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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 05-04-2010, 05:54 PM
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Default For anyone who wants to improve their relationship!

Hi guys!! Well I am posting this because i told BooBoo <3 that i would and also because have found this to be really helpful in improving my relationship with my husband. And figured i should share it, and maybe it will help you guys too!!! And since we are always looking for ways to improve our prison relationship and always talking about isecurities, infedelity, anger, sadness and control issues i figured we should talk about positive feelings as well. so i hope you guys can find this as helpful as i have found it!! so here goes:

instructions: SO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU PICK 3 EMOTIONAL NEEDS AND YOUR PARTNER PICKS 3 AND YOU DISCUSS YOUR ANSWERS AND WAYS AND HOW EACH OF YOU IS GOING TO GIVE THE OTHER THEIR EMOTIONAL NEEDS. SINCE TECHNICALLY YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER WHEN YOU DO THIS YOU HAVE TO IMPROVISE LIKE I DID! WHAT I DID IS SENT HIM 2 FLYERS I CIRCLED MY 3 EMOTIONAL NEEDS ON ONE FOR HIM TO KEEP AND A BLANK ONE FOR HIM TO CIRCLE HIS 3 EMOTIONAL NEEDS AND SEND IT TO ME THAT WAY WE BOTH HAD A COPY AND EACH OTHERS ANSWERS. I TOLD HIM WE ARENT TO DISCUSS IT UNTIL WE EACH HAD EACH OTHERS ANSWERS. AND WE DISCUSSED IT DURING PHONE COVERSATIONS, VISITATION AS WELL AS BY LETTERS


TEN KEY INTIMACY/EMOTIONAL NEEDS!!

Select 3 needs which you sense are most important to you at htis time in your life and why:


ACCEPTANCE: receiving one another willingly and unconditionally especially when the others behavior has been imperfect, being willing to continue loving one another in spite of offenses.

AFFECTION: expressing care and closeness throught non-sexual physical touch, carefully respecting the boundries of the other person, saying "I LOVE YOU"

APPRECIATION: expressing thanks, praise, or commendation recognizing accomplishment or effort.

APPROVAL (BLESSING): building up or affirming another; affirming both the fact of and the importance of a relationship

ATTENTION: conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking thought of another, entering another's world.

COMFORT: responding to a hurting person with words feelings and touch, to hurt with and for another's grief or pain.

ENCOURAGEMENT: urging another to persist and persevere toward a goal; stimulating toward love and good deeds.

RESPECT: valuing and regarding another highly; treating another as important; honoring another.

SECURITY (PEACE): harmony in relationships, freedom from fear or threat from harm.

SUPPORT: coming alongside and gently helping with a problem or struggle, providing appropriate assistance.


I really hope you guys find helpful, i was really surprised by my hubbys answers since i had thought i knew what he would want... but i was wrong, it helped us know what each one wanted as far as emotional needs in our relationship and it helped us establish a solid way of communicating.

PS: just one more thing, dont use this excersise as a bash session towards each other. This isnt meant for either you or your partner to accuse or attack each other on how your emotional needs werent met in the past or arent being met now, and neither should get offended when you get each others answers either! Regardless if you have been there or not, or if your partner has given or is giving you these emotional needs or not isnt important. What is important and the goal of this excersise is for each of you to know your partners EMOTIONAL NEED NOW!! today at this moment. leave the past in the past and start brand new in achieving each others goal. If your already feeling your needs met CONGRATS just keep doing what your doing!!!
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Last edited by Val912; 05-04-2010 at 06:27 PM..
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  #2  
Old 05-04-2010, 06:05 PM
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Thank you for sharing this! Im gonna mail it to my man tomorrow-i look forward to seeing the outcome...thanks again
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Old 05-04-2010, 07:01 PM
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no problem.. and please share if and how this excersise helped you guys

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Thank you for sharing this! Im gonna mail it to my man tomorrow-i look forward to seeing the outcome...thanks again
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Old 05-04-2010, 10:27 PM
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This is awsome, i am going to send it tomorrow and I will llet you know how it helped, Thanks a million
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Old 05-04-2010, 10:55 PM
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Thank you for something positive and helpful. This is good.
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Old 05-05-2010, 12:51 AM
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Def sending him this. I think I know his answers, but he may surprise me. Thanks for the great thread. I love non-depressing threads!
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Old 05-05-2010, 06:44 AM
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your welcome!! we have so many negative threads out there and were always second guessing what our significant other wants or needs or get upset because they dont know what we want or need in our relationships this is a great positive way to find out.
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Old 05-05-2010, 12:20 PM
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This is an awesome thread!! I love these relationship booster threads!! Thank you!!
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Old 05-15-2010, 05:25 PM
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I'm going to be sending this to him on Monday what a great idea!
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Old 05-16-2010, 08:28 PM
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so i sent mine to his...waiting on his back. thanks =)
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Old 05-16-2010, 08:38 PM
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thats great keep us updated with the results

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so i sent mine to his...waiting on his back. thanks =)
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Old 05-16-2010, 08:39 PM
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thats awesome!! yea let us know how it goes

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I'm going to be sending this to him on Monday what a great idea!
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:49 PM
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He got it now I'm waiting on a reply... That was harder for me than I thought it would be. Thanks!!
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  #14  
Old 05-18-2010, 11:09 PM
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Printing and sending my man one right now. I cant wait to get his answers next week and send him mine.

Anything that gets me closer to my man ..... I am all about!

Thanks!
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Old 05-19-2010, 08:06 AM
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@Boomboomschick are you nervous and anxious to get his reply and trying to figure out what hes gonna answer??? i know i was at the edge of my seat until i got it!! I also found it hard because all those feelings are true valid feelings and having to pick just three that you want to focus on is hard, but this actually brought us closer bc it let us realize what we both needed right now. and let me know how it goes

@ilovejp4life Im happy to hear you are going to take this excersise to bring you and your man closer. One of the reasons i enjoyed doing this excersise was because ive learned that in a prison relationship guys can turn into hard asses and putting up fronts that theyre alright when theyre not (well my husband does) and with limited visits and phone calls and letters you really sometimes cant talk about your feelings and if your needs are being met without arguing or feeling like hes not being totally honest with you bc he wants to front like hes cool (well my husband did). And it this gives you and actual direct answer which i love... so let me know how it goes for you guys
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Old 05-19-2010, 02:15 PM
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Thanks for sharing !!!!
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Old 05-19-2010, 08:20 PM
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We did it. He sent back 4 "because I'm high maintenance"
He also took the time to address mine!
I had no idea if he would do it and he did, and it opened a whole new dialogue between us.
Thank you.
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Old 05-19-2010, 08:37 PM
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Thanks. I'll be sending him these.
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Old 05-20-2010, 05:38 PM
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really let me ask you, were you surprised by the answers he gave you?? were they the same as yours??? do you view your relationship different now since you got both your answers?????


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We did it. He sent back 4 "because I'm high maintenance"
He also took the time to address mine!
I had no idea if he would do it and he did, and it opened a whole new dialogue between us.
Thank you.
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Old 05-20-2010, 05:39 PM
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great!! and keep us posted on how it went and if it helped you guys
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Thanks. I'll be sending him these.
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Old 05-20-2010, 05:40 PM
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your welcome and let us know how it goes!

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Thanks for sharing !!!!
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Old 05-21-2010, 07:23 PM
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really let me ask you, were you surprised by the answers he gave you?? were they the same as yours??? do you view your relationship different now since you got both your answers?????
In the last 2 weeks, he has really stepped forward and put any fears I have had to rest. Just him being excited to participate in this gave me a tremendous boost to confirming the caring man he is. So, yes I view the relationship in a much more relaxed way. We only matched on Security.
And that did surprise me that he choose security.
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Old 05-21-2010, 09:35 PM
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omg that is so great to hear!!!! im glad that you guys benefited from this excercise and it brought out any fears or concerns you have and you were able to get through them and resolved them. And it rocks that you guys matched security!!!!

me and my hubby did not actually match any answers.. and i dont see that as a bad thing either, i mean were different people

mine: comfort, respect, support
him: security, acceptance, appreciation

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In the last 2 weeks, he has really stepped forward and put any fears I have had to rest. Just him being excited to participate in this gave me a tremendous boost to confirming the caring man he is. So, yes I view the relationship in a much more relaxed way. We only matched on Security.
And that did surprise me that he choose security.
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Old 05-22-2010, 01:14 AM
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I like it. I'm gonna send it to him tomorrow, thanks!
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  #25  
Old 05-22-2010, 03:10 AM
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Excellent thread! I will most definately send this to him and let you all know the results. Thanks for sharing! God Bless.
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