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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #1  
Old 10-18-2004, 08:09 AM
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Default For all the ladies with children... i need advice

I have been wondering alot lately about when I am supposed to tell my baby about her father? Right now she is only 9 making 10 months old but when am i supposed to tell her about him? Am I even supposed to explain it to her? He will be home when she is two so do I just let him just come into her life or what? I am just prayign that she does not reject him when he tries to be in her life. Anyway ladies i need ur advice.
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Old 10-18-2004, 08:36 AM
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Do you have photos of him around the house. I would show her the photos from time to time so she could at least get familiar with him.
My daughter didnt meet her father until she was 12 years old and he wasnt locked up, just wanted to see her because he had to start paying child support after 12 years. Imagine that!!! But I always let her know he exsisted!
Now I am facing my youngest daughter not seeing her father for sometime now and that is going to be hard because here we go again!!!!!!
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Old 10-18-2004, 08:40 AM
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well


you need to start asap they need to find out much as possible you see when kids are young such as your and many others they pick up alot of things and remember them also so the sooner you start the more easy it will bw as she gets older and we wish you the best of luck can she go and see him where he is? if so try and schedule the vacation trips for her to see him also



best of luck
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Old 10-18-2004, 08:41 AM
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Show your baby pictures and more pictures. Talk to her often about him "da-da" this-etc.
My little one is two-hubby gone for 1 1/2 yr. already--but when he calls--the baby knows his voice-or if I show him a picture he knows. His release date is 2006. It's a very tough call- but do what is best for your baby.
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  #5  
Old 10-18-2004, 08:50 AM
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Thanks For The Advice... I Am Gonna Show Her Pictures And Things Of Him. Hopefully That Works Cause I Dont Want Her To Reject Him.
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Old 10-18-2004, 09:02 AM
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I agree with all the ladies. Show pictures, let her hear his voice, have him write letters that she can read when she is alot older etc. Explain to her when she is old enough that her Daddy can't be with her right now, but he loves her and misses her very much.

I personally have mixed feelings on children at the prisons. I feel if you don't have to bring them, don't. In this case, she is still an infant, right now she doesn't know what's going on, and she probably won't by 2 either. If you can spare her the truth I would. He doesn't have that much longer in, and she will still be able to form the necessary bonds with him when he gets home. I don't say that it's okay to lie, but if I was in the same situation, I would wait until he came home to start their physical relationship, and probably tell my child about his absence when they were MUCH MUCH older.
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Old 10-18-2004, 09:03 AM
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My baby is 10 months old today. His father left when he was 5 months old. They were really close when he left, he has only seen him twice since he has been gone. When we go to visits our son acts a little funny when we first get there, but after a few minutes he losens up. He talks to his dad on the phone everyday. He still remembers his voice. He has this special way he talks to our son. Our son will have just turned two when his father gets out.

Can you take your daughter to visitation? Let her hear her daddy's voice on the phone. I even let my son 'write' to his daddy every now and then, when he isnt trying to put the pen in his mouth. And the pictures help. When he started saying da-da, I would point to the picture. Hopefully when they get a little older and they can visit it would be easier.

I worry about him rejecting his dad when we go to visitations too. They are so young and dont really understand. It will be okay though. Just do all you can to let her know who daddy is.
PM if you need to talk, seems like our kids were born around the same time.
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Old 10-18-2004, 09:08 AM
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And also my cousin had a baby (Shamar) in 2001. His father came home after he turned two. He had never met his father, never looked at pictures or anything. But now that he is home you cant even tell he hasnt been in Shamar's life the whole time. It didnt take him long to be calling him daddy and talking about him. And Shamar's mother isnt even in a relationship with his father. Kids that young learn quick and adjust well.
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Old 10-18-2004, 09:15 AM
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I am in a similar situation. My son is 13 months. I have pictures of dad up on the bedroom mirror. I also have them around the house and say this is daddy. When dad calls I let him speak so he can hear the voice. He has not been to the prison yet, his dad wants to wait until he is walking (which he just started, and talking)1 down 1 to go. I disagree. I think he should go now. Any way I am not sure what to do since we have 8 years and 10months left. At some point I am going to have to say something. I think I am just gonna let his dad explain it to him. So I guess I am just as confused, but right now he has tons of pics to look at.................................
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Old 10-18-2004, 12:05 PM
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I would ensure that she writes daddy, that she's part of the letters daddy sends, that she colors pictures, that she talks to him.

Daddy was "not a good boy" and he's on a "time out". She may not fully "understand that" until she's at the age of getting them.

Also, pictures are a good way for them to "relate" to daddy.

I am all for telling kids the "truth" and young. the younger you do it the more "natural" it is. You don't have to tell the gory details but as much information as you are comfortable sharing.

They will be less traumatized than coming home from school saying "why don't I have a daddy!" and those questions come up around holidays when they make things for the parents.....
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Old 10-18-2004, 06:35 PM
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yeah like someone said, keep photos of him around, and if he calls let her interact with him on the phone, or take her to visit if you can. other than that, shes still very young and if he comes home when shes 2 she'll still be easily able to adapt to him as her daddy. i think things will be just fine. i wish you all the best...
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Old 10-18-2004, 06:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRINITEE729
Thanks For The Advice... I Am Gonna Show Her Pictures And Things Of Him. Hopefully That Works Cause I Dont Want Her To Reject Him.
but even if she rejects him in the beginning, a 2 year old will grow to love and comfort in those that are around them all the time. so even if in the beginning she isnt feelin' him, she'll get used to him if hes around her enough. i think everything will be just fine.
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Old 10-18-2004, 08:55 PM
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Definetly show her pictures and videos (if you have them) and talk to her about daddy. Put the phone up to her ear so she can here his voice. Let him draw her pictures, and if you can take her to visit. She's too young to understand now, and even at 2. I told my daughter he was a bad boy and got a real long time out when he first went in (she was 3). I figured she could relate to that. Just keep him "around", at this young age, she'll never even realize he was gone.
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Old 10-19-2004, 01:22 AM
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Our son will be turning 20 months end of the month. But I show him pictures all the time of him and his daddy and all and also whenever my hubby calls he talks to Weston on the phone and makes sure to tell him "Daddy loves him and is always thinking about him and missing him like crazy and that he will be home soon", it always makes Weston smile and happy afterwards. Everyday I talk to Weston about Daddy and everything. We have only had 2 contact visits and each time Weston did great,,,remembered Daddy and didn't cry. Do you take your daughter to go and see him all the time? Does he talk to her on the phone when he calls? I would just start doing that and all everything should be fine. I tell Weston that "daddy did something that he wasn't supposed to and right now he is doing some time out for being bad and he will be home soon", but by the time my hubby comes home Weston should still be small enough to really not know whats going on but when the time comes that Weston will found out where Daddy was...my husband will be the one telling him why he wasn't here with us. Its my husbands place to tell our son NOT mine!!

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Old 11-15-2017, 11:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRINITEE729 View Post
I have been wondering alot lately about when I am supposed to tell my baby about her father? Right now she is only 9 making 10 months old but when am i supposed to tell her about him? Am I even supposed to explain it to her? He will be home when she is two so do I just let him just come into her life or what? I am just prayign that she does not reject him when he tries to be in her life. Anyway ladies i need ur advice.
In my opinion , yes you should be talking about when daddy cones home , showing her pictures , making her aware of his place in her life when daddy comes home will save a heartache from rejection or even fear.
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Old 11-16-2017, 03:39 AM
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Just a reminder. This thread is 13 years old, and the poster hasn't been here in 5 years
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