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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

View Poll Results: WHAT AGE DO YOU TAKE YOUR CHILD O SEE THEIR OTHER PARENT
0-12 MONTHS 346 45.65%
1-3 YEARS 173 22.82%
4-7 106 13.98%
7 AND UP 133 17.55%
Voters: 758. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old 04-20-2004, 08:47 AM
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I take all my kids ages 8,7,5,4,3 and each visit seems to help them cope alittle better with the situation, like it is a release for them..my youngest was 11 months old when stephen went in and they have a bond even though he has been "out" of his everyday life for so long..I think helping them to keep a connection is so important to the children!

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  #52  
Old 04-20-2004, 01:56 PM
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I've taken my son to see his father since he was 2 days old. But since he got moved so far away I haven't been able to go see him as much as I would like. The last time my son got to see him was back in January. I know when my son was a few months old he knew his daddy by his voice but I'm so scared now that he won't know who he is. B.c at the last visit my fiance tried to hold my hand and hand our son on the table with is arm around him and he (our son) just threw a fit. He didn't want him to touch me he would go over and take his hand off of mine. I didn't know a child that was 18 months would do something like that. Then after the visit my mother had him in her arms and my fiance' and I was huging and he just started crying like he was hurting me. I think I'm going to have it hard when his father comes home July 26th (a day after our sons 2nd birthday), I know everytime I get a phone call my mans like, he doesn't even know me all depressed, and I'm like well he will when you get out. It was scary to bring in our child to see his father.
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  #53  
Old 04-20-2004, 02:25 PM
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Mayte -

What a mature 12 year old!

I have an 11 year old that I WILL NOT be taking to visit her Dad. She loves him and misses him, but I (and he) don't want HER to be subject to the whims of the CO's, nor do we want her to be behind razor wire, or go through the search to get in to see him. Just my opinion.
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  #54  
Old 04-20-2004, 04:18 PM
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I have taken my kids a few times...It was really hard on them. my 6 year old son didn't really talk to him to much and my 2 year old daughter cried for him for weeks after...so we both decided not to take them anymore...they talk to him on the phone every sunday but it breaks my heart and pisses me off at the same time.....
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  #55  
Old 04-22-2004, 01:51 AM
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My son will be 17 months tomorrow and we have been going to see his Daddy since he was bout 6 months! He loves visiting with his Dad
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  #56  
Old 04-24-2004, 12:51 PM
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My son has been visiting his father since he was 3 weeks old. He need to bond with him A.S.A.P. It was the right thing for US. 'Cause when he see a picture of his dad now, he lights up with the biggest smile.
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  #57  
Old 04-25-2004, 04:44 PM
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I take my boys ages 3, and 4 to see their dad at least once a week. They see him for 2 hours. I started taking them as soon as they we're allowed to go. My daughter who is 10 from a previous relationship also goes with us. I think it helps them to keep that bond between them.
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  #58  
Old 04-26-2004, 06:16 PM
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Default my kids love "daddy day"

My kids father is in Federal Prison and they are 2 & 7. We go at least one day every weekend. My kids call this day "daddy day" and look forward to their visit all week long.
They are able to hug and kiss their dad all they want. They can hang all over him. Boy I am jealous!!! LOL
If it wasn't for these visits my kids would have a rough time. One weekend I didn't take the kids and the following week was HE**. They missed their dad.
Taking my kids was a hard decision for me because I didn't know how they would react. But now we count down the days till "daddy day".
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  #59  
Old 05-26-2004, 10:19 PM
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i take our 4 year old and our 12 year old all the time when i go, needless to say our 4 year old doesn't know exactly where he is he just knows he is in "a bad place"...well, our 4 year old is suspected of being bi-polar and he was asked to drop out of preschool because he was " a danger " to others and himself, so he at 4 dwells on "being kicked out of school" so he asked dad one day... are you in the bad place because you were being bad at school too?... so now our lil one tells everyone "my daddy is in a bad place because he wasn't listening at school." it is too cute but yet a lil heart breaking knowing he wants to be in school and can't be there due to his "suspected bi-polar"
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  #60  
Old 06-01-2004, 04:57 PM
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I think it all depends on the facility. Where my fiance is, I would definitely take our child if we had one to see him. The children can walk around with their father's, sit on their laps and give hugs and kisses all day. My daughter's father is in a federal facility, and I have not taken my daughter there yet because it is states away, and I am not sure if it is family friendly. I also think that if you start when they are young, they won't dwell on it as much, they become used to it. When i went to see my fiance with his little cousin who has been going since he was two weeks, thinks that he goes to "Dre's House" the have the trailer visits, and he can spend 72 hours with him. He is completely comfortable with it. My daughter on the other hand in six, and does not want to go see her father in "prison".
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  #61  
Old 06-02-2004, 06:56 AM
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My twin girls have just turned 9 months old. My husband has been in county for six months and is waiting to go to prison. It breaks my heart when Lexi stands on the counter and taps the glass with her little hand trying to get to her daddy. I know though, that she knows him. I truely believe that they need him. This way they know that daddy loves them and misses them.
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  #62  
Old 06-02-2004, 03:30 PM
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My children's father has been in federal prison for about 2 weeks now...I have taken my two older children (11 and 6) to see him and it went rather well. My youngest who is 4 has not been yet, although we are planning to visit this saturday and the 4 year old is going to go with us...I am sure that visit will go fine as well.
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  #63  
Old 06-04-2004, 04:23 PM
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Just a thought for a parent who doesn't believe a child should visit their parent in jail. What if YOU were in jail? Would you want your child to visit you so you could maintain contact with your child, continue your bond, and so your child knows that you love them, no matter what?
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  #64  
Old 06-16-2004, 03:02 PM
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Hi! My man has been in out of jail 3 times since we had our children . The second bit I took my oldest who was 3 at the time and the baby was 2. They don't remember that at all. This time he is gone for long time and just this past April[2004] I took my now 6yr old , 4yr old and the baby who is 1{I was 5months pregnant with him when he went to jail]to see him. I felt like I owed it to my kids for them to see their daddy. The baby went right to him and stayed with him the 3 times we visted. My 6 yr old who was having a difficult time and still is did a complete turn around ever since the visit cuz now he knows daddy is okay and that we will see him again. It was very difficult to leave cuz I know it will be another 10 months before we will see him again. I think it is the own personal dession of whom ever to choose at what age to take children to see the parent or parents.
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  #65  
Old 06-16-2004, 11:40 PM
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When my husband gets to his parent prison I will be definatly taking our son (he is 15 months old) to visit him. My husband & him have already missed so much. I know my husband needs to hold him and kiss him and just bond with him. They both do really My husband is still in the county but he will be going to CRC soon and thats when me and our son will have our first contact visit I just hope our son doesnt cry on him. That would serious be horrible for my husband ya know.
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  #66  
Old 06-25-2004, 03:11 AM
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Personally I think that any age child should go and see their loved ones in prison or jail. When my father was in my sister and I took our children to see him (they were from 1 year up to 6 years old and there were four of them all together).

However, I have seen other parents go to the prison and let their children run around the place, and not once try to calm their children down (this happens a lot).

So I am saying as long as the parent can control the child/en to where they will visit, then any age is fine. That is unless there are some kind of rules that say they cant visit.
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  #67  
Old 06-29-2004, 01:59 PM
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Hello All,

I have taken my children to see thier daddy. He is not their daddy by blood but he has raised my two children like his own. From the first time my daughter met my boyfriend she called him daddy. Yes I wanted to die and pass out from this. But he took it as a honor to be her daddy and my sons as well. It has helped them see that unless they stay on the correct path in life that this prison is where they will end up. My son has told him I want to stay with you Daddy when it comes time to leave and as much as it breaks my and his heart he tells our son to never want to come to a place but that he wishes he could come home. The reason my children understand why daddy is not home is because he helped to save our lives when their father was going to hurt us, but the system did not care becuase he had a previous strike. Where is the justice for our children?
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  #68  
Old 07-15-2004, 08:03 PM
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For myself as of right now...I think it is wrong to put a child in that atmosphere no matter how old they are. There are child molesters and all sorts of crazy things going on. You never know how safe it will be in there, especially if you have visits surrounded by other inmates. And I'm not willing to take that chance. My baby's dad got caught up when I was only a few months pregnant and then went to prison. He is still in there and my baby is 6 months old. In my opinion, which I believe for myself and not neccesarly for anyone else, is that he made a choice, knowing he was about to become a father. He chose to screw up his parole and knew that he'd go back in. So what right and privledge does he deserve to see his child...He could have seen him everyday if he wouldn't have been stuck on what he wanted (getting messed up). So that's how I see it. But hey, don't get me wrong, we keep in touch and I send him letters and pictures once a month.....
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  #69  
Old 08-30-2004, 09:45 PM
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I took my daugther Madison to see her dad in prison when she was one week old.
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  #70  
Old 09-01-2004, 02:31 PM
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You dont stop just becuase a parent is away, and your son wont remember so at this point it is for his dad. I used to take my daughter all the time but the older she gets the less she wants to go, which is natural. When my daughter would come see me I had to respect her time frame. I wished that she could stay all day, but in reality an hour or two was about all she could handle. We need to respect the kids first and foremost. It may be a long drive and you may only be able to go once in a while but the grownups have tio sacrafice for the sake of the kids.
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  #71  
Old 09-16-2004, 09:26 PM
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I take our three year old every visit, ya know it really depends on the child and the prison your visiting. Thankfully, the kids have activities to do and they can way
watch videos, the CO's are great!!!! I'll continue to take her until she says she doesn't want to go anymore, after all she is a toddler and you can't expect a three year old to sit in a chair for 8 hours, it's just trial and error. Check and see what DOC policy is. Maybe you can bring crayons and coloring books. Ya know, honesty is the best policy, at first we said he was away at school, beleive it or not three year olds are very smart, now she knows where he is, which she doesn't have a problem telling anyone and everyone, along with singing the theme from cops. Ya know children don't understand to the full extent, but she enjoys the visits and so does he.
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  #72  
Old 09-18-2004, 11:37 PM
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I've been taking our daughter since she was one week old. She got to met her daddy for the first time on Fathers day 2003. She's almost 16 months old now. We go every other weekend to see him. We have pictures of him and of both of them every where. She always kisses his pictures. She knows who her daddy is. I think it's important for them to have contact as soon as they can so they can establish that bond. Steven has lwop and I plan on taking Jenesee every other weekend until she's old enough to tell me she doesn't want to go. Hopefully that will never happen.
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  #73  
Old 09-21-2004, 11:09 AM
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I took my son to county and state he goes when I go, I think it's importent for both my husband and my son. We are family no matter where we are.
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  #74  
Old 09-21-2004, 09:44 PM
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Hi I have a 19 month old little girl with Cory and she was I week old when i took her to see her daddy. I think they deserve parental rights too. plus she loves her daddy sooooo much.
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  #75  
Old 09-21-2004, 11:39 PM
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I take my son who is now 3 up to see my man. He is not my sons biological father, but he loves my son as if he were his own. My son calls him daddy and always asks to talk to him on the phone and to go see him. My son will tell you that his daddy is on lockdown, he got arrested. You should them together. They play and read and color and stuff together. It's so cute!
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