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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 10-03-2005, 07:50 PM
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Default a request for your stories

Ladies,

Some of you may know me from visiting at Solano, where my fiancee has been for the last year and a half. I hope you will take a moment to consider the following:

Recently there was a big media hue and cry over the former prison nurse in Tennessee who shot a bailiff guarding her husband, whom she had met while working at the prison, as he went to court and then helped him escape. The fallout from that particular news story was a series of articles on prison wives, all of which seemed to focus on the very negative portrayal of the motivations of a woman who would love an incarcerated man.
I am working on a memoir exploring and explaining how I came to fall in love with my fiancee, and as part of my book I would like to share a cross-section of stories and quotes from other women in this situation. If you are interested in sharing your story and allowing me to quote you anonymously, please pm me, and I will email you the link to my first drafts (so you can see that I am, in fact, working on a book) and a list of questions which you can use as a prompt for your recollections. You are welcome to answer as many or as few as you see fit, and again, all stories will be kept anonymous. If you are quoted, I will run it by you first to make sure you are still comfortable with your statements and the context in which they are presented.
I am tired of the assumption that we are all desperate women from abused childhoods with no means of support and a need to be in control of our relationships. The women I have met while visiting at San Quentin and Solano have been just the opposite - strong, courageous, intelligent, and complex. These are the voices that I want to be heard.
Please feel free to pm me with any questions.


Many thanks,
Jessica
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Old 10-04-2005, 01:25 AM
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Jessica,

Are you looking for stories from women with their loved one in a California institution?
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Old 10-04-2005, 09:25 AM
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Are you looking for women who met their man once he was already incarcerated?
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Old 10-04-2005, 09:31 AM
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What a wonderful idea! I to am sick and tired of us being protrayed as low-self esteem woman who can't get anyone else. I adore my fiance, he has more love, integrity and honesty than any man i have ever met. It takes great courage, strength, and love to stay the course. I will tell you anything you want to know.
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Old 10-04-2005, 11:05 AM
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Hi Ladies,

Thanks for responding. I am looking for stories from all over, from those of us that love a man inside, regardless of whether we met before or after - we are all in the same boat and all share a world that very few people understand. I feel very strongly that in the majority of these relationships, the women involved are exactly the opposite of how we are portrayed, and I want to show that by real stories from real women, not some bs that some reporter concocted for a hot-selling article.

Jessica
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Old 10-04-2005, 01:59 PM
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• Media/Journalists
When a journalist or member of the media posts on the site, they are expected to explain the purpose of the request to the members and to encourage members to post their stories in the thread. Considering the fact that this is a prisoner-oriented site, any media stories evolving from PTO communication should be that of a positive nature. Requests with the intent of provoking derogatory comments about prisoners or corrections officers will not be tolerated. Inviting outside contact of PTO members is also not allowed. Persons in the media are also not allowed to send unsolicited emails and/or private messages to members of PTO. Posting a personal email address within the thread is also not allowed. It is not the responsibility of the PTO Administration or Staff to authenticate or verify any statement or facts purported by members of PTO. At the discretion of PTO Administration, any media-related post/request may be removed from the site. This may be done without warning or prior notification. PTO does not endorse any media outlet, journalist, member of the media or media story/report. However, any information obtained from this site must be credited to Prisontalk.com and its members. Failure to follow these rules and policies will result in the request being immediately removed from the site and permanent banning of the media member(s) involved.
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Old 10-04-2005, 05:32 PM
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Ms. Dragon,

I've been a member of this forum for over a year, and I am neither a journalist nor a member of the media, just a woman writing a memoir. Having read over the guidelines I did not think I was in any violation of them. If I am, let me know so I can change any offending post.

Thanks,
Jessica
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Old 10-04-2005, 05:54 PM
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No you have not violated any policies, however, we use this journalist/media policy whenever someone asks for others personal stories. As staff, its my job to protect the members and that is why this policy was created. By stating that you are writing a book, that makes you a "potential journalist!"

It is nothing against you personally, in fact I hope your project is a great success!
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Old 10-05-2005, 11:30 AM
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Gotcha Mrs. D. - thanks for the update, and thanks to all the ladies who have responded - as I suspected, we are nothing like the media portrays us! Anyone who would like any more info or has any questions, please PM me, and thanks again.

Jessica
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Old 10-05-2005, 12:22 PM
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Sound like a good Idea it would be nice to be portrayed as a normal woman.
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Old 10-05-2005, 07:26 PM
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Ravenslove I will PM you with the list of questions to fill out.
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Old 10-06-2005, 01:23 AM
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Just an update to all the ladies who have responded - I am so happy that I have received so many PMs! Thank you all so much and please be patient with me as I get back to you - I wasn't expecting such a response, but of course, the more, the better. It might just take a day or two but I am still welcoming anyone who wants to share a story.

Jessica
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  #13  
Old 10-07-2005, 08:41 PM
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Lightbulb for those who have asked or are just curious!

Hello ladies,

I guess I am slightly retarded, because when I read through the PTO policies I somehow thought that we weren't allowed to post link URL's, so I asked people who were interested to PM me. Reading over the policies I see that URLs are acceptable as long as the information is summarized. I have received bunches of PMs and have tried to send out the same info to each member. However, now that I see that I can post a URL, I will just post the info here so anyone who wants it can find it.

As I said above, I am writing a memoir about my experience meeting and falling in love with my fiancee, who has been incarcerated for three years and has seven left on his bid. I have the first drafts of the first few chapters online at www.jessica_deva.typepad.com/unbroken and I am providing this link so that anyone who is interested in sharing a story to be potentially used in this book can see the style and content of the narrative.

For those who are interested, I have come up with a list of 26 questions to use as memory prompts for your recollection. I am providing this link to the questions because it is far too long to post: http://123.writeboard.com/8f9aa32aa0285ceb3 Following this link will ask you for a password, which is unbroken (the working title for the book.) All responses will be kept anonymous, as I know that for some of us it isn't possible to be completely open about our situation with everyone in our life. However, if you want some sort of attribution, and if you want me to be able to check with you regarding the context of your quote or story, please make sure to PM or email me with your response so I know how to reach you.

I have put the questions online for convenience, but if any moderator feels that the questions themselves need to be posted for the benefit of the membership, I will break them down into three sections and post them. I think that would make it difficult to keep track of questions and answers in a way that would make it easy to attribute quotes and or stories in manuscript form, but on the other hand it might start up some great dialogue, and I know that is the whole point of these forums.

Thank you again to all the ladies who have responded. Every story has been very powerful and shown me that we are both stronger and more intelligent than that for which we are given credit.

With respect,

Jessica
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  #14  
Old 10-10-2005, 10:52 AM
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Jessica those are great questions. Were will your book be for sale? And is it ok if I send you half the answers now and the other half in about a week?

looking forward to reading your book.
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Old 10-10-2005, 11:06 AM
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Ravenslove,

Sorry I haven't talked to you in a while. As for the book, I don't have a publisher yet and who knows what will happen when I get to that stage in the game! But I will try! Anyway, yes, take your time with the questions - I'm not in a rush, and I appreciate your time. Thanks for getting back to me.

Jessica
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