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  #26  
Old 05-21-2019, 05:55 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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Dont look at any of this feedback as attacking. Perfect strangers dont want you to get hurt and have had a lot of experience dealing with prison for a while now.

When something doesnt pass the sniff test, they will tell you. We come from all walks of life, but 99.9% on here have each others best interests at heart. Truthfully.
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  #27  
Old 05-21-2019, 05:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Spdivasc View Post
Youíre probably right. I will get to the bottom of this. Iím going to see him this weekend
If you want to 'get to the bottom of it', I suggest again that you look into his 'story' and see just how accurate it is. There are so many ways to get criminal history now days online... Paid, and free. Most county court systems in the US are online and often have jail records and court records instantly available for free, along with booking pics, etc. All you need is his first and last name. Date of birth always helps if he has a more generic name and it's a big county. You can check most state prison systems, and definitely the federal system for inmate locator / release records / date. Then you have the paid services that'll do a larger search pattern.

All I'm saying is you going to visit him and getting to the bottom of everything will be about as accurate as he is potentially skilled in hustling. If you are intent on questioning him, take mental notes and then verify them after. Don't be afraid to ask about his detailed criminal history, if you haven't already.. Get locations of where he's lived so you'll know where to search. Maybe he's a one-timer, but very few criminals are that.... I certainly wasn't, and I only met a few guys inside I believed were that.

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  #28  
Old 05-21-2019, 06:08 PM
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If you want to 'get to the bottom of it', I suggest again that you look into his 'story' and see just how accurate it is. There are so many ways to get criminal history now days online... Paid, and free. Most county court systems in the US are online and often have jail records and court records instantly available for free, along with booking pics, etc. All you need is his first and last name. Date of birth always helps if he has a more generic name and it's a big county. You can check most state prison systems, and definitely the federal system for inmate locator / release records / date. Then you have the paid services that'll do a larger search pattern.

All I'm saying is you going to visit him and getting to the bottom of everything will be about as accurate as he is potentially skilled in hustling. If you are intent on questioning him, take mental notes and then verify them after. Don't be afraid to ask about his detailed criminal history, if you haven't already.. Get locations of where he's lived so you'll know where to search. Maybe he's a one-timer, but very few criminals are that.... I certainly wasn't, and I only met a few guys inside I believed were that.

David
^^^
Also, when doing a google search use quotation Mark's around phrases you want to be there. It will help weed out the extra information that pops up. Most prisons have an inmate lookup so you can see information that can be used. If he has a phone, he may have active social media. Wouldnt be the smartest idea, but not all of them think through their choices.

You have babies. Protect yourself and them.
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  #29  
Old 05-21-2019, 06:24 PM
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I'm sorry but in my opinion you secretly what to know what this is about. He's a convict it's thrilling and you think he will always have your back....hmmmmm only until he has no use for you or happens to get out and either dump you or you let him come live with you.
I’m sitting here rapidly approaching the two year mark of my MWI husband being home, and you’ve got me trying to think if there really HAVE been any perks to being with a convict.

If we get locked out of the house, he can break back in really quickly.

If I lock my keys in the car he’s really great at using tools to snake them out.

If we didn’t go grocery shopping, he can still make a meal out of nothing.

He takes fast showers and doesn’t mind getting up at 4am for work

I know he’ll always keep me physically safe.

And....that’s about it.

The reality is living life around parole rules, mediocre jobs because no one else will hire him, housing problems because no one wants to rent to a felon, the constant knowledge that any screw ups could lead to a looooong time back in prison, lots of judgement from the outside world. It is far from glamorous. He has plenty of great qualities, but they aren’t remotely related to being a convict.

Glamorizing being with a criminal is a mistake. There’s nothing romantic about it. Look at the person, how they treat others, how they choose to live their life inside. And when you find out who they are, believe them.
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  #30  
Old 05-21-2019, 06:45 PM
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Iím not looking at this feedback as attacking. Like I said I have never been in this situation before so I donít know what to think. I googled him and found his record and it matched exactly what he told me. He didnít lie about it. Heís going to be in there for a long time so itís not like heís getting out next month or something.
I know his ways are not the best and thatís why Iím cautious. In over 6 months I have only visited him 3 times. Heís honest when I ask him questions so far he has been upfront about everything. We talked on the phone yesterday and he told me he doesnít want me to do anything for him. He told me I donít have to do anything. He likes me and thatís why he talks to me. He doesnít expect anything in return. He knows Iím not going to do anything for him. Heís ok with that. He told me he doesnít care and he still wants me. He said if he was not interested in me he wouldnít spend so much time talking to me, etc.

It is very possible that heís grooming me and trying to manipulate me. Iím not stupid. I know I canít believe everything he tells me. Heís charming, attractive and honestly Iím sure itís not hard for him to get women. If heís grooming me he sure is patient because Iím a handful. But time will tell.
I like talking to him and being around him and yes maybe heís not the best choice for a boyfriend. I didnít think I would be into him the way Iím into him. I like him regardless of his ways.
It doesnít mean Iím going to stick around. Iím going to observe, analyze and then decide what I want to do.

Heís nice and sweet to me. Heís never mistreated me. Even when we argue heís really cool about it and Iím crazy I go overboard but he keeps his cool and tries to communicate and resolve the situation. Heís not pushy or demanding towards me. I know there are a lot of red flags and I donít think he will change his ways for me but so far he has done what he said he was going to do. He admitted to me heís been a cheater his whole life and he doesnít do well in relationships mostly because he messes up. He has kept it real. Iím not saying Iím ok with it but he could have lied and he chose to tell the truth. It could be part of his manipulation tactics but I guess time will tell.
Iím going to step back a little and see how it goes.

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Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
Dont look at any of this feedback as attacking. Perfect strangers dont want you to get hurt and have had a lot of experience dealing with prison for a while now.

When something doesnt pass the sniff test, they will tell you. We come from all walks of life, but 99.9% on here have each others best interests at heart. Truthfully.
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  #31  
Old 05-21-2019, 06:57 PM
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I have no interest in being with a criminal. I have never dated anyone that even had a record. I’m a professional and surround myself with other professionals and good people. Meeting him was not planned and believe me I did a lot of thinking before I went to visit him. I told a couple of my friends and they couldn’t believe it. I do like him. I’m not judging him for his mistakes or his past. I know right now it’s not realistic because he’s in there and I don’t really see the real him but I’m not going to let him come live with me or anything like that. He has to prove himself to me before I bring him around my children.
He knows I’m not going to deal with any of that nonsense.

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You know, I agree with what everyone on here has been telling you, he's grooming you, getting you ready to do what he wants you to do. He not only is a player he's a predator in my eyes. You just don't see it yet until you've been lost in his world. Get back on track with your kids if they are your priority, why mess with someone who has nothing to offer you when there plenty of other men out in the free world? I'm sorry but in my opinion you secretly what to know what this is about. He's a convict it's thrilling and you think he will always have your back....hmmmmm only until he has no use for you or happens to get out and either dump you or you let him come live with you. Then you put your family and yourself at risk for who knows what. Yes, there are some good men behind bars who have good intentions but this one doesn't. Yet, it doesn't matter what we tell you and try to help you see the real story, you'll do your thing, tell him you came on this site and everyone was telling you he was using you or will be soon. He'll say don't listen to them...... They don't know me or my intentions! Girl unless you leave this fool alone your going to go on a journey in life that is bound to cause you great grief. Listen to your gut cause all women have that gut instinct that tells us, this isn't right. As to the bragging he's been telling you about those other women OMG that is so sick but those women haven't a clue yet or if they do well I guess they too will see in the end game what it was all about. I know this isn't what you wish to hear but we all can't be wrong, can we?

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  #32  
Old 05-21-2019, 07:16 PM
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Glad you are taking people's advice / input positively. The vast majority of people's comments on your situation, as well as pretty much a countless number of other topics come from those wanting to help each other. Every now and then you get an insensitive jerk or trouble maker that chimes in but are usually dealt with fairly quickly.

You sound pretty level headed and I'm glad you are looking at this with your eyes apparently wide open. It's when anyone mitigates bad behavior and starts to accept it as okay that they are putting themselves in a compromising position. Obviously, this isn't exclusive to jail / prison. Most of us have done it in relationships out here in the world. I know I damn sure have!

Best of luck with him. He could end up being a really good friend or more. We'll be here for you regardless!
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  #33  
Old 05-21-2019, 07:54 PM
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I can be a bit crazy but I would never put my family in harms way
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Originally Posted by David View Post
Glad you are taking people's advice / input positively. The vast majority of people's comments on your situation, as well as pretty much a countless number of other topics come from those wanting to help each other. Every now and then you get an insensitive jerk or trouble maker that chimes in but are usually dealt with fairly quickly.

You sound pretty level headed and I'm glad you are looking at this with your eyes apparently wide open. It's when anyone mitigates bad behavior and starts to accept it as okay that they are putting themselves in a compromising position. Obviously, this isn't exclusive to jail / prison. Most of us have done it in relationships out here in the world. I know I damn sure have!

Best of luck with him. He could end up being a really good friend or more. We'll be here for you regardless!
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Old 05-22-2019, 02:19 PM
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It's all well good that you feel you see the real him, I guess all these other women in the When The Relation Is Over how they too thought they saw the real him... i too thought that with my ex. I knew him before he went but not well enough, I guess. I took care of him and yes he came out to me, I too was a professional and also I had done a lot of time. So I know both ends of the spectrum. I got him a job at my company but he got fired. He got other jobs along with other women this went on for a couple of years don't know how many times I kicked him out. During this I also married this idiot not that I wasn't being one too. I risked everything because I thought I could make him into the man he could be. I was a counselor HA couldn't even see what I was doing to myself. Family saw but I didn't I bought a house as far away from everyone cause I didn't want people to know I took him back. Look there's so much more to this but 6 months after getting the house my world dropped I found out that he did something shortly after he got out that was so horrible that affected my family members and yes it could have cost me my job. I was so devastated and so mad that when I confronted him and he lied to me. I told him to leave and things escalated that yes I stabbed his ass, it's best that he got away from me. Oh, I did tell the investigators the same things. It's all in the police report that had I stabbed him and had he not gotten away from me they would be investigating a murder and not the crime he was being charged with. Yeah, I knew him alright thought he was what I wanted in my life at that time. 20-20 is hindsight, my gut told me to leave this fool alone. Hmmmm.....so much for that. I've moved on divorced him, hes doing 28 yrs and looking good doing it. I can't forgive yet maybe one day but not now. I don't live or dwell in it but do try to help others to see what I've seen maybe it will help maybe it won't. All I can say I'm not the only one who has gone through something like this and others have had worse than me. I don't really date now but I'm ok with this. Let me say this I don't work anymore part of the reason is I got so sick and my company closed down. I'm in a much better place now. Just saying keep your enemies close,keep your friends closer. My opinion only, you'll do as you wish and believe what you will. Good luck girl and May God Bless you.
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  #35  
Old 05-23-2019, 12:34 AM
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do you wanna be with a man that uses women for $$$, and incarcerated??! you said you are beautiful, have a good career, and have no problem attracting men... find one that's on your level and wants what you want. send him a nice BIRTHDAY card. you got kids and obligations, he'll be alright!
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Old 06-12-2019, 01:03 AM
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Run!!!! as fast as you can from this man! He probably have one or two to pay the bills, one or two that look good at visit time, one or two to be his baby mamas....nope stick to the free world. Chemistry doesnít equal love it equals chemistry, period. He is a female user. If he uses them in there he will use them out here.
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by WeepingWillow View Post
Glamorizing being with a criminal is a mistake. Thereís nothing romantic about it. Look at the person, how they treat others, how they choose to live their life inside. And when you find out who they are, believe them.
And this is the reason my guy made sure I looked up his record prior to making the decision to move forward and escalate things. He wanted to make sure I was well aware of who I was talking to and what I was getting myself into. He's blunt about his past.
In contrast, this dude, while honest about what he's done, seems sketchy as hell. Who wants to be with someone who straight up tells you he's using people? Lawdy.
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  #38  
Old 06-13-2019, 03:20 PM
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Ok look, even if he does love you and wants to be with you when he gets out, it could very well end up like mine did.
I know he loved me, I knew he had a past as a womanizer but I thought he would be different with me.
Anyway, we were together when he got out, it was good for a while- ffwd to a year later, in that time he cheated on me, was verbally abusive and I was actually afraid he would turn violent, he was a full blown alcoholic, barely holds a job down, he cheated on me with an older woman in her 50’s, moved into her house 3 days later, now she takes care of him while he contacted me behind her back trying to cheat with me.
He’s useless and needs a mommy- he uses women for their resources- I wouldn’t give him any money or anything, so off he goes with someone who will allow him to live at her house and take care of his sorry ass.
I guarantee that’s the type of thing that will happen to you.
You’ll have to be responsible for the man child, or he’ll find someone that will.
I’d forget him.
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