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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Does your man every cry to you?
Yes 226 65.51%
No 119 34.49%
Voters: 345. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 01-19-2008, 07:07 PM
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Well it's nice to know that some men aren't afraid to show their emotions, thanks for responding ladies.

I saw him today and he's alright. The program is hard but what he was referring to as hard was the fact that we're apart and he's not able to call, see me as much, etc... and pretty much I'm the one keeping him going. It's a big load to deal with knowing that he's doing this mostly "for you" as he says. I mean I'm glad that we're so close and in love like we are but at the same time he needs to keep in mind he's got to depend on himself a bit too.
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  #27  
Old 01-19-2008, 07:31 PM
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My husband used to cry everyday that he was in the county prison. Since he has been in pre-release, it has slowed down. Well, thats what he tells me. But just recently, he has admitted that he has his moments like every other day where he lays on his bed and thinks about home and looks at our wedding pictures and he gets depressed. That in turn goes into him crying. There are also times when he is dreaming about us or our wedding day and when he rolls over to cuddle with me and does not feel me there, he wakes up and is depressed. He usually cries himslef back to sleep. I feel really bad because my husband is pretty strong but can be a softie. But this is the most I have seen or heard from him. But he will try not to cry or even shed a tear in front of me because he knows that it will make me cry and he does not like seeing me cry. So he holds it in until visits are over. But hopefully we won't habe to wait too much longer until he comes home.
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  #28  
Old 01-19-2008, 08:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silvergirl0007
Well it's nice to know that some men aren't afraid to show their emotions, thanks for responding ladies.

I saw him today and he's alright. The program is hard but what he was referring to as hard was the fact that we're apart and he's not able to call, see me as much, etc... and pretty much I'm the one keeping him going. It's a big load to deal with knowing that he's doing this mostly "for you" as he says. I mean I'm glad that we're so close and in love like we are but at the same time he needs to keep in mind he's got to depend on himself a bit too.

I am so very glad that you mom's car made it so that you could see him. Being separated from our loved ones is very hard and I think we all, including our men, go through something like separation anxiety. It never completely goes away and I'm sure he will still have some bad days but it does get better. Just hang in there girl and tell your man to do the same. Remember this is just a bump in the road of your lives together.
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  #29  
Old 01-19-2008, 08:12 PM
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Even tough guys cry. He cries and i like when a man shows emotion. You should always support your man when he is upset. Yes he put himself there but they still get upset and emotional that they missed up and ended up in this hell!
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  #30  
Old 01-19-2008, 08:31 PM
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No, the man in prison I know doesn't ever cry to me, but he's been in a long time and is quite a bit older than yours. He's likely a bit more toughened by his life experiences than your bf is at this point in his life.

Those shock programs can really be rough on a person. They're hard to get through. I guess they're supposed to be like the military, they break the person down so they can build them back up. They focus a lot on self-discipline and control to help give these guys a foundation within themselves to serve them well when they're on their own and having to make decisions and choices in their lives after the program is over.

I'd say that if ever there should be a time for you to be a confidence cheerleader, this is one of them. Not babying, but lots of positive statements and encouragement to help him realize that HE can do this for himself and you're completely behind him while he does it even if you can't always be there physically.

I know he's feeling overwhelmed and an almost desperation, but it also concerns me that in having those feelings he's putting that kind of a burden and almost a 'responsibility for him' on you. What if something happened that prevented you from getting there no matter how hard you tried? He is a 24 year old MAN now, and for his own good, he's still gotta make it through that program regardless, yanno?

I'd try to find the kindest and most loving way to firmly get that idea across to him, while still assuring him I'm behind him 100%.
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  #31  
Old 01-19-2008, 08:41 PM
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I wrote my post to you before I saw this other reply of yours in the thread. It makes me think you're not going to have any trouble understanding what I was trying to get across to you in my response.

Your sentence sums up what I was trying to say:

"I mean I'm glad that we're so close and in love like we are but at the same time he needs to keep in mind he's got to depend on himself a bit too."

Exactly!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by silvergirl0007
I saw him today and he's alright. The program is hard but what he was referring to as hard was the fact that we're apart and he's not able to call, see me as much, etc... and pretty much I'm the one keeping him going. It's a big load to deal with knowing that he's doing this mostly "for you" as he says. I mean I'm glad that we're so close and in love like we are but at the same time he needs to keep in mind he's got to depend on himself a bit too.

Last edited by CharlotteLoves; 01-19-2008 at 08:43 PM..
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  #32  
Old 01-20-2008, 03:08 AM
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My man called tonight and said there is a young man in there doing his first bid who was crying because he hasnt heard from his family in 3 weeks. He feels like they have abandoned him. It just broke my heart to hear this and I wished so bad there was something I could do. I am too damn sensitive for my own good sometimes. It really made me think of how much they really do need family support. I called his family's house for him and told them his message that he needs to see them and loves them. Now it is up to them there is nothing else I can do.
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  #33  
Old 01-20-2008, 06:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabygirlNGary
My man called tonight and said there is a young man in there doing his first bid who was crying because he hasnt heard from his family in 3 weeks. He feels like they have abandoned him. It just broke my heart to hear this and I wished so bad there was something I could do. I am too damn sensitive for my own good sometimes. It really made me think of how much they really do need family support. I called his family's house for him and told them his message that he needs to see them and loves them. Now it is up to them there is nothing else I can do.

I don't think you are too sensitive at all. Just reading your post almost brought me to tears. Calling his family was a wonderful and caring gesture on your part. Way to go. If the world had more people like you in it, it would be a much happier place.
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  #34  
Old 01-20-2008, 06:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabygirlNGary
My man called tonight and said there is a young man in there doing his first bid who was crying because he hasnt heard from his family in 3 weeks. He feels like they have abandoned him. It just broke my heart to hear this and I wished so bad there was something I could do. I am too damn sensitive for my own good sometimes. It really made me think of how much they really do need family support. I called his family's house for him and told them his message that he needs to see them and loves them. Now it is up to them there is nothing else I can do.
I've done the same for my man's roommate before. There are a lot of guys who feel like they are alone back in there. And true some of them have done things that some of their family members might just consider them left to state to deal with, but even so people going through this kinda situation can change if willing to. I have heard stories from visitors who come to visit their love ones about how people will not only judge the person who is incarcerated, but also judge the person who comes to visit that person as well as if you are just making it easier for the person to do time after they did whatever they did while they are in there for. People make mistakes and I don't know anyone who is perfect and there are some people out here who have done things to hurt people who haven't been caught or brought out or have a secret that they aren't will to share with anyone so people can't judge others. So i'm with BabygirlNGary people need family support.
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  #35  
Old 01-20-2008, 12:42 PM
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It's sad how some of these people don't get the support and encouragement they need on the outside, extremely. I feel bad for these guys because I know that without me visiting and writing Randy would be in a worse situation than he is right now. Like he always says, the constant reminder that I'm with him through it all makes him have that extra strength to get through this.
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  #36  
Old 01-20-2008, 04:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabygirlNGary
If he cried to me it would break my heart. I sympathize with you and Im glad you get to see him. He hasnt cried and would never cry in prison as showing a weakness like that can be dangerous. He is the one who is always strong for me and my rollercoaster emotions.
my hubby is the same way..that would be too dangerous...but his eyes get watery when he tells me how much he loves me and sings a love song to me..But no he never cries esp. not in prison..I don't think any man in there would..I think only if they were alone with their loved one..And it be assured no one was around or would be at all.
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  #37  
Old 01-21-2008, 11:05 AM
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For the first 5 years (this is year 9 for us)? No, my husband didn't cry show, show emotion, nothing, he was the "big tough guy". But nearly four years ago when we became serious again about making this work we had an awful fight one day and he lost it. Most of my husband's tears are not that of fear or it "being hard" is are more so because he's sad that he's missing out on so much. He and I are both young (he's 27 and I'm 28 and we've know each other since we were 14), so yeah have been very hard.

When he cried the first time at our family visit my whole life stopped. All our lives all he ever wanted was to be the protector and he put up this hard a$$ prosona but that night all I could do was wrap my arms around him and cry with him and tell him everything was going to be okay, we'll get through this. We've got minimum 6 more years of this and every time we have a family visit this is what happens and I never get use to it.
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  #38  
Old 01-21-2008, 11:17 AM
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He's neve cried to me.
I definitely wouldn't mind if he did though. I mean I hate robots.
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  #39  
Old 01-21-2008, 01:57 PM
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My guy has spent half of his life in and out of prison, so it's different for us. He's not cold hearted. He shows emotions by choking up when he tells me he loves me or when he looks into my eyes during a visit. Continue to encourage him as often as you can. It's important for him to hold himself together until this nightmare ends.
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  #40  
Old 01-21-2008, 03:04 PM
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he cries alot...sometimes i am helpless and sometimes i know just what to say. but either way, crying is a catharsis for the soul and i always let him cry to me...just like i cry to him. and when it's over, we both feel better
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  #41  
Old 01-21-2008, 04:02 PM
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Well....pooky is one of those men who only shows emotions if a family member passes or.....during a chick flick...go figure
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  #42  
Old 01-21-2008, 08:03 PM
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He hasn't yet, but he has gotten a little choked up with emotions over certain discussions we've had lately. We have just gotten back in touch after 17 years of being away from each other and I think he's a little overwhelmed with my general concern for him. He's very thankful and I know it. I'm glad we could cross paths at this time in his life, he sounds sincere and I would like to believe he is. We'll see.
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  #43  
Old 01-21-2008, 08:21 PM
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My man has been in for 6wks, he will be gone for 13 months. He is in CO and I am in AZ. We talk about 3 times a week and at least one of those calls every week we are both crying to each other! There is nothing wrong with it. I know that he loves me, he doesn't give a rats as$ what the other guys in there think, he just misses me and the kids so much and I love him even more for that!
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  #44  
Old 01-21-2008, 09:41 PM
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my man cried the first time we spoke on the phone
when i found out he was in jail i was soo pissed off & hurt that i wouldnt answer his calls or respond to his letters
when i finally did talk to him over the phone he cried saying sorry.. that he missed me & our son..
the second time he cried was after he was mainlined.. he heard his son talkin for the first time.. he got real quiet & i knew he was crying..
i felt really bad.. both times i told him to b strong in there..
i didnt cry with him cuz i knew id make it worse & didnt want anyone in there seeing him like that..
but as soon as i got off the phone.. i cried for like an hour.. no joke
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Old 01-21-2008, 09:45 PM
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My man cried when he was in jail awaiting trial. He hasn't cried yet to me now that's he's in prison. But we have only talked on the phone twice. I have to get the money to setup the account on my phone. Anyway, before he got put in jail he cried when we almost broke up. it broke my heart.
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  #46  
Old 01-21-2008, 10:03 PM
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He has never cried...since he been in there he loss he best friend ( the first year) and his childs mother, the second year into his sentence...he didn't even sound hurt...now that bothered me....
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  #47  
Old 01-21-2008, 10:04 PM
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Yes Hes Cried Before It Didnt Make Me Feel Good But It Showed Me His True Fellings But That Was In The Begining Of Our Relationship He Has Too Much Pride Now, He Wont Cry No More
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Old 02-02-2008, 07:51 PM
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He cries to me alot. It makes me so sad and I just want to hold him and take away all of his pain. He is the most sensitive sweet man that I have ever met.
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Old 02-02-2008, 07:56 PM
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I have only seen my man cry once. That was when he said good bye to me before going down there. Since he's been there he's pretty good. Bored and lonely, but not upset or anything. Which is good for me cause I couldn't handle him crying... I'd die
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Old 02-02-2008, 08:38 PM
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my man cries a lot...he's really soft lol but i like it when a man can cry in front of a woman especially his woman you know...i hate it when people say real men don't cry...i think they do
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