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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

View Poll Results: Was ur babys daddy locked up when his baby was born?
yes 384 80.84%
no 53 11.16%
shortly after the birth 38 8.00%
Voters: 475. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old 09-13-2010, 01:01 AM
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REyNAiSEM REyNAiSEM is offline
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i was about 4 months pregnant when my man got arressted. 3 weeks later i found out we were having a boy. Hes been in there since Jan 2 2010. He was moved from county to prison Jan 28 2010 and only got to see my belly those short few weeks. he saw the rest of my pregnancy thru pictures and detailed letters. Im not sure if it was just that i didnt have him around or its just that i really didnt like it but i hated being pregnant. I didnt get cravings so him not being there to run and get me wat i wanted wasnt a problem and the hornyness that comes along with being pregnant didnt happen for me [ u shud see the weird looks i get wen ppl ask how i did it, im just like i didnt wanna get laid *rolling my eyes*] but towards the end of the pregnancy wen I was hurting all over, no one was there to comfort me rub my body and ESPECIALLY MY FEET!!!!! i was so angry at him for gettin arressted. he doesnt know that bekuz im not gonna rub it in his face that he messed up big time. he knows what he did and he knows its his own damn fault. Our son was born June 5 2010 and right wen they said "okay baby girl ur at 10 CM ima go get the doctor to start u pushing" I LOST CONTROLL AND COULDNT STOP CRYING, not kuz it hurt kuz boy oh boy was the epidural my best friend, but becuase it finally hit me that he wasnt there for me to yell at [lol] I knew he wasnt gonna get to be there with me, i always knew it but it was reality and i didnt take it to very well. after my son was born I cried for a good hour just holding my baby, doctors thought i had the baby blues right away. Its deffinatly been hard without him but we both know this needed to happen because he wasnt gonna change without a push. Im not happy it happened but I understand this was Gods plan because had it not happened who knows where we would be right now. my son is 3 months old and still has not met his daddy. Im workin on it but every thing seems go to wrong right as i finally get everything ready to go see him. I just hand all my worries n prayers over to God and know that he makes wonderful things happen when you least expect it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KaiMaMa View Post
I just had my son 2 weeks ago...my fiance is currently at NKSPim not sure when his release date...I've mailed him letter that our son was born. My question is when is the best time to take our son up there to meet his dad. I have my family members telling me not to take him at all. I'm so confused I don't know what to do please HELP!!!!
first off congratulations!!!!!! welcome to the new mommy club!
If i could have taken my son the very day we were released from the hospital best believe i would have! unfortunatly we were not approved then. & my son still is not approved yet but my advise is just do what you want to do. remember its your guys baby, not ur family memebers baby, im 100% sure they werent there wen the baby was made and they werent the ones who had to deliever the baby. dont let negative people influence ur desicion. yea we know its thier own got dam fault there in there [for the most part its their own fault] i still think they deserve to hold meet their creation. do what u feel is right, if you think he deserves to meet ur son then take him, and since yall are engaged im thinkin u think he should meet him. but if you dont think its right or its wrong in some way dont take him. its all a matter of what ur comfortable doing.
I couldnt imagine keepin my baby away from his dad, i know the only reason i have this wonderful baby is becuase of him.
just go with the very first thought that creeped into ur head wen u knew he was locked up and u were gonna hve this baby alone. if ive learned anyting ever its to never 2nd guess yourself. i know i went on and on but i cant help it! lol i hope i helped
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  #52  
Old 09-22-2010, 08:29 PM
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He got locked up 2 days before my scheduled c-section....I was very dissapointed but it was ok My mother was there and things went well. He was there when I had our son he tried to avoid being locked up but they got him on his birthday...
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  #53  
Old 09-30-2010, 12:24 PM
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I was 5 mths pregnant when my husbend got locked up. Our son is know 16mths it is very difficult but i do recivied a lot of help from my family.
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  #54  
Old 10-03-2010, 10:27 PM
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My baby daddy got arrested when I was 8 months pregnant. He had violated his probation (not reporting) and he was planning on turning himself in after I had our son, but they got him before he could. When I think about it, it was sad that he wasn't there, but at the time all I could think about the pain and our beautiful baby boy being brought into this world.
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  #55  
Old 10-31-2010, 03:28 PM
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I got pregnant while I was at work release. I was 3 months pregnant when I got out of prison. 33 days after I got out, my BD got arrested. He's still in county. He's going to prison, We just don't know for how long yet. If he's lucky he'll only get 3-5 years. This is my first baby. She's due in December 2010. I wish he could be there when our daughter is born. I don't know how I can do this without him. It's going to be hard. He's really excited about the baby and he's really sad that he can't be there. We write each other every day. I miss him. Since I just got out of prison, they won't let me visit any prison in the state for at least a year or two, so I won't be able to bring the baby to see him. We are really sad about that.
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  #56  
Old 11-27-2010, 10:29 AM
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I found out i was 3 months pregnant while my fiance was in county awaiting transfer to the halfway house, he remained in the halfway house for like 2 months before being regressed..he only got to feel baby kick once He Then Went To DOC to finish off his sentence, I'm now due in 2 weeks and he's still in DOC awaiting approval of his parole plan, although he will not be present for the birth he is expected to be released a month or two after she is born. Being alone through your pregnancy is very difficult, I have had to work full time and go to school and take care of bills all on my own my whole pregnancy..But it's hard for him too emotionally he is sad about missing the birth of our first baby, sometimes I don't know what's worse having to do it all alone, or wanting to be there so bad but missing out on it all together?
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  #57  
Old 12-12-2010, 05:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LolaCupcake View Post
I found out i was 3 months pregnant while my fiance was in county awaiting transfer to the halfway house, he remained in the halfway house for like 2 months before being regressed..he only got to feel baby kick once He Then Went To DOC to finish off his sentence, I'm now due in 2 weeks and he's still in DOC awaiting approval of his parole plan, although he will not be present for the birth he is expected to be released a month or two after she is born. Being alone through your pregnancy is very difficult, I have had to work full time and go to school and take care of bills all on my own my whole pregnancy..But it's hard for him too emotionally he is sad about missing the birth of our first baby, sometimes I don't know what's worse having to do it all alone, or wanting to be there so bad but missing out on it all together?
Hi i'm in a similar position 7 months preg and my husband remanded in custody i don't how to cope how do u do it
Hi
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  #58  
Old 12-17-2010, 10:06 PM
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well i haven't went threw it yet but im due 2/1/2011, when my fiance got locked up i wasn't that far along we found out i was pregnant May 28 2010 i was excited but scared because i was only 16 im 17 now and he got locked up June 9 2010, i didnt even know how to feel i was pissed but i was also hurt. Because after i found i was pregnant he broke up with me because he was cheating on me and he knew that his sister was going to tell me so he broke up with me before she got a chance to tell me, he was staying messed up the whole time he was cheating and when he broke up with me and he didnt got to his piss test, we got back togehter the 2nd or 3 because i wanted to give it one more try for our baby we have been fine since then but i still have trust issues though.
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  #59  
Old 12-26-2010, 04:06 PM
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Default It was a drama full pregnancy that I don't wish on anybody!

Imagine you and your man already not on good terms then he turns around gets arrested and senteneced ten years. But then there is the other baby mama in the pic? WTF? he is getting money from me and her both calling us both collect and telling us what we wanna hear. babymama number one waas cussing me out and I was doing the same. But eventually I said I was sorry and moved on. Where they do that at?LOL. When my baby was there I had nobody in the hospital for me to help me. I had to pay someone money to keep my other kids. I was so so sad, I was on a cold city bus gng to the wic office with my newborn and broke down crying. I don't know how this man felt, his family accussed the baby of not being his. Then the DNA test came out 99.9%, your the father! It's hard out here, I was confused for a minute but Im back on my grind now and trying to get this paper for my kids and me! And to this day his real family has not seen my baby or will come see her! It is what is is!
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  #60  
Old 12-28-2010, 05:28 PM
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He got locked up two weeks before i found out i was 5 weeks pregnant. He was disappointed he missed it all and sometimes its gets to him that he can't really be there until she is 2 but we visit him and i read some letters to her and show her daddys picture shes only 4 months but i want her to know her father
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  #61  
Old 12-29-2010, 03:16 PM
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I got pregnant two weeks before my husband got arrested. I took a test the morning of his court date and told him while he was being sentenced. He was so happy its our first child. Now im ten weeks pregnant and he got 3yrs. I have alot of concerns like him not bein there when baby is born and will my baby know who his father is and all those other concerns. I hope everything works out its so hard him not bein here.
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  #62  
Old 12-30-2010, 08:40 AM
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My Daughter was born when her dad was in county.. Being pregnant alone was very difficult and overwhelming. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. He did not get to meet her until she was a month old. The hardest part was that the visits are only one hour and he can not hold the baby. He can kiss her and say hello and give her right back. I was so sad for weeks about that. . His family is very supportive and his sister is my best friend so that has made things esier. Hoping for the best. He will be home in 2013 so I'm happy about that. Maybe we can be a family, only time can tell.
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  #63  
Old 12-30-2010, 10:55 PM
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ive gone thru the entire pregnancy alone, didnt even know .. due in 2 months, hes due home in 59 months ..
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  #64  
Old 01-03-2011, 06:18 AM
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My boyfriend was locked up when our daughter was born...it sucked because we had went through 2 miscarriages before and i was further in the pregnancy than i had been in the other 2! which was a good sign. he got locked up when i was going on four months...I cried everyday and night.we had waited so long for this and now i had to go through it alone. it was very stressful and scary because with the stress my baby was at risk. our daughter is turning 1 month in 3 days and he has only seen pictures. he beats his self up about becuse he wasn't there for me and can't be here for her now, you know it sucks. but were both trying to behopeful and positive...for her!
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  #65  
Old 01-06-2011, 03:37 PM
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I am currently pregnant and will go thru childbirth alone having a scheduled c section.
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  #66  
Old 01-09-2011, 12:04 AM
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I realized I was pregnant the day he was arrested. I didn't take a test to confirm it for a couple weeks thinking that it would go away if I didn't acknowledge it. Didn't work. my son is due in 7 weeks and I'm attempting to create a bond between the 3 of us before he's born. The father and I were just having a fling since I knew he was heading to prison. He was sweet to me while he was on the run. And now I'm going to have him in our lives forever. Rough start but we will work through it.
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  #67  
Old 01-11-2011, 09:18 PM
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My babys daddy is in prison, this is his frist time there and hes freeking out. im 34 weeks pregnant he went in when i was about 4 months.. he wont be getting out till shes about 5 witch breaks my heart </3 i was wonering how do i tell him our daughter was born do i just have to wait it out and wright him or would the gards let him know. this is my first time having to deal with anything like this and im so lost on everything.. =[
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Old 01-11-2011, 09:26 PM
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Well every inmate has a case manager and you are going to have more luck getting an immediate message ... Otherwise, does he call you every day? That would probably be the best and fastest. Luckily for me I am having it scheduled so i know the date and time of my c section. I am right here with you though. My man went to jail when i was 3 months and i am 30 weeks and we dont know how much time he gonna get but atleast 3 years but parole after serving half so hopefully it is only 3 years ... tell your man to behave and he has the best possible chance of parole ...
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  #69  
Old 01-14-2011, 06:18 PM
mariah0422 mariah0422 is offline
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I am 19 weeks pregnant today. the babys father was sent to jail last week on 5 felonies and 1 misdemenor. the court date isnt for a few weeks but I havent taken this well knowing he wont be home to see his daughter born, or how many other years he will miss. I am so lost, do I wait for him, were not married and he lied and was on drugs, he choose drugs over his child, so do i let him see her? what do I do?
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Old 01-15-2011, 12:18 AM
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When my son was born in july, my fiance was in there already for 6 months. it was so hard for me and him, because i was very hormonal and very pregnant. He got picked up when i was 14 weeks. And then, I spent my entire pregnancy alone, going to all the doctor visits and gettin ready for baby. It was a challenge for us, because we werent use to it at first, who is? Right. So, I had an emotional pregnany and then I went in labor. But prior to that, i had no one with me for support. I was so scared to go in alone in labour room. then towards the end of my pregnancy, I got a doula and his mother came in. So it made things feel a bit comfortable but it wasn't wat I fully wanted....him there. But I did good in my labor n kept strong for the baby. When i was 8cm (lol)..he phoned me and I cried and told him how much i wanted him there and how much I loved him. He supported me with encouraging words and hung up. then my beautiful son was born. it was a moment of loneliness but it made me stronger. then 2 days later, I brought our boy to visit n meet his dad for first time. Even though, I was all sore and tired, I didn't care. Thats how much I love him. Now my son and my fiance are very close, and he knows who his dad is . He's 6 months now.
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  #71  
Old 01-15-2011, 01:31 AM
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Well lets see we got locked up when I was 5 months pregant.I was with him in the car High Speed Chase but mine got dropped his didnt cause he was on parole.It was hard for me cause it was my first kid.He has others but was never really around to raise them.And he promised hed be there to raise this one with me.I know he ment it but it didnt work out like that.I took her to the COunty Jail when she was 4 days old.Everyone said I was crazy but I didnt care I wanted him to see our beautiful babygirl.He didnt get to hold her or kiss her until she was almost 2. I couldnt imagine that feeling.I wasnt approved to go in and my mother in law was to old to carry my baby in.Now shes almost 2 and a half and Ive finally been able to go visit with the baby hes been gone almost 3 years.And I miss him just as much as I did the very first day he left.My baby looks just like him its kinda scary.But to answer your question yes overall the whole situation sucks I can tell you be strong but Im not gunna lie this is the hardest thing Ive ever had to do in my life.Yeah labor is hard, but not as hard a raising her alone.Now just because ur man made a dumb decision dosent mean he dosent love u or ur baby. And it dosent mean he chose drugs over u unless u werent together when he got locked up. But whats done is done and now u both have to deal with it.And for the babys sake dont keep her from her dad.It will only hurt her growing up without not even knowing him. And one more thing his punishment started the day they but the handcuffs on him and took him away.It will kill him inside everyday he is not there to raise ur baby. Believe me he will feel it and regrett it ever day and that alone is punishment enough.And in that said Ill say what I always say How you treated the people you LOVE and the LOVE you showed them is the LOVE u will get back when ur gone.If you treated them right then they will be there for u when ur locked up. Because you left them with nothing but good memories to be remembered by.If you were the BIGGEST JERK around treated everyone like crap.Or even to the point where the person u loved ended up hating u well then thats the impression u left behind.So really only u now what memorys he left behind for you to remember him by.For the love he showed U is the LOVE he will get back from you.Or if it was Hate then Hate is what he has coming back to him.ITS WHAT U DO UNTO OTHERS WHEN UR OUT THAT MATTERS!!!!

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  #72  
Old 01-31-2011, 02:12 PM
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I am going to be having our child in May without his daddy. This is very scary for me and really hard to talk about with my fiance because I don't want him to feel guilty ---> not really anything he can do at the moment. Any advice?
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  #73  
Old 02-07-2011, 12:30 PM
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My babies daddy got locked up a week before Christmas and 2 months before my due date. which my due date is 13 days away. and what breaks his heart the most is knowing he wont be able to see his little girl being born. and he is going to miss most of her first year. and i am so scared to go through labor with out him.
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Old 02-07-2011, 12:36 PM
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I am going to be having our child in May without his daddy. This is very scary for me and really hard to talk about with my fiance because I don't want him to feel guilty ---> not really anything he can do at the moment. Any advice?

its going to be really hard but atleast he will be home soon after he is born. everything is going to be better in time. i know what ur going through i am 9 months pregnant and my due date is 13 days away and my babies daddy isn't going to be home til nov.
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Old 03-12-2011, 09:44 PM
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When I found out i was preg. my husband had gotten arrested and shortly after that i got arrested i ended up taking a plea deal so i woulnt have our daughter in jail ( house arrest) and my husband got 5 years. It was extremily hard for me to have to go through all of it with out him here. I was high risk and ended up having complications and they had to take her early. but i think the hardest part is i wont be able to take our daughter up to see him by the time im alloude to he will already be home. so i have to rely on family to bring her up to see her daddy.
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