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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #101  
Old 01-31-2007, 01:27 PM
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Hi Im Amanda n I have a son who is almost 2 mnths old. His father my husband is on his way to doing Fed time were not sure for how long yet. He was arrested in Aug while we were seperated bailed out then rearrested the day our son was born( I later found that out from him). It has been hard because my son was born sick n just the thought of his missing everything hurts me so bad Well Im glad I found u ladies
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  #102  
Old 02-14-2007, 05:13 PM
JohnsBabyGurl86 JohnsBabyGurl86 is offline
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Hey, My sons father is in right now, hopefully he will be out soon. Our son is now 9 months old and has only known his daddy for a month. We have been married for almost 2 years now and I hope it stays that way but for some reason prison life is making him to a divorce, probably because he doesn't know his own son.
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  #103  
Old 02-17-2007, 10:41 PM
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My son is 9 years old and his dad has been inside since he was two years old. Actually he has been in and out for the last 12 years. When he was first locked up I never told him that his daddy was in jail. We used to go and see him but my son always thought that was just where he lived. Well Jeremy was released in March of 05 but returned a short four months later. My son is now very aware of where his daddy is and he has handled it well. I know that it hurts him but he still loves his daddy and he is the greatest daddy in the world in his eyes. There was one situation where it really got to him and I was so upset. He went to Sunday school and they had to do a prayer book. He wrote that he wanted to pray for his daddy in jail. He had to get up and share with the rest of the class and the other kids were picking on him. Saying stuff like you don't have a daddy. But he just told them that he still loved him and totally stood up for his daddy. I know it has got to be hard on him and I can see it in his eyes. But he is such a great little boy and I know that he will continue to be strong.
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  #104  
Old 02-18-2007, 10:22 PM
mommaofboyz5 mommaofboyz5 is offline
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My husband is too there and I am here with 5 boys (10,9,6,4,11 months) and a new one on the way. He just left a month ago and I still have not to see him. The boys are continually asking when and I can't answer them. He will be in for 4 years which doesn't seem like much but this is his round two. The first time he left Mike and Bri when they were 3 &2 until 2005. Mike is suffering major seperation anxieties and Gran won't let him see me or his step bros or his half bro. She wouldn't even let me tell them that Sam is there, yet alone I'm prego. She has custody of our oldest two since he got locked up and thier mom signd them away. I am left sitting on the sidelines, waitng for everything. What do I do now? I can't see my husband, my 2 oldest children and I have become the sole care taker of the other 3. How do you stay strong when those who "support" you are stabbing you in the back?
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  #105  
Old 02-18-2007, 10:36 PM
mommaofboyz5 mommaofboyz5 is offline
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my husband is too in Menard and he said things are different now than they used to be. I am playing solo parent to our 5 boys, six in august 2007. All will be ok, just have faith. That is the # 1 thing. Faith in God, in yourself, your daughter and the fact that all will be as it should be, one day.
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  #106  
Old 02-20-2007, 10:43 AM
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My Husband Is In Ccc In Susanville I Just Had Our First Son On Jan 20 2007 And Hes Now A Month Old Today And Has Grown Soo Much My Husband Will Be Home In November But Its Still Hard Cause Im Doing It All By Myself When I Could Have Him Here For Support And Dirty Dipers Lol! Well Take Care Ladies
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  #107  
Old 02-20-2007, 12:21 PM
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My name is April Ive been raising my 3 kids on my own for about 5 years.My husband has been in and out of prisons.Some days I would like to pull my hair out.Its hard being a working mom and dad and everything all at the same time.Glad to meet people like me
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  #108  
Old 03-04-2007, 10:15 PM
Leesha_920 Leesha_920 is offline
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i am not personally raising my loved ones kids but my Aunt is & has been for the past 8 years (even when the parents werent in prison)

along with raising her own 6 yr old daughter she raises her daughters 2 kids, whom are 8 & 4. ive been by my aunts side & those have done more for those kids then their own parents. the father is doing a 3 year sentence (hes lucky because they wanted 13 years) & the mother runs around doing her own thing (stripping, drugs etc) i dont know what goes on in that head of hers. its useless & weve basically disowned her.

im 20 & have been helping with B since i was 12. that kid means the world to me, i never thought of becoming attatched to J until her father got locked up. That little girl is the most precious thing. They know their father is locked up & they say all the time they miss &love him. His visitation is suspended until december 07 so its hard on them. i dont know what to tell them in regards to this? the father has 2 more years & its gonna be tough on these kids. theyve had it bad,

and i give my aunt props for doing everything she is doing. her own son passed in 2001 & i believe had these kids not been brought into her life she would have taken her own life. she struggles each day but she gets through it & she knows im there for her if she needs anything
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  #109  
Old 03-05-2007, 12:28 AM
lisamichelle lisamichelle is offline
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Default That's So Wrong!!!

I can't believe some people. Really. I've told the ladies in the office at my son's school, and his teacher. It took me a while, but I finally had to say something, and they smile and talk to me as if it's just one of those situations that is being dealt with because that's exactly what it is. It's called life. You and your children can't change the fact that he's in there. And you have done nothing wrong. I know it has to break your heart the way it effects your children, as it does mine. But we are strong, and will be here when our men (daddy) returns home, and I have to believe that what we're going through and what we have with our men makes us people that obviously have alot more to us (not shallow) than those "women:" that were laughing at the school. You know?!! They will probably never experience anything even close to what we have (in our relationships) in their entire lives......so who will get the last laugh?!!!! Right........ keep your chin up, and tell your children daily how much their Daddy loves and misses them. And I would go directly to those "so called women and say something myself. i would put them in their place. People amaze me (after all the years, and all the shit I've seen and been thru, people still amaze me) how is that?!! Take care honey. LIVE, LAUGH AND LOVE, ALWAYS, Michelle (Las Vegas)





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Originally Posted by love_n_heaven
My man isn't the biological father of my two children (Bella 4 and Tristian 5), but he's the only daddy they know. At first I tried telling them that he was at work, until one day at my son's school he herd the teacher saying that his daddy was in jail. He was in junior kindergarden. The two teachers were laughing about it, my son came home off the school bus in tears telling me what he had herd. I have to put this in here maybe someone knows what I should do. the teachers were laughing and now they don't treat him like the rest of the kids in his class, they also treat me different. Anyways, I sat both the kids down and explained that he did something wrong and now he's being punished, that being away from them was a big punishment, and that they hope that now since he's been way from them the judge hopes he'll always be good. The kids are both pretty good with it. They tell people when they ask where there dad is for telling them with there chins up that daddy is in jail. It does hurt them and I hate the fact that they come home and cry when it's fathers day or a "daddy and me" day at school and I'm the one there. Or at there sports and all the dads are there and there's isn't, but I have to say these two babies think there dad is Super Man and they are very proud of him no matter where he is
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  #110  
Old 03-05-2007, 05:51 AM
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Dear 2became1, I feel your pain. I have two boys, ages 14 and 7 I am raising by myself. I am a full time student, and I clean houses on the side to earn extra money. I am mommy, daddy, Betty Crocker, Susi Housmaker, you name it and that's what I am. It's extremely hard. The 7 yr. old belongs to Jimmy, he has a 15 yr. @ 45% sentence, and it breaks my heart everyday for D. D has a rough time in school and emotionally is tearing him apart. But he loves his daddy and I know his daddy loves him. Jimmy is C's stepdad, and he's at that age now, he don't want to talk about it, so that's hard too. But I just keep pressing on, and D writes his dad often, and Jimmy writes to C, but C won't write back, he wants nothing to do with him. I encourage the boys to love him, but that's all I can do. I wish you and your kids the best of luck.
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  #111  
Old 03-05-2007, 06:22 PM
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HELLO MY NAME IA CRISTIE AND I'M IN CAILFORNIA RAISING MY HUSBANDS DAUGTHER SHE IS 18 YEARS OLD NOW. BUT SHE HAS BEEN LIVING WITH ME SINCE SHE WAS 15 1/2. HER FATHER HAS BEEN IN AND OUT OF PRISON THE WHOLE TIME. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO HIM FOR 9 YEARS NOW. IT HAS BEEN REALLY HARD BECAUSE MY DAUGTHER THINKS THE WORLD OF HER DAD BUT SHE GETS REALLY ANGRY SOMETIMES WITH HIM BECAUSE HE IS MISSING SOME THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN HER LIFE. HE WILL BE HOME IN MARCH 2008. AND I CAN NOT WAIT FOR THAT DAY.
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  #112  
Old 03-05-2007, 08:13 PM
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Raising a seventeen year old daughter while mother is in. This isn't anything new to me though as I raised a son and a daughter on my own from a previous marriage gone bad.
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  #113  
Old 03-07-2007, 12:29 PM
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hi...i am tanya from mississippi and i have a wonderful 9 yr. old who will be 10 on sunday and she has never met her father...he is in parchman mississippi and has been there since i found out i was pregnant...i have moved on with my life and married a wonderful man who has been in her life since she was a year old so that to her is her daddy...but she knows she has a father in prison whom she wants to meet when he gets out...i just can't see to take her to that place after all that i heard about that place...i am here not for my benifit because i have went on with my life but because i need some help to adjust to the situation that she is now older and wanting a relationship with him...the only problem i have with that is i found out he is in unit 28 whichi is a medical unit and he is HIV positive...i don't know what to do.....please if you can help me i would greatly appreciate it....
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  #114  
Old 03-07-2007, 07:28 PM
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Tanya,

If you read thru some of the threads at the beginning of this forum about should kids visit etc... you'll read that other moms and dads have shared what they see as the positives and negatives of it... You'll also read how they've helped their child to have a relationship with their incarcerated parent..

Most have said that they do allow the child to visit and why... Most have said that when they took their child to visit the prison wasn't as bad as they had imagined..

AIDS can only be transmitted thru certain avenues like blood transfusions and sex... You might want to check how far he's progressed in his illness.... Is your daughter aware that he has AIDS?

Only you can decide for yourself what works for you and your child... Good luck and please feel free to post any other questions etc and hopefully more members will respond...

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  #115  
Old 03-14-2007, 07:40 PM
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Default Your doing the right thing

You should definitly go to the principal and if that doesn't work, go to the school board of education. Teachers are NOT allowed to discriminate for any reason and you can't allow your children to be subjected to such judgement. Maybe you can have a face to face parent/teacher/principal conference. If you are strong enough to hang in through this, don't let anyone else drag you down. I am a parent of two young children, Andrew is 9 and Jessica is 6. I am lucky that I live in a small town and work at our local church and have a wonderful support group of loving christian people. I have always been honest with my children and tell them daily that when we make bad choices, bad things can happen. I pray that all this will be a learning experience for them for when they grow up and are faced with the same Demons all of us are faced with everyday, that they will remember what happened to Daddy. I can't believe that a teacher would be so heartless and you seriously need to address the issue in a professional and firm way to let them know that they can think what they want but they will check those feelings at the door when the school day starts and if they can't then they will deal with the school board. I will pray for you. Good luck and stay strong. Noone can drag you down unless you allow them to.
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  #116  
Old 03-21-2007, 10:33 PM
mslady28123 mslady28123 is offline
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Thank you for your response...I would like to find out how bad he is but I don't know how to go about doing that...I have not had any communication with him since she was born. I don't know about writing him because I would have to have a return address and I really don't won't him to know where we live....see, it was a very bad relationship and things have happened that I just wouldn't feel safe if he knew where we lived, but on the other hand, I do have an obligation to my daughter and I don't want her to hold it against me if I don't do something.....if you know of how I can find out how bad he is please let me know.....he is up for release in december and I would like to try to figure something out before he does get released.....thank you
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  #117  
Old 03-22-2007, 12:42 PM
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Tanya,

I have answered your questions in the Mississippi forum - but wanted to say again here that if you are worried about writing someone - you can always get a PO box in another city - or go to a larger city and rent a box from Mailboxes etc. They will forward all mail to you as it is received - and hard to trace back to you.

If you need anything let me know.
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  #118  
Old 03-23-2007, 04:23 AM
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Default We have two kids

I was just over three months pregnant and had an eight month old when he was arrested overseas. The kids are now just turned 2 years and 10 months old. As he is overseas it is very hard for us to visit him, which makes things very difficult. We went over for Christmas and got to see him quite a bit. He met his baby for the first time through glass. The kids have no idea who he is as they are too young. He will be out in 2 and a half years.
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  #119  
Old 03-23-2007, 06:32 AM
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I am raising a 14 yr old and an almost 8 yr old and their dad is 10 hours away from us, we've not seen him in almost a year, and he has a 15 yr. sentence, eligible for parole in 8 yrs.
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  #120  
Old 03-24-2007, 12:44 AM
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hay my name is melissa and my husband has another kid,it breakes my heart that he really hasent been in his life.he is the same age as my youngest son ,so you can say that bonded real quick,but he lives with his mother now ,so i dont see him any more,but we have a daughter and he hasent been there .he got out locked up this past july and was out for allmost 2 montrhs,just right before her 1st birthday he gets locked.so what can i say that it was really hard for me to throw her party had be happy.he has missed everything of her first year and now is going to miss even more,cuz he gets out some time in 2010.what can i say,but i will take her up to see him as much as i can so that they will know each other,unlike his son,who he cant see cuz of his ex,she wont write or let him see his fether.but that is her decision.i love my husband no matter what i will not deprive him of his daughter.who acts just like him,scary!!
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  #121  
Old 03-25-2007, 08:36 AM
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Default My son is 16

His father will be in prison for the next 4ys and 7 or so months (at least)
Our whole situation was absolutly HORRIBLE!
It was all over our local paper, on radio, local tv.
everyone knew everything (well, actually not true, they totally made it out to be much worse than what actually happened)
My son is pretty popular in school, and I was basically freaking out about what was going to happen to him.
Much to my surprise, shock, and total amazement....he has had the most support. From teachers, coaches, friends.
This has really really helped me. Im still worried about my son, and try to keep a very watchful eye.
If it was not for his friends and *school family* I think I would shrivel up and die.
My family is also very supportive.
Its all so hard. Still pretty new, too.
trying to pay bills ontime, all on my salary.
For now, we are ok financially, and I worry about what Im going to do when I can no longer make all my financial obligations.
This was one reason my husband pled guilty to two of the charges against him.
We simply could not afford to pay an attny for a good defense. We were hoping for probabation. Unfortunalty that didnt happen.
My son and his father were/are very close. He misses him so much.
He dosnt talk much about it to me, cause he dosnt want to make me cry.
Even tho I wish he would talk to me.
I cant help crying. I have cryed everyday for the last 5 months. I have almost 5 more years to cry.
I hope it get easier.
Each birthday, holiday, school event.......there is a hole. That hole cannot be filled by anyone else, but my sons Dad.
God, we miss him.
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  #122  
Old 03-25-2007, 12:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sidewalker
His father will be in prison for the next 4ys and 7 or so months (at least)
Our whole situation was absolutly HORRIBLE!
It was all over our local paper, on radio, local tv.
everyone knew everything (well, actually not true, they totally made it out to be much worse than what actually happened)
My son is pretty popular in school, and I was basically freaking out about what was going to happen to him.
Much to my surprise, shock, and total amazement....he has had the most support. From teachers, coaches, friends.
This has really really helped me. Im still worried about my son, and try to keep a very watchful eye.
If it was not for his friends and *school family* I think I would shrivel up and die.
My family is also very supportive.
Its all so hard. Still pretty new, too.
trying to pay bills ontime, all on my salary.
For now, we are ok financially, and I worry about what Im going to do when I can no longer make all my financial obligations.
This was one reason my husband pled guilty to two of the charges against him.
We simply could not afford to pay an attny for a good defense. We were hoping for probabation. Unfortunalty that didnt happen.
My son and his father were/are very close. He misses him so much.
He dosnt talk much about it to me, cause he dosnt want to make me cry.
Even tho I wish he would talk to me.
I cant help crying. I have cryed everyday for the last 5 months. I have almost 5 more years to cry.
I hope it get easier.
Each birthday, holiday, school event.......there is a hole. That hole cannot be filled by anyone else, but my sons Dad.
God, we miss him.
I know exactly how you feel. The media is terrible. I was so worried to when they released stuff about my girl's dad, but nothing happened no one said anything, but I did alert the school to be aware of the situation.
I have 9 more years left to go. I've been doing this for a year now. You ask if it gets better that first year for me was the hardest all of the first that you have to do. I find my self shying away from family stuff because I have a hard time seeing Mom and Dad and kids together. Does it get better not really that void is always going to be there. You have to keep yourself busy. I do a lot of stuff with the girls they are 11 and 18 now. I spend to much time online chatting with people who are going through the same thing I am to help feel that void at night.
I've accepted that this is how my life will be for the next 9 years and that being upset all the time about it is not doing me any good except causing my stress level to go up and my blood pressure to go crazy. I've had to learn how to take care of things that I would of never thought I could do or want to do.
You will adapt and learn how to cope and take one day at a time. At first that is all you do everything else is so overwhelming. I have family nights with the girls. They talk to their dad on the phone when he calls and they write letters back and forth.
They haven't visited yet since he has been moved to his new location we are still awaiting approval, but as soon as that happens and I get money saved up then we will make the trip.
Your son is going to go through things too and if he has friends and teachers to care about him he will have someone to talk too, but if you feel he needs couseling to help him deal with it then get him into it. My girls talk to me and I know when they miss their dad by their actions. You just need to be there for him. This is the hardest thing that you and him will be going to have to face.
Have you got to visit yet and are you taking your son with you if he wants to go and visit. He may have a lot of questions that only his dad can answer, but if he doesn't want to go don't force him. In a way he has to find his way through this just like you do.
Take care of yourself and trust in God and he will help you get through this time.
If you need someone to talk to PM me and we can talk anytime you want. I also chat a lot on Yahoo or MSN just PM for my info.
Welcome to PTO,
Toshacat
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  #123  
Old 03-31-2007, 08:53 PM
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I have custody of my granddaughter her father was just released from prison. My daughter had been in and out of jail for the last 3 years her daughter is 4. She has just been transfered to tutwiler. I like to keep her intouch with both sides of the faimly. I live in alabama
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  #124  
Old 04-19-2007, 05:57 PM
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Hello, My Name Is Monica. My Husband Is In Corcoran, And I Have 3 Boys Ages 6, 2, And 1. It Is So Hard To Raise The Boys Byself. And I Just Got This Profile Started Today So, How Do You Guys Do The Whole Single Mom Thing? I Been Going Crazy.
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  #125  
Old 04-20-2007, 03:59 AM
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im raising a little boy thats 2 1/2 but going on 10. lol. its especially hard cause our son has a couple medical conditions and im not working right now because of them and living in cali its just too expensive.. his dad feels horrible because of this and most of the time just wants to end things with me cause he doesnt want me to feel obligated to have him on my agenda too, but theres no way we will ever leave him... my fiance is doing 11 yrs with 85% so appx 9 1/2 yrs and our son misses him so much but i have to be strong for the both of him and thats the hardest part !!!!! god bless.. xoxo..
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