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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #1  
Old 05-30-2003, 01:55 PM
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Talking Welcome!!

The children of inmates are a forgotten group.
As a mother of five children, who are dealing with the loss of their father to the prison system I would like to welcome you all to this forum, a place for the children of incarcerated parents and their caregivers.
It is so very hard to deal with the situations that we are all in. And it is even harder to have to deal with our own feelings plus those of our children. Use this as a place to ask questions, vent, share ways to deal with problems, share your children's reactions in hopes of helping others learn from your experiences and to resolve any problems you may be facing.
Having five small children and dealing with the prison system has been very difficult and eye-opening. I never realized how much kids are affected by all this. And being the caregiver for children with a parent in prison is a real tough job-you not only have to deal with your own feelings, you have to deal with those of the children. Children tend to show their feelings in many different ways, anger, acting out in school, being reserved, etc.So being in touch with their feelings, also means being somewhat of a detective. So, share your experiences, problems, and solutions in hopes of helping someone else out!
I have also realized that although there are some programs in the prisons that focus on keeping the family intact, there definetly are not enough. I have come to realize that our kids are the "forgotten kids". So, I encourage you to use this forum not only for sharing your experiences, but for brainstorming as well. How can we make the circumstances easier to deal with for our children? How can we keep the incarcerated parent active in the child's life? What can be done to help turn the negative experience of having a parent in prison into a positive learning experience?
Being a mother I also know how much we love to share the "good times". Feel free to share any good news, new accomplishments, or funny stories about your kids here as well.
Lastly, kids need support too. Just as you have found support, love and caring here at PTO, so can your kids. Let's use this forum as PTO for kids! If your child would like to talk with other kids in a similiar situation have them post under your screen name an introduction with their name in the subject area. Remember to make sure your kids give absolutely NO personal info out!

Glad you are interested in "children with parents in prison"!

Luv,
Amelia

Sometimes- "It takes a village....."
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Last edited by Amelia; 05-30-2003 at 02:03 PM..
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Old 05-30-2003, 01:59 PM
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wonderful post.
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Old 05-30-2003, 02:04 PM
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Hwy thank you lulu!!
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Old 11-27-2003, 06:45 PM
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Thank you for the wonderful post. I'm a child whose dad is going to prison, and I could use all the support, and incouragement I can get. Again Thank-you
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Old 01-30-2004, 03:21 PM
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lilorangebug, I am glad you found this site and I hope we can offer you support and love and help you get through this..pm me any time you need a friend!

sending you a big hug!

Amelia
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Old 04-04-2004, 09:32 AM
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Default Forum to cover issues regarding raising kids who have parents inprisoned

It has been brought to admin's attention that we need to have a forum specifically for parents/grandparents or other caregivers who are raising children whose parents are inside. This issue has been brought up several times and we have decided to go forward with this forum.

It is our hope that it can be a place where we support each other as well as offer information that will make it easier on us as the caregiver as well as on the kids.

There are many of us here and now is the time to let our feelings/thoughts be heard by each other. If any of you have any ideas for this forum please feel free to share them with me. I am open to any and all ideas as we go forward and reach out to each other.

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Old 04-27-2004, 07:04 AM
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Not sure if I should repost here. But I just posted in the other thread that I would be more than happy to "try" and help with child support issues where I can.
I am not a CSEworker or any thing like that with a degree. Just what I have learned this past year. Have dealt w/interstate CS(my own) for the last year. And will do my best to help where I can. Regardless if the parent is inside or out.
One thing is I dont believe a parent who is locked up needs to come out of there owing thousands and thousands of $$$'s just because she or he never knew they could(some states) get the amount modified.
Do what I can.
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Old 05-17-2004, 04:12 PM
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I am glad that you are hear to help with the child support issue. I almost feel bad for my daughter's father who has been locked up for three years and has $100 dollars added each week to his debt. On the other hand, he knew about the dates, and didn't show up. Do you know how long they have after they come out before they have to start paying?
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Old 05-17-2004, 04:35 PM
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Depending on the state he is in, he may have a warrant on his release. Sad to say but true. I would suggest that he try to get it lowered and answer the orders. The states will(most) add interest to what is owed. Regardless him being in prison or not.
Not that I am advising as a way to "get" out of CS but at least get it halted or lowered before he is released.
In California the intrest is 10%.
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Old 05-17-2004, 05:25 PM
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He does have a warrant in NY. He was living in Maryland and is serving time in NC until July. Do you think they will try to ave him picked up? He owes about $50,000 because he has only made one payment in six years. When he went in three years ago, it was about $40K. Believe me, I don't want him to get out of it either, but I know that it is hard coming out and having $200 taken out of an almost nothing bi-weekly check.
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Old 05-17-2004, 08:18 PM
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They may not be at the gate on the day he is released, but if there is a traffice stop and they run his info in all states he could be picked up.
He will be out on July? This is my opioion, I would do nothing right now being he is so close to being released. And depending on the releationship with the childs mother, she can help get that amount lowered for him.
If he has more time to do in another place and if its a few yrs I would definitly try to get it lowered or halted until release.
Once he is out there are some places in that area(states) that could possibily help him on his return out and help him deal with the CS issue.
Once released you can send me your e-mail and once he is out I will try my best to help you out on this issue.
Good Luck
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Old 10-04-2004, 12:15 AM
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I think that this is such a wonderful idea!!! Now how in the heck did I miss this before??? I feel like slapping my head and saying a HUGE "DUUUHHH!!!"

I'll let my daughter know so she can post sometime soon. Take care.
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Old 01-10-2005, 01:53 PM
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Thumbs up I'm interested in being of help

Dear Deb,

My work is around children of incarcerated parents. I was one (long ago;
I'm 65 now) and my profession is Early Childhood Educator. Please keep me
informed as to what's happening with this forum... maybe send me an email?
I've just written a couple of things for childcare providers/teachers/parents/grandparents/whomever ... and hope to share them here as well.

Thanks,
Moxie


Quote:
Originally Posted by deb
It has been brought to admin's attention that we need to have a forum specifically for parents/grandparents or other caregivers who are raising children whose parents are inside. This issue has been brought up several times and we have decided to go forward with this forum.

It is our hope that it can be a place where we support each other as well as offer information that will make it easier on us as the caregiver as well as on the kids.

There are many of us here and now is the time to let our feelings/thoughts be heard by each other. If any of you have any ideas for this forum please feel free to share them with me. I am open to any and all ideas as we go forward and reach out to each other.

Deb
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Old 01-10-2005, 03:59 PM
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Moxie,

Welcome and I look forward to having your input and reading your posts here!

Deb
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Old 08-12-2006, 08:22 PM
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Default # 2--Are you Raising Kids with their parent in Prison?

Hi! My name is Deb and I have 4 children and my husband is inside. I thought that this thread could be a way for us to introduce ourselves much like the parents with children inside folks have. I know the stress and at times powerlessness this causes in your life. I would like to use this thread to list those of us (whether you be a parent, grandparent, or caretaker) who are raising children who have a parent inside:

I have 4 kids: Stephen (29) out on his own, Heather (24) out on her own, Chris (22) out on his own, and Zach (12) at home..... ( My first husband died so the older 3 are from that marriage but we've been with my current husband since 1992 and Zach is ours. My current husband has 2 from a previous that we had visitation with til all of this--they are 15--Alyssa and 13--Aaron and will be back in the picture at some point). I also became a grandma in March to a beautiful little boy named Talon when my son, Chris, became a father....

Deb

**Wow! I had to go in and change their ages from the first thread I started... It's unreal how time (in some cases goes by so quickly)...
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Old 08-20-2006, 02:38 PM
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Exclamation Hi there!

Hi I am Kate and I have a 3 yearold son whose father has been in and out over the last 4 years (mostly in) and it is very stressful, we argue about alot of things and at times I get angry because he tells me I am doing something wrong as a parent but i think well he is not here to do it his way. I used to tell my son that his daddy was at work but he is VERY advanced and has figured it out by himself ( hello he watches prison break and CSI with me) I feel overwhelmed at times and want to rip my hair out but I figure at least I am here for my son and not talking bad about his father EVER really helps.

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Old 08-25-2006, 12:15 AM
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Default Raising kids with parent in prison

Quote:
Originally Posted by deb
Hi! My name is Deb and I have 4 children and my husband is inside. I thought that this thread could be a way for us to introduce ourselves much like the parents with children inside folks have. I know the stress and at times powerlessness this causes in your life. I would like to use this thread to list those of us (whether you be a parent, grandparent, or caretaker) who are raising children who have a parent inside:

I have 4 kids: Stephen (29) out on his own, Heather (24) out on her own, Chris (22) currently at home again , and Zach (12) at home..... ( My first husband died so the older 3 are from that marriage but we've been with my current husband since 1992 and Zach is ours. My current husband has 2 from a previous that we had visitation with til all of this--they are 15--Alyssa and 13--Aaron and will be back in the picture at some point). I also became a grandma in March to a beautiful little boy named Talon when my son, Chris, became a father....

Deb

**Wow! I had to go in and change their ages from the first thread I started... It's unreal how time (in some cases goes by so quickly)...
I'm new to this but anyways I too am a parent of kids with dad in the prison system. my 17 yr old son, twenty year old daughter and then 27 yr old son who resides out on his own with his fiance and our new 7 month old grandaughter
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Old 08-25-2006, 12:22 AM
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I must have posted my reply in the wrong place but I too am a parent of children who's daddy is in prison. my 17 yr old son, 20 yr old daughter, and then my 27 yr old son who resides out on his own in upstate NY with his fiance and our new 7 month old grandaughter. I have resided here in Virginia 15 yrs. I just returned back from going home to upstate Ny for awhile. now back in virginia preparing for husbands release from lunenburg correctional center. in trying to keep his job husband was caught driving to work. he had been declared habitual offender from his past of having a third dwi offense ten years prior. He had no alcohol offenses at all in the past ten years. came a long way in life actually but to the system it didn't matter. He received a five year sentence with three years suspended.
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Old 08-25-2006, 10:44 PM
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I am helping my husband raise 2 children- boy is 17, girl is 14. Their Mom is in Federal prison 2003-2015 for trying to hire a hit man to murder their Dad (my husband). The 14 year old Daughter has had the worst time with this. I basically (lurke, stalk, etc) this board...mostly the Federal Prison forum, so we can help the 14 year old thru this.
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Old 08-27-2006, 10:40 PM
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My man isn't the biological father of my two children (Bella 4 and Tristian 5), but he's the only daddy they know. At first I tried telling them that he was at work, until one day at my son's school he herd the teacher saying that his daddy was in jail. He was in junior kindergarden. The two teachers were laughing about it, my son came home off the school bus in tears telling me what he had herd. I have to put this in here maybe someone knows what I should do. the teachers were laughing and now they don't treat him like the rest of the kids in his class, they also treat me different. Anyways, I sat both the kids down and explained that he did something wrong and now he's being punished, that being away from them was a big punishment, and that they hope that now since he's been way from them the judge hopes he'll always be good. The kids are both pretty good with it. They tell people when they ask where there dad is for telling them with there chins up that daddy is in jail. It does hurt them and I hate the fact that they come home and cry when it's fathers day or a "daddy and me" day at school and I'm the one there. Or at there sports and all the dads are there and there's isn't, but I have to say these two babies think there dad is Super Man and they are very proud of him no matter where he is
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Old 08-28-2006, 05:34 AM
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love n heaven--How awful that the teachers treated them like that and continue to treat you and them "differently." Have you gone to the principal and talked to him/her about all of this? That's what I would do in order to make it stop...

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Old 08-29-2006, 07:44 PM
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Nice to meet everyone! My name is D and I have one daughter that'll be 12 on the 9th. The older she gets the harder it is to be a single parent. He went to the board in this past May and for some reason we just new that he was coming home and she was so excited and when he got hit another 2 yrs, it was horrible for all of us. She didn't comment to much on it but I know that she was disappointed because she has so many plans and dreams for all three of us.
The older she gets the less she wants to go to the facility and I can't make her go. And it can be so frustrating for all us. She was always so close to her father and now it's like "oh daddy's on the phone" and she'll just pass the phone to me. This whole situation sucks!!!
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Old 08-29-2006, 07:48 PM
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I would go straight to the top, I'd take this to the board of education and make my presence known. It's bad enough dealing with an absent father and then to be ridiculed, nonetheless by two adults, two teachers that are there to educate our children and somewhat teach them right from wrong. There is no way that I would tolerate that bs. You don't let no one and I mean no one f*ck with your kids.

Quote:
Originally Posted by love_n_heaven
My man isn't the biological father of my two children (Bella 4 and Tristian 5), but he's the only daddy they know. At first I tried telling them that he was at work, until one day at my son's school he herd the teacher saying that his daddy was in jail. He was in junior kindergarden. The two teachers were laughing about it, my son came home off the school bus in tears telling me what he had herd. I have to put this in here maybe someone knows what I should do. the teachers were laughing and now they don't treat him like the rest of the kids in his class, they also treat me different. Anyways, I sat both the kids down and explained that he did something wrong and now he's being punished, that being away from them was a big punishment, and that they hope that now since he's been way from them the judge hopes he'll always be good. The kids are both pretty good with it. They tell people when they ask where there dad is for telling them with there chins up that daddy is in jail. It does hurt them and I hate the fact that they come home and cry when it's fathers day or a "daddy and me" day at school and I'm the one there. Or at there sports and all the dads are there and there's isn't, but I have to say these two babies think there dad is Super Man and they are very proud of him no matter where he is
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Old 08-29-2006, 10:31 PM
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I have spoke with the school board, they say that they have spoke with the teachers, and that they (not the teachers) sympathize with me. I Don't want there sympathy, I want these teachers, in all schools to be educated on situations like these and the ones who treat children the way mine are being treated to be punished for there actions. I have moved with my job, so we are now in a new city and a new school for them.BUT we have now started almost a quest. I will be going back home to meet with the school board again, and again if I have to until these teachers are punished for there actions
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Old 09-06-2006, 10:03 PM
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Hello, my name is Elicia, mother of one 4 yr oldl boy...Daddy's in prison in Mississippi and we live in Ohio, but we fly monthly to visit. Our son is smart, and we don't say he's at work, or any other discriptions...He understands that Daddy will come home after his 7th birthday, and he writes him often. During visits, he's perched on daddy's lap, and won't let go til the visit is over. He's a tough lil trooper, but does have his "off days" but who doesn't...

His school was aware the very first day he started that Daddy was gone...they help our son during school to write letters, draw pictures, etc. to send to daddy or put in a box for when daddy comes home.
I'm sorry to hear the foul teachers treating those kids terribly. I probably would've stormed in there and passed out a few black eyes. Everyone who knows me around our town knows that you don't have to agree with me and my choices, but if you try to trash it, I will not take that for a second.
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