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Indiana General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat Topics & Discussions relating to Prison & the Criminal Justice System in Indiana that do not fit into any other Indiana sub-forum category. Please feel free to also introduce yourself to other members in the state and talk about whatever topics come to mind that may not have anything to do with prison.

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  #1  
Old 02-09-2007, 10:47 PM
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wildukcat wildukcat is offline
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Smile This is a good laugh for all!!!

I recieved this from Darin... he thought it was a good laugh... hope you guys like it!!!


YOUR FORWARNING FOR THE
______ DAY OF_______200__
TO ALL FRIENDS, RELATIVES, AND LOVED ONES OF____(OFFENDER NAME)_____

VERY SOON, THE ABOVE NAMED MAN WILL COME AGAIN IN YOUR MIDST. DEHUMANIZED, AND SOMEWHAT BITTER. HE ONCE AGAIN IS READY TO TAKE HIS PLACE AS A HUMAN BEING WITH FREEDOM, LIBERTY AND THE SOMEWHAT DELAYED PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

IN MAKING YOUR JOYOUS PREPERATIONS TO WELCOME HIM BACK INTO RESPECTABLE SOCIETY, YOU MUST MAKE ALLOWANCES FOR THE CRUDE ENVIRONMENT IN WHICH HEAS SUFFERED FOR YEARS. IN OTHER WORDS, HE MAY BE SOMEWHAT PARANOID AND SUFFER FROM THE ADVANCED STAGES OF PROLIXIN POISONING, SOLITARY CONFINEMENT, OR TOO MANY BOARD DENIALS. THEREFORE, SHOW NO ALARM IF HE CHOOSES TO PUT AN 'X' ON THE CALENDER ECT. ECT.

DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF HE ANSERS ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS WITH, "HOW THE *$#& SHOULD I KNOW?" OR "*$#& YOU!" IN ADDITION, IF YOU ASK HIM WHERE SOMETHING IS, YOU SHOULD EXPECT "IF IT WAS UP IN YOU, YOU WOULD KNOW." BE TOLERANT IF HE REFUSED TO ENTER A BUILDING THAT HAS STEEL BARS OVER THE WINDOWS OR DOORS.

ANY OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE AVOIDED SINCE THEY CAN PRODUCE AN ADVANCED STATE OF SHOCK OR PARANOIA: WALKING CLOSELY BEHIND HIM, OR REAL WOMAN IN SKIMPY CLOTHING, OR BENDING OVER IN FRONT OF HIM, OR OFFERING HIM A FULL PACK OF CIGARETTES.

DO NOT CORRECT HIM IF HE CHOOSES TO CUT HIS MEAT WITH A SPOON RATHER THAN A KNIFE AT TEH DINNER TABLE, OR IF HE REFERS TO HIS PLATE AS A "TRAY", OR IF HE ASKS YOU "ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT?" DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF UPON THE SOUND OF A BELL OR THE WORD "COUNT," HE GOES OBEDIENTLY TO HIS ROOM. (TO REASSURE HIM, ENTER HIS ROOM AND PRETEND TO COUNT HIM.)

SHOW HIM NO CONCERN IF HE WONDERS AROUND THE BACKYARD LOOKING FOR THE "IRON PILE." FOR THE FIRST FEW MONTHS DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF HE WIPES THE TOILET SEAT, STEALS THE TOILET PAPER, HORDES SURGAR, OR STASHES A SPOON UNDER HIS BED.

BE ESPECIALLY CAREFUL WHEN HE IS IN THE COMPANY OF ANY WOMEN. HIS REACTION WILL BE THAT OF STARE. WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS ARE ADVISED TO USE THIS MOMENTARY SHOCK TO MOVE OUT OF HIS REACH!

KEEP IN MIND THAT BENEATH HIS PALE EXTERIOR BEATS A HEART OF GOLD. TREASURE THIS, FOR IT IS THE ONLY THING OF VALUE HE HAS LEFT. TREAT HIM WITH KIDNESS, TOLERANCE, AND THE OCCASIONAL PARTY AND YOU WILL BE ABLE TO REHABILITATE THIS SHELL OF A MAN YOU ONCE KNEW.
***SPECIAL NOTICE***
IF FOR ANY REASON YOU HAVE BETRAYED, FORGOTTEN, SNITCHED OR JUST PLAIN SCREWED OVER THE ABOVE INDIVIDUAL, YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATEL DO ONE, OR ALL OF THE FOLLOWING:

1. LEAVE TOWN
2. CHANGE YOUR ADDRESS AND NAME
3. TRY DESPERATELY TO RECONCILE THE RELATIONSHIP BY OFFERING HIM MONEY (LOTS OF IT).
4. START DOING STRETCHING EXERCISES SO THAT ONCE YOU SEE HIM, YOU CAN KISS YOU BUTT GOODBYE!!!
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  #2  
Old 02-09-2007, 11:17 PM
bobbi992003 bobbi992003 is offline
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That was just to funny.LMAO I am so gonna print that out and send it to my husband he will get a kick out of it.
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Old 02-10-2007, 03:44 PM
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sunshinepool sunshinepool is offline
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You are a nut !!!!!
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Old 02-27-2007, 08:59 PM
Raisbabygurl Raisbabygurl is offline
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That was absolutly hilarious. I think I am gonna print that out as well.
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Old 02-27-2007, 09:45 PM
Valentina Valentina is offline
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That's hilarious! Thanks!
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Old 03-14-2007, 08:06 PM
ultimatedeity ultimatedeity is offline
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giggles
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Old 03-14-2007, 09:00 PM
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His_shortie His_shortie is offline
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ROfl...thank u I needed that laugh!

Bella
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