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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: if you had the chance to get pregnant would you?
yes 897 38.37%
no 1,039 44.44%
maybe 307 13.13%
can't decide 95 4.06%
Voters: 2338. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 05-21-2005, 01:12 AM
randys_girl4eva randys_girl4eva is offline
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Default Would you get pregnant while he's in prison?

i was just wondering if you had a chance to get prenant while he was still in would you take the oppurtunity or would you wait until he gets out. but if your boyfriend was in there for life and you don't have that option to wait would you just go ahead and get pregnant?
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  #2  
Old 05-21-2005, 01:33 AM
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I wouldn't do it.

Why put my child at a disadvantage like that...especially if my partner was a lifer?
I've been a single Mom, and it was incredibly difficult. I can't even imagine taking that stress on willingly.

Of course, everyone has different views on this subject....but for me, it just wouldn't work.
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Old 12-14-2006, 03:08 PM
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my feelings exactly.

Why put my child at a disadvantage like that...especially if my partner was a lifer?
I've been a single Mom, and it was incredibly difficult. I can't even imagine taking that stress on willingly.

Of course, everyone has different views on this subject....but for me, it just wouldn't work.[/quote]
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  #4  
Old 05-12-2011, 08:17 AM
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Well put....i agree 100% with your post i would have said the same thing.
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Originally Posted by irisheyes66 View Post
I wouldn't do it.

Why put my child at a disadvantage like that...especially if my partner was a lifer?
I've been a single Mom, and it was incredibly difficult. I can't even imagine taking that stress on willingly.

Of course, everyone has different views on this subject....but for me, it just wouldn't work.
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Old 02-20-2013, 05:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irisheyes66
I wouldn't do it.

Why put my child at a disadvantage like that...especially if my partner was a lifer?
I've been a single Mom, and it was incredibly difficult. I can't even imagine taking that stress on willingly.

Of course, everyone has different views on this subject....but for me, it just wouldn't work.
I totally agree. A baby can wait til my husbands home & we can enjoy tht moment 2gether & the responsibility as well
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Old 05-21-2005, 02:00 AM
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HECK NO!!! For all intents and purposes, I'm a single mom right now in that I'm taking care of the home and 2 teenagers while my guy is living elsewhere. My kids were 6 & 7 when my guy first went in and it was a big challenge trying to get my poop together, get a decent job and take care of my children, all through the trials and tribs of my guy getting arrested, convicted and sent to prison. Why would I have wanted to add the responsibility of raising a baby on my own?

When I was younger and had my kids, I had BAD post partum depression. If I had had babies while my guy was gone, who would have helped me out during that phase of my life? Now that I'm older (in my 40's) SURE I could still have babies, but I don't have the patience nor the stamina to raise them on my own, as sweet and precious as they may be.

It just wouldn't work for me. Besides, I TOTALLY enjoy my limited amount of freedom I have now.
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Old 05-21-2005, 02:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAloha1018
HECK NO!!! For all intents and purposes, I'm a single mom right now in that I'm taking care of the home and 2 teenagers while my guy is living elsewhere. My kids were 6 & 7 when my guy first went in and it was a big challenge trying to get my poop together, get a decent job and take care of my children, all through the trials and tribs of my guy getting arrested, convicted and sent to prison. Why would I have wanted to add the responsibility of raising a baby on my own?

When I was younger and had my kids, I had BAD post partum depression. If I had had babies while my guy was gone, who would have helped me out during that phase of my life? Now that I'm older (in my 40's) SURE I could still have babies, but I don't have the patience nor the stamina to raise them on my own, as sweet and precious as they may be.

It just wouldn't work for me. Besides, I TOTALLY enjoy my limited amount of freedom I have now.
Congratulations,
on being somke free, that's great!!!
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  #8  
Old 05-21-2005, 02:38 AM
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Default Yes...

Most definetly!!! My hunny is a lifer so we have to face the fact that he may never come home.... He's been down for over 14 years now...he's almost 42 and my baby has no kids. He says he's glad he didn't have kids when he went down...he says it would not be fair...Dads in prison and all. But now he feels a little differently after falling in love with me...I am a good and stable Mother to the 4 kids I have...I could handle having his baby with him in prison. His child would not be feeling like they got robbed of having him on th outside with them. The child would see the amazing, loving man I know as their Father, regardless of where he is. He would be an awesome Father...and I would have a piece of him close to me forever. True love like ours should make babies...
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  #9  
Old 05-21-2005, 07:22 AM
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Nope... not on your nelly!!! I am a single mother of 3 kids right now, and it is very, very hard work!! I wouldnt do it to myself or them to struggle even more by deliberately falling pregnant for my honey whilst he's in there! Me and him have discussed it before... he was saying that he wished that i could fall pregnant just before he comes home... I told him of my disagreeance with that.

We wanna wait for a couple of years once he is home before we try for a baby.
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  #10  
Old 05-31-2009, 06:58 PM
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Red face Hello Diane

i know it may be a dum question but i've always been curious to know-is there a possible way to have a child with him if there are lets say medical issues? would you know?
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diane93635 View Post
Most definetly!!! My hunny is a lifer so we have to face the fact that he may never come home.... He's been down for over 14 years now...he's almost 42 and my baby has no kids. He says he's glad he didn't have kids when he went down...he says it would not be fair...Dads in prison and all. But now he feels a little differently after falling in love with me...I am a good and stable Mother to the 4 kids I have...I could handle having his baby with him in prison. His child would not be feeling like they got robbed of having him on th outside with them. The child would see the amazing, loving man I know as their Father, regardless of where he is. He would be an awesome Father...and I would have a piece of him close to me forever. True love like ours should make babies...
I agree with you. Particularly because you said you are a good stable mother., as I am both. I am a very responsible woman who has been the support of this family solely in the financial aspect and with no regrets of that, and I am a full time stay at home mom who is involved in everything with my children ( no I'm not on public assistance, not said with disrespect to anyone). I have two daughters who are in college now that I help support and also help with the support of his daughter from a previous relationship and absolutely adore my step daughter and she loves her little sister (whom which we had while my husband is incarcerated). My oldest daughter thinks it's time for us to have another. they my adult children love to see the relationship that our youngest has with her father and say that she is blessed to have us both. He and I both want more children. He will be home soon enough for us to have more. We are goood parents to the children and he is an active parent and support to the family in many ways you couldn't imagine but it's true. so if you have what we have, the means and the strong family ties and love, then I say yes to it.
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Old 04-13-2011, 11:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diane93635 View Post
Most definetly!!! My hunny is a lifer so we have to face the fact that he may never come home.... He's been down for over 14 years now...he's almost 42 and my baby has no kids. He says he's glad he didn't have kids when he went down...he says it would not be fair...Dads in prison and all. But now he feels a little differently after falling in love with me...I am a good and stable Mother to the 4 kids I have...I could handle having his baby with him in prison. His child would not be feeling like they got robbed of having him on th outside with them. The child would see the amazing, loving man I know as their Father, regardless of where he is. He would be an awesome Father...and I would have a piece of him close to me forever. True love like ours should make babies...

CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!!!! I have a child whose father went to prison before she was born. Now that she is almost 15, she has only seen her father 5 times in her life. Not that she doesn't want to see him, he doesn't like seeing her. He is embarassed about where he is. Our child was picked on in school, her friends' parents will not allow her to come over because she may steal something. She has a really hard time with her life. Kids are mean. They pick on kids about anything.

What about the happy times this child would have that his or her father would not be there for. It is really hard to introduce a child to thier father when he is in chains or handcuff when they see them for the first time. It is hard for them to understand why dad is where he is. What are you going to tell them? "Oh well Daddy killed someone. Or Daddy could not be good so he fell into the 3 strike our out law."

My husband is not a lifer. But, when he gets out of prison, his daughter will be 30 years old. He missed all of her life. She maybe married and have children by the time he is free.

So, what are you going to do when that child asks why they can only see Daddy on the weekends and why Daddy can't go to the school play. Or who's going to walk them to school on the first day. What do you say then? Tell me because I have stuggled with these question all my child's life.
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Old 05-21-2005, 02:01 AM
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My husband isn't a lifer, but has been in prison for almost five years and has about six to go. There are certain medical reasons that I have, that have recently brought up this issue between my husband and I. We already have a child who is Six years old, and it is a really difficult decision to make. I have been a "single mom", and to "start over" has me thinking real hard. If I didn't have a reason to rush into having another baby, then I wouldn't. I would wait for him to come home, so he can share EVERY beautiful day which he has missed out on. It is a tough decision, and sometimes (like in my case) you have to re-think a decision that you have previously made. Now, if he were a lifer then I would not have anyhting to re-think. Raising a baby on my own isn't something that I want to do again. It hurts my child, my husband and myself that daddy isn't here everyday. Though my daughter see's her daddy regularly on the weekends, and at family visits (except during lockdowns). I just wouldn't want my baby to grow up without it's father around everyday, because i see how much my husbands absence saddens our child. That is just my opinion, in my situation.
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Old 05-21-2005, 08:14 AM
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i dont know, its too hard on the children, but if he was a lifer maybe or if i knew hed be out soon maybe...just dont know, but if james and i can work it out, then im ready freddy......
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Old 05-21-2005, 08:23 AM
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yes, I am 41 no kids and Raven maybe out this year if not in the next couple. My clock is ticking.
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Old 08-03-2011, 07:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenslove View Post
yes, I am 41 no kids and Raven maybe out this year if not in the next couple. My clock is ticking.
Agreed, tick tick tick. lol
Im 34, so I know just what you are talking about. My man gets out next year, so not like I would be alone for long

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Old 01-01-2016, 01:31 PM
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I agree..... Women are on a biological time clock as to when they can have children.... And many women become single parents willingly and unwillingly everyday.... I don't see an issue with having a baby who has two loving parents whether they are both in the same home or not.... If you are financially able to to make that happen,it could be a blessing for both of you.... Children need to be loved and with all of the other "odd" situations there are in the world as it regards to parentingI don't think this would be a horrible decision...



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yes, I am 41 no kids and Raven maybe out this year if not in the next couple. My clock is ticking.
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Old 05-21-2005, 08:24 AM
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if he was a lifer yes.Otherwise no.I don't think so,I'd be hard on the kid and on me as a single parent.God Bless
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Old 05-21-2005, 10:30 AM
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I said not because I am 56 and won't be having anymore kids. He has 3 grown kids and I have 2. But if we were younger it is something I might consider.
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Old 05-21-2005, 10:35 AM
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NO! I raised two children - often working 2 jobs to pay bills, not spending enough quality time with the children who dearly missed their father. They didn't understand 'divorce' and only wanted a Mommy and Daddy like their friends had. Sadly and stupidly, I got pregnant a couple years after the divorce and made the decision to put the baby up for adoption. God willing, he went to a home with two loving parents and had a much better childhood than I could have given him. Abortion was not an option with me.
Also, think about the child growing up. The other kids in school will tease him/her about the dad being in prison. Children can be so cruel! That will make your child have emotional problems and how will you handle it?
Don't even think about having a child especially if you aren't married to the inmate or if he has many more years to stay in prison. Take the time to do some soul searching and praying. Maybe confer with your pastor/priest and others you trust.
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Old 05-21-2005, 01:02 PM
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Wow--this is a tough one. I had to face this a few months ago when my love came home for a visit and we decided to go the condom route. He will be home soon, but he said that he wants to be around for all of the doctor's visits and morning sickness and watch my belly grow. I definitely need him home because I am hormonal enough without being pregnant . I have seen plenty of women raise children by themselves and it isn't easy. For the lifers, I know it is a tough decision, but I can imagine that growing up with a father in prison would be difficult to handle with all of the stigmas that attach to incarceration in this country. Plus, children are really REALLY expensive and I just don't understand how people do it with one salary. Either way, I would put the child and myself before the man in my life.
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Old 05-21-2005, 01:51 PM
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I have to say absolutely NOT! My fiance was returned to prison one month prior to our daughter (first child for both of us) being born. Losing him at the most fragile point of my life, was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Not only was I a first time mommy, scared to death...I suffered severe post- partum depression and practically missed out on the entire first two months of my daughters life. I love her more than anything and have enjoyed every moment of her being here, but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't hurt for what all he has missed. I do beleive that everything happens for a reason, however I feel as though I have been cheated out of so much happiness that I could have experienced with us all together as a family and seeing him witness all the "firsts" I have had to witness ALONE. Granted, it isn't easy financially, but to me, the emotional part is so much harder. If he was a lifer, I would either give up having more children all together, or I would simply move on over time and share the experience with someone else. No way would I "choose" to go through it alone...just not strong enough
As a matter of fact, he wants us to start on number two has soon as he is released, which is very soon, but I didn't hesitate to let him know that there will be NOOOO chances of that until I see an "approved" parole transfer to Ohio....LOL....call me wicked if you shall, but by golly, I want him here for baby #2!
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Old 05-23-2005, 12:43 PM
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I would say if the oppertunity presented itself Yes I would get pregnant. My husband is a lifer that is 15 years into his sentence. I have two children that are not his but I want another child. I can provide for my child on my own. I am a very intelligent young woman who is a college graduate with a good paying job. I don't see the big deal. My child will have all the love and support in the world.
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Old 05-23-2005, 05:11 PM
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I'd have to vote yes. We lost a baby a few months before Coy went in and though we tried, I didn't get pregnant again before he left. I have a 20 yr old and 17 yr old and he has a 15 yr old that he didn't get to know until about a year ago. we're hoping he gets to come home in time to try again but since i'm 42, the clock's ticking LOUDLY . So if there was a way that we could get pregnant now, i would.
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Old 06-12-2005, 06:48 PM
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Hey magigrl,

That is one cute darlin' ya got there.

Best of luck,
Kevin
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