic drug addict too. But inside, he does not do the things he does when he's out here. Inside, he messes with no females whether they work inside or outside of the facilities, and he messes with no drugs in there. Inside, he doesn't even smoke cigarettes -- the man drops all of his society habits while he's pullin his time. Out here though, he's been the COMPLETE opposite.
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Old 02-06-2006, 12:07 PM
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Of course that goes on, b/s on the outside = b/s on the inside. Some guys just think they are the S**T and that women just can't wait to get with them. I've seen it so many times that it didn't even seem abnormal. As for "how do they keep it all straight"?, rule#1, NEVER send out two letters on the same day!! Funny things can happen during letter screening, two letters can magically get swapped around. Apparently that has happened enough for the need of rule #1. Visiting is easy as well, just tell your girls that one of your assigned work days is Sat/Sun and you can only visit one day, "My boss is an ahole and won't give me the day off". Don't get me wrong, it's not like everybody does, it but it is not uncommon. When someone has alot of time on their hands they can get very creative, and there is always advise from somebody that is doing the same thing. If you give a gamer an opportunity to play, don't be surprised when he does. As someone said earlier, lead with your heart but think with your head.
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Old 02-11-2006, 07:22 PM
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I know that I am prob not going to be a very popular person in here but I would like to set some people straight about what really goes on in "prison". I am a Correctional Officer and I work in an all male facility. I have seen "interactions" between inmates, coworkers and visitors. I will not say that all inmates are players....they are not, but there are alot of them out there and some of the stuff I have read in here is on the money!

Inmates will try anything to get money and drugs into the prison. They will try anything to get a visitor to bring them into the prison. If your inmate has asked you to do this (even something so small as a cell phone) they are using you and you could get a felony charge if caught! I have seen inmates get visits from 3 different women on the same day. Mail from several women everyday (and they are not thier moms, but they all send money)

Think clearly before you do anything that someone wants you to do in prison.....it could mean suspension of visitation priveledges, banning and in the least your freedom could be at stake!
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Old 02-11-2006, 07:44 PM
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Delly welcome to PTO.
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Old 02-11-2006, 07:54 PM
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Welcome Delly, you are not saying anything bad here. Reality is what it is and open minded COs are very welcome.
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Old 02-11-2006, 11:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delly
I know that I am prob not going to be a very popular person in here but I would like to set some people straight about what really goes on in "prison". I am a Correctional Officer and I work in an all male facility. I have seen "interactions" between inmates, coworkers and visitors. I will not say that all inmates are players....they are not, but there are alot of them out there and some of the stuff I have read in here is on the money!

Inmates will try anything to get money and drugs into the prison. They will try anything to get a visitor to bring them into the prison. If your inmate has asked you to do this (even something so small as a cell phone) they are using you and you could get a felony charge if caught! I have seen inmates get visits from 3 different women on the same day. Mail from several women everyday (and they are not thier moms, but they all send money)

Think clearly before you do anything that someone wants you to do in prison.....it could mean suspension of visitation priveledges, banning and in the least your freedom could be at stake!
Welcome to PTO. I look forward to reading more post from you.
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Old 02-12-2006, 06:02 AM
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Gee, "thanks" for the expert use of that extraordinarily broad brush.

For the record, there are those of us who were inside who [a] didn't use drugs [b] didn't string along multiple women [c] didn't seek contraband of any kind and [d] basically played the game straight the whole time we were down, did our time, and left to move on to Real Life.

Yeah, I saw some, and heard quite a bit more, about the @$$#0|e$ who constantly screwed with the system; the hole exists for a reason, but it seems I was always the last to know when someone had been taken to it. Those of us who have the maturity to deal with our situation responsibly never saw it, and we get tired of the "inmates will try anything" lines.
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Old 02-12-2006, 09:10 AM
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"Player"

Not this girl when she was an inmate. I had one objective and one objective only!

Going Home with the least amount of hassle.

Did I see it - oh yes! Like asdf said. But I dealt with people on the inside the same way I do out here. Straight up, I don't shoot from the hip, in business or my personal life - either on the inside or the free world!

Over generalization of a group of individuals say "inmates or ex-inmates" for example, hurts that group more than helps them. Each individual must be taken as an individual not sterotyped into a group both good and bad!

Patti
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