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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 02-04-2006, 04:18 PM
cynadream cynadream is offline
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Default Sometimes u just can't be strong

I've been very strong for my baby. I don't try to let him hear me cry when I miss him. I try to only tell him positive things, because as much as I need him to comfort me right now,there's nothing he can do. So it's just stress for him that he doesn't need right now.... but today, I was talking to him on the phone and I wanted to tell him something so bad. I started to tell him, that if something was to happen to him, would he know how much I loved him. And, I'm trying in everyway to be everything he needs.. I love him soooo much... He heard that I wanted to cry, usually he gets a little upset, cause he don't like hearing me cry, but he was like "baby, it's okay let it out girl, you know i'll kiss those tears' I swear, I've never loved anyone half as much as I do this man... I just wish I could be a little bit stronger sometimes yanno? Does anyone here sometimes, just can't cope and end up crying or being emotional on the phone with their man? How does he react?
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  #2  
Old 02-04-2006, 06:40 PM
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Just a couple minutes ago, I replied to someone else in an unrelated thread that the need for support goes both ways, family->inmate and inmate->family.

On the one hand, yes, sure, it's deeply frustrating at times for an inmate to be aware that he can't help his family's problems. On the other hand, sometimes inmates need merely to listen and be as understanding as possible of the problems on the outside.

Now and again, my wife would cry on the phone or, more likely, in visitation with me. That's OK, sometimes she needed it, and even though it's against the rules, sometimes in visitation I would take the risk of holding her more closely for a bit then. (It helps immensely to be known to the visitation COs as a straight arrow who doesn't screw with the rules without darn good reason. On the rare occasion that you do need to step over the line just a little bit, they don't mind much.)

Take whatever bits of support he can offer to you with as much dignity and grace as God chooses to grant you. Your man is doing his job when he helps you like that.

Good luck.
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  #3  
Old 02-04-2006, 07:07 PM
renee28 renee28 is offline
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girl i no exactly the way you feel. the other day when i was talking to my husband on the phone i started to get chocked up. and i dont like for him to hear me cry because i no he is under enough stress being away from everyone he loves. but he could hear it in my voice and said baby dont cry its gonna be ok i promise and after he said that i was ok i felt better. so i guess maybe in a way its ok to let it out a little they no that its just as hard for us being without them as it is for them being away from us. i think my hubby apreciates it in a way it lets him no how much i love him. and thats always a good thing. good luck
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Old 02-04-2006, 07:21 PM
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We don't treat our relationship any differently than if he were still here with me, if I need to cry I cry. He understands how stressful this can be for me at times and we are both here for one another so it's alright. I'm sure your guy feels the same so you just hang in there and be you, the you he loves, remember that.

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  #5  
Old 02-04-2006, 07:21 PM
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Yes, I know exactly how you feel. It gets hard sometimes, and I, like you, don't like to add extra stress because they are locked away, and not able to hold us, kiss our tears, the only thing they can do, is say those comforting words. Don't feel alone, I am sure that you will get many more posts from woman here at pto who have felt or are feeling the same as you do.. I think it was wonderful that he realized that you needed to cry and was there verbally to comfort you.. Try to hang in there, well all have our moments...
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  #6  
Old 02-04-2006, 08:23 PM
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Justin's only been gone for a month today actually was a month at 6pm, I'm not sure if its just that I'm still tryin to adjust or what but the last time he called me I was fine mostly thru the conversation, I got a lil choked up a few times, but nothing he could notice I dont think, but just as I heard that dumb recording "you have one minute left" and he said, well I'm goin to hang up now I love you, I could barely get out the I love you too cuz I totally lost it

He felt sooooo bad I could hear him trying to hold it together when he told me 'baby dont cry its goin to be okay' and in his next letter he just totally beat himself up about it saying how sorry he was for all of this and how hard hes been thinking of some way to make all this up to me, its been over a week and hes still beating himself up about it

makes me feel awful how bad it made him feel to hear me cry, I will talk to him on Tues his dad is going to accept a call.... so God give me strength to not choke up again hes got enough stress
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Old 02-06-2006, 06:09 PM
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I feel the exact same way as you do. I try to be so strong, but I am human after all and sometimes he has to be the one telling me that everything will be ok. He knows how much I love him and that I'm trying to be his "perfect wife" but sometimes I can't take it anymore and I feel as though no one understands but him, so I let him have it. I try not to do it often, but sometimes it does happen... and he understands. That's why I love that man so much
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Old 02-06-2006, 06:31 PM
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Yes, I get emotional on the phone with him. I try not to, but sometimes I can't help it and just break down. He is so patient and great with me though and somehow, even from where he is, HE is the one helping ME keep MY sanity throughout all of this... go figure.
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  #9  
Old 02-06-2006, 10:06 PM
JIMMYDALE'SGIRL JIMMYDALE'SGIRL is offline
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I feel ya'll. Yes I cry sometimes when I talk to Jimmy. If I hold it back when I feel it, it ends up being like loving justin said, and you don't get to explain what's going on inside yourself, to cause you to cry, so if I need to cry I let it roll, and try to explain to him how I'm feeling and why I'm crying. That way he don't have to beat himself up, cause he knows it cause I miss him, or I've had a bad day, or whatever. I even cried one time just because I was happy to hear his voice, he had been moved and I didn't get to talk to him for a couple weeks. So they were happy tears, and I let him know it. I am sure it hurts him to hear me cry, good or bad, but I hurt all the time, that is what it is about to me, sharing with him and letting him share with me. He is there for me in every way he can be, in this situation. And I do my best by him, to support him also, in anyway I can.
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  #10  
Old 02-06-2006, 10:54 PM
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i cried alot at first because brian is a bad diabetic and hes not really healthy anymore at just age 24 they keep messing his meds up and his sugar level is way to high sometimes or they will send him to the hospital all the time because they are just trying to kill him i think and in nov my dad died and i was dealing with that and waiting for brians kidney x-rays to come back which it only turned out to be a uti causing him to have blood in his urine. But i wrote him and visited him crying cuz i couldnt handle him dying as well because other then my dad i have only had him as the 2 main males in my life i couldnt handle it. and just have him saying im dying kills me.But i have already told and wrote him everything i needed to say just incase if something was to happen to me or him atleast he knows and feels how much i love him.But he lets me know the samething when my dad died he cried to his mom becuz i just couldnt make it up there to see him right away and thats the reason for him not getting alot of letters but he just tells me we should of been married already so he could of been there for me during that time
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  #11  
Old 02-06-2006, 11:12 PM
Inmatelvr28 Inmatelvr28 is offline
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I have a tendency to let things build up and then let it all out at once. I cried once on the phone with him and it was because he was saying such sweet things to be and I felt bad because for some reason I can't seem to say things to him on the phone. I write it in letters but can't say it on the phone so I was mostly frustrated because he always tells me such nice sweet things. When he realized I was crying he wanted to know what was wrong and tried to make me laugh a little bit. I did cry in front of him once in person sinced I met him while I worked at the prison, I got frustrated with how my day was going and ended up crying at work. Not a good move but he did tell me he didn't like to see my cry so he would try to do things to make it better. He would rather I tell him about my good days and bad because the only thing he can really do for me is be supportive since I can't see him or anything and thats a nice thing.
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Old 02-06-2006, 11:37 PM
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I hear what youre saying baby girl 919. My boyfriend is like that too. I dont know how he stays so positive, strong and patient. He holds me together and is so understanding when I lose it sometimes. He is amazing!
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  #13  
Old 02-07-2006, 04:58 AM
Chuckslady83 Chuckslady83 is offline
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When I break down my Baby tells me everything is going to be alright when he gets out. He tells me to just hang in there and please don't leave him. He worries that I will cheat on him, and I won't. But he is more worried that I will get tired of waiting. The waiting is the hardest part but I will wait forever because I too, love him more than anything. He knows I am having a real hard time financially without his help and he just keeps telling me it will be OK when he gets out.
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  #14  
Old 02-07-2006, 07:24 AM
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I didn't cry in front of my guy for almost 2 years, then after a recent break in my strength, major depression and I withdrew from everyone, I finally went back to see him and it all came out. He reassured me and made me feel better and now my strength is coming back. Hold on gf, the sun will start shining again when you least expect it! HUGSSSSSS
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  #15  
Old 02-07-2006, 08:56 AM
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i think we all get to the point when all of our emotions just flow out like a river.....sometimes we need a good cry!!!!!! so let it out....in time you wil feel better!!!!!
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Old 02-07-2006, 09:00 AM
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I say let it out. - That in it self is a good stress reliever. If you feel sad, let him know, he lets you know when he is sad, right? My husband and I always talk about our feelings to each other. That is what that other person is there for. To comfort, to support.
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