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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 09-03-2019, 08:38 PM
ana1982 ana1982 is offline
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Default Home but deported and not speaking

My boyfriend got out after serving a 10 year sentence. He was deported to Mexico so had to go straight there. Prior to him being deported our communication was great. Phone calls, emails and sometimes letters. He called to let me know he was good and that he made it to where he needs to be. We talked for thirty minutes one evening then I have not heard from since. He has called his sister and mom who say he is stressed out and focusing on what he needs to do as he has never been to Mexico before. He has not called me for 11 days now. He hasn't even tried despite me reaching out to him through his family since I don't have his cell number. Should I just walk away? If he doesn't want to be with me, I wish he would just call and tell me that. We were together just shy of three years. He missed our anniversary during his time of being MIA with me. I am devastated as we had planned so much together. He got close to my younger son and it is hard to have to answer questions about why he isn't calling and why I am always sad.
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Old 09-03-2019, 08:49 PM
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Is he staying with family or friends there? If he's never been, that's a HUGE shock. Depending on where they dropped him off, he could have some real challenges politically, as well. I would cut him some slack but make it clear that you're concerned and would like to hear from him that he's OK.
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Old 09-04-2019, 03:39 AM
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Welcome to Prison Talk. I'm sorry for what is happening and hope he will call you soon.
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Old 09-04-2019, 03:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miamac View Post
Is he staying with family or friends there? If he's never been, that's a HUGE shock. Depending on where they dropped him off, he could have some real challenges politically, as well. I would cut him some slack but make it clear that you're concerned and would like to hear from him that he's OK.
He was dropped off at the Laredo border and made his way to TJ. A family member met up with him to take him to TJ. Another family member met him in TJ and spent a week with him. In that time period they were able to rent a place for him to live. I know other family members spent the long holiday weekend down there with him. I just don't understand how he isn't even able to give me a call for a minute to tell me he is good but stressed and will call back later.
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Old 09-04-2019, 06:25 AM
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Well...bear in mind he has a lot on plate just now. It's not to minimize your relationship with him or even the love that the both of you may feel for one another, Ana, but he's basically in a place he doesn't know much about and most of all he doesn't want to be there. Prison is one thing. Getting out of prison is another thing, but to be deported is a problem in and of itself that calls for solutions that are not readily available nor is there any "hey, this is what you do when you get out of prison and your deported."
I've been locked up in the past with several men that were to be deported to Mexico or some part of Central America and they spent a lot of time deep in thought and confusion about what to do exactly when it came time discharge or leave prison. Be patient with him, dear.
At the same time, I know that it's just as hard on you, too. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be the person that you are. That fact that you do care speaks volumes of the loving soul and the woman that are. Pray....and know that it'll work out in the end. Just now, no one knows how that will come to pass. You are not alone.
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Old 09-04-2019, 12:02 PM
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Well, the upside is that TJ is easy to get to from our side (assuming they've finished construction on the crossing). So if you're able to cross, it might be an option to be able to see him.

The downside is...TJ. It's literally one of the last places folks want to end up with no safety net. I'm glad they found him a place to stay, hopefully he can find work. My guess he's feeling the stress pretty hard and may not feel that he has much to offer you right now. He can't come to you, he may be struggling financially and the visits from his family might be the only thing keeping him going.

I agree with Firebrand. You obviously care about him or you'd wash your hands of the situation. Try to be patient, keep in touch with his family. But be mindful that he may not be in a place that he's able to be present in a relationship right now.
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Old 09-04-2019, 06:00 PM
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Transition back into the free world isn't easy at all, and with him being deported and dropped off into a country/place he doesn't know much about. Makes things even more harder for him to adjust, compared to when he was in the states. I'll say give him time to get the hang of things there, and get up on his feet. I'm sure he'll try to get in touch with you soon. Stay in contact with his family, to get updates on what's going on with him. I do pray he's able to adjust and get up on his feet. It's not easy but as long as he's trying things will slowly fall into place for him.
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Old 09-05-2019, 08:47 AM
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You say he calls his sister and mother, who both live in the U.S.?

And his family members went over from the States and spent the Labor Day weekend with him?

I understand the shock and pressure he's experiencing right now, absolutely - but I guess I have to disagree with some of the other comments here. I feel the same with you; you have been with him for three years, he's gotten close to your little boy as well -- but you get one call and then nothing for nearly two weeks?

I'm not saying walk away...but I do want to say that in my opinion you being upset is justified. If you guys have been together for three years and have plans for a mutual future then in my eyes that makes you his family as well. I don't know exactly what advice I would give you...I think if I were in your shoes I would just go about my life and leave the ball in his court. If I wouldn't hear from him in the next couple of weeks...that would tell me all I need to know. We're talking quick phone calls here, I don't think that's too much to ask for someone who has been there for him for three years. Hang in there, hope it turns out well!
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Old 09-05-2019, 11:18 AM
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You say he calls his sister and mother, who both live in the U.S.?

And his family members went over from the States and spent the Labor Day weekend with him?

I understand the shock and pressure he's experiencing right now, absolutely - but I guess I have to disagree with some of the other comments here. I feel the same with you; you have been with him for three years, he's gotten close to your little boy as well -- but you get one call and then nothing for nearly two weeks?

I'm not saying walk away...but I do want to say that in my opinion you being upset is justified. If you guys have been together for three years and have plans for a mutual future then in my eyes that makes you his family as well. I don't know exactly what advice I would give you...I think if I were in your shoes I would just go about my life and leave the ball in his court. If I wouldn't hear from him in the next couple of weeks...that would tell me all I need to know. We're talking quick phone calls here, I don't think that's too much to ask for someone who has been there for him for three years. Hang in there, hope it turns out well!

I am still in touch with his sister. She sent a message to him that I wrote via text and his response was for me to talk to whoever I wanted to talk to. He has shown that he no longer cares for me so I am going to say this relationship is over with. It hurts like hell but holding on to hope is hurting even worse. I realized now that he probably used me over the last three years and that is something I will have to come to terms with. I think it hurts the most because I truly had feelings for him and this wasn't a game to me.
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Old 09-05-2019, 11:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ana1982 View Post
I am still in touch with his sister. She sent a message to him that I wrote via text and his response was for me to talk to whoever I wanted to talk to. He has shown that he no longer cares for me so I am going to say this relationship is over with. It hurts like hell but holding on to hope is hurting even worse. I realized now that he probably used me over the last three years and that is something I will have to come to terms with. I think it hurts the most because I truly had feelings for him and this wasn't a game to me.
I'm truly sorry to hear this. I still think there may be a big part of this that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his circumstances. Much like men tell their LO to go find someone else when they are sentenced, he's in a different kind of 'jail' right now. It still hurts, of course, and you should do as he suggested-- move on. But be open to the idea that you may not have the whole story. I wish you the very best.
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