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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #101  
Old 04-12-2014, 10:45 AM
missnu01 missnu01 is offline
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Talking to my man is what keeps me going. Hearing his voice is so important to me. And without freedomline.net theres no way I could afford it. But when you sign up if you give them this code they gice you 300 free minutes and me too...and it isnt a scam. Google voice is free but doesnt have numbers to everywhere the way that freedomline does... so give it a look and use my code 779626 and keep the talks coming.
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  #102  
Old 06-20-2014, 05:06 PM
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My love and I reunited while he was incarcerated in which he will remain for the next eleven and a half years it had been since I was 14 that I had spoken to him and I am 32 now , communication is all we have I write him all the time telling him everything I do, feel, and think...he does the same in return ....if it wasnt for the communication we wouldnt have anything at all....with that have being said communication has allowed us to rekindle a love that has been long over due ....and I love him now more then ever
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  #103  
Old 09-28-2014, 11:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MattsPooh View Post
I was in an abusive relationship before this one, and I find it hard to say what is on my mind in fear of the reaction or response. I know that eventually this will become a problem how do I start to fix it?

Wow, I can relate on some level. Even though this post is older, I wanted to respond. The person I was in a relationship with def. made it more difficult for me to communicate on a deeper level with anyone else. I think the saying "Time heals all wounds" holds true in most circumstances. In mine, it allowed me to meet a man in which I share the most open communication with. I think it depends on the person, the individual, and how much you can help one another to overcome while working together to build that level of trust and communication. He was actually one of the first people I ever truly opened up to about everything that was going on in my relationship at that time. We had made a promise to not judge each other, or at least do our best to not judge we are only human. He was there for me when I left, and listened and supported me emotionally. He's been patient with me when I get upset at him for trivial things that shouldn't matter, but because I was in such a relationship how I interact with a partner is forever changed. I know that the person he is is nothing like the man I left. I trust him and I allow him to see me when I'm happy, vulnerable, sad, excited, etc. I think it's also important to note red flags when you are talking with someone and building upon that relationship to make sure you aren't going to end up in another relationship that shares similar components of the unhealthy one. Meaning you don't want to be in a relationship where you fear sharing simply how you feel. I am simply amazed the walls I broke down with this man, however I am glad I did. We aren't perfect, and either is what we have...but nothing in this world is. It's something we work towards and are happy to work towards together. I really hope this helped. Just being open and honest will help build communication in your relationship. If you can't dive in the deep end, start small. Something like asking one question you maybe generally wouldn't ask.
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  #104  
Old 11-10-2014, 09:00 AM
His_Guera_Cali His_Guera_Cali is offline
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Yes communication is the key! We have gotten so close throughout our communication.
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  #105  
Old 01-10-2015, 06:26 PM
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My LO was taken to prison yesterday and ive already written him three letters! I know it sounds crazy but we usually speak so much during the day that I'm finding it difficult to go without. I'm trying to keep my letters upbeat and positive for him, this is his first time behind bars and so he is understandably terrified and finding it difficult, but i just wondered if any one lets their partner know when they are having an off day? I dont want him to think that my life is all sunshine and rainbows without him, but on the other hand i dont want to say how hard im finding it without him and making it seem like im taking the p*** when he is the one in prison and im the one who is still free?
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  #106  
Old 01-14-2015, 01:31 AM
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So you ladies might think I'm over thinking things, but my boyfriend has been distant lately. Before and during his trial he called me almost every day. I visit him every week since the county jail is only 35min away. The last two weeks since he was charged he has called me once in between our visits. I know he has money on his books so that's not the issue. Last week he said he wasn't calling much because his sleep schedule changed since he started janitorial work at night. Phones can't be used after 11pm and he has been waking up at 11pm. He is probably depressed , but I miss him a lot and don't understand why he doesn't call as much. I feel like if he cares and wants me to wait 10 months he will try to wake up earlier every few days to call. Maybe you can shed some light on why he got distant after trial. I told him I plan on waiting.
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  #107  
Old 01-14-2015, 02:46 AM
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my fiance gets very distant when hes upset or things are going wrong for him, he just sleeps it off,and the time just passes but eventually he snaps out of it.
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  #108  
Old 01-14-2015, 02:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LillyVphoenix View Post
my fiance gets very distant when hes upset or things are going wrong for him, he just sleeps it off,and the time just passes but eventually he snaps out of it.

Thanks LillyVphoenix. That helps. I'm going to talk to him about it and hopefully he realizes how much it effects me when he doesn't communicate very often.
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  #109  
Old 01-14-2015, 05:23 PM
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Update: We talked this morning for a half hr since he was still awake after the night shift. I told him I would like to talk more often and he told me he would call more than once a week
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  #110  
Old 01-15-2015, 11:52 AM
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I agree Very nicely expressed, thank you!
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  #111  
Old 04-08-2015, 02:32 PM
Jessica57 Jessica57 is offline
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He has been my best friend for 15 years and just recently decided to try a romantic relationship. We had discussed it in the past but since we have always lived across the country from each other, it didn't seem plausible. We have always been able to communicate openly with each other and during the past six months it has just gotten better. I don't hesitate to tell him anything that is going on in my life. He is as much a part of any big descions now as he will be when he is home. Without the open communication it would all fall apart. I trust him and don't make a big deal about it if i don't hear from him for a few days. Trust and communication are key.....
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  #112  
Old 04-12-2015, 07:14 PM
Starburzt Starburzt is offline
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Hey guys sorry I'm new here how do I create a new thread? X
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  #113  
Old 04-14-2015, 01:19 PM
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My husband has never been the best communicator on the outside. Only because he truly has not spent much time out here. He did 2 short bids when he was in his 20's in state and then a 14 yr federal after that.) So what communication he did have when we met 3 years ago was limited (he had only been out from his federal bid for about 4-5 months).

During our time he really grew as a person and communicator but still had some issues. A lot of after thought goes on with him, and I have learned to work with it. Sometimes its hard to explain to someone that you can't make up for certain things being done or said - and home is not prison - so don't treat me like your celly! Over time he was great, he was open and although he still had a hard time expressing himself always, he always made an effort.

So now - We are about 2 months into a 5 year bid and he is great at writing and that helps so much. I love his letters and that he asks questions for me to answer - otherwise I feel like I am sending him my journal, but he has never complained about that. Keeping your letters off the mundane of life helps. Let your man/woman dream and don't be upset if he changes his mind every week about what he wants to do when he gets home. Ignore all the "prison stuff" he discusses because it will depress the daylight right out of you! Write even on the days when you just don't think you can - I buy cards on sale so I can at least send something when I am not in the mood for writing a long diatribe of my world.

And mostly, don't ever make him wonder what happened, where are you? if you think you are going to be letter absent for a bit, let then know. Tell them what your going thru - we are doing this time as well.
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  #114  
Old 04-16-2015, 01:15 AM
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So tell us how communication before/during incarceration works for you or share your concerns about improving communica

I was under a carport sitting on a leather sofa next to a man I called my boyfriend while his ex girlfriend served us Zaxby's, then returned inside her home. This was the night before Mark was picked up on the outstanding warrant for his arrest. I remember hugging him. I remember wanting to sink into him. I hadnt seen him for three weeks. He was hiding out from the warrant for his arrest. He was hiding out at his ex girlfriends. So, uhmmm..., yes, you could say we had some communication issues prior to incarceration.

Was I shocked to find him there? No. Do I know why he was there? Yes. Did he want her back? No.

I won't bore you with details but, we fell into some financial troubles that would make tailspins dizzy. His ex was the financier when they were together. Mark took care of us in our relationship. Until the legal trouble came and fell upon our lives. He went back to her because her wallet was the honey hole. He was running from the law. He SHOULD'VE been honest with me. I actually understood. I'm not saying, I was okay with what he had done, I simply understood. He would've been better off telling me that he was going to utilize his leverage to get our situation improved rather than kept it from me until I showed up on her doorstep.

I thought we had good communication. This was an emotional and mental setback for me. Clearly, something wasn't being conveyed between us. In hindsight, I was 'listening' out for communications from a man with nonverbal cues. Not the best price to pay for an oversight, I can assure you!

So, now, 7 months later, what's changed??? Well, besides his obvious undivided attention? Ya know, the jail-hail-testify attention. Well, limits have been set between us. We agree to let the other know our actions before a third party outsider. The idea of Mark having a secret of being at his exes made me the third-wheel in MY OWN relationship!! Definitely NOT f**king cool with that sh*t!! OKAY!!??!! Boundaries have been set around us. We agree to keep us at the center and allow everything else to fall around us. This includes our imperfect indiscretions. And, of course, LOVE!!

I FORGIVE BECAUSE I'M NOT PERFECT

XOXO Put your Love FIRST, NOT your Problems!!!
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