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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Whats your BIGGEST fear that you have?
That he will cheat (either on the inside or after) 153 15.85%
That he will re-offend 245 25.39%
That he will get hurt in prison 278 28.81%
Other 289 29.95%
Voters: 965. You may not vote on this poll

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  #276  
Old 11-05-2014, 10:25 AM
tcheatham tcheatham is offline
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I worried he would not come home to me, it all got to be too much.
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  #277  
Old 11-05-2014, 10:28 AM
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I'm scared he will forget about me and not come home to me.
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  #278  
Old 11-06-2014, 12:45 PM
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Default scared and confused

my biggest fear is that im being taken in and all what he is saying and all that we are planning is all just one big fantasy...i live in the uk he is in feds in texas, ive got doubts about him cheating and that hes just using me to pass the time..
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  #279  
Old 11-06-2014, 12:59 PM
TashaR29 TashaR29 is offline
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I'm scared cause recently his daughters mom has came back into his life and she's causing me and him a lot of trouble I thank he still has feelings for her but he tells me he love me an our son more than anything and he's coming home o us I believe him and trust him but I still have a little worry that he might have a hange of heart I'm so worried an depressed yet we have been through so much together and I'm scared only 5 months to go and I need someone to talk to no one understands how hard it is to have the love of your life behind bars and you can't even see home it's been 2 long years but we are hanging on
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  #280  
Old 11-08-2014, 12:23 AM
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Other - that he will commit suicide.
He has a chronic pain problem (fibromyalgia) and has a hard time relating to others (schizotypal). I'll know more on Monday if he's officially going in but nobody really seems to understand my worries. They forget a person accused of a crime is still a human and that I was there and know he did not do he was accused of, I just came here while he is tied up in prison custody awaiting trial. He told me if he does go in he can make it a year, maybe two, but after that he's not sure if he won't just try to find any possible way to end it.
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  #281  
Old 11-09-2014, 06:44 PM
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I'm afraid he will not come home to me. Or just forget about me and fall out of love with me. After reading some of these replies though, I see I'm not alone in those particular fears. Just want my boyfriend back home and this to be all over with
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  #282  
Old 12-03-2014, 07:11 PM
JaeBella JaeBella is offline
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Originally Posted by confused_one View Post
I'm afraid he will not come home to me. Or just forget about me and fall out of love with me. After reading some of these replies though, I see I'm not alone in those particular fears. Just want my boyfriend back home and this to be all over with
I definitely identify with you and I feel the same way. I'm afraid of a few things. . I'm afraid that he'll get hurt or worse while he's gone for these three years. I'm afraid that our relationship won't be the same once he comes home. I assume it won't regardless but I want it to be stronger than before he left and I'm worried it won't be. We've been talking for the past 3 & a half years. His "ex" supports him also and she puts up things on instagram that makes me feel like they're still together and even though I think I deserve the truth and want to know, at the same time I don't want to concentrate on the negative because I feel like we do really love each other and care for one another and he needs someone on his side through all of this and I wanna be there for him always. I'm afraid he'll choose her over me. I don't want to to make it a competition thats childish but my whole heart is invested in this and I want him to realize that. Am I foolish for over looking the bad and still wanting to help him?

We spoke about our relationship briefly before he left and he said he'd always love me and he doesn't want me to stop my life because of him, he wants me to be happy and if that means being with someone else, which he doesn't want of course but he said that's his fault not mine and he'd understand.

I guess bottom line is I'm just afraid of loosing him all together, my heart is broken and i dont even know where to go from here.

Last edited by JaeBella; 12-03-2014 at 07:12 PM.. Reason: HeartBroken & Confused
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  #283  
Old 12-04-2014, 10:36 AM
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My biggest fear is that he is using me and I am investing more in this than he is.

He hasn't really given me a reason to suspect this. I am just a paranoid person. I look at a situation and wonder about everything that could possibly go wrong (it's something I need to work on, I know).

Out of everything that could happen in this situation, that is my biggest fear. Only that I will end up letting him hurt me. I am in the middle of a bitter divorce and I am trying not to put myself on the line for anything right now. I keep telling myself that if he is using me, then oh well I learned my lesson. It's not working. I act like it wouldn't bother me around certain people who think he is just a friend, but on the inside worrying about it is eating me alive.

We have only known each other for about 3-4 weeks and he has been in for 2 and a half of that.
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  #284  
Old 12-10-2014, 04:32 AM
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We have a parole date in 2058. but were still fighting his case.. He could be out in a couple of years or any time between now and never.. My biggest fear is that one of us will get Dementia or something like it as we grow older.. we will still be alive, but forget who were loving. that thought about kills me..
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  #285  
Old 12-12-2014, 10:00 PM
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I have a few, honestly. I am not worried about him reoffending, because I know he won't. I am, however, worried about him being hurt inside, or getting a longer sentence because he had to defend himself. I am also worried, like many of us, that he won't come back to me.
We have had a rocky relationship as it is...on his side, anyway...and I don't know if I can trust what he is saying now as what he truly feels, or if it's just "prison talk". He cheated on me once, 4 years ago, and hasn't since..so I'm not real worried about that. But we have had fights over the years and he would tell me that he doesn't want to be with me and that I am no longer the woman he sees himself marrying. Now that he is in prison, he keeps telling me that he realized what he has with me and that he took me for granted, and he knows that I am who he wants to be with for the rest of his life, even going as far as referring to me as his wife to his "friends" in there. But do I believe him, after everything we have been through? Or is he playing me? I am the only one writing him and sending him money/books/etc., so sometimes I feel like he is just using me. And, he is in there for 4-5 years, depending on "good behavior", and I don't know if I should....or even want to....wait that long for him to get out, because I am worried he is going to pull the same routine with the "you're not the woman I see myself marrying" crap.
I have expressed this concern to him and he basically told me that if I can't trust and believe him, then we should just end it now. This is really taking a toll on me, mentally and physically. I am going to visit him this weekend, so maybe I will feel better after seeing him again (we haven't seen each other since he self surrendered 2 1/2 months ago ).

My other fear is life after prison. I know it's going to be hard...but I have no idea how hard it's going to be, and I am worried we won't be able to make it financially.
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  #286  
Old 02-03-2015, 06:45 PM
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My biggest fear is that I will see him die.
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  #287  
Old 02-10-2015, 10:21 PM
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At first it was that he would be hurt in there. And he was....but he healed and is now at a safer place. But I chose "Other" because what I am afraid of now is after he is released he will be on probation. That means if he gets a jerk po, if he sneezes wrong, he goes away again. I don't like probation and some of their control issues where we can't go anywhere without asking, and I don't know if they will impose a curfew on him or something like that....I just don't trust some of them and don't want to worry every day if he is going to get violated for nothing. He really doesn't do anything; he's in there on a self-defense matter that I am still sorta battling. He doesn't do drugs or hang out with anyone but me.
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  #288  
Old 02-12-2015, 07:56 AM
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My biggest fear is that he'll get hurt. I've mentioned before that due to past stupid choices he was almost stabbed to death last time he was in prison and had to be moved around a lot and in seg frequently for his own protection. He's ok right now in county but I dread the day he gets transferred to prison.

On a less morbid note, I'm also terrified that he'll reoffend and go back. I can NOT go through this again, much less over and over and over. I believe his intentions are good, but he's not out here to SHOW me. I'm going on blind faith and I'm aware that all of this investment could be in vain. That scares me a lot because I dont want to lose the future we have planned.
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  #289  
Old 02-12-2015, 03:32 PM
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My biggest fear is that we'll both miss out on an epic love! It may sound cliché but I really believe my guy and I have something really special and really rare that only comes once in a lifetime. And due to the fact that he is facing 50 years to life. I fear we will never get to experience that love in the outside world and it breaks my heart knowing that one day I may have to let go of the romance and I know anyone else would be settling. Not to say I couldn't one day have a good love with someone else but it will never be what he and I have. My biggest fear is that my life will forever be altered due to his absence
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  #290  
Old 02-12-2015, 03:47 PM
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I'm worried that we won't be what each other thinks we are. We write, talk etc. but there's a difference between prison and reality and I have never been what someone would consider the love of their life. I also worry that something will happen when I go and visit him as most people due to my height have always made rude comments and I don't know how he would handle that as he is protective of me. He was already attacked once on the phone about a year ago and I have also heard people getting injured when others find out that they're going home
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  #291  
Old 02-18-2015, 08:21 AM
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Originally Posted by J&D7 View Post
I know theres been a lot that I worry about. But for me, the thing I'm most scared of is not even whether my bf will do something stupid again coz I dont worry about that.. but its the thought of losing him when this is all over. I still have that little insecure thought at the back of my mind even though he's never done anything to warrant it.

Oh and I voted for "other" ..
there is hope i have been out 15 yrs and was in 14 thing isi have been through love lostcrying and everything inbetween there is hope please contact me and i can explain
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  #292  
Old 02-22-2015, 10:32 PM
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My biggest fear is that we'll both miss out on an epic love! It may sound cliché but I really believe my guy and I have something really special and really rare that only comes once in a lifetime. And due to the fact that he is facing 50 years to life. I fear we will never get to experience that love in the outside world and it breaks my heart knowing that one day I may have to let go of the romance and I know anyone else would be settling. Not to say I couldn't one day have a good love with someone else but it will never be what he and I have. My biggest fear is that my life will forever be altered due to his absence
He swore this to me less than a week after we met! Took me a little longer to get there too (2 weeks) but I'm so realistic I know it irritates him lol. We are blessed that we will be together again very soon. We both always say 'I carry your heart with me'-EE Cummings
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  #293  
Old 02-22-2015, 11:18 PM
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I have so many.. One is that we don't have an outdate. We aren't sure how long he's going to be gone. In that, I get to visit once a week on a computer screen, but once he's moved it won't be that much. Another is that he writes every single day, will he stop as time moves on? I wonder if our love is strong enough to sustain prison life. We were inseparable for two years and now I've only seen him once in person and that was at court. Will he forget me? Will I forget what it's like to lay in his arms? Will the steel walls rip away the life we built together? I could go on and on. But, every time I have fears I just try and remember that we are head over heels in love with each other and our communication has gotten so much better. I know all his fears and he knows all of mine and we do the best we can.
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  #294  
Old 02-23-2015, 12:49 AM
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I have a few
1) that he will get hurt or die in prison (at the hands of another)
2) that he will not be parolled on his ERD rather his Max discharge date
3) that he come out a different person than what he went in; that he'll loose "something" of himself
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  #295  
Old 03-12-2015, 05:56 PM
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Wow, just looking over old posts on this thread and thinking about how my biggest fear - losing family over my chosen relationship, did not come true... and then reading other peoples' fears... that he will never get out... that he will die in prison... and realizing I already know my guy is never getting out and he is going to die in prison. Without me. And probably without my knowing. Maybe one of the gifts of being with a lifer is that you don't have to be afraid of those things because you already know they are going to happen... and you're still okay.
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  #296  
Old 03-12-2015, 09:42 PM
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My biggest fear is that he will never get out...then again I am afraid he will get hurt . So much emotion building just thinking about whether or not I'll ever see his face again...
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  #297  
Old 03-19-2015, 04:56 PM
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Death scares me with him. Not even on the inside, but his temper on the outside. Today's world is getting rough and I'll be damned someone takes him from me over something stupid. Jesus has all control, so I always ask him to watch over him.
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  #298  
Old 03-19-2015, 10:27 PM
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I think through it all...because I know my boyfriend has a long criminal history and I don't know a damned thing about the "system" other than I have my own thoughts and feelings (it being corrupt, for the most part) I am soooo afraid that I wait out all this time because I do love him so much..that he gets out, can't handle the "freedom" re-offends and goes right back in. There are many factors to his sentences...1.) his mental instability and 2.) his drug & alcohol addictions. It's all very complicated and I just hope, pray, and wait to see if he can work on those things. I don't ever say rehabilitate because I don't truly believe prison does that...however, I believe the prisoners all have the power and should have the "want" to better their situations. Any thoughts?
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  #299  
Old 03-19-2015, 10:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timntisha2012 View Post
I have so many.. One is that we don't have an outdate. We aren't sure how long he's going to be gone. In that, I get to visit once a week on a computer screen, but once he's moved it won't be that much. Another is that he writes every single day, will he stop as time moves on? I wonder if our love is strong enough to sustain prison life. We were inseparable for two years and now I've only seen him once in person and that was at court. Will he forget me? Will I forget what it's like to lay in his arms? Will the steel walls rip away the life we built together? I could go on and on. But, every time I have fears I just try and remember that we are head over heels in love with each other and our communication has gotten so much better. I know all his fears and he knows all of mine and we do the best we can.
You are seriously asking all the same questions I ask myself every single day about my relationship with my boyfriend, as well. Will he forget me? I don't think so. But who am I to say? I don't want to forget him...the way he smells, his kiss.. how it feels to hold him. I can't visit him right now so I am just praying that through our letters and very sparse phone calls we'll maintain and actually marry when he finally gets an out date! I am here if you ever need a shoulder, an ear...or just a friend!
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  #300  
Old 03-21-2015, 12:27 AM
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My biggest fear is that he will never get out.
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