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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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Old 11-08-2011, 09:00 AM
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Default Being strong when you dont feel strong without your MWI

My PTO family, please help me through today. I am tender, and want to ask the world to treat me kindly as I wander through, yet another, difficult day.
I would like to curl up in my husband's arms and release a part of this load I carry daily. I know how to do this for myself, but today, the strength it takes to see the positive and strive for better seems quite out of reach.
I asked for, and feel very blessed to have, the four babies I have. But I didn't plan on their biological father being so distant and unreliable. I didn't want to support and raise them alone for most of their lives, but I have and will continue. Only now I have been given another blessing, my king, Rufus. He is everything I need in a partner, and everything my (now our) babies need in a daddy. Could you just let us be together, please....
My 13 year old needs her daddy to show her what a real king is. She's hurting from the pain of a fatherless life, not to mention the confusion of being an Autistic thirteen-year-old. She and I have traveled this road hand-in-hand, I want to give her that missing hand; right here right now!
My sweet ten-year-old daughter has stepped up to being the big sister; even to her older sister. She understands too much about hardships like homelessness, poverty, and dealing with a family member with depression. When Rufus came into my life she saw me become less stressed and she let me know she liked that, so I eventually let her know why I was feeling so good. Since then she has fallen in love with Rufus too. He is her daddy now.
My eight-year-old is a brave and intelligent young man, but he hasn't had a man to show him the things I don't know how to show him. I can't even tell you what those things are, and I have been searching for a long time to find them. When he is around Daddy Ru-Ru (as they call him) he is calm (like Daddy Ru-Ru) and pays attention to the energy and demeanor of a true king. For days he is able to tap into that example and exemplifies it beautifully. Tell me why he shouldn't be able to wake up to that tomorrow and the rest of our tomorrows together!?
If you knew my five-year-old you would think he's thirty-five. I sometimes think he's wiser than I am. I blame the fact that the five of us have had to struggle so much just to have the necessities for his having to act older than he is.
They all stress more than they should. I have worked hard to pull us up out of some crap, but today I just want to beg the world, and especially the powers that be in charge of my husband's freedom, to just let us feel the rewards of what we worked so hard for.
I am ready to move this family forward, but today I just need the strength of my husband's touch. I need him to wipe my tears, hold my hand, and bring my chin a little higher, because I am failing to do it alone today.
I feel like I shouldn't be this selfish. I can't stop crying, and being angry that they can't see him for the changed man he is and let him out!!! 18 years is enough!!! It's enough of a punishment for the young man (16) that committed a crime to protect his family the only way he knew. Yes, it was wrong! But this young man has grown into a beautiful example of what we are missing in men these days, and it is time he is let out to spread his knowledge and guidance to the youth of today.
I need your prayers today, for all my family. Please help this weakened woman get a little of her strength back.
Thank you for reading this far.
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Old 11-08-2011, 09:18 AM
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::::HUGS::: awww my heart goes out to you…. You shouldn’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.... I know it’s hard raising children alone I watched my mother do it all my life.... lucky for me I had an older brother who was my protector and showed me what a real man is....it’s okay to be selfish at times especially will you always out the needs of others before your own…. Today I’ll pray for you and your family….don’t forget to smile it could always be worst
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Old 11-08-2011, 09:48 AM
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You're doing the right thing, queenlynch, by reaching out for support. It is hard to be the strong one especially when so many people are counting on you to be just that. If it helps, somedays I look at it like this - the journey is long and sometimes I fall along the path. It's at those times when someone offers a hand to get me back on my feet so I can keep moving ahead. Chin up, sweetie. You're not alone. Your PTO sisters are here to send you loving energy. Do something nice for yourself today. Take care of you! PM me if you'd like to to chat.
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:07 AM
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Wow I don't even know what to say I am in tears. My situation seems petty to yours but yet the struggles are so real. I am a single mother of 2 and very new to this site. My man actually referred me to it. We met while he was incarcerated and I worked there. Although we were never inappropriate there because it was my job it was wrong and we got caught. I lost my job which supported me and my children and lost seeing the love of my life. We can write and talk but they do their best to cut the phone calls and letters as much as possible because they can. I cannot see him unless he ever gets a transfer. We have never had that physical contact. And he asks nothing of me. This is so hard. My life has changed so much with all of this happening new job new routine not seeing him. Talking is great but when I see him with my own eyes I know he is ok. I know they are being hard on him over this. So when we talk I try my best not to break down and let me tell you I am not good at it. Although he is supportive he gets upset thinking this is too hard on me. Help. Where do I turn to cope that when we talk I can just show him how strong I am for us? After all I am a reflection of him. Thanks
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Old 11-08-2011, 07:13 PM
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::::HUGS::: awww my heart goes out to you…. You shouldn’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.... I know it’s hard raising children alone I watched my mother do it all my life.... lucky for me I had an older brother who was my protector and showed me what a real man is....it’s okay to be selfish at times especially will you always out the needs of others before your own…. Today I’ll pray for you and your family….don’t forget to smile it could always be worst
Thank you, so much for this. I was really a wreck this morning when I typed this, and needed to hear these words. I saw this earlier, but was in school so only had a moment to read it and get back to work, but you help me keep going.
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Old 11-08-2011, 07:24 PM
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You're doing the right thing, queenlynch, by reaching out for support. It is hard to be the strong one especially when so many people are counting on you to be just that. If it helps, somedays I look at it like this - the journey is long and sometimes I fall along the path. It's at those times when someone offers a hand to get me back on my feet so I can keep moving ahead. Chin up, sweetie. You're not alone. Your PTO sisters are here to send you loving energy. Do something nice for yourself today. Take care of you! PM me if you'd like to to chat.
I love my PTO sisters!!! Thank you for the hand today. I was down on my ass and so needed to be reminded that people need some help along the way.

When you said do something nice for yourself, it reminded me that I must give myself some time every day. But it was damn hard to make that happen today. Thank you, again, for the loving, positive energy!!!

I might take you up on the PM one of these days.
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Old 11-08-2011, 07:55 PM
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Wow I don't even know what to say I am in tears. My situation seems petty to yours but yet the struggles are so real. I am a single mother of 2 and very new to this site. My man actually referred me to it. We met while he was incarcerated and I worked there. Although we were never inappropriate there because it was my job it was wrong and we got caught. I lost my job which supported me and my children and lost seeing the love of my life. We can write and talk but they do their best to cut the phone calls and letters as much as possible because they can. I cannot see him unless he ever gets a transfer. We have never had that physical contact. And he asks nothing of me. This is so hard. My life has changed so much with all of this happening new job new routine not seeing him. Talking is great but when I see him with my own eyes I know he is ok. I know they are being hard on him over this. So when we talk I try my best not to break down and let me tell you I am not good at it. Although he is supportive he gets upset thinking this is too hard on me. Help. Where do I turn to cope that when we talk I can just show him how strong I am for us? After all I am a reflection of him. Thanks
Jenna, nothing about this is easy. I didn't grow up thinking one day that I would meet and fall in love with a prisoner. Love hits at all times in our lives, and it usually hits when we're not looking -- completely out of our control!

I can't imagine having to be in your shoes. I mean not being able to go visit him was so difficult, and to know that our letters and calls are being so carefully watched would be such a weight around us.

The women on this site (and Im sure the men too, but I just haven't met any) are so understanding and willing to listen. This being the perfect example.

I do not keep anything from Rufus. I used to. I used to worry that if I told him something that upset him it would be unfair to him because he cant do anything to help from where he's at. But that just put more on me, and did nothing to strengthen our relationship. If I am going to put years into this relationship before we can enjoy life together like regular couples than I am going to make it count! I tell him everything, and just the way it is, too.

There is a song by India Arie called The Truth. It is a beautiful explanation of how Rufus and I feel about each other. I listen to this song EVERY DAY and it comforts me, and leads me to be thankful for what we do have. In the future we will be given the reward of a strong relationship built on love, loyalty, and commitment.

If you can't tell him what you're feeling for whatever reason -- write it down, call a friend, come here and just create a thread in a forum. Don't worry about it being in the right place... if its not it will be eventually.

Thank your man for telling you about this site for me, please.
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Old 11-08-2011, 08:29 PM
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I cannot imagine what you are going through, in that my husband and I have no children. I love the fact that you love yours enough to know how they are being impacted by your husband absence. In that, I am assured that you will get through this moment, sister. To me you are an inspiration as a mother and a wife. You will keep on keeping on, because you are YOU! I'm sure your King is proud and thankful for you also.
You will be in both me and my Husband prayers tonight.
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Old 11-08-2011, 08:43 PM
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I cannot imagine what you are going through, in that my husband and I have no children. I love the fact that you love yours enough to know how they are being impacted by your husband absence. In that, I am assured that you will get through this moment, sister. To me you are an inspiration as a mother and a wife. You will keep on keeping on, because you are YOU! I'm sure your King is proud and thankful for you also.
You will be in both me and my Husband prayers tonight.
Thank you, those prayers are needed. Thank you also for your kind words.
Ya know, this morning I would have thought today was gonna wreck me, but because I have all my PTO sisters I can keep on keeping on.

I sat here looking at your words "To me you are an inspiration as a mother and a wife. You will keep on keeping on, because you are YOU! I'm sure your King is proud and thankful for you also." and the old me would have down played them and insisted that I wasn't worthy of them. Thank God she isn't running the show anymore! Instead I will say thank you, again. These words are something to live by for me, and I will take them where ever I can find them.
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Old 11-08-2011, 09:16 PM
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Thank you, so much for this. I was really a wreck this morning when I typed this, and needed to hear these words. I saw this earlier, but was in school so only had a moment to read it and get back to work, but you help me keep going.

I'm glad i could help Like most things PTO has its pros and cons but one of the things i love abt this site is for the most part ppl are soo supportive.... and are willing to give you encouragement in your time of need I'm glad i could help keep you going.... and i wish you nothing but the best
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Old 11-08-2011, 11:12 PM
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My heart definitely goes out to you! I know how your feeling. However it seems as tho those beautiful angels God has blessed you with also serves as a reason to Push forward! It hurts to be away from our loves and distance is a true test of that Love. I pray that God gives you the strengh you need to get through this! He know what you can bare therefore he will never test your limits! Sometimes we don't kno how to be strong until being strong is our only option. Keep that faith in God and know that he's there in our time of trouble. He kno our needs wants and hearts desires before we even inquire them. I no as long as you belive you will be just fine this test won't last forever! Be of gud courage!!!!
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:00 PM
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I love my PTO sisters!!! Thank you for the hand today. I was down on my ass and so needed to be reminded that people need some help along the way.

When you said do something nice for yourself, it reminded me that I must give myself some time every day. But it was damn hard to make that happen today. Thank you, again, for the loving, positive energy!!!

I might take you up on the PM one of these days.
Do it! Sometimes a little chat does the trick for me. You know I'll be looking for you when I'm on my butt looking for a hand up!
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Old 11-10-2011, 11:29 AM
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My heart definitely goes out to you! I know how your feeling. However it seems as tho those beautiful angels God has blessed you with also serves as a reason to Push forward! It hurts to be away from our loves and distance is a true test of that Love. I pray that God gives you the strengh you need to get through this! He know what you can bare therefore he will never test your limits! Sometimes we don't kno how to be strong until being strong is our only option. Keep that faith in God and know that he's there in our time of trouble. He kno our needs wants and hearts desires before we even inquire them. I no as long as you belive you will be just fine this test won't last forever! Be of gud courage!!!!
Thank you! Yes these babies, and my Baby, remind me every day what courage is for. It helps, also, to have strong women to confide in and learn from. Thank you again.
God bless you...
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Old 11-17-2011, 07:35 PM
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Thank you so much. It couldn't have came at a better time. I just read this tonight. We had the chance to talk for two hours a day for three days in a row. We both got everything out. I have never felt so close to him. My life changed so drastically so quickly. From adjusting to this relationship to a new job going to school and more. And for now they froze his call list and accounts and blocked my numbers. I am just taking a deep breath. If nothing else I am seeing this mans true love for me in his extraordinary efforts to get word to me that he is ok and he likes me and stay strong. And I will remain strong even in weak moments if that makes any sence. When all this is said and done if not already this relationship will be one that no one or nothing could destroy. So just thank you for just taking a minute to talk to me. It meant so much more than that to me.
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