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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 12-17-2007, 09:33 AM
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Default If all the odds were against you relationship

would you give up and move on ,or would it make you even more determined to fight for what you want.

distance is against our relationship Ive seen him once in almost 2 years due financial pressure ,so i won't get to see him now till the very end of 2008,whats more we get no phone calls just letters.

He wants to fight on for us and can see our future is there to be grabbed but for me sometimes the hurdles just keep getting higher and i can see no future with him or without him.
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Old 12-17-2007, 09:59 AM
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my small thought is that for *me* if I don't see a beneficial outcome in investing my time and effort in a relationship, I usually gracefully bow out. In a prison relationship to wait on a man that is not only locked up but in another country, I would have to be so confident and so motivated that its going to work out, other wise the bond will start to weaken as life goes on.
This is just a hard situation all the way around,,,hope it works out either way
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Old 12-17-2007, 10:08 AM
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I have been with my man for 10 years....started off as friends and through many difficult times and HUGE distance we are making it. We got married in July and we still have just under 3 years to go. I am in Canada and he is in Florida. We have gone years without visits too, its the hardest thing I have ever had to do and we have had our problems but its possible. Good luck and all the best to you.
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  #4  
Old 12-17-2007, 10:14 AM
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Only you know if the distance and time you have to do with him is worth it. I've been down for my man since 2005, married him this year and we still have another year to go. It is hard, but to me, it is worth it. And I believe in the payoff. Good luck to you.
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  #5  
Old 12-17-2007, 10:22 AM
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Gotta agree wit Babi....Ive invested way too much...lets talk about ODDS here...we lived on two sep. ends of the country 16 hours away from each other(i moved to be closer)..we MWI and he's never been out of lockdown since we met...Ive never seen him out of FULL shackles and behind a screen...lockdown only gets 1 phone call a month...I dont have MCI do weve talked on the phone maybe 3 times in almost 2 years. I was promised a job comparable salary when I moved got here and job fell through...ran through my savings like water (jobless for MONTHS)...I lost 25 lbs from lack of food,my lights were shut off for non payment,windows shot out because they neighborhood drug dealers thought I was the PO'Lice,Ive been homeless rather than sleep in my own house with the windows shot out...I lost my retirement because I quit 1 month shy of being fully vested, I was dodging the repo man like a quater back dodges getting sacked, I was walked out of my last visit for supposedly exposing myself to me man dont know when I can go back...sweetie..talk about ODDS against us...Im still here and hanging on...I work, Im back in school , my business is getting off the ground, I met my father for the first time in 42 years last week, Soldado comes off lockdown in 40 days...ODDS were against us but I kept rolling the dice until we WON! HANG IN THERE SWEETIE!

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  #6  
Old 12-17-2007, 10:30 AM
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All odds were and are against us. Has been like that for 3 1/2 years (since May 2004). We had only letters for most of that time. Phone for a short period of time and one visit this whole time. Now that he's out there are other kind of odds against us although we talk every day. It's still long distance and will be awhile longer.

As long as we are both in this thing together, want the same things and work those day-to-day babysteps towards what we want I'm not giving up on this.

Don't you think that you will always ask yourself "what if" if you give up on it now? I know I would have... and that's a question I never want to ask myself.
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Old 12-18-2007, 04:59 AM
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I guess the odds are against us distance means I'll probably only get to visit him once or twice a year and he has a few years left to do.
But I wont give up im a stubborn b*tch and he is worth it.
Somedays its harder than others...especially at the moment its going to be a lonely Christmas.
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Old 12-18-2007, 05:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ultraviolet
I guess the odds are against us distance means I'll probably only get to visit him once or twice a year and he has a few years left to do.
But I wont give up im a stubborn b*tch and he is worth it.
Somedays its harder than others...especially at the moment its going to be a lonely Christmas.
Xmas is already starting to feel lonely but i'm determined to have a good one I know he would want me too.

Im a motorhead fan too,im also good friends with phil.Couldn't help but notice the excellent avatar good one girl.
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  #9  
Old 12-18-2007, 12:42 PM
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if all odds were against our relationship and it was as sincere as it is now...

it would just make me more determined to be with him.
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  #10  
Old 12-18-2007, 12:48 PM
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I figure a 25 to life sentence with the possibility of parole in 2023 is against the odds, but the way I figure it, there's no one else in this whole wide world I want to be with so, we fight the odds, hope for the best, and hold on to every moment we have together.
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  #11  
Old 12-21-2007, 11:41 AM
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I've always been determined, not someone to be disheartened just because the going got tough and all that but I must say that although we have been together for over 3 1/2 years now and he's been free for just over one year, the odds against us ever living life together just seem to grow greater and greater. As to whether we have a future, well it lies in the hands of an appeal judge and the outcome will be decided early in 2008 after 9 mths of waiting. We know UK doesn't like to let ex cons in and so we know the odds are not good. Part of me wants to believe that somehow a miracle could happen but the part of me which has gone through daily stress for so many months doesn't see how we can survive if he is never allowed back in this country as I can't leave my son and go there. I have to say, doing the in prison thing was so easy compared to how hard its been since he's been out. I still 'hope' that there might be a happy ending but when he was in prison we just had no idea of the pain and heartache which would follow since his release. It takes strong people to do what we do; especially those of us who live in countries such as mine which do not allow ex cons in; we take such a risk with our hearts....... Best wishes go out to all those in similar situations.
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  #12  
Old 12-21-2007, 11:51 AM
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My fiancee is serving a life term without the possibility of parole. I live thirteen hundred miles away, although I do have plans to relocate next year to be near him. We have the challenge of trying to overturn two wrongful convictions, something I will never give up on but my staying in the relationship is not contingent upon the outcome with the courts. The odds are certainly against us, but our relationship is strong and solid.

If your relationship is worth fighting for, would you be posting to a forum for advice on whether or not you should bail out? Perhaps that's a question you ought to be asking yourself.

Good luck to you.
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  #13  
Old 12-22-2007, 09:25 AM
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This is a very powerful thread. Some of you really have huge odds working against you and your loved one, but you keep going strong. I truly admire and respect that. To answer the question though, I agree that you have to ask yourself the question if this is what you truly want, if this relationship is worth fighting for and maintaining.
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  #14  
Old 12-22-2007, 10:57 AM
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i wish everybody the kind of love that i share with my baby...real, true, unconditional. but i would never wish upon anybody all of the pain & suffering that we have had to endure. i met my man while i was working at a prison...our love always had to be kept a secret & when it was finally discovered...it is a constant struggle to keep our love alive despite the barriers they try to build between us (we aren't allowed to visit & communication always has it's limits). true love is worth fighting for...& i always say that no matter what we go through, no matter how hard they try to separate us, our love is strong & our love will survive. a love like this isn't easy...it is either all or nothing & you have to decide is it worth giving your all to someone. follow your heart, if this is the man that you truly love & want to be with then you gotta keep fighting no matter the obstacles that are in your way. i hope that you will make the right decision that will bring you the best of happiness & love!
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  #15  
Old 12-27-2007, 08:45 AM
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My husband and I have been married for 2 years now. We have been friends for almost if not over 10 years now. All of them he has been incarcerated and every one of them I have loved him.My situation is a little different then most.For the past couple of years (almost 3 years actually) we have been on phone calls and letters only.We went about 4 months with nothing at all.Against all odds we should not have made it as friends throughout the years.Against all odds we should not have made it as a couple and against all odds we should not have stayed married this long.The point is it doesn't matter what statistics or other people might say, if you love him and he loves you then you can make it through anything.With love all things are possible.You just have to figure out if staying is right for you.Face it ladies, we are making sacrifices everyday that we stay in these relationships.If what he gives you is enough to keep you content then I say stay.But if you feel like you are sacrificing so much for him that you unhappy then I say move on.Either way its a decision you have to make for yourself.
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  #16  
Old 12-28-2007, 11:53 PM
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Great posts, everyone.

I've come to realize that the day they locked him up, they locked me up too. But I'm a grateful prisoner, as long as I can be with him.
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  #17  
Old 12-29-2007, 02:51 AM
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me and my fiancee-all of us have fought the odds and won- we simply have more to win. i know for us having survived all that we have/having survived all that i have, our biggest odds is only one thing finding a safe home for the ladies.this doesnt need to be in this forum but our safety is my biggest odds right now.im thinking about teh bills,but im freaking for our safety.with him in kentucky and me in minnesota its very hard with no calls.we write but with all my BS we dont write sometimes at all but we still working toward getting him out.im just now realizing my communication with him is more important than my striving so hard/my worrying.that man is so important to me i have to fight for our love,against all odds-we all do if its our destiny to love on teh other side of the walls.
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  #18  
Old 02-10-2008, 03:50 PM
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I Would Not Leave, I Am Behind On My Rent And I Do Not Have A Lot Of Money But I Do Work But I Am Not Leaving Him Now
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Old 02-10-2008, 06:20 PM
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I ask myself this question alot but i know in my heart that he is the right person for me......he has etched his footprints in my heart and that is a far greater love then being etched in stone.......go with your heart stay strong
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Old 02-10-2008, 06:33 PM
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my hat is off to all you strong women who make it work with your mwi. its crazy hard sitting here waiting for rudy to get out and he only has till may to get out of safp and then 3 mnths in a halfway house. but you all inspire me and make me believe that it can work and i'm not crazy for likeing him as much as i do so thank you guys. this place truely makes me feel sane and comfortable with careing for him.
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  #21  
Old 02-10-2008, 09:03 PM
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Best of luck to you girl!!! My fiance and I are 11 + hours away and I've only visited once in the past year due to distance/finances. It cost a lot for a trip like that - I'm not a fan of planes. (Never flown!) Anyhow, through the distance, heartache, difference of opinions, one of his relatives' constant lies and MORE - we have made it thus far & continue to move ahead! We'll be married this year and we couldn't be more excited!!! Oh and after his release, we're hoping he'll be transferred here - we're going to work on that after the marriage - so we won't have to deal with the distance much longer!
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Old 02-10-2008, 09:51 PM
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You have many hurdles. Your greatest would be trying to get a visa that will allow you to stay and work. Coming out of prison, employment will be an issue unless you know he can return to his former trade or has a support system to support himself during the transition.

You will not be without him, if it is to really work, he will be there for you when he gets out.

Is it worth fighting for? Only you know, and with any love, there comes the risk of it not succeeding... and there is always that chance that it is the love of your life!
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  #23  
Old 02-10-2008, 11:26 PM
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The way we met dictates the odds are against us.
I mean a million to one odds.
I've seen so many things, heard so many stories. I should technically be running for the hills, or quaking in my boots. But I guess I have a glimmer of hope. It's amazing to me to have never touched him, never kissed him, but I feel more love for him than anyone in my past.
That scares me on so many levels.
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Old 02-16-2008, 05:46 PM
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i'd stick with it, i'm in that situation now, i'm in the UK and he's in the US, time and money takes away the visits from being often, the calls i don't have yet as not had time to sort it out, my family is against us, my friends are too, the letters r the only thing keeping us going but i would never dream of leaving him because of that, i think that when you write you express more feelings and get to know eachother much btr & down to another level and you don't do that when you're in a relationship outside, well i don't! I'd sacrafice everything for him
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