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View Poll Results: What's the most logical action in this case?
Bond him out, knowing he's unemployed, and leave him to hire his own attorney. 1 2.86%
Since you want to help, leave him in jail and pay for his attorney. 34 97.14%
Voters: 35. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 06-06-2010, 08:59 AM
jeswannabhiswyf jeswannabhiswyf is offline
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Default I hate when people don't think ahead!!

PTO, I am so frustrated with my family right now and I would like your perspectives.

My 25 year old male cousin was just caught with 8 guns. He was arrested and is facing state prison time. His parents, knowing he has no job, want to bond him out, for $6500 and let him provide his own counsel. Are you SERIOUS? With what job is he supposed to pay for a good lawyer? Let him stay in jail, use the $6500 to hire a lawyer! GRRR!!! Additional details--this is about the 4th time he's been in jail on similar charges. The parents will have to get a loan for the $6500.

Am I the one who's crazy here? PTO, may I please have your opinions so that I can possibly see what they are seeing?
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Old 06-06-2010, 09:45 AM
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your feelings make perfect sense to me!! It doesn't appear to make any sense.plus if one of my children got caught with 8 guns i certainly wouldn't pay $6500 to bail them out.I'm a firm believer if you never allow your loved ones to pay the consequences for their choices,they may very well continue on the same path,doing the exact same things as what is their incentive to change if mom and dad bail him out time and time againI'm def. with you on this one!!
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Old 06-06-2010, 09:59 AM
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I agree with Marcsbeth on this one, first and foremost if you bail him out, when is he going to learn from his mistakes. Second, I do think the money is much better spent on an attorney, because I am thinking to get someone a good outcome with 8 guns which has to add to up to many felonies, is going to be very expensive. I agree that is insane.
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Old 06-06-2010, 10:19 AM
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Is this his first offense or is he a habitual criminal?
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Old 06-06-2010, 10:57 AM
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it seems to me if they do bailhim out and he has no money for an attorney they will eventually have to pay for the lawyer.im sure he wants to get out and they only hear what he wants. IOW,if you are selling ice cream would you give out free scoops???
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Old 06-06-2010, 12:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeswannabhiswyf View Post
PTO, I am so frustrated with my family right now and I would like your perspectives.

My 25 year old male cousin was just caught with 8 guns. He was arrested and is facing state prison time. His parents, knowing he has no job, want to bond him out, for $6500 and let him provide his own counsel. Are you SERIOUS? With what job is he supposed to pay for a good lawyer? Let him stay in jail, use the $6500 to hire a lawyer! GRRR!!! Additional details--this is about the 4th time he's been in jail on similar charges. The parents will have to get a loan for the $6500.

Am I the one who's crazy here? PTO, may I please have your opinions so that I can possibly see what they are seeing?
wow that is what happened with us...except no lawyer, no bail...public defender & sentenced to 4 years...but he was charged with weapson...not fire arms
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Old 06-06-2010, 01:01 PM
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Possible reasons why I've heard to bail people out if you can... It looks better to the judge showing he has family support that is willing to help him out. I've also heard that if someone isn't bailed out that they may have to go to trial in their jail clothes. A good suit and a crisp haircut does make a big impression on a jury. Just some reasons I've heard it's better to bail someone out rather than let them do the time waiting for trial. I hear what you are saying though.
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Old 06-06-2010, 01:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by akaptrosa View Post
Possible reasons why I've heard to bail people out if you can... It looks better to the judge showing he has family support that is willing to help him out. I've also heard that if someone isn't bailed out that they may have to go to trial in their jail clothes. A good suit and a crisp haircut does make a big impression on a jury. Just some reasons I've heard it's better to bail someone out rather than let them do the time waiting for trial. I hear what you are saying though.
All things I haven't thought of, but do make sense. This is not his first offense. I am not sure if he'll get the habitual felon because I know he beat 1 or 2 charges. I'm just thinking how much time he could get behind this. Young black man with guns and a prior record. He has no job. They are banking on this company in the area that's "hiring". SO WHAT!!! He does not have the job yet. I don't care that Jimmy. Peggy, and Sue got hired. They may never hire him. Even if they did, how long will he have to work to pay the lawyer and still take care of himself? What is the likelihood of him accumulating this money legally? This is so frustrating!!!

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Old 06-06-2010, 01:38 PM
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i say don't bail him out. he won't learn his lesson if he just gets right out after doing something like that. paying for the lawyer would be the best idea, in my opinion.
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Old 06-06-2010, 01:43 PM
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Reasons that some might not bail, could include that if he has other similar charges and has been convicted of a felony, this could become a federal charge and the sentencing may be tougher (all the more reason to invest in an attorney). Also some once they understand that prison is a factor may not report (thus forfeiting the bail) and resulting in additional charges when caught.

Obviously there are responsible individuals who do show up for court but others have been known to miss it. Some have no problem surrendering when the time comes, others do... I would think there are things to consider on both sides. However if money is limited the best investment (IMO) is in legal representation.
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Old 06-06-2010, 02:54 PM
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On a second or third or fourth time around, I'd be inclined not to bail him out. Even if it looked better to the judge, I'm not convinced that he's earned looking better. He hasn't learned squat, and clearly isn't trying to, so his parents pouring heart and soul and money into him isn't going to improve matters.
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Old 06-06-2010, 04:18 PM
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Quote:
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Reasons that some might not bail, could include...

Thanks so much for your post. I have plenty reasons to leave him in there. I am wondering why they would bail him out.
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Old 06-06-2010, 04:48 PM
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To my mind, probably their largest motivator would be guilt. They didn't do their parenting right, they did this, didn't do that, got him therapy/didn't get any, and on and on. The greatest grief of parents is that their children can fail, that they aren't good people, that they are dangerous to others and sometimes themselves. The parents are trying to find a way to save their child. Even though it's often the wrong way, the first instinct is to bail them out.
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Old 06-06-2010, 05:21 PM
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As a mom, I see how wanting to protect my child might influence my ability to see that he needs to start taking care of his own mistakes.
However, I am not made of money...I have other kids that need me to make the best decisions for our entire family.
So, I try not to make money decisions without really thinking it all out. He is lucky that you are here trying to work it out, instead of giving up on him.

Here's my beef: Guns are life-ending weapons for the people on either end. Doesn't he see that? Unless you are SUPPOSED to have a gun, handling one can produce NOTHING good.

So, it sounds to me like he places little value on human life...
I'm not judging, just guessing. If he has made the same MAJOR mistake more than once, it is not a mistake anymore, it is an on-purpose, and he should get what he wants. Consequences.

I hope that he sees what he is doing to you guys sooner rather than later-
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Old 06-06-2010, 05:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeswannabhiswyf View Post
Thanks so much for your post. I have plenty reasons to leave him in there. I am wondering why they would bail him out.
Oops, I read your post and thought you were asking opinions on to bail or invest in an attorney. I see now the question is why would someone pick bail over an attorney?
they do not believe they have enough to purchase an attorney but can get bail

fear for their child, not wanting him to remain in a place that they couldn't imagine themselves in.

they lost their ability to parent so instead they allow him make decisions

easier to toss money at something than to try to understand why it is broken to begin with.

Okay those would be my other thoughts if I read your request correctly the first time, honestly I thought I had it but dang if I didn't miss it...
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Old 06-06-2010, 07:51 PM
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For those charges I would use the money or a lawyer.
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Old 06-06-2010, 07:57 PM
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yeah......he won't learn if mommy and daddy always bail him out.
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Old 06-06-2010, 10:16 PM
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I don't believe they should spend the money on either. Their adult child? His fourth charge? No thanks. Why should they put themselves in debt for this? Those type of situations always make me so sad for the parents.
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Old 06-07-2010, 08:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeswannabhiswyf View Post
PTO, I am so frustrated with my family right now and I would like your perspectives.

My 25 year old male cousin was just caught with 8 guns. He was arrested and is facing state prison time. His parents, knowing he has no job, want to bond him out, for $6500 and let him provide his own counsel. Are you SERIOUS? With what job is he supposed to pay for a good lawyer? Let him stay in jail, use the $6500 to hire a lawyer! GRRR!!! Additional details--this is about the 4th time he's been in jail on similar charges. The parents will have to get a loan for the $6500.

Am I the one who's crazy here? PTO, may I please have your opinions so that I can possibly see what they are seeing?
I'd leave his sorry @$$ in, let him grow up and face the consequences! How many times are his parents gonna keep helping him? Maybe if they let him grow up he'd learn his lesson. By continuing to so called "help him", all they are doing is hurting him. Lots of families think bailing out someone or paying a lawyer is helping. But you say this is repeated behavior, so apparently he doesn't learn to well maybe mom & dad should let him learn that his actions have consequences. PS YOUR NOT THE CRAZY ONE!

Last edited by crazy2010; 06-07-2010 at 08:07 AM.. Reason: add on
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Old 06-07-2010, 10:36 AM
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Another point - what's he REALLY going to do with the time he's out? He's not really going to get a job that will pay for a lawyer, so the odds are he will just get himself into even more trouble.
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Old 06-07-2010, 05:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by akaptrosa View Post
Possible reasons why I've heard to bail people out if you can... It looks better to the judge showing he has family support that is willing to help him out. I've also heard that if someone isn't bailed out that they may have to go to trial in their jail clothes. A good suit and a crisp haircut does make a big impression on a jury. Just some reasons I've heard it's better to bail someone out rather than let them do the time waiting for trial. I hear what you are saying though.
I think I heard that too, but because NY is a great state to do time, if you don't bail them out you can send them court clothes to the jail and he can wear those.

To you OP, I'll work with you but when it becomes apparent you're not working with me, then I got to let you go otherwise, you'll try and drag me down with you and that, I will not allow. I say that to say with this being your brother's 4th arrest for similar charges, he'd have to sit this out in jail, no bail, and, the family would just have to pray that God gives him a good public defender.

It hurts me that in these times yall have to go in the hole all that money, over someone who cares a quarter the amount that you do.
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Old 06-07-2010, 06:01 PM
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My son-I would get him out but then again, I wouldn't have to get a loan for the money. I don't think 6500 is all that much and I'd probably be paying for his attorney anyway. I think it depends on the family and the situation. If it caused me to go into debt and there was no money for an attorney-possibly its better to leave him there, but I don't think anyone really learns a lesson by being in jail.
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Old 06-07-2010, 10:17 PM
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NY-Done, I agree. This is not my brother, but my cousin. Another family member. LOL. Nimuay, EXACTLY!!!! How the heck do they think he's gonna get the money with no job. Sell lemonade? The sell part could be right. I doubt it on the lemonade. Thatwiz, I am not broke, but I am FAAAAAAAAAAAR from well to do. In my neck of the hood, $6500 is a lot of money! It's too much to waste! To tell the truth, it wouldn't surprise my if he jumped bail! Then there you go, left on the hook with a debt. PLEASE!!! Ghostgirl, I agree. But IF u just have to do something, can it make sense? GRRRR!!!!

Update-- they reaised the bail, I don't know what the figures are now. I just can't talk to my cousins, aunt, or uncle. He needs to suffer. So that he can see trouble is EASY to get into, but HARD to get out of. Otherwise, he'll keep making the same dumb on-purposes.

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Old 06-10-2010, 06:18 AM
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So they upped the bail again...=)!!! This is one time, and I do mean 1, that I agree with the courts!!! Keep him in their so if the parents want to do something, they can pay for the lawyer!
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Old 06-10-2010, 07:05 AM
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with this story this youngster may have to spent some time inside..... I guess saving the money for the "time after" might be a third option ......
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