Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR "OFFENDERS" > Straight Talk
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Straight Talk The general Ex-Offender discussion forum. If you have done time, this forum is for you.

View Poll Results: How effective is visitation for our beloved inmates?
Extemely effective 979 86.56%
Very effective 115 10.17%
Somewhat effective 29 2.56%
Not effective 8 0.71%
Voters: 1131. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #251  
Old 04-21-2018, 12:56 PM
Kimimi Kimimi is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: OR USA
Posts: 540
Thanks: 427
Thanked 781 Times in 351 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cs major View Post
I did a 13 months on a 2 year sentence back in 2005 / 2006. I can say from my own experience that I really didn't like being visited. I know it may sound weird.

When in prison you are part of a culture that is very different from any on the outs. You have to carry yourself a certain way. It was mostly my mom and dad who came to see me. They had to drive all day to get down to the prison in Coalinga, CA to see me. They would usually stay all day, for 6 or 7 hours. I loved seeing them, but it was hard to adjust my demeanor and act right around my mom and dad. Eventually throughout our visits I would loosen up, and end up having a great time, but then I would have to adjust back to my prison mentality and demeanor once the visit was over. Plus I would miss them like hell as soon as they left.

Going through this was just emotionally taxing and exhausting. I found it easier to not see them at all, and just talk on the phone and write letters. I never had the heart to tell them this because I knew it would break my mom's heart, but honestly, I would have rather just done my time without anyone coming to see me.
Itís not weird, maybe rare. Thank you for sharing this, my boyfriend is the same way. He said visits make his time harder and longer for the reasons you said. He said he has to immerse himself in the prison reality while he is there in order to survive. So many people in my life kept acting like he was rejecting me personally, luckily when he explained it to me it just rang true and I knew he was being honest.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #252  
Old 04-21-2018, 01:15 PM
Wallflower78me's Avatar
Wallflower78me Wallflower78me is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 186
Thanks: 53
Thanked 95 Times in 62 Posts
Default

My boyfriend is okay with his family or me coming to visit him but he never asks for it or acts like itís something he wants bad. I know each inmate is different. Like me visiting he said it will be hard because he wants to touch me, kiss me , & more lol but canít. So it makes it harder sometimes. Of course you do get hug / kiss but brief. I havenít been to visit him yet. Iím sure I will but for now he seems like Jpay, phone calls are the better way to spend my money.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Wallflower78me For This Useful Post:
maytayah (04-21-2018)
  #253  
Old 05-15-2018, 04:54 AM
MissStar MissStar is offline
Beach Girl
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 284
Thanks: 348
Thanked 328 Times in 151 Posts
Default

I visit as often as I can. I live over two thousand miles away, so I only get to visit two or three times a year (in person visit). However, we do the video visits once a week (sometimes more). He absolutely loves the in person visits! He also has other family who visits every other month. I think it depends on the person incarcerated, honestly. Everybody is different.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to MissStar For This Useful Post:
xolady (07-31-2018)
  #254  
Old 07-24-2018, 05:20 PM
Sunnielg's Avatar
Sunnielg Sunnielg is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Gulf County, FL
Posts: 379
Thanks: 814
Thanked 307 Times in 174 Posts
Default

After reading the comments here, I asked my hubby point blank. He told me that my visits are all that keeps him out of trouble. He knows that if he gets in trouble I will not be able to come see him, so he watches what he does. He said that the visits help him to do the time. This is not his first time in and he said this time is so much different because he now has a family that comes to see him.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Sunnielg For This Useful Post:
100%Hiz (03-13-2019), KatyCain12 (07-07-2019), THEDRSBRIDE1175 (07-24-2018), xolady (07-31-2018)
  #255  
Old 02-07-2019, 11:27 AM
Danny3001 Danny3001 is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 44
Thanks: 19
Thanked 25 Times in 20 Posts
Default

I spent 11 months in a young offenders prison and was released two months ago. Unfortunately I live on an island and there were no young offender places available there so I was transported to a prison on the mainland. I received no visitors at all (not even Christmas or birthday) because it is so expensive and time consuming to travel to the mainland. I almost went completely crazy from the isolation. If I wasnít on suicide watch then I was in segregation due to getting in fights. I was a very angry person then.

So, I suppose my answer is that visitation is extremely important and being able to see your loved ones is essential for a prisonerís mental health.
Reply With Quote
  #256  
Old 02-10-2019, 12:07 PM
lizlizzie2's Avatar
lizlizzie2 lizlizzie2 is offline
Liz
 

Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,046
Thanks: 2,043
Thanked 1,671 Times in 639 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimimi View Post
Itís not weird, maybe rare. Thank you for sharing this, my boyfriend is the same way. He said visits make his time harder and longer for the reasons you said. He said he has to immerse himself in the prison reality while he is there in order to survive. So many people in my life kept acting like he was rejecting me personally, luckily when he explained it to me it just rang true and I knew he was being honest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cs major View Post
I did a 13 months on a 2 year sentence back in 2005 / 2006. I can say from my own experience that I really didn't like being visited. I know it may sound weird.

When in prison you are part of a culture that is very different from any on the outs. You have to carry yourself a certain way. It was mostly my mom and dad who came to see me. They had to drive all day to get down to the prison in Coalinga, CA to see me. They would usually stay all day, for 6 or 7 hours. I loved seeing them, but it was hard to adjust my demeanor and act right around my mom and dad. Eventually throughout our visits I would loosen up, and end up having a great time, but then I would have to adjust back to my prison mentality and demeanor once the visit was over. Plus I would miss them like hell as soon as they left.

Going through this was just emotionally taxing and exhausting. I found it easier to not see them at all, and just talk on the phone and write letters. I never had the heart to tell them this because I knew it would break my mom's heart, but honestly, I would have rather just done my time without anyone coming to see me.
My son really needed my visits in the beginning. He was 22, very young, scared and hungry (vending machines during visits he would eat everything). But, as he matured, became more familiar, and was moved to the other side of the state with better food and more understanding of the system, my visits became less necessary to his survival. I think he too had to adjust to mom being there. I would do a 2-day visit because it was an 8 hour drive each way for me. It felt like we didn't get comfortable with each other until day 2. With a job and more food available to him, he wasn't as interested in the food visits and didn't feel neglected when I skipped those that were in winter.

After 5 years with less than a year left, he was moved to only an hour away. At the current location, he needs to know I am planning to visit as if he is away from his bed then no one finds him to tell him he has a visitor. He keeps busy with exercise, sports, studying. At age 29, I think there is less a need for mom to be there.

There is a combination of factors that affect inmates. They do become institutionalized. They do need the connections to the outside to remember what the real world is like - letters, phone calls, and visits. My son always is saddened by those inmates who have no one. He always shares securepaks and such with those who have nothing, especially during the holidays. He has always been in a dorm prison environment so that makes it easier to provide group support of others. But, inmates also have to find a way to survive inside and that is a completely different mindset than dealing with us on the outside.

Interestingly inmates try to "dress up" for visitation. They save their best looking, least faded shirts and pants to wear. They make sure their sneakers are clean. When they don't have a non-faded item, they will borrow or make a trade for that day so that they can wear something nice. It is respect for we who visit and also a matter of self-respect for themselves.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to lizlizzie2 For This Useful Post:
marco1969 (02-10-2019)
  #257  
Old 02-10-2019, 09:21 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,843
Thanks: 456
Thanked 3,682 Times in 1,719 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lizlizzie2 View Post
My son really needed my visits in the beginning. He was 22, very young, scared and hungry (vending machines during visits he would eat everything). But, as he matured, became more familiar, and was moved to the other side of the state with better food and more understanding of the system, my visits became less necessary to his survival. I think he too had to adjust to mom being there. I would do a 2-day visit because it was an 8 hour drive each way for me. It felt like we didn't get comfortable with each other until day 2. With a job and more food available to him, he wasn't as interested in the food visits and didn't feel neglected when I skipped those that were in winter.

After 5 years with less than a year left, he was moved to only an hour away. At the current location, he needs to know I am planning to visit as if he is away from his bed then no one finds him to tell him he has a visitor. He keeps busy with exercise, sports, studying. At age 29, I think there is less a need for mom to be there.

There is a combination of factors that affect inmates. They do become institutionalized. They do need the connections to the outside to remember what the real world is like - letters, phone calls, and visits. My son always is saddened by those inmates who have no one. He always shares securepaks and such with those who have nothing, especially during the holidays. He has always been in a dorm prison environment so that makes it easier to provide group support of others. But, inmates also have to find a way to survive inside and that is a completely different mindset than dealing with us on the outside.

Interestingly inmates try to "dress up" for visitation. They save their best looking, least faded shirts and pants to wear. They make sure their sneakers are clean. When they don't have a non-faded item, they will borrow or make a trade for that day so that they can wear something nice. It is respect for we who visit and also a matter of self-respect for themselves.
My honey saves his best clothes for a visit. He makes sure he is ironed and shaved. It makes him feel good. He also prefers if I dont wear a sweats either. Like we are on a date or somewhere outside of there for a little while. It is the little things that can mean so much.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to onedayatatime13 For This Useful Post:
lizlizzie2 (02-17-2019), Ricoluv29 (03-12-2019)
  #258  
Old 03-12-2019, 07:52 AM
trauma4us trauma4us is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 821
Thanks: 861
Thanked 1,069 Times in 480 Posts
Default

My son has been incarcerated for >5 years in the same prison. He has a little less than 2 years to go. We (Mom and Dad) visit along with his son who is now 12. The visits are good because our son is able to keep a relationship with his Dad and thats super important.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to trauma4us For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (03-12-2019)
  #259  
Old 03-12-2019, 08:26 AM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 156
Thanked 196 Times in 125 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
My honey saves his best clothes for a visit. He makes sure he is ironed and shaved. It makes him feel good. He also prefers if I dont wear a sweats either. Like we are on a date or somewhere outside of there for a little while. It is the little things that can mean so much.
Ahw. I didn't pay much attention that other inmates do this too. I thought my man was just being his usual self of always having to look good.
Reply With Quote
  #260  
Old 03-12-2019, 08:35 AM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 316
Thanks: 156
Thanked 196 Times in 125 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cs major View Post
They had to drive all day to get down to the prison in Coalinga, CA to see me. They would usually stay all day, for 6 or 7 hours. I loved seeing them, but it was hard to adjust my demeanor and act right around my mom and dad. Eventually throughout our visits I would loosen up, and end up having a great time, but then I would have to adjust back to my prison mentality and demeanor once the visit was over. Plus I would miss them like hell as soon as they left.

Going through this was just emotionally taxing and exhausting. I found it easier to not see them at all, and just talk on the phone and write letters. I never had the heart to tell them this because I knew it would break my mom's heart, but honestly, I would have rather just done my time without anyone coming to see me.
I feel this way with visits and I feel like my man is in the same boat.
Like, we're dying to be together and seeing each other helps but the fact that we can only have 8 hours every other week together then return to our daily without one another. He stresses about my 3 hour drive to and from the prison. He always sounds down when he calls after visiting. It hurts.
It's good in the moment but all the emotions that follow after are hard to deal with.
Reply With Quote
  #261  
Old 06-29-2019, 09:28 AM
Ex Con 5's Avatar
Ex Con 5 Ex Con 5 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 439
Thanks: 17
Thanked 45 Times in 19 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaMisses View Post
Hello Everyone,
My name is Talaya and I am in the process of opening a transportation business that will provide transportation to and from correctional institutes for those wishing to visit an inmate.
This is where you guys come in...
How effective do you think visitation is for an inmate?
If you are an ex inmate can you please speak on the subject for me?
Thank you, Talaya.

To me, it makes all the difference in the world and should motivate anyone on the inside to change their life. I give all the credit to anyone in contact with those on the inside...it is sacrifice on their end. I am grateful for the support I had and visits made me have a better attitude.
Reply With Quote
  #262  
Old 07-07-2019, 12:18 AM
KatyCain12 KatyCain12 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Tn, USA
Posts: 24
Thanks: 10
Thanked 15 Times in 11 Posts
Default

My guy enjoys getting away from the other guys a few hours, playing with the children, and thinking amore what life might be like when he's home.
Reply With Quote
  #263  
Old 07-07-2019, 12:53 AM
Amandainohio Amandainohio is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 155
Thanks: 34
Thanked 62 Times in 45 Posts
Default

We just had our 1st visit since my man was transferred from jail, he said it was his one thing that has kept him going...knowing that I would be there to see him. Shoot, the poor man missed out on getting his breakfast and lunch since visiting starts at 8:30 and goes until 3:15.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #264  
Old 07-10-2019, 12:47 PM
4Bobby's Avatar
4Bobby 4Bobby is offline
Green Eyed Monster
 

Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Paris, TX, USA
Posts: 445
Thanks: 253
Thanked 227 Times in 117 Posts
Default

I think that for the most part visitation can make all the difference for our loved ones. I know my loved one tells me that the fact that he can look forward to a visit from someone he loves weekly (we are fortunate that he is only 45 minutes away) soothes him and reminds him to stay on the straight and narrow. His mother and I take turns visiting and bringing the children/grandchild to see him.

Of course, we are not looking at an extremely long bid so there might be a difference.
__________________


Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Article: Committment a Story From Inside R.J. Donovan RPinSD California Prison & Criminal Justice News & Events + 3 Strikes 1 02-12-2008 11:04 AM
Gangs,Drugs,Plagued prison ldysirois Oklahoma General Prison Talk, News, Introductions & Chit Chat 1 03-14-2005 06:27 PM
NYTIMES MAGAZINE SECTION - horrific titantoo World Prison News 6 11-02-2004 07:22 PM
Five Points Correctional Facility Manzanita ELMIRA HUB PRISONS - NY DOC 0 10-09-2004 05:53 PM
Missouri's Parallel Universe Ken Missouri Prison & Jail Visitation, Phones, Packages & Mail 9 04-21-2004 10:57 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:20 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics