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  #1  
Old 08-13-2013, 11:36 PM
Maushel Maushel is offline
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Thumbs down Anyone Else Missing CONVERSATION?

I really miss having conversations. I especially miss having conversations with R. I especially miss hearing his voice.

He's in the Feds, where you only get 300 phone minutes per month. His family is going through A LOT right now, and understandably, he's been devoting most of his minutes to them lately. He's also almost 3,000 miles away from me, so regular visits just don't happen. (Although I'm going out to see him in about two weeks...hooray!! )

Fifteen-minute phone calls suck. Thirty-minute wait times between phone calls suck. Three hundred minutes a month suck. Only being able to have extended unrestricted conversations three times a year sucks.

I don't feel like e-mailing him tonight. I don't feel like waiting for him to respond. I want a real-time exchange of thoughts. I don't want to write; I just want to flow. I miss conversation more than sex tonight.

I can handle this, though. I can get through it. But does anyone else get like this sometimes?
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Old 08-14-2013, 05:36 AM
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I hear you! I just want to have a conversation that doesn't end in "You have one minute left" or read Love R at the end of a letter or having to walk down that long hallway after a visit. I just want to lay in bed and talk all night long. Yes, I miss not having that.
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Old 08-14-2013, 06:48 AM
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I know what you mean. A real conversation would be great. I usually just get 4 or 6 mins of phone time, once or twice per week. It's hard to have a real conversation.
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Old 08-14-2013, 06:58 AM
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We get no phone calls and all in person conversations are recorded and reviewed by the gang unit,oh the joys of prison (not).
We are blessed to have an hour a month window visit.
I would LOVE just one private conversation.
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Old 08-14-2013, 08:09 AM
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Try to do it without contact visits or phone calls for a year, which I'm doing. Then tell me how you feel.
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Old 08-14-2013, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by DarkAngel1962 View Post
I hear you! I just want to have a conversation that doesn't end in "You have one minute left" or read Love R at the end of a letter or having to walk down that long hallway after a visit. I just want to lay in bed and talk all night long. Yes, I miss not having that.
I know what you mean, DarkAngel1962. And to lay in bed and talk all night long? To be able to talk for hours AND touch him would be HEAVEN!! (We can't touch during visits, which brings a whole 'nother set of "this sucks" statements to mind.) Lol, if I think about that one too much, I'll probably cry.
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Old 08-14-2013, 09:39 AM
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I know what you mean. A real conversation would be great. I usually just get 4 or 6 mins of phone time, once or twice per week. It's hard to have a real conversation.
It IS hard, KimIslandSun. Honestly, after almost nine months, I still don't think we've ever really FINISHED a conversation. I get more minutes per call, but I haven't had that in over three weeks. You get less minutes, but with more frequency. Both situations -- all of these situations -- are truly difficult.
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Old 08-14-2013, 09:51 AM
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We get no phone calls and all in person conversations are recorded and reviewed by the gang unit,oh the joys of prison (not).
We are blessed to have an hour a month window visit.
I would LOVE just one private conversation.
Awww, Sheryl P. I hear you. I did have to flip my thinking around a bit last night and have an "attitude of gratitude." I realized that a lot of ladies have to get by with a lot less. It's amazing, the things I used to take for granted (and still do sometimes). I hope that you and your man will be able to have a private conversation soon.
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Old 08-14-2013, 10:12 AM
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Try to do it without contact visits or phone calls for a year, which I'm doing. Then tell me how you feel.
Well, Grad0507, I can tell you right now, I'd probably feel even worse. I appreciate that that's not my situation right now, and I'm sorry that that's yours, but in the grand scheme of things, both situations are rather unusual and both are difficult to deal with. I was comparing all of this to more traditional relationships, not to what other women here are going through.

I hope that your year goes by quickly.
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Old 08-14-2013, 11:52 AM
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Yep! I am soooooo looking forward to a REAL conversation again.. J is in the Feds too, so we have that same 300min nonsense to deal with.. and after splitting calls between his mom, dad, grandparents, and brother, there's maybe 150mins left for us.. But those minutes go quick! We've tried every "solution" we can think of - rationing calls to every few days, 5min calls every night, scheduling calls.. but by the end of the month, we're always on 0 minutes and waiting for minutes to renew..
Thankfully, we've gotten pretty good at holding a conversation through email, but like you said, its about 3hrs sending and receiving, which makes talking hard.. (though still better than snail mail IMO).
And we've definitely been in the position as another poster mentioned above - no calls, no visits, no emails.. Once you get calls, visits, emails back, you sort of have a new appreciation for it all..
But 18months (and a few days) and we'll FINALLY be able to have a REAL, private, not monitored/recorded, uninterrupted conversation again - YAY!!
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Old 08-14-2013, 12:01 PM
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There have been times where I have had really crappy stuff happen in my life, and I didn't allow myself to feel bad, or sorry for myself, or grieve in any way. At the time I would compare my situation to that of others and feel that since their situation was so much worse, I didn't have the "right" to feel bad or complain. I have come to realize that it is always true that someone else has it worse...and that for others, I am the example of the their 'worst case' scenario. When something happens to you, regardless of what happens in the world, it happens to you. It is human, and healthy, to recognize that it has happened, how it feels and determine a plan to deal with it. Denying the problem doesn't improve it. I feel it, sometimes let myself mope a little, and then get on with it.

I miss not being able to contact him when I want to speak with him. I miss PRIVACY. I miss having a conversation where my only concern is how HE understands it (not how THEY will). I miss kissing for as long as we want, and when we want. I miss touch. I miss being held and cuddling on a rainy Sunday morning and turning it into a lazy day in bed. I miss sitting in total silence; enjoying things around us, hearing his intake and release of breath...of easy, comfortable silence...not filling the air with words or pressured speech because visits are too few and every thought must be expressed for fear 'next time' may be too far away...

Maushel, you're right...we get through it. And others have it worse. But for now, it's OK to acknowledge that sometimes it just sucks.
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Old 08-14-2013, 01:44 PM
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I just everything about him even the stuff that used to irrate me. Every day that passes is one day closer.
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Old 08-14-2013, 05:08 PM
Maushel Maushel is offline
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Originally Posted by JAKLTS2798 View Post
Yep! I am soooooo looking forward to a REAL conversation again.. J is in the Feds too, so we have that same 300min nonsense to deal with.. and after splitting calls between his mom, dad, grandparents, and brother, there's maybe 150mins left for us.. But those minutes go quick! We've tried every "solution" we can think of - rationing calls to every few days, 5min calls every night, scheduling calls.. but by the end of the month, we're always on 0 minutes and waiting for minutes to renew..
Thankfully, we've gotten pretty good at holding a conversation through email, but like you said, its about 3hrs sending and receiving, which makes talking hard.. (though still better than snail mail IMO).
And we've definitely been in the position as another poster mentioned above - no calls, no visits, no emails.. Once you get calls, visits, emails back, you sort of have a new appreciation for it all..
But 18months (and a few days) and we'll FINALLY be able to have a REAL, private, not monitored/recorded, uninterrupted conversation again - YAY!!
Hooray, JAKLTS2798, for being down to 18 months!! I hope they fly by for you two!!

I hear you about waiting for those minutes to renew. I look forward to every 19th now like it's payday!!

R and I do have to get better at sticking to a conversation when e-mailing. And I see what you mean; if we ever lost phones, e-mails, and/or visits, I'd probably want to kick myself for even once complaining. Makes me appreciate it all a little more now. Thanks!!
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  #14  
Old 08-14-2013, 05:28 PM
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There have been times where I have had really crappy stuff happen in my life, and I didn't allow myself to feel bad, or sorry for myself, or grieve in any way. At the time I would compare my situation to that of others and feel that since their situation was so much worse, I didn't have the "right" to feel bad or complain. I have come to realize that it is always true that someone else has it worse...and that for others, I am the example of the their 'worst case' scenario. When something happens to you, regardless of what happens in the world, it happens to you. It is human, and healthy, to recognize that it has happened, how it feels and determine a plan to deal with it. Denying the problem doesn't improve it. I feel it, sometimes let myself mope a little, and then get on with it.

I miss not being able to contact him when I want to speak with him. I miss PRIVACY. I miss having a conversation where my only concern is how HE understands it (not how THEY will). I miss kissing for as long as we want, and when we want. I miss touch. I miss being held and cuddling on a rainy Sunday morning and turning it into a lazy day in bed. I miss sitting in total silence; enjoying things around us, hearing his intake and release of breath...of easy, comfortable silence...not filling the air with words or pressured speech because visits are too few and every thought must be expressed for fear 'next time' may be too far away...

Maushel, you're right...we get through it. And others have it worse. But for now, it's OK to acknowledge that sometimes it just sucks.
Thank you so much, InsomniaCT, for sharing your story and your excellent perspective...and for validating these difficult feelings that I'm experiencing. Although it sucks, being able to share and get such encouraging feedback goes a long way in helping me -- and I hope all of us -- get through it. Thanks again.
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Old 08-14-2013, 05:32 PM
Maushel Maushel is offline
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I just everything about him even the stuff that used to irrate me. Every day that passes is one day closer.
You're so right, Bpoulos!! One day closer!!
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