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  #1  
Old 10-12-2017, 08:03 PM
Nicki73562 Nicki73562 is offline
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Default Fiancee under stress and so am I

I know it's stressful for everyone, and I always feel the need to be honest with my guy. He worries hes gonna lose me so he worries more etc, well I decided to tell him about my friends husband's friend that was either joking or hitting on me. My fiancee was taken back cause I didn't tell him sooner and seemed disappointed in me. I have alot going on too in my life, autistic kids, my daughter just hospitalized for having seizures, so I didn't tell him right away...still he seems overly concerned...I don't know what to do to make it right or have I done all I could? Anyone else going through something like this?
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:04 PM
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Also once I was hit on I left my friend's house, but my guy thought I should have done more
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:26 PM
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I had an ex band member ask me out when i told him i had a bf just locked up. He said i should go out with him and something about convicts. I had to jpay my fiancée and talk to my band leader about it. So lo called and my friends handled and i got an apology. My lo was upset at the guy.
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:30 PM
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I'm trying to imagine what I would hope to gain by telling my husband that another man hit on me.
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Old 10-13-2017, 12:06 AM
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I'm trying to imagine what I would hope to gain by telling my husband that another man hit on me.
That's what I'm saying. I'm by no means a "hottie" but I interact daily with several men and am hit on - often. There's no point in telling my husband whether he's in prison or not. We're both secure in our marriage and I take advances with a grain of salt. It has nothing to do with honesty, I just don't think nothing of it.
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Old 10-13-2017, 02:13 AM
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It is best not to mention these things to a man while he is on the inside. If you are holiding it down out here for your fiancé you will handle those advances quickly and be done with it. I had men hit in me when he was inside tv, I never once mentioned it and he didn't once say he was worried about it. He knew I was being 100 % loyal. Prison is an environment where they don't need to be worried about shit out here. I didn't need my man on the yard so upset about Whether I'm being loyal or not that he gets sucker punch and sent to the hole. They are in prison they should have their head in the game whether they are in max or min. Be a support to him let him see by your actions u aren't going anywhere they live in enough drama in there. if he continues to worry about losing you maybe check and see if he is insecure.
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Old 10-13-2017, 03:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Nicki73562 View Post
I know it's stressful for everyone, and I always feel the need to be honest with my guy. He worries hes gonna lose me so he worries more etc, well I decided to tell him about my friends husband's friend that was either joking or hitting on me. My fiancee was taken back cause I didn't tell him sooner and seemed disappointed in me. I have alot going on too in my life, autistic kids, my daughter just hospitalized for having seizures, so I didn't tell him right away...still he seems overly concerned...I don't know what to do to make it right or have I done all I could? Anyone else going through something like this?
I am not sure it was necessary to tell him you feel that your friends husband may have been hitting on you. Why does he need to hear that? Gawd help me if I told my friend about every guy that tried to pick up on me.

I am not going to say that inmates need to be coddled but all they have is time and their thoughts to ponder what we tell them. Most of them feel as if they are a failure because they are not out here protecting and providing for us.
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Old 10-13-2017, 06:36 AM
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I tell my husband everything that's why he knows he can trust me. Ofcourse he gets upset but not at me. He gets upset at himself because he's not here. I don't tell him so he can get mad I tell him because he's my husband and I don't lie to him and if I get to keep it from him and he finds out when he comes home he's going to think I cheated on him. So I'll always tell him.
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  #9  
Old 10-13-2017, 09:23 AM
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I tell my husband everything that's why he knows he can trust me. Ofcourse he gets upset but not at me. He gets upset at himself because he's not here. I don't tell him so he can get mad I tell him because he's my husband and I don't lie to him and if I get to keep it from him and he finds out when he comes home he's going to think I cheated on him. So I'll always tell him.
Exactly!!!!!
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:24 AM
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Ok so instead of support I'm getting accused of gaining something from it which I'm not. What Ny17 girl said is exactly why I did what I did she's just like me, and our relationship sounds the same. Never again will I post here for support
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:29 AM
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I'm trying to imagine what I would hope to gain by telling my husband that another man hit on me.
I really could care less about your comment
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:31 AM
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Originally Posted by nancyginnm View Post
That's what I'm saying. I'm by no means a "hottie" but I interact daily with several men and am hit on - often. There's no point in telling my husband whether he's in prison or not. We're both secure in our marriage and I take advances with a grain of salt. It has nothing to do with honesty, I just don't think nothing of it.
Good for u but my guy wants to know everything so excuse me.
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Kimimi View Post
It is best not to mention these things to a man while he is on the inside. If you are holiding it down out here for your fiancé you will handle those advances quickly and be done with it. I had men hit in me when he was inside tv, I never once mentioned it and he didn't once say he was worried about it. He knew I was being 100 % loyal. Prison is an environment where they don't need to be worried about shit out here. I didn't need my man on the yard so upset about Whether I'm being loyal or not that he gets sucker punch and sent to the hole. They are in prison they should have their head in the game whether they are in max or min. Be a support to him let him see by your actions u aren't going anywhere they live in enough drama in there. if he continues to worry about losing you maybe check and see if he is insecure.
Um he wants to know everything
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:34 AM
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Originally Posted by JustBeingMe67 View Post
I am not sure it was necessary to tell him you feel that your friends husband may have been hitting on you. Why does he need to hear that? Gawd help me if I told my friend about every guy that tried to pick up on me.

I am not going to say that inmates need to be coddled but all they have is time and their thoughts to ponder what we tell them. Most of them feel as if they are a failure because they are not out here protecting and providing for us.
Gawd he wanted to know everything
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:42 AM
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You said you're hit on daily yet you didn't him that. What made you tell him about this incident? What did you expect him to do with this information? Now that he knows you will have to remind him of your commitment to him. It will still be on his mind, but there's nothing point to take it back.
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:46 AM
Nicki73562 Nicki73562 is offline
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You said you're hit on daily yet you didn't him that. What made you tell him about this incident? What did you expect him to do with this information? Now that he knows you will have to remind him of your commitment to him. It will still be on his mind, but there's nothing point to take it back.
Um he wants to know everything
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:52 AM
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Um he wants to know everything
Don't let a few comments keep you from posting here. I left a long message but for some reason it didn't post. Pm me if you need to talk.
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:53 AM
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Don't let a few comments keep you from posting here. I left a long message but for some reason it didn't post. Pm me if you need to talk.
Ty hun xoxo
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Old 10-13-2017, 11:39 AM
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I really could care less about your comment
It was a legitimate thought. What would I hope to gain by telling my husband who can do nothing about the situation that another man had hit on me.

Do y'all run home every time a man glances at you in the streets and tell your partner? If that's a yes, then whatever reaction you get then is what you could expect now and probably didn't need input from a public forum to tell you how to handle it.

You said he's worried about you and then you give him a reason to worry. So I'm asking...what did you hope to gain by that?
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Old 10-13-2017, 11:40 AM
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It was a legitimate thought. What would I hope to gain by telling my husband who can do nothing about the situation that another man had hit on me.

Do y'all run home every time a man glances at you in the streets and tell your partner? If that's a yes, then whatever reaction you get then is what you could expect now and probably didn't need input from a public forum to tell you how to handle it.

You said he's worried about you and then you give him a reason to worry. So I'm asking...what did you hope to gain by that?
No I'm honest with him about everything I'm very open...he wants to know everything..excuse me that's our relationship
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Old 10-13-2017, 11:41 AM
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No I'm honest with him about everything I'm very open...he wants to know everything..excuse me that's our relationship
And not every relationship is alike...I wasn't trying to "gain" anything...by putting money on securus, giving him money on his books every week, buying him a book, traveling with special needs kids 2 1/2 hrs every week to see him so he doesn't feel lonely...I think I do my share.
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Old 10-13-2017, 11:42 AM
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It's not dishonest to not mention every attempt to catch your attention. But, it does take a genuine level of trust and commitment to not want or need that kind of reporting in a relationship.

You do what works for you. If you're both stressing, I don't see how this helps. But if it's making you both feel better...more power to you.
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Old 10-13-2017, 11:43 AM
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It's not dishonest to not mention every attempt to catch your attention. But, it does take a genuine level of trust and commitment to not want or need that kind of reporting in a relationship.

You do what works for you. If you're both stressing, I don't see how this helps. But if it's making you both feel better...more power to you.
Yes he actually told me if he finds anything out like that when he gets out he's done....so I tell him of incidents...not "every" incident but this guy touched me.
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Old 10-13-2017, 11:45 AM
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Yes he actually told me if he finds anything out like that when he gets out he's done....so I tell him of incidents...not "every" incident but this guy touched me.
And I never said that not saying everything is dishonest.
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Old 10-13-2017, 11:48 AM
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....so I tell him of incidents...not "every" incident but this guy touched me.
Big difference between hitting on and physical contact, now it makes more sense. In this case, I would tell my husband, too, because that could be an assault case and I would need his support.

It's never appropriate to touch someone without their consent. I'm sorry someone crossed a boundary with you on that level.
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