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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: How do you cope (outside PTO and your relationship with your prisoner)
I've statred college 159 24.05%
I work two jobs now 126 19.06%
I go to church and/or pray a lot more 176 26.63%
I spend more time with the kids 251 37.97%
I go out with friends 177 26.78%
I kick it with guy friends (sex not necessarily included) 30 4.54%
I lay in bed and cry most of the time 143 21.63%
I use drugs and alcohol to numb the pain 58 8.77%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 661. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old 09-26-2005, 12:37 AM
KarrieMI KarrieMI is offline
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Well I think that everyone does it in there own way and then at other times I think that we all do it the same like I know that at some point we all cry! i think alot of us hang out on here, I personally have a wonderful BF who is also on here and we talk alot and spend alot of time on the computer together and we make it through this horrible ordeal together

KarrieMI
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  #52  
Old 09-26-2005, 12:23 PM
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How did I cope to be honest I am not really sure completly. I just took it one day at a time. I read my bible more, and I devoted all my free time to our son. I knew tht he needed me more because Daddy wasn't areound. I also worked 12 hour days 13 days on and one off. I hated that day off it left me too much time to sit and think and to be lonely. I guess I just learned to deal.
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  #53  
Old 09-28-2005, 06:11 PM
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At first I used going to school to help me cope. Now I trust in the Lord, pray and do more with my kids.
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  #54  
Old 10-02-2005, 06:47 PM
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I jus live day 2 day settin n cryin isnt gonna bring him home ne sooner if nethang its gonna make days longer.I work a job now n workin on my GED so i try 2 keep myself pretty busy but at nites when it really hits layin n bed witout him thats tha hardest but gotta keep my head up.
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  #55  
Old 10-02-2005, 06:53 PM
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I stay focused on school, I am a full-time student. And also juggle two jobs just to pay these darn bills. I also go over to a friend's house or visit family, clean, sleep and then on some weekends I go out with some of my close friends to the club, just to loosen up and have a good time.
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  #56  
Old 10-02-2005, 07:25 PM
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I work and take care of my kids. I'm trying to start school in the spring to keep me occupied. I read his letters and look at his pictures knowing that he will be back in my arms again soon. I have to be strong for me as well as him. If he knows that I'm miserable without him, that will make it worse for him.
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  #57  
Old 07-16-2006, 07:31 PM
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I just cope by spending a little time with the kids . and when they are gone or occupied I get on here and look for stories to read and hopeing I will actually find a friend to talk to sooner or later thats in the same situation as I am,
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  #58  
Old 07-16-2006, 07:45 PM
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Smile be in the moment

It's easier said than done. But we have been through 10 years. Here is what I have found got me through....

1) Don't stop focusing on your own interests and life. You were doing ok before he came into your life, and if you weren't, don't make him the reason you are now. In order to function together, you need to build on your own interests and enjoyments.

2) Don't beat yourself up when you find yourself missing him. Realize that few-read that few and far between folks may understand why you are with him. Try to develop other healthy friendships. For one...I'm open to finding anyone in the NY metro area who wants to get together for coffee, talk, museums, etc.

3) Don't feel guilty for being attracted to other men. If he's doing a long sentence, are you going to wait to have another relationship? If you do thats a hard thing to wrestle with on it's own. If you find yourself attracted, it's ok to scratch the itch if you think this person might be someone you need to know better, and like or potentially love. Why? Because if you don't, and he's doing a long or life sentence you are going to be waiting a very long, long time. Don't close doors on something that might be meant to be, so long as it's something that could enrich or make you happy. That doesn't lessen what you have with him. ( I know other people may disagree, but thats their opinion.)

4) Take care of you. Baby yourself, and treat yourself to little luxuries. You deserve it.

5) Write him letters-I sometimes do this in the morning, and tell him what my weekend has been, how my work week is going, what movies I saw, what books I read. I decorate them too, mainly with small drawings.

6) Take things as they come. Remember there will be good days and bad days, and days you just don't feel like dealing with any of this any more. This is all normal and natural.

Give yourself credit. This is a difficult place to be, and everyone gets through it differently..

all the best,
Fyre
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  #59  
Old 07-16-2006, 07:51 PM
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I stay busy with school - work - family - writing him & the calls & visits I do get sad at times hell alot of times but my family & keeping busy really helps.. Plus I have found this place so it helps me alot !! Just my .02 cents much love to you all
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  #60  
Old 07-16-2006, 08:25 PM
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I just try to stay busy, working and 3 kids tie up most of my time. The busier I am, the faster the time goes by!
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  #61  
Old 07-16-2006, 10:16 PM
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some days are harder than others, GOD gives us the strenghth we need, i due write and let my husband know how i'm feeling,on a paticular,he seems to do better than myself, for the most part we a stay as positive as we can, i also work as a painter, there are times when i have weeks off, so i read, and write my love

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  #62  
Old 07-17-2006, 07:06 AM
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I do different things. I've did start school. That helps pass a lot of time. I hang out with my friends from work at a karaoke bar once a week and I write a lot of poetry. That helps me a lot.
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  #63  
Old 07-17-2006, 10:35 PM
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I journal A LOT!!!! I spend time with friends, a lot of time on the computer playing games, posting messages and threads at PTO, taking classes, cleaning house, spending time with family, reading...sometimes taking hot baths, lighting some candles, and dreaming of him....oh and of course....lots of long letters to him Since writing has become our main way of communicating I spend lots of time filling him in on everything from events, to thoughts, to feelings....

However, it doesn't seem to matter what I do, because there's always something missing....
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  #64  
Old 07-18-2006, 10:51 AM
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I just keep living my life the best way I know how. I do all the things I did before I ever met him. I go out with friends, travel, work, shop whatever. I'm a big multi tasker so I'm able to make sure my man knows he is loved more than he ever has been and still take time for myself to do the things that I enjoy. I'm also a very positive person. I know he will be coming home, this situation is temporary and lots of people have it much worse than we do both inside and out. Knowing that makes it easier to do the time.
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  #65  
Old 07-19-2006, 12:52 AM
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I am currently planning for the birth of our baby next month. I am trying to get an at home job. I am trying to stay busy getting the room ready and get things organized. I also write him daily and try to find little ways to bond like sending surveys. Anyone know of any good ones to send him? I try to get sleep to save up energy for labor and take care of myself. I occasionally hang out with his friend's sister. But I just try to communicate with him and stay busy.
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  #66  
Old 07-19-2006, 12:17 PM
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I try to just stay busy busy busy. I work as much as I can. My classes are out for the summer but most of the year I'm just working and at school. That helps keep my mind off of him! Also I try to have friends over for dinner, after work to keep me company at night. If I am really bored I will just write to him, and he does call me almost everyday so that helps us to stay connected.
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  #67  
Old 07-19-2006, 12:21 PM
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I spend a lot of my free time (when I have it) trying to just relax. My son is involved in so many things that it keeps me going quite a bit.... I also have a business that keeps me busy too..
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  #68  
Old 07-19-2006, 10:41 PM
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I work a lot. When I'm not working I try and spend time at church and with friends and family. The more busy I am, the faster the time goes by. I also try to relax when I can too. Just to give my brain a rest.
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  #69  
Old 07-19-2006, 11:52 PM
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I started out very depressed. If I wasn't at work, then I was in my room. My daughter is 18yr & lives with me. His kids are 14,12,11,6 - none of them live close enough for every day or week visits.
Now I just take things one day at a time & pray a lot. Things should be over hopefully soon & he will be home.
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  #70  
Old 07-20-2006, 05:25 AM
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I write, I take care of my kids and I go to church and pray, pray, pray.
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  #71  
Old 07-31-2006, 10:29 AM
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WELL I ENROLLED IN SCHOOL, GO TO CHURCH AND PRAY MORE, AND WORK A SECOND JOB. BY ME STAYING BUSY IT MAKES THE TIME GO BY FASTER. EVEN THOUGH I MISS MY MAN SO MUCH, I KEEP THE LETTERS AND PICTURES COMING. AND IF HIS MOM OR HE NEEDS OR WANTS SOMETHING THEN I TRY MY BEST TO GIVE IT TO HIM...

LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND, IT DOES NOT ENVY, IT DOES NOT BOAST, IT IS NOT PROUD...
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  #72  
Old 07-31-2006, 12:35 PM
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i got a second job and spend a liitle more time with the children not only mine but with his son as well and on my days i lay in bed when my child and his child are with the other parent i just cry and write him a very long letter he knows me very well.
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  #73  
Old 07-31-2006, 12:40 PM
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This is still alll new to me, but my husband has been encarcerated since April in our local jail, that was easy; now he was extradited to Texas and i haven't been able to talk to him because of some dumb Correctional Billing BS. now i haven't spoke to him and i really feel the pain. At the present moment I go to work all day, stay inside the house for remainder of the time. Life is no fun without him. I feel him going crazy; not being able to talk to me. So i do alot of writing, journals, poetry, letters to my papi, and well just cope.
I just hope he feels how much that i miss and love him.
{I LOVE YOU PAPI}
Ruby Paz
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  #74  
Old 07-31-2006, 11:13 PM
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I work 2 jobs. One pays the bills and takes care of the household needs. The other is part time and allows MCI calls and me visiting money to travel and to feed him while I'm there and money to send him to keep himself up. Plus it fills the emptiness of him being away. I do what I have to do and will continue till he comes home next December.
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  #75  
Old 08-11-2006, 05:06 AM
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I spend alot of time with the kids. I've got to keep it together for them now. They also help me out alot. I think it was harder in a way, the first time I went through this. We didn't have kids yet, and we were newlyweds. The whole situation was so foreign and frightening to me that I did spend alot of time just crying.
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