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  #1  
Old 01-14-2020, 03:51 PM
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Default Reasons to not reply? / Depression?

Good afternoon Everyone!
My friend has come to me, very sad and unsure what to do.

Her boyfriend is in Winslow and he has already done 4 year and still has about another year or so to go.
He has "disappeared" before for about 3 months or so, but that was his first year in. He said he just fell into a depression and wasn't himself. They talked it out and they agreed that no matter how into his own head he got, he would reply and at least tell her that he wasn't feeling himself and would take a while to reply, so she would at least know.

Well it's been since May 2019 that he last called and August since his last letter.
He has money on his commissary, there is money on the phone on her side and she writes 1 letter a week and still nothing. He has his privileges and from what his cellmate states (it's her friends brother) he isn't in trouble or anything like that. But he won't reply?

When her friend's brother asks him why isn't he replying and such, he said that he is just in his head and doesn't know where he's at.

What would you do as the girlfriend/fiancé? They've been together for YEARS and even have a daughter together! Her daughter is missing her dad so much.

Does she just stop trying? Does she continue ? She said she does not feel like he is getting the attention else where and knows he has been faithful so it's not that. She just is lost.

Thank you.
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Old 01-14-2020, 05:11 PM
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My first reaction is to just let him be and continue with her own life. Can’t force anything. He needs to maybe get his „head fixed“ and have some therapy (if at all available). Sad but nothing she can do but not to put pressure on him.
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Old 01-14-2020, 05:49 PM
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Maybe he will respond to contact from their daughter. The problem is in his head, so only he can fix it, but my advice to her is not to give up yet, and hope he comes around. Prison life often changes folks in ways nobody (especially the prisoner) sees coming.
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Old 01-15-2020, 09:34 AM
studebaker71 studebaker71 is offline
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I would just write as normal, I would not be big and cause a ruckus of emotional communication. I would want to think its unbearable there, its probably super super tough and just write same and pray he circles back. That's what I would do with my girl.
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Old 01-15-2020, 11:35 AM
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I've experienced this with my boyfriend and am currently experiencing it right now. The longest he's gone with not contacting me is two weeks. It can be frustrating and sometimes I even get angry at him for not just writing me a little message just so I don't worry, and then i feel guilty for feeling that way because I know he's struggling.


The only advice I have is to tell her to keep writing to him so that he doesn't forget he's got someone there for him. There's not much else she can do, eventually he'll contact her but unfortunately all she can do is wait.
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Old 01-16-2020, 10:26 PM
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pray and move forward to getting healing for you and your daughter so that you are strong enough for what the future holds. he has way too much emotional control. allow him to loose that control. his actions are extremely selfish for someone who says he loves you. you can still love him. when you stop writing, I am sure he will be looking and maybe he will come out of his head. pray and gain strength.
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Old 01-17-2020, 12:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by babylove1 View Post
pray and move forward to getting healing for you and your daughter so that you are strong enough for what the future holds. he has way too much emotional control. allow him to loose that control. his actions are extremely selfish for someone who says he loves you. you can still love him. when you stop writing, I am sure he will be looking and maybe he will come out of his head. pray and gain strength.
There is nothing selfish about depression. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain.

A chemical imbalance in the brain is said to occur when there’s either too much or too little of certain chemicals, called neurotransmitters.

Neurotransmitters are natural chemicals that help facilitate communication between your nerve cells. Examples include norepinephrine and serotonin.

It’s often said that mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety, are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.

Sometimes PTSD, SAD (seasonal affective disorder) not getting enough sunlight or vitamin d3 into your system, taking drugs or anti depressants will lower the normal levels of neurotransmitters in the brain and can cause symptoms such as:

feelings of sadness, helplessness, worthlessness, or emptiness
overeating or loss of appetite, insomnia or sleeping too much, restlessness
irritability a feeling of impending doom or danger, lack of energy
distancing yourself from others, feeling numbness or lacking empathy
extreme mood swings, thoughts of hurting yourself or others
being unable to carry out day-to-day activities, hearing voices in your head
alcohol or drug misuse, an inability to concentrate.
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Old 01-17-2020, 08:25 AM
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I am not going to try to imagine what prison/jail does to a person, but I do feel like he's being a little selfish in not at least writing a little letter to say he loves and misses his daughter or something.

I could not imagine leaving my daughter with no word from me for months at a time, but again depression hits everyone different.

I showed her your replies and she says thank you to every one of you. She is very heart broken but remains hopeful
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Old 01-17-2020, 10:39 AM
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I think regardless of any situation or diagnosis if any person isn't getting what they need in a relationship they should end the relationship.

Relationships are a two way street. If only one person is trying it isn't going to work.
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Old 01-17-2020, 04:20 PM
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I'm not sure, but I doubt the cell mate is giving the full story. Probably doesn't want to get involved.

She has choices to make. He is making his.
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Old 01-17-2020, 06:23 PM
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yeah i have thought of that as well but she is chooses to believe it.
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I'm not sure, but I doubt the cell mate is giving the full story. Probably doesn't want to get involved.

She has choices to make. He is making his.
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Old 01-18-2020, 08:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jordan321 View Post
I am not going to try to imagine what prison/jail does to a person, but I do feel like he's being a little selfish in not at least writing a little letter to say he loves and misses his daughter or something.

I could not imagine leaving my daughter with no word from me for months at a time, but again depression hits everyone different.

I showed her your replies and she says thank you to every one of you. She is very heart broken but remains hopeful
Thing is, when you're in a depression funk it's hard to do anything. eat, shower, get out of bed. I can't say for sure what he's thinking, but odds are it's along the lines of how his daughter is better off without him, and it's kinder in the long run to just go away so he doesn't cause her pain, hurt her, etc. It feels selfish tot house outside the funk, but depression lies and will tell you that no one cares anyway, so why bother.
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