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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 01-08-2007, 12:51 AM
Bookworm1 Bookworm1 is offline
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Default Valentine's Day blues

I was browsing at one of my favorite stores over the week-end, and I noticed that all of the Valentine's Day merchandise was on display already! And it had kind of an unexpected effect on me. A profound sadness washed over me, and I haven't been able to shake it. I can't help but be envious of all of the women out there who are looking forward to spending this special occassion with the men in their lives. I would give ANYTHING to be able to share a candlelight dinner with my boyfriend, and some good conversation. Just to be able to hold hands, and stare into one another's eyes would be heaven on earth. And to feel his lips pressed against mine, and his tender caresses and..... well, you all get the picture!

It's at times like these that I sometimes wonder what I got myself into! I just want to have a "normal" relationship. Is it so wrong to want to be able to share a meal or take in a movie or go dancing with the man you love? Or just cuddle up on the couch, and watch a good movie? I love him more than life itself, and can't imagine my life without him in it! But it's just hard sometimes. I feel INCREDIBLY guilty admitting these feelings.There is just SO much to deal with, but the worst part is being kept apart from the man you love. And then there are so few people who understand how you are feeling or what you are going through, and fewer still who sympathize.

Do any of you ever get to feeling like this? It's weird because I miss him so much sometimes, and long to be near him, even though we haven't met in person yet! That is coming up soon though, in March! I can't wait! I'm nervous as hell, but I'll save that for another post, as the time draws nearer! I was wondering, if you got to spend Valentine's Day with your man/woman and could do WHATEVER you wanted(no restrictions!) how would you choose to spend that time? I'm curious!

Lisa
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Old 01-08-2007, 06:15 PM
MaggieMMay MaggieMMay is offline
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I'm with you Bookworm, I've had those exact feelings over the past few days. But every time I think about wanting a "normal" relationship, I also remember how much I love him and want that relationship to be with him, so I'm "stuck" here. Which only makes me sadder. I just saw him this weekend (aren't able to see each other often due to distance), and I always have these sad periods right after. Cliche I know, but the only person I want to talk about these feelings to is him. Of course I don't, 'cause I know it would hurt him worse to hear it than it does for me to feel it. Hope this passes soon and I go back to my usual low-altitude cruising!
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Old 01-08-2007, 07:32 PM
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I didn't feel that way so much I just looked forward to the special times we'd have once he came home. We made the best of the situation, our first Valentine's Day he was still on lock and he (with help from mama) had flowers sent to my office. It was really sweet. You make the most of the time you share whether near or far...

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Old 01-08-2007, 08:08 PM
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THE QUESTION IS: if you got to spend Valentine's Day with your man/woman and could do WHATEVER you wanted(no restrictions!) how would you choose to spend that time? Well, if it was on the outside you really don't want to hear about it I am sure. Doing the wild thing. If it was in a visiting room with a bunch of onlookers than I would just love to hold his hand, kiss his lips and feel his arms around me (we visit behind glass so anything is an improvement) and just whisper I love him in his ear.
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Old 01-08-2007, 10:44 PM
Bookworm1 Bookworm1 is offline
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Default I can relate

MaggieMMay:

I could really relate to a lot of what you said. I too remind myself(whenever I start wishing for a "normal" relationship) that I don't have a choice in the matter! I love him. It's as simple as that. And I wouldn't/couldn't be happy with another man. My heart belongs to him! So, I guess that means that we are just going to have to make the best of it(it is hard for him to!).

Also, I am in Canada and he is in the states. So it is quite a long commute, and travel can be expensive. So I won't get to visit as often as I like unfortunately. I am preparing for our first visit in March, and I am REALLY excited(nervous too!). But I just know that I am going to feel sad when I have to leave, because I don't know when I will be able to see him again . It's hard.

I too am reluctant to tell him how I feel, because I know that it will just make him feel WORSE. I mean, there isn't anything he can do to change the situation, and it is hard enough on him being in there. Harder then it is for me! At least I have my freedom. So I have to be strong for him.

I too hope that this sadness will pass for you(and me too!)

Patty:

That was SO sweet of your man to go through all that trouble to send you flowers on Valentine's Day! A lot of women on the "outside" WISH their man was that romantic!

Addicted One:

Thankfully, my sweetie is allowed contact visits. That must be hard, not being able to be near him, or touch him. Not even to give him a hug before you leave? That seems wrong to me. These men are human beings, and we all need a little affection every now and again. My heart goes out to you both.

If I could spend Valentine's Day with my sweetie, we would DEFINITELY get it on at some point But I would want to start off with a candlelight dinner, good conversation. some soft music and dancing. A little cuddling, perhaps a nice massage. THEN it would be off to the bedroom!

Lisa
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Old 01-09-2007, 12:53 PM
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You can't think of what you don't have now cause honestly that can get really overwhelming. Think of the things you WILL have once he is home. You have to make the best of things given the restrictions. Even though Wes and I won't have a picture perfect Valentines Day, we will make the best of what we do have AN AMAZING LOVE THAT SURPASSES ALL THE BOUNDARIES! Stay focused on the positives. Minimize the negatives as much as possible. Be thankful that you have love on this Valentine's Day cause there are so many people (and I was one just last year) without anyone to love them on this day or any other for that matter. This year I'm going to visit him and enjoy our two hours of bliss! Make some memories of this new year together and talk about our dreams for the future ones.
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Old 01-09-2007, 01:30 PM
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I would spend VALENTINES Day doing anything or nothing as long as we were together. We dont get contacts right now either so I would be happy to just beable to hold his hand at this point.
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Old 01-09-2007, 05:53 PM
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I would be happy to see him! We haven't visually seen each other since last March. My ideal V-day with him would be candles, he wouldn't be wearing the jump suit either!!
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Old 01-11-2007, 09:44 AM
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I guess I have not had anyone on the outside to share Valentines Day with so the day doesnt depress me..why should we show our loved ones on one day a year that they are special..I tell my man everyday that I love him and I do everything I can do show him..
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Old 01-11-2007, 12:10 PM
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Last Valentine's Day I was blissfully single after a lot of years in a bad relationship. I felt smug the entire day because I didn't have to play the game with anybody and really enjoyed not being tied into the whole three-ring-circus.

This year I've met an amazing man who's everything I've ever wanted but didn't think I'd find. He completes me. I'm going to spend Valentine's Day feeling smug because the truly amazing man that I love happens to love me back.

Funny what a year can do.
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Old 01-11-2007, 05:47 PM
JeSsItO's WIFEY JeSsItO's WIFEY is offline
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I feel the same way... I thought the worst was over. not able to spend the holiday's with your ones... Just the other day 1 of my male friends ask me what should he get for his girlfriend for V-Day.. right there and then i said to myself i wish that my heart was out here surpising me with goodies and be taken out to a romantic dinner.
i guess that i need to be patient....i got to be strong for him and myself... i knew what i was getting myself into .... i believe that @ the end of this journey it'll be worth it. Once he comes home it will be V-DAY everyday.
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Old 01-11-2007, 08:08 PM
Jessiegirl813 Jessiegirl813 is offline
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I know how you are feeling Eddies birthday is Valentines day so its kind of a double shot!
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Old 01-11-2007, 08:22 PM
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What I noticed after meeting my husband is that holidays such as Valentine's Day and New Years Eve meant more to me because I had someone special in my life that I wanted to spend that day with. I always celebrated it because of my kids but I was basically doing it for them especially when it came to Valentine's Day. Now, I just feel blessed that I have someone that I truly love and who loves me just as much in return. I enjoy picking out a special card to send him. The other stuff will come later. Right now, i just appreciate what I have.
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:39 AM
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I am new to this. My fiance was arrested in the middle of January. We were a week away from moving in together and now he's gone. He hasn't had his hearing yet so we don't even know how long he will be there. I just can't shake this sadness that I feel that he isn't with me.
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:19 AM
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Hello, i'm new to this site, and i sure don't want to bum anyone out, but i just thought i'd share what i would be doing with my sweetheart, the love of my life, my handsome husband.....IF he would have lived past the halfway house, He died Dec 30th, 2007, and believe me if he would have been here, i would have cooked him the best dinner in the world, he would have probably bought me flowers, and perfume....we would have snuggled so close and kissed a whole lot. and i would have let him know HOW MUCH I ADORED HIM.....but he's in a earn on my mantel...i am ajusting with out him eventhough i cry at least once a day, because i feel like my heart is bleeding at times......all i can say to you sweety, is count your blessing's daily and if he's is worth holding onto, then love him with your heart and soul...life is like a vapor, the book of James talk's about that...My husband was named James, he was 46 years old when he went to be with his heavanly Father, the first card i ever sent him was a beautiful Valentine's Card, it was the true story of how Valentine's Day came about....very beautiful story, just like my love for my husband....may he sleep with the angels tonight...thank's for listening.
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:41 PM
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sorry to here that cyndy. Your a very strong woman to even share this with all of us. Bless you
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:09 PM
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Cyndy my prayers go out to you.
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Old 02-14-2008, 07:16 PM
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i'm bumming because i havent gotten a letter in over a week i know he's been hurting he was supossed to have a toe nail removed this week. sorry i know its gross but maybe in the next few days i'll at least get a letter
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Old 02-16-2008, 12:42 PM
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Default Just to know you are loved!!!

Yes, I can relate to the feeling of sadness but at the same time I am blessed with knowing that I am truely loved, I mean really loved. Of course no one else but those who are in my same situation would understand that. (those on the outside think we are totally nuts) But we all know we share a very special love, a true love.
Luckily I was able to spend Tuesday with him, so that was our Valentine's. We also talked on the phone on Valentine's Day, although everyday is special when we get to talk.
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