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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #26  
Old 04-23-2018, 10:46 AM
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This is honestly been on my mind since before he got to jail. I'm constantly thinking and going back and forth over and over.
Trying to keep my personal opinions about not having the choice to know my father, and my mom making that decision for me, how i resent her so much sometimes even though everyone says it was for the best, now i don't get that chance since from what I've been told he is no longer around.

I know people can be violent towards their partners/exs and not their kids.
I honestly think it's for the best for every one.
He can still be in her life, as another father figure to her, if he chooses and if she wants him in her life(when shes old enough to decide) but then if he goes back to how he started, i can quickly protect her from that. & later on when she's older and if he's shown he's changing in that aspect in his life, we can always come to an agreement of visitations if that's something she wants as well. I know if might seem silly to terminate his rights, if I'm going to let him be in her life, but I've heard many terrible stories, rights being terminated to late, child custody taking to long to get fixed, and it became to late.

She's my only daughter, my baby girl. I'd rather take the steps now before it becomes a chance to be "too late". The fear of him just up and leaving with her one on of his unsupervised visitations that the judge said he will eventually have, is too scary. He's threatened it before, and unfortunately our current wonderful lawyer said, he can say it but if there's no proof there's no proof of it(this was before he was in jail, so it was said face to face). & in his letters him saying "I'm coming back for you baby girl, trust me on that" just so scary. I have to protect her.
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* continues to get time added for violence*

well then it does not seem he's changed alot.
If he does have visitation its gotta be monitored. (like you said, at your home with others present, or another third party)
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  #27  
Old 04-23-2018, 12:14 PM
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If you get a protection order because of his violence to you, then you will have another tool to use if he appears at your door. If he applies for unsupervised visits, make sure to inform that judge of his threats, and his violent history.
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  #28  
Old 04-23-2018, 12:46 PM
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I did have an order of protection, it expired and can't be renewed until he's about 2 months before his renewal date. But our lawyer said he was asking around and since he would be in jail for a total of 4 years they may not even entertain an order of protection since it's been so long. They said unless he gets out and comes at me, i most likely cannot get another one unless something happens.
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If you get a protection order because of his violence to you, then you will have another tool to use if he appears at your door. If he applies for unsupervised visits, make sure to inform that judge of his threats, and his violent history.
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  #29  
Old 04-25-2018, 06:48 PM
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BEYOND PISSED!!!
Okay so baby girl talked to him the first 3 times he called , the last 2 times she hasn't wanted to. the other day because she was playing and it was almost bed time so she wanted to finish. tonight because well I don't know why she just didn't want to.

So he comes at me saying , you know you need to parent her better and make her talk to me. I say I told her to answer and reply to you , and she doesn't want to, I can't make her.
He says again, you need to not let her do what she wants.

Then hes saying that guys know who I am , like why is he talking about me??? We don't have a relationship except our daughter.
I'm way more upset about the daughter part. ugh .
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Old 04-25-2018, 08:44 PM
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BEYOND PISSED!!!
Okay so baby girl talked to him the first 3 times he called , the last 2 times she hasn't wanted to. the other day because she was playing and it was almost bed time so she wanted to finish. tonight because well I don't know why she just didn't want to.

So he comes at me saying , you know you need to parent her better and make her talk to me. I say I told her to answer and reply to you , and she doesn't want to, I can't make her.
He says again, you need to not let her do what she wants.

Then hes saying that guys know who I am , like why is he talking about me??? We don't have a relationship except our daughter.
I'm way more upset about the daughter part. ugh .
Don’t you have an order for how often he can call? I find it disturbing that a Judge is making a four year old talk on the phone with a father she has not seen since she was a year and a half. In fact, I find that really hard to believe. There is also no reason for you to speak with him. If she doesn’t want to talk just say so and have him call back and hang up the phone. As a parent, I’d be more concerned about the damage he’s doing to my child rather than following a court order. Personally I’d have a hard time agreeing to it. Don’t let him drag you into drama. Shut it down and hang up the phone.
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Old 04-25-2018, 08:50 PM
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We have a lawyer now working to fix our current court order because it is FUCKED UP. in our court order it states "mother must make child available up to three times a week." You might not believe but it's in black and white. Next time I'm going to not even answer if she doesn't want to talk to him. I was trying to be nice and be some what okay with him but he blew it tonight. she didn't hear the conversation.

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Don’t you have an order for how often he can call? I find it disturbing that a Judge is making a four year old talk on the phone with a father she has not seen since she was a year and a half. In fact, I find that really hard to believe. There is also no reason for you to speak with him. If she doesn’t want to talk just say so and have him call back and hang up the phone. As a parent, I’d be more concerned about the damage he’s doing to my child rather than following a court order. Personally I’d have a hard time agreeing to it. Don’t let him drag you into drama. Shut it down and hang up the phone.
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  #32  
Old 04-26-2018, 07:10 AM
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Im sure you probably have already.....but save anything saying he's *coming for her*

Second......really? He wants you to MAKE her talk?
Thats too funny.
The order says for you to make her available. Not make her talk.
And it says UP to. Not three times a week.
I would pick up. Even if she does not want to talk.
If he hits his three times then you dont have to pick up the other times.
Keep a log of how many times.
And do you have to pay for these calls? (just curious)
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  #33  
Old 04-26-2018, 09:36 AM
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Oh yes, everything is saved
RIGHT! Like she is a still a baby! Plus she doesn't really know you.. Not only that, she has the biggest attitude and is probably too straight up (like if she doesn't think you're cute, she lets you know haha)
The first 3 times, she talked to him to full 15 minutes, there was a lot of quiet space because she was playing and stuff but she wanted to. These last 2 times she doesn't.

I sat there and said "Answer him baby" , she said no, and continued playing. Okay she doesn't want to, end of it.
I never thought of that part, the once he calls 3 times in that week not to answer anymore, thank you! He hasn't hit over 3 times in a week yet, but it's a good to know thing to do.

& no he pays for them, that's part of the court order as well, if he doesn't have his own funds he can't call. I think the judge did that since he can't do child support, and if he wants a visit, he has to pay us for that too. But that's like over $200 for us to get there, so I doubt he'll ever fund that.


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Im sure you probably have already.....but save anything saying he's *coming for her*

Second......really? He wants you to MAKE her talk?
Thats too funny.
The order says for you to make her available. Not make her talk.
And it says UP to. Not three times a week.
I would pick up. Even if she does not want to talk.
If he hits his three times then you dont have to pick up the other times.
Keep a log of how many times.
And do you have to pay for these calls? (just curious)
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  #34  
Old 04-26-2018, 10:57 AM
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All you have to do is get a court ordered mediator or psychological eval to fight this. And if that don't work hand her the phone let him talk you can't physically do more and your complying with a court order.
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Old 04-26-2018, 06:27 PM
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Do you have the phone on speaker when they are communicating? That way you can take control if he is pressuring her or smack talking your family.
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Last edited by R&R; 04-26-2018 at 06:27 PM.. Reason: typo
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  #36  
Old 04-26-2018, 06:46 PM
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oh yes definitely, we do.
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Do you have the phone on speaker when they are communicating? That way you can take control if he is pressuring her or smack talking your family.
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