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Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

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  #1  
Old 03-01-2020, 07:01 PM
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Default In shock: re-connencted after 20 years to learn he's LWOP.

Just found out that a guy I use to date 20 years ago and was always missing and wanting him back is doing life without parole. We emailed each other twice so far he is afraid that I am going to run, but told him if that was true I NEVER would have reached out to him to begin with. We just started back to talking a week ago and I am going crazy here cause I havent heard from him in 2 days. How do ya all even feel like your in a relationship if you hardly talk. What makes it easy. How do you convince your man your not going to run. And how often do you email him??? If you email do you also write? I want to know all the ropes all the tips everything there s to know so he knows Im not running
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Old 03-01-2020, 07:32 PM
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Hi ronsgal, I'm sorry to hear about his sentence Being in a committed relationship with a LWOP has to be the hardest journey of all. I'm not walking that path, but I'm sure many of the emotions are the same even if one journey is shorter than another. We couldn't afford too many calls, once a week, at best. We preferred snail mail over email, so only used that sporadically for special / important occasions. There is nothing like holding that letter, smelling it. He usually wrote after taking a shower....I could smell his soap on the pages - irish Spring. LOL

You'll need to keep busy, focus on something to occupy your mind: extra hours at work, take up a hobby, go back to school, take free classes at your public library, etc.

You haven't seen him in 20 years and only recently re-connected.....my best advice is to take it slow. Be his friend, his support system (and I don't mean financially), just be there for him. When you're unwavering & steady in your friendship & support, he won't be so unsure as to whether or not you're in it till the wheels fall off



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Old 03-01-2020, 09:11 PM
Peacefinder Peacefinder is offline
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Communication is never guaranteed. It's a rough gig to sign up for. I only have had to wait a little over a year for my boyfriend to get out. I can't imagine waiting a lifetime.

I'm glad he has you in his life now. My boyfriend told me being locked up is so much easier when you know someone in the outside is there for you. My boyfriend also goes through the thoughts of me leaving him. It's an understandable thought considering where they are and where we are.

I hope things get easier for you. I try to stay busy and always put myself before anything. You have to live your life. He should not only understand that but encourage it.
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Old 03-01-2020, 09:16 PM
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if i write snail mail it gets sent somewhere else first then that places a fax with a copy of my letter to the prison he is in. system the prison has in place for all inmates at the prison n it sucks because it takes forever
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Old 03-01-2020, 09:33 PM
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Originally Posted by ronsgal View Post
if i write snail mail it gets sent somewhere else first then that places a fax with a copy of my letter to the prison he is in. system the prison has in place for all inmates at the prison n it sucks because it takes forever

Yeah, a few states are doing that...more to follow, probably. Scans of pictures do not turn out well Friends and family of PA inmates have to send their letters to a company in Florida! to be scanned -
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Old 03-04-2020, 12:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacefinder View Post
Communication is never guaranteed. It's a rough gig to sign up for. I only have had to wait a little over a year for my boyfriend to get out. I can't imagine waiting a lifetime.

I'm glad he has you in his life now. My boyfriend told me being locked up is so much easier when you know someone in the outside is there for you. My boyfriend also goes through the thoughts of me leaving him. It's an understandable thought considering where they are and where we are.

I hope things get easier for you. I try to stay busy and always put myself before anything. You have to live your life. He should not only understand that but encourage it.
He didnt send me a message for like 2 days and I freaked out. Then he keeps telling me about waiting to be put on a phone thing which takes about a week before he can call me. I remember from longgggggg ago if they wanted to make a call all they had to do was pick up the phone n call, so I have no clue what he keeps going on about. I even put money on his books so that he could call. He never asked, was something I just did. He knows I am blaming myself for this by thinking if I had stayed in his life he wouldnt be where he is but he tells me not to do that because he himself was the stupid one. I just want/need to understand some things specially this phone thing but I dont know who or where to ask
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Old 03-04-2020, 01:58 PM
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You're going to have to learn patience. Nothing goes fast in a prison, ever
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Old 03-04-2020, 03:51 PM
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I think it's sweet you and him have reconnected after all this time.



Me and my boyfriend are nearing the end of a two and a half year sentence. It's been hard at times, we've emailed everyday apart from when he hasn't been able to due to lockdowns etc. While he's been locked up, i went back home to the UK, so sending postal mail takes about a week to get to him. So i only send something in the mail when it's a special occasion. Video visits have been a saviour and we have them every week.



Another way i feel close to him is by watching a film with him. He'll download one on his tablet and i'll watch the same one at whatever time we choose. We also listen to the same radio station every Saturday night. Little things like that really do make you feel close. Hope that helps!
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Old 03-13-2020, 11:42 PM
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We are doing LWOP and it was really tough in the beginning. We had some serious issues to work through and I walked away a couple of times until he respected my boundaries. I was always worrying, panicking and wondering and I had to work through that. After years together, we are in a flow now. If he disappears off the radar screen, I know that there is a lockdown or something and I go into support mode with letters, books, word search. etc. You have to live well in your own world and then share that with him. We are working on a couple of fun writing projects and that gives him hope and purpose. I appreciate very much that I can run things by him and get wisdom -- I don't need anyone to solve my problems, just help me solve them. This is a long haul and you cannot spend any time wishing for what you can't have. However, you can have a complete relationship once you learn to overcome barriers mentally. He is a wonderful human being and I tell him every day how precious he is to me. It is fun to watch the tough guy deal with that)) We work hard now not to have drama because his sanity is about calm and as much serenity as he can achieve in that place. I rarely complain about anything in my life now because no matter how difficult it gets, I am not in prison! Love finds us where we least expect it sometimes and the man has to be worth the situation. I will take mine wherever I can get him and feel blessed. Mind over matter....
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  #10  
Old 03-16-2020, 07:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emms8884 View Post
I think it's sweet you and him have reconnected after all this time.



Me and my boyfriend are nearing the end of a two and a half year sentence. It's been hard at times, we've emailed everyday apart from when he hasn't been able to due to lockdowns etc. While he's been locked up, i went back home to the UK, so sending postal mail takes about a week to get to him. So i only send something in the mail when it's a special occasion. Video visits have been a saviour and we have them every week.



Another way i feel close to him is by watching a film with him. He'll download one on his tablet and i'll watch the same one at whatever time we choose. We also listen to the same radio station every Saturday night. Little things like that really do make you feel close. Hope that helps!
How do you get video visits? He has been telling me that in order to do that I have to be in the same state. Your in a different country and get them. Is it different rules for different prisons or is he wrong bout the video visit?
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