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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

View Poll Results: WHAT AGE DO YOU TAKE YOUR CHILD O SEE THEIR OTHER PARENT
0-12 MONTHS 345 45.70%
1-3 YEARS 173 22.91%
4-7 104 13.77%
7 AND UP 133 17.62%
Voters: 755. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 09-07-2003, 12:30 PM
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Lightbulb Kids Visiting Prisons

WE ALL GET ON HERE AND TALK ABOUT THE SYSTEM HOW MESSED UP IT IS OR OUR LOVE FOR OUR SON BROTHER HUSBAND WIFE FIANCE' BUT I HAVENT SEEN ONE POST ON HOW ANYONE FEELS ABOUT TAKING THEIR CHILD TO SAEE ONE OR BOTH OF THEIR PARENTS IN PRISON. MY FIANCE' SOON TO BE HUSBAND IS CURRENTLY IN JAIL FIXING TO BE SHIP OUT AND I TAKE OUR 3 WEEK OLD SON UP THERE TO SEE HIM BUT I KNOW HE ISN'T OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW WHERE OR WHY HE CANT TOUCH HIM OR GET/GIVE KISSES TO HIS DADDY LIKE HE DOES HIS MOMMY I KNOW HE KNOWS ITS HIS DADDY BECAUSE HE KNOWS HIS VOICE BUT HOW DO YOU KEEP THAT SACARED BOND BETWEEN A FATHER SON CHILD WHILE HE IS LOCKED UP WHEN DO YOU OR DID YOU START TAKING THEM TO SEE THEM.
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  #2  
Old 09-07-2003, 12:38 PM
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Mine went right away... Your son is young, but daddy still needs to see him....

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Old 09-07-2003, 12:42 PM
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I think up till the child is a few years old, you're doing it more for the father and yourself than for the child in many ways, but it does help to keep family bonds tight when you take a child to see his father or mother right from the start. I'd do it but not on every visit, since it gets really long and boring for the baby or young child and they don't understand. If they get too bored and start acting up, then you run the risk of getting your visit terminated early, plus none of you has a very good time.
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Old 09-07-2003, 01:41 PM
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WE GET 2 30 MINUTE VISITS A WEEK SO I TAKE HIM ONCE AND I GO BY MYSELF ONCE A WEEK
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Old 09-07-2003, 01:41 PM
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3 DAYS TIL I KNOW WHERE HE'S BEING SHIPPED I MISS HIM SO MUCH ALREADY
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Old 09-07-2003, 02:11 PM
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I think all ages can go. We went to a counselor for advise on this and she said especially if they are asking, to take them. And always be honest about the situation. You don't have to elaborate but keep your answers short and direct...and honest. My personal opinion is not to make too much of the situation. It's hard on kids, no way around that.
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  #7  
Old 09-07-2003, 02:21 PM
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THANK YOU I TRY TO BE HONEST WITH EVERYONE I JUST KNOW ONE DAY HE WILL BE OLD ENOUGH TO START ASKING QUESTIONS AND I DONT WANT HIM TO THINK JUST BECAUSE HE'S IN PRISON HE'S A BAD PERSON OR DID SOMETHING HORRIBLE TO BE IN YOU KNOW I MEAN HONESTLY MY MAN IS GOING TO PRISON BECAUSE HE DROVE A CAR WITHOUT A LICENCE TOO MANY TIMES
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Old 09-07-2003, 05:48 PM
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My daughter has been going to the prison to visit her uncle since she was a week old. She went and visited her dad in county jail and she goes with me to see Corey. This is all part of her entire families life.
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Old 09-08-2003, 05:52 PM
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Your post sounds like your child's father is in county jail and you visit through glass. If he's in a place where there is contact visiting, I think it's very important that an infant spend time with his/her father and bond with him. No other way for that to happen except in visits. I took our son to visit his father in prison for the first time when he was 3 weeks old. We've been visiting ever since and our son is 14 years old now. The age where it became a bit more difficult for him was when the guards start telling him what to do directly rather than asking me to tell him (and being unreasonable with him at times). His dad was great at helping him deal with that - to talk about inner control and not letting them control him by pushing his buttons. I always emphasize to him that his father being in prison has nothing to do with him. It's a circumstance we just deal with as a family. He even wrote a wonderful paper for his 8th grade English class on "love" which described people visiting in prison. Zelda
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Old 10-18-2003, 08:21 PM
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I know that when I took the kids to see Frank in Ohio I knew that the only thing important to them was seeing thier daddy. They could of cared less where or anything else as long as they got to see him. they were 5 and 7 at the time. And they had a super time, there was a library for them to "check out books" and also had crayons, color and activity pages for them to play with too.
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Old 10-18-2003, 10:18 PM
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My son went right away too, he is seven, but I don't believe we will be doing the visits this time.
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Old 10-24-2003, 06:56 PM
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Our daughter is 2 1/2 and she has been going every time that i go! we go 4 times a month so once a week. she did not go every time while he was in county because it was very hard on her she did not know why she could not give her daddy a hug but she goes every week with me now and she does really good! we go from like 930 till 3 and she plays with him and stuff and has done really good! she can get books and get papers to color!
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Old 10-26-2003, 03:35 AM
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I agree with Zelza50. If he is in county then it is good for the childs dad to see him. If and when the daddy goes to a prison, then it is imparative that they get the physical contact for the bonding and to to keep up good relationships no matter what age. I think it is great that you take the baby to see daddy.
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Old 10-30-2003, 09:58 AM
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I also agree with the visit especially the little ones as they will hear Daddy voice nd bond with that until they are old enough to understand that who he is exactly. Because of the distance and inability to drive I was unable to see my daughter or take her baby to se her. It was not until June of 2002(while mom was at work release) when she got to see her in person since she was 3 months old. When Mom was sent back to prison and came to our county jail for a court heraring I made a special visit to the jail and the glass windows in June o9f this year. That was intrumental in order for my grandddaughter to understand where her mommy is now behind locked gates and not working. She no longer asks to see her for now and is content to color her pictures and "mail Letters". We have mommy picture on a cabinet and she tells her goodnight and good morning every day on her own. and sometimes during the day she will waalk past it and say Hi Mommy! She knows for now Mommy s n "Time Out" for a while so she can learn to be good and not break the rules. She will turn 4 in Feb, but wise beyond her years.
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Old 11-09-2003, 10:32 PM
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hi everyone i am 12 years old and i have been going to see my father in prison since i was 8 years old! if u look up my scrren name dont worry i am not lying its just that this is my mother name not mine if u really wanna know how us kids feel about ging to see our fathers in those places then reply and i will love to reply to anyone with questins i've been though alot that some kids havent! thanx for listening
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Old 11-09-2003, 11:55 PM
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everyone my son is almost 3 months and said his first word it wasnt mommy mama it was DADDY sonow thats all he says and if i havent been or have a visit left i take him to see his DADDY and if i dont i get out a picture of him and his daddy and he looks at it am i crazy doing this? i just dont want him to forget him
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Old 11-10-2003, 08:04 AM
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I do not think that you are crazy! when my husband first went in. My daughter always carried around a 8x10 picture of her daddy. She would kiss it and huge it when she wanted her daddy. and she would huge and kiss it at bed time. IF you asked her where her daddy was she would go get the picture. I think that it made it a little easier for her.
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Old 11-10-2003, 10:48 AM
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I have taken my daughter since she was 2 months old to see her Daddy. But now that she is 11 months it is a little harder since she wants to crawl around and check everything out but I will still keep taking her.
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Old 11-10-2003, 10:52 AM
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My sister and I both go to see my mom I'm 20 but my sister is only 13! I also take my 2yr son! For me and my son it's no problem but my sister is at that age where it tears her up to see her mother in prison! I don't think the age really matters it just depends on the child and how well they can handle the situation! Each child is different and each child can handle seeing their parent in jail differently! Also I think it depends on the enviroment of the visitation like wit my mom we get contact visits but with my dad it was behind glass and that was lot harder for all of us.
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Old 11-14-2003, 04:01 PM
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When we had contact visits I took our 13 & 11 year olds. Reid even explained WHY he was there(the nut shell version-he did something wrong and now he had to take reponsibility for his actions) I know they're older but I wasn't sure how they'd handle it. They are not his biological children but you'd never know by looking at the 3 of them together during visits. Now we have non contact- 2 a month~Reid and I both explained that they shouldn't miss school so on days off from school they go with to visit him. The guards have been really good to them when they visit also.
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Old 11-14-2003, 07:42 PM
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[Most of] our families have never let jail/prison come between relatives. Our lives have been disrupted enough by the restrictions of incarceration. It's so hard with them being there and us here! We take the kids to visit - regardless of age. We're a family and we belong together...no matter where some of us are calling 'home' these days!
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Old 11-29-2003, 08:41 PM
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Hi I'm new here my husband has only been in prison for 1 month. I took our 2 and half yr old to see him. luckly its a contact visit so she sat on his lap the whole time. I would love to hear a child's point of view on seeing daddy only 1 time a month. I do let her have the extra phone when we talk so she hears his voice. She seems to really enjoy that.
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Old 12-04-2003, 08:14 PM
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I have a 13yr old stepson, 5yr old daughter, and a 3yr old son. My husband's ex-wife has custody of the 13yr old and won't let him fly out to see his dad, but I have been taking the two younger children to see their father and as far as they are concerned, we're visiting Daddy at work and he can't leave until he's finished his job. So far, so good. He's serving 2 1/2 yrs and hopefully he'll be out before our daughter starts to figure things out.
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Old 12-26-2003, 11:29 PM
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It seems that my opnion is very different from the one's I've read here. My ex has been in for about 5 months,we have a 2 year old son and I have not taken him for visits. I feel that prison is no place for a child to go. He had plenty of chances to straighten up. He made his choices and must live with the fact that he may not see his son until he gets out. I feel that taking my son there will benefit his father more than it will benefit our son. I'm still debating this issue with myself and could change my mind at anytime. Am I just being a hard-ass? I find it hard to believe that I am the only one who feels this way.
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Old 12-26-2003, 11:50 PM
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I take my 2 children when we visit my brother.
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