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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: if you had the chance to get pregnant would you?
yes 897 38.37%
no 1,039 44.44%
maybe 307 13.13%
can't decide 95 4.06%
Voters: 2338. You may not vote on this poll

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  #201  
Old 07-17-2006, 08:39 AM
southerngal southerngal is offline
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I can't even think of that after having a 4 year old. I am so glad he is finally 4!
Does anyone know if this has ever gone to the Supreme Court for those states without congugal visits?
Sounds like this might be a good case, especially with lifers who are married.
They are deprived of their rights as parents.
Just wondering....
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  #202  
Old 07-17-2006, 10:16 AM
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I'm seeing that most of you said ABSOLUTELY NOT. But I'm not so quick to say the same. My husband and I have a four year old daughter, and he was sentenced to 13 years. He's 36 now, so if he gets out on his release date (which isn't until 2016) he'll be 46. I'd have to say that I would seriously consider having another child before he came home. Simply because of the age issue and not wanting to wait until it may be to late. I don't know. Then again, raising a child is VERY difficult, it's time consuming, expensive and emotionally draining at times. Especially when this happened with my husband. I had to try and keep it together for my daughters sake, but at the same time, I had a whole lot of emotions I was dealing with. The one thing that makes me reconsider, is that I'm being selfish. Because it's NOT fair to the child and I know that. Like now for example, my daughter is going through a lot, and although I do my absolute best, I can not fill that gap that was made, when her dad vanished. We go visit him as often as possible and will hopefully have family visits soon, but it doesn't even come close to him being an everyday part of our lives. And it's not fair to her. Seeing her hurt, is the most painful thing I've ever had to deal with, and it sucks.
So in the end, my answer is, I don't know, I'd love to have another child or two with him, but is it better to just wait and deal with being older parents?????............ I'm just really not sure. But I wouldn't completely rule it out either. I have a very supportive family, so I'm not necessarily alone. But here we go, back to the issue of being selfish.
.................. it's a tough one to call.
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  #203  
Old 07-17-2006, 02:37 PM
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I don't really know. I get in that baby mode sometimes because everyone around me seems to be having kids and I wish I could, but I don't wanna do it all by myself. My husband will eventually be home, and it will be before I'm 30, so that's still enough time to have kids, so I would probably wait.
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  #204  
Old 07-20-2006, 07:01 PM
tiredgirl30 tiredgirl30 is offline
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No, I wouldn't do that.
I am post menopausal - If there was even the slightest chance that I could get preg... I would want it to be Rusty's.
Plus, when my daughter's dad was went to prison when she was 2yr, she didn't know anything except that daddy was away. Yes, her grandpa would take her with him when he would go see her dad. He didn't come home until she was 7yr. Still to this day she feels like he abandoned her. She is almost 19yr now. She loves her dad, but she still feels that she had missed out on stuff with him.
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  #205  
Old 07-21-2006, 01:52 AM
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yes i would and when him and i get married and have our trailors that is exactly what him and i are going to try and make happen i love him so much i do not care what the situation is i want his baby and i want it asap. it will be a product of our love,
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  #206  
Old 07-21-2006, 06:39 AM
Rainsbutterfly Rainsbutterfly is offline
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I've thought about it. It would be harder for me because of my disability. He said he wants to be with me through the pregnancy so I guess the answer is no unless he's a lifer. I was just hypothetically asking about me getting pregnant and delivering when he comes home!
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  #207  
Old 07-21-2006, 06:44 AM
Rainsbutterfly Rainsbutterfly is offline
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Besides I would want him to be off parole first. Sometimes the guidelines are to strict and if he sneezes to loud he'll go back to prison lol!
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  #208  
Old 07-21-2006, 10:56 AM
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to southern,

yes this has gone to supreme court, and with the right money and determination, and inmate's sperm CAN be frozen and fed exed to his wife and implanted into her uterus to create a baby. it has been done before, the couple have a daughter now, he is on death row i believe.

i did it...i don't regret it. our daughter is five months old now, he has a few years before max out. she is beautiful, and she's brought us closer together than ever before. not only that, but she gives him yet another reason to stay out of prison, she's his inspiration
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  #209  
Old 07-21-2006, 11:08 AM
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Yes, I would have a baby in a heartbeat. It is very unlikely to happen. I am 56 and Ronnie is 39. We both have children and obviously they range in age from 7 to 30. His, mine, and I wish it could be ours. Ronnie really does not want more children, but he has never really been able to be with his children long term and I believe he would be a terrific daddy. If it happens when he comes home he says GREAT and we will do nothing to prevent whatever gifts God is going to share with us. I want to do it. So we will see. Later. HUGS
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  #210  
Old 07-21-2006, 04:43 PM
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My hubby is not a lifer, but I think that I would like to have his child. I am not getting any younger..even though I am only 27. When i had my first child, I was a high risk pregnancy and I spent the last 3 months in the hospital due to my health and also the baby's health. When I went in for my post-pregnancy checkup, my neonatologist told me that if I wanted to have more babies then I would have to do it quick.
Well I got together with my husband while he was on the inside, but I have known him for 15 years. Since we were 12 years old. We have spoken about him wanting children because he will be down for about 10 years but that is still in the air as far as how long he will get. He was sentenced to that long. I told him about my first experience with being pregnant and he doesn't want to have to risk anything with my health or an unborn child's health, so he said that he would not worry about it and accept my child as his own. I am having the baby woes where i want to be pregnant again, and i told him that I would love to be pregnant by him and have another baby.
Now all we have to work on is those family visits, and then maybe we can make something happen...
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  #211  
Old 07-25-2006, 04:18 PM
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I had a little scare right before he went in and at first I was so sad when I found out I wasn't pregnant but now that I think about it I wouldn't want to do that to him. We don't know how long he'll be in but it'll be at least a year and I don't want him to miss out on doctor's visits and all that good stuff, especially the birth. I love him so much and I couldn't take all of that from him.
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  #212  
Old 07-27-2006, 03:53 AM
luv4mr.iggs luv4mr.iggs is offline
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my man would love to have a child together, but in my opinion its not fair to the child to grow up without thier father in the home. dont get me wrong, in any other circumstance i would jump on the chance to give him a baby but i truly think it would hurt me to much to see my child grow up without daddy being there physically everyday to hug, kiss, and show them the love that they so deserve.
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  #213  
Old 07-27-2006, 03:57 AM
luv4mr.iggs luv4mr.iggs is offline
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damn, i wish you the best and hopefully things will turn out great for both you and your man!
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  #214  
Old 07-28-2006, 09:50 AM
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It would be really selfish to get pregnant knowing that the father is not going to be there.Just my opinion though.
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  #215  
Old 07-29-2006, 09:15 AM
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I do not know how anyone could consider doing such a disservice to the child by having a baby while the father is in jail/prison. Many of the men inside are there because of a poor, single parent upbringing. Why would anyone want to start of a child's life know the father is not going to be around? I agree with you Charlie.
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  #216  
Old 08-02-2006, 05:16 PM
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I grew up in a single parent home, my mother was and still is a laborer at a meat processing plant. I never felt cheated and I'm actually proud to say that my mother single handedly raised 2 daughters and a son who were never disadvantaged or went without the things we needed. So it is my feeling that a child with a strong parent in a single family home can have the same advantages as a child being raised in a 2 parent household.
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  #217  
Old 08-02-2006, 06:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neca Blacc
I grew up in a single parent home, my mother was and still is a laborer at a meat processing plant. I never felt cheated and I'm actually proud to say that my mother single handedly raised 2 daughters and a son who were never disadvantaged or went without the things we needed. So it is my feeling that a child with a strong parent in a single family home can have the same advantages as a child being raised in a 2 parent household.

i understand what you are saying to a certain extent.. The thing is why would you want to bring your child into a single parent relationship when you can just wait (in the most cases ) for your loved one to come home.. True i dont know your mom but i dont think she planned on being a single parent.. I am glad that she did a great job..
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  #218  
Old 08-03-2006, 04:27 PM
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I would not hesitate to bring a child into a single parent home because I know that I am more than capable of providing a caring, loving, financially stable, and nurturing environment to that child while at the same time allowing my child to have wonderful relationship with his/her father even under these circumstances. And last but not least, this is America where it's common for a woman with no partner to get impregnated by artificial means; then it should be perfectly acceptable and my choice to get pregnant by my husband if I ever got that opportunity, regardless of where he is at this time.
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  #219  
Old 08-03-2006, 04:35 PM
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  #220  
Old 08-03-2006, 08:38 PM
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i have to say that i agree with Neca. there are people everywhere (especially women) screaming about how they don't "need" or "want" a father around their children, so they basically buy sperm to impregnate themselves, and purposely raise their family in a single parent household. i don't see how this is any different (in fact i think it's a little worse) than getting pregnant and having the baby alone and raising it alone until daddy comes home. at least in this situation daddy is coming home eventually (most times anyway), even if it is a far time away. and as mentioned earlier, what makes this scenario (getting pregnant while he's in prison) any different or worse than getting pregnant, having him home, helping with the baby, and then going to prison? if anything, the latter situation is the worse situation, he wound up in prison anyway. he was there, and then he was gone. and the mother is still raising the child without daddy. in my opinion, a baby needs both parents, however, i think having two parents is more crucial when the child is older and begins to experience independence and life lessons (from age 2-3 on), versus when a child is an infant and basically needs just food and comfort. my daughter will still be a toddler when her daddy comes home (hopefully she'll be under two). i would rather raise her now alone while daddy is in prison knowing i can meet all of her needs and knowing that he will be home before she is 3, instead of having him here to see her being born and then have him go to prison when she's say, 3,4, or 5, and begins to need having a daddy around more.

again, my hubby and i decided to bring a child into the world knowing that he wouldn't be around for anywhere between 2.5 and 7 years. for us, it was one of the best decisions we could have ever made. he absolutely loves her, as do i, and i know she loves her mommy and daddy too. she's just beautiful, and she has all of the chances in the world (as much as any other child, at least) to become a well rounded adult that had the love and adoration of not only both her parents, but other family and friends as well.

at the same time, i see where e_wife is coming in at...why do it now when you can wait, and experience the joys together? that makes total sense when the sentence is say, i suppose relatively short (less than 2 years). however, in many cases, the road is a long one, and it's either now or never when deciding on having a baby. i think that having a baby will bring a specific closeness and bond to many relationships, and going through this type of situation, we need as much bonding as we can get with our men, especially when the road ahead is a long one! i know that having my daughter around makes this road a whole lot easier to travel...and even that much more worth it in the end!
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  #221  
Old 08-03-2006, 08:41 PM
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I would if he'd be home before the baby came. and he would want me to we cant wait to have a baby.
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  #222  
Old 08-03-2006, 09:08 PM
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I wouldnt because I think of all that my husband would miss out on, plus I know he couldnt handle saying goodbye to his child.

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  #223  
Old 08-03-2006, 10:14 PM
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I would really have to think about this one. I want a baby really badly and I want it to be his obviously but I don't want him to miss everything i would get to experience. I have time to have kids since i'm only 20 but he still has 10 years and 10 months left. I'm scared that i wont ever get the chance to have kids.
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  #224  
Old 08-04-2006, 11:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by starting over
I do not know how anyone could consider doing such a disservice to the child by having a baby while the father is in jail/prison. Many of the men inside are there because of a poor, single parent upbringing. Why would anyone want to start of a child's life know the father is not going to be around? I agree with you Charlie.
I happen to be one of those people who has a child that was conceived while her father was in prison. She happens to be a healthy, outgoing, smart, articulate and beautiful little girl who will turn 10 on August 8th. She has flourished despite my husband being in prison. She is the apple of her imprisoned fathers eye and has a very wonderful relationship with him despite him being incarcerated. He is the center of her world as well and she is proud of who he is and how much he has changed since being in prison.
Just because a man is incarcerated does not mean he can't be a father. He can't be a full time father, but he can be a father. My husband is included in every aspect of both of our daughters lives. Our oldest was ten months old when he was sentenced on his first bid. He is a terrific father who loves both of his daughters with all that he is.
I do not consider having my daughter a disservice to her. She is blessed to be healthy and have two parents who love her very much. Her father might be in prison, but that doesn't mean he is any less of a father.
I do not regret my choice and I never will.
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  #225  
Old 08-04-2006, 09:09 PM
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lyteeydlwyr:

You summed up my argument, very eloquently I might add. Please wish your daughter a Happy Birthday from me!
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