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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

View Poll Results: WHAT AGE DO YOU TAKE YOUR CHILD O SEE THEIR OTHER PARENT
0-12 MONTHS 345 45.70%
1-3 YEARS 173 22.91%
4-7 104 13.77%
7 AND UP 133 17.62%
Voters: 755. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 09-22-2004, 11:41 AM
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Im Pregnant Right Now And My Boyfriend Has Been In Jail Since I Was 4 Weeks Pregnant So He Has Been Around To Help Or Enjoy The Arrival Of Our Baby But I Record All The Heart Beats And Play It On The Phone, I Send Every Ultrasound Picture And I Plan On Taking My Baby To She Her Dad As Soon As I Get Home From The Hospital The Nxt Day We Wil Be Going To See Daddy
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  #77  
Old 09-23-2004, 06:21 AM
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i had my first child when my husband was sent to prison i was Pregnant when he went to court and that was hard i thought for sure i was going to have her right there in the court room. but anyway ever since she was born i took her to see her dad. She is 5 now and she still goes up to see her dad every chance she gets cause shes in school now but before that she went up 3 times a month to see her daddy.she has not yet question me about how he got there or anything .but i do know it ways on her mind cause ever time a song comes on that is her and her dads she starts to cry .one that i know of she crys to is by lonestar"i'm already there" she just right away breaks down. she and i love him so much and it hurts to see a child hurt cause she wants her dad home. i feel for everyone that has to go through this with a child. and i'm glad to know i'm not the olny one going through this alone.
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  #78  
Old 09-23-2004, 11:50 AM
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Default Taking children to prison to see parents

I am raising one of my granddaughters. My son, her father, is in Santiam Correctional in Salem, Oregon. It has been about 6 weeks now and we are still waiting on her visitation approval paperwork. Very frustrating.
I totally understand the pain you feel watching your child. My granddaughter is 9 and for various reasons has not seen her Dad for almost 2 years. So, the first time she sees him in a long time he will be in prison. One thing I am thankful for is that he is in close contact by phone and letters with her.
Lindsy's emotions run high at the same Lonestar Song!!!!
We just pray every day for her Dad's safety and protection.
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  #79  
Old 09-23-2004, 04:42 PM
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I have taken both my 4yr. old and my 2 month old to see their dad in prison. They both did good! My 2 month old was born 2 months after hed been in. So, he was excited to see her for the first time. I would not deprive him of seeing them, he loves them and it makes him happier to see them.
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  #80  
Old 09-23-2004, 04:54 PM
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My daughter is 11 years old and my husband has been in jail for 10 months and I take her with me every weekend. My mother does not agree with me, she thinks prison is no place for her to be but my daughter needs to see her father and spend time with him. We get contact visits and she gets to hold her dad and kiss him and she is just all a glow when she sees her Daddy.

She would be really upset with me if I kept her from seeing her Dad and I am not going to do that to her. Also we are just approved for Family Visits so we will be having those in about a month and I am definitely taking her to that as well.

My family does not agree but I am the one that has to make that final decision and I think I am making the right one.
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  #81  
Old 09-28-2004, 11:40 PM
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well since he was incarcerated when i was 3 wk preg... i would think that she wouldnt have a good bond with her. but as soon as she developed in the womb if i was to arguing with her dad when he called she used to kick me so hard until i actually said i was sorry to himm.. which he loves .. even when she was born she took up for her dad talk about him in a negative way and she would cry.. It was so cute... as soon as she got her 2 mths shots i took her up too see her dad.. and from the time she saw him she lit up like she have seen him so many times before... he of course cried as soon as he held her.. but he recently got his contact visits taken away for 6 mths as far as we know so we dont go 3 times a mth anymore .. its more like 2... but she sits and talk on the phone with er dad with his face leaned on the glass and she would lean on it also and hold the phne and it is so cute .. when he gets quiet cuz he just amazed at her.. she says hewo.. hewo daddy .. hewo.. she is 15 mths and that is his twin... he says when he sees her its like looking in a mirror aint no denying her.. we just love him
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  #82  
Old 09-29-2004, 06:24 AM
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you know i had just had my son when i started this thread to see if i was the only one who thought it was ok to take babies to see their dad in prison.well my son is now 13 months old and he sees his daddy once a month(the drive is long long long) and talks on the phone 3 times a week and he gets his own letters addressed to him. he is the beat in out hearts and the air that we breath im just glad everyone at pto has found this thread and uses it to share their stories with us. god bless
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  #83  
Old 09-29-2004, 08:54 AM
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Daddy is still daddy regardless of the circumstance. This is the only life that our daughters have known with their father. They are 13 & 15 years old now. We have trailer visits in NY so it has been easy to help maintain some semblance of real family life.

When the girls were younger they didn't really understand where we were going and why Daddy couldn't come home with us. But they are teenagers now and they know that Daddy did a bad thing years ago, he has to pay his debt to society and God-willing one day he will be able to come home with us.

I think it does the entire family good to keep the family bonds alive and the communication very open.
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  #84  
Old 11-18-2004, 10:51 PM
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My husband has 2 months left of the one year he ahd to serve in prison.I take my 15 month old to see him once a month, but our 4 yr old and 6 yr old have not seen him the entire time he ahs been gone.This was OUR choice together.They belive he is away at work and they talk to him on the phone.My husband did not want our boys to know where he was.I know some people dont agree with lying to kids, but we felt that we were protecting them, if he had 2+ years to do I think we would have taken them down there to see him.Someday they will find out that daddy has been to prison, but not any time soon.
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  #85  
Old 11-19-2004, 01:02 PM
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That was our plan when we thought my wife was going to get 1 year. The days leading up to sentencing we told them she may have a new job in Nebraska. However, they gave her 5 years, so we had to let them know. I hear you.
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  #86  
Old 12-09-2004, 09:11 AM
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i dont know exactly how i feel about this . i took my son when he was born till 9wks then daddy got out for 2 1/2 months then he got locked up again and i havent had any contact with him for almost two years and myson of course is 2 now. i dont know what is more important his daddy lied and stole but not from me, and i just dont know if he will ever change . when i was prgnant i went to see him in jail but it eventually got to hard to handle to realize he missed everything and the worst part was seeing the other moms takin their children and it was so sad, they cried and screamed not from being their but b/c they didn't want to leave daddy, they didnt undrestand and this was all ages, even one girl about 6 or so told the police officer on duty that she wasnt going to leave that she wanted to stay in the jail and sleep with her daddy in his room that she wanted to live there in jail.....but these are just my observations and i am still not sure what to do. besides my whole family is against it.
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  #87  
Old 12-10-2004, 04:22 PM
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Default Daddy in Prison

My sons dad has been in prision all his life, he has only seen his daddy in prision and he is 9 years old now. He has been going since he was born and goes every weekend to visit him. We get a contact visit, which makes the visit alot better than having a non-contact visit. I just believe in letting my son know him and have the best relationship that they can have while he is there. At first we told my son that his dad was at work, but he soon figured it out and we tld him. His dad has a 20 year agg. case, so its kind of hard to lie for that long.

Last edited by Laurenk; 12-10-2004 at 04:25 PM.. Reason: correction
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  #88  
Old 01-16-2005, 12:37 AM
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I've taken our son to visit his father in prison for the past 15 years. It is the only way he can be with his father and we want him to know his father and have the close bond they have. There have been difficulties at times with unreasonable cops in the visiting room but even those times have taught our son invaluable lessons about internal control and how to handle authority appropriately. The experience has changed for our son as he grows older. As a teen, he has a lot of social and sports activities and visits a bit less often but the relationship he has with his father is so positive because he has been able to be with him in the visiting room. At this age, I just leave it up to him as to when he wants to come with me to visit. Decisions about this have to be based upon individual situations, of course. If visits disturb the child or if the inmate does not parent appropriately, then I think it has to be reconsidered. But in most cases, I think it is good if the child can be with the parent in person if possible. Zelda
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  #89  
Old 03-15-2005, 01:02 AM
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My daughter would throw a major fit if she cant see her Papa Bear. Its nice in WA too, they have programs starting, where the child can join the boy scouts or the girl scouts and they have special troops where all the members have parents in prison. Then once a month they have a troop meeting at the prison with the parent and do art and crafts and normal scout stuff. I think this is one of the best ideas anyone ever came up with. This way they get to be 'NORMAL' for a while, and to a kid thats important. Also at the womans facility here, if the woman is pregnant and gives birth in prison, depending on her crime, most women, get to go into a special unit where they get to raise their babies for the first year. So those innocent babies, get that important first year to bond with their mom. After the first year, they go to a family member of course and then come for trailer visits and regular visits. These things I think should be in EVERY prison, everywhere. Kids are innocent and need that parent regardless of what that parent has done wrong. Like in Jackie and he Papa Bears song, Butterfly Kisses "Of all the things i've done wrong I must have done something right" They deserve to have each others love. No matter what.
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  #90  
Old 03-15-2005, 01:33 AM
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My son doesn't know anything (he is only 11 months old) our daughter (5) thinks that daddy is working hard in the good ol' U S of A. (in a way he is)
I think that it's better in a way because she is taught at school and heard from other people that only bad people go to jail. Obviously we never imagined that he would end up there. This is a lie we have to tell, her daddy isn't a bad person, he has only made wrong decisions in his life.
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  #91  
Old 03-23-2005, 05:39 PM
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I will be taking our daughter to see my fiance this summer, she will be 5 or 6 months depending on what month I take her.
And I see nothing wrong with it. She'll be 2 when he comes home, and I want her to know who her daddy is. I have had friends in the past whose young children threw major fits being scared as hell of the man that all of a sudden just popped up..... these are girls who never took their children to see their fathers in jail and therefore the child freaked out when he came home cause they didn't now who the hell the guy was.
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  #92  
Old 03-31-2005, 10:50 PM
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I want to take my son, he is almost 3. He is already asking where Josh is! My fiance is not his biological father and I have no idea what standards the Federal system has about this??? Josh has been more of a father to my son than his bio father!
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  #93  
Old 10-05-2005, 10:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshsBabyGirl
I want to take my son, he is almost 3. He is already asking where Josh is! My fiance is not his biological father and I have no idea what standards the Federal system has about this??? Josh has been more of a father to my son than his bio father!
In our case, our grandchild was born in federal prison, and he is my daughter's biological child. That actually makes no difference--just background.

My wife and I are on the authorized list; his father is not (ex convict, not married to her, but he's still trying to get on the list). The baby is not on the list--they simply ask how many children under 16 we are responsible for. They only ask us for id. This is how it works at Carswell FMC.

I do suggest you talk to Josh as well as contact the prison by telephone. Regs vary at different prisons, and they change in how they are enforced every trip. The types of things we have been very concerned about are taking in diapers (3 are allowed), food or milk (infant foods are allowed if in a mfgr-sealed container). I'm not sure what we'll need when he's 3, but I'm sure it won't be allowed in.

Carswell has been a very baby-friendly facility for about the last year. Prior to that they were all sadistic baby-hating monsters (I mean that literally)! I'm afraid you may find some of the men's facilities the same way. For your sake, I hope you're looking at a very friendly prison. About 15 months ago I got so frustrated that I pulled a stinky diaper off the baby and threw it at them.

Good luck.
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  #94  
Old 10-05-2005, 11:18 AM
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That Is Awsome Child Of Mayte My Daughter Is Also 12 He Is Her Stepfather And My Two Youngest Are His But I Think It Is A Good Thing To Visit Haveing That Bond
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  #95  
Old 10-31-2005, 06:53 PM
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I dont feel that any age is too young to take your child to see their father. It is all about keepoing the bond there between the two of them strong.
My kids are 11, 10 and 6... we are planning to go and see my honey (who isnt their father) during the Easter. I have tried to explain to them what to expect, but i dont think they could comprehend what it will be like in reality. I dont know how they will react to it, but i know one thing for sure... it will strengthen the bod that they have been building with Jerry via phone and mail.
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  #96  
Old 11-07-2005, 01:15 PM
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Morghann and I have been visiting her daddy since he got locked up when she was 4 months old(she's 19 months now) She talks to him on the phone when he calls as we can't have visits yet since he was moved to another yard. But i think it is important to visit right from the start if you plan on your significant other being involved in your childs life.
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  #97  
Old 11-18-2005, 05:29 PM
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My son was 3 weeks old when my husband was busted. I took him with me every day visit and overnight visit and I'm SO GLAD I did. They made the transition from not having daddy around to daddy home everyday a WHOLE lot easier. Then just popping into our life from one day to the next. I thank God for overnight visit. More for my son then myself.

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  #98  
Old 11-19-2005, 08:30 PM
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I Take My Step Children, Who Range From 3 Yrs To 13 Yrs Old. Here's A Quote I Just Found......."visits Are Important,children And Parents Willtell You Over And Over Again How Important They Are. And Research Backs Them Up. Consistant, Ongoing Contact Reduces The Strains Of Separation, Lowers, Recidivism, And The Single Most Important Factor In Determining Whether A Family Will Reunify After A Prison Term...prisoners With Regular Visits Are 6 Times Less Likely To Reenter During The First Year Of Release.


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  #99  
Old 11-29-2005, 11:01 AM
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Ok I guess I will put my two cents in, My x husband the natural father to my four children is in prison, for molesting all of them, I will not take them to see him until they are ready to go in front of a judge and ask permission, then I have NO problem taking them up there if that is what they wish.

My fiance is in prison as well, He gets out in 2008, my children have taken him in as their dad and LOVE him to death, I am planning on taking them up there for the holidays to surprise him.

All my children ages 13, 12, 9, and 5 know where their natural father is and where Travis is. I do not HIDE anything from them, they need to know the truth FROM ME!!!! I would feel awful if I lied to them and they found out from someone else. ITS NOT RIGHT. I give them the choice to visit with Travis or their dad if they want. But with their natural dad there are rules to follow considering the situation. I will not allow them to go see him until they are of legal age to approach the courts for permission, I believe it is 14 here in california, not sure but they know I SUPPORT what ever choice they make. I wont hide the fact that they have LOVED ones in prison, its not right to hide or cover up that.

Tell the truth from the beginning dont lie and dont make your children FEEL ASHAMED that they have a loved on in prison. Just tell them the truth that their loved one broke the law and has to serve time.
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Old 11-29-2005, 12:56 PM
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Default I've let my kids know from the start

My ex husband and I were seperated when we found he went down and for a long time. I have always tried to keep a line open for my kids and their dad whether he was willing to wake up from the drugs to take it, Well a 14 yr sentence is a hellava wake up call. My kids were 6 and 8 when he went in and will be grown adults when he gets out, I was honest from the start where Dad was and why. I hope it will be a lesson they can learn and take with them as they grow older. I took them on the day and a half trip from MI to GA within 6 months of him arriving. It went well and now my kids and I go about 2-4 times a year and now they are both teenagers and it is hilarios to watch them interact. ( YES we are that loud family you all look act cause we are acting like clowns). Unless it is for the direct safety of the kids I think if the child wants to go then take them. My ex husband is the man I had fallen in love (and better) years ago and he says it is knowing he needs to be for the kids that has helped.
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