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  #1  
Old 05-16-2018, 12:54 PM
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Default What would put you off answering a pen pal advert?

My dear friend has recently posted a new penpal ad and he is disappointed that he hasnt had any response.

He has asked me what he is doing wrong and my answer is nothing.It seems fine to me nothing would put me off corresponding with him if I didnt know him.

It led me to thinking what would put you off answering an ad?

For me it would be :

Terms like looking for a babygirl and Queen.

A monologue about how amazing they are.

A one line introduction , if they cant be bothered why should I be?


Interested in what others think.
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Old 05-16-2018, 12:59 PM
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Those looking for a serious relationship right off the bat. Looking for a wife. Ya know?

The ones who go on and on about how amazing they are or how good looking they are.

If they were of a religion that is very selective on who they can be with (if it's a relationship being sought).

Anything that insinuates that they can't/won't follow the rules in prison. Saying they'll call from a cell phone. Saying they tattoo for money. Saying they are always in the hole...etc. I have enough train wrecks in my life...
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Old 05-16-2018, 01:34 PM
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Anything that indicates they don’t take responsibility for their crime.

Anything that indicates they are looking for legal or financial help.

Things that indicate a less than perfect grasp on the truth and/or reality...

Certain crimes

Bad poetry

Poor grammar

Indications of gang affiliations

There’s a lot. I’m picky, but being selective has worked well for me.
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Old 05-16-2018, 01:54 PM
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I agree anyone looking for money or gifts,although few would state that from the get go.One website allows inmates to state of they are looking for donations. I have tended to ignore that as some of my best penpals ticked yes but then never asked for anything or accepted the answer no.

I also would be put off by certain crimes, I am aware of my views on certain crimes and would not want to judge so best stay away.
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Old 05-16-2018, 05:45 PM
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As @ss-backward as it sounds, I would be put off by someone who focused on how lonely they were even though we all know that logically, prison can be a lonely place. I enjoy conversing with people who have positive stuff happening in their lives and that have the ability to recognize it. I can be a little bit of an introverted rain-cloud and I'm up front about that, so having someone who can roll with that and balance the relationship, even in letters, is a good thing.

Of course the usual list:
Seeking financial or legal assistance
Looking for a wife (even before I was one)
Someone who bounces in and out of prison without the interest or insight to stop.
Someone who talks about what a catch they are/brags about their swag.
Poor grammar and poetry (Marseille ) would put me off if I were seeking a partner, but if it's strictly platonic I can meet them where they are. Maybe that's because in the beginning of the friendship with my now husband I wrote a horrible poem in English, Spanish and Nauhtl and to this day he'll (lie and) tell me how impressed he was.
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Old 05-18-2018, 08:13 PM
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First off, this is a great thread!

My pet peeves when it comes to pen pal ads and what would definitely put me off are:

-Annoying clichés, such as: "I like the simpler things in life" ...

-When I see yet another inmate from Kentucky claiming to be bisexual (for some reason, an absolutely unrealistic proportion of men in Kentucky prisons listed on pen pal sites claim to be bisexual. I never knew that Kentucky of all states was famous for this)...

-Inmates that sound inauthentic by using unnatural words and expressions with the aim to impress...

-Where the primary stated goal of a pen pal ad is to enter into a romantic relationship and find a significant other, rather than simply looking for friends at first, and building something from that.

Last edited by rupert81; 05-18-2018 at 08:17 PM..
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Old 05-19-2018, 03:55 AM
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I read a penpal ad last night that stated with " I am giving you the opportunity to get to know me", I thought at first this was tongue in cheek but having read the rest it wasnt. The guy went onto to describe his preferred penpal as ambitious , exceptional and an entrepreneur just like him. He has no time for wasters and he would be willing to coach someone not as wonderful as him in how to improve their life and be as successful and charismatic as him.

Really my potential friend in the USP you want to show me how to lead a successful life??
"Physician cure yourself"

Omg it can be a mine field finding the right person.
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Old 05-19-2018, 04:35 AM
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When they claim to be innocent. I know a few poor souls are, but most of them ain't.
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Old 05-19-2018, 08:11 AM
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I actually read the penpal ads to just see who posts these and my goodness some make me laugh out loud. Only because I'm hyper aware of the scams and pit falls of MWI's. But seriously I'd rather never meet another man if I have to pick thru pen pals. Not one that I've read is honest, like hey I'm a total screw up and now I'm paying the price. No they all start out about the way they can improve my life because they have found their inner whatever!!!LOL And about how now that they are doing 20 years they suddenly find god, and now want a meaningful relationship. Any way if I was to write someone I'f have to believe them and their ad. I'd rather be friends with a person who starts out honest not I made a little mistake and now I have seen the light!!!
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Old 05-19-2018, 08:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirin View Post
When they claim to be innocent. I know a few poor souls are, but most of them ain't.
That’s really a shame because there are thousands of people that are incarcerated that ARE innocent. I’d hate to turn off a new pen pal to writing someone claiming innocence because, imo, these are the people that need pen pals the most.
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Old 05-19-2018, 09:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Terms like looking for a babygirl and Queen.
Yup --> barf Even now, if my guy would ever call me by either of those pet names, I would tell him to STOP. Gladly we are on the same page about this

Also if they choose to post a picture with a bare upper body showing off their muscles....cringe. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely appreciate a fit person and I get it that it can be one of the very few things to be 'proud' of while in prison...but for me personally...nooooo
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