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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 06-26-2006, 06:06 PM
summerssand24 summerssand24 is offline
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Unhappy I found out this girl is writing him everyday!

Hey.... well this girl was flirting with my fiance...pressing her chest up against him and everything...and my man says...oh she is just like that...and anyways...she made a few rude comments to me. (this is the night before he went in to prison) He didn't make any type of advance that he liked it or took it sexual but it pissed me off so i said something to them and she stopped. Anyways....he hasn't been able to call me beacause of a block on the phone and he hasn't been able to write more than twice because they are not allowed to use any money to buy stamps or anything for the first 30 days. I haven't talked to him since May 30th. I miss him. Ive been crying and I'm a wreck. Then, I found out from another girl we know in SC and his Mom that the chick that was flirting with him is writing him every single day. She is married and has children and she knows Mike and I are in love. Why is she doing that? It makes me jealous. And it hurts me more. I am very strong for him....but I am very hurt. The one thing that makes me feel better is knowing that he only had 3 letters to mail. One was to his Mom, one came to me, and the last one went to his Mom with letters to 10 different people (1 page each) and she was not one of them. I guess that makes me feel good. He tells his Mom how in love with me he is.... I know he loves me but this hurts my feelings. I just wish I could talk to him and I would feel a little better. I'm not doing so good. I'm real depressed and there is nothing to make me feel better. I don't even feel like drinking. I can't sleep...I dont' know what to do. why is she doing that? and why wont god help us make communication? I dont understand why our love is being put through hell....it hurts...
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:13 PM
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If he doesn't want her to write to him he should make that perfectly clear to her. End of story.

Hang in there,
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:19 PM
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Yes, hang in there! It sounds like he's not interested in her. What's her problem anyway? Can't she get her own man? Can you ask her to stop?
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:28 PM
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Hotlatina is right. Give him a chance to talk or write to you. He may have no intension of writing her. Keep your head up, I am sure he'd want you to.
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:34 PM
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First, just take a couple of deep breaths and relax. Don't jump to any conclusions, since you can't communicate right now, he has no way to let you know about the letters. Once the two of you can communicate, that should be one of the first things he tells you. Let him be the one to bring it up so you will know that he has no secrets and his is being honest with you about everything. Once he tells you, make sure you let him know how it makes you feel. Ask him to write her ONE letter, telling her not to write him anymore. He has no control over her but I'm sure if he is straight up with her, no woman in her right mind is going to keep contacting a man who straight up lets her know that he wants nothing to do with her. Don't assume anything!!!! Why is she doing this, you ask??? There could be a number of reasons but most of all, she probably thought you would never find out but by him getting her straight, she'll know that he wants you and you only. Some people just get a kick out of life's little games, at anyone's expense.

You ask why God won't intervene and help you to communicate?? Sweetie, whatever you do, don't question God. Everything that happens, happens for a reason and know that God makes no mistakes. Most of all, God doesn't put us in these situations, we do. Granted, he will allow things to happen and he will help us but it has to be in "His Will" and in his time, you have to have patience. God does not move in our time. Unless your man is wrongfully convicted, he put himself there like my man and many others, and hopefully he can learn from his mistakes. You are so new to this whole thing and you are gonna have to slow your roll or this whole thing will drive you crazy over the next 4 + years.

I know it's very hard but you can make it. It's still hard for me after 38 months but I know that this was the best thing that could ever have happened to my marriage; otherwise I would be divorced today. So, while it hurts, sometimes there's some good that comes out of all of this.

We are all here to help and I will keep you in my prayers!


Here's several big hugs to you.
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Last edited by sheyrey; 06-26-2006 at 06:38 PM..
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:38 PM
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Now that is just straight wrong!! Dont stress to much, until you cant talk to him and find out whats really going on.. and if she is in fact writting him, just ask her if her husband knows about it??? Myabe that will calm her down abit..
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:42 PM
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Sheyrey - WELL SAID!

I were you summerssand24, I would ask him to just put these letters back in the mail with return to sender on them. Can he do that in prison?

When my husband was first arrested, the mother of his daughter sent him love letters and a half naked picture of herself. I couldnt believe it! I had him send them to me, I politely called her and told her she was out of line (which she though she has a right to send naked pictures because they have a child together regardless of the fact WE are married ). Her response was "if he doesnt want them, he can send them back." I (trying to stay polite as can be) explained that I had the pictures and I would be sending them back. My husband sent me the pictures and I sent them back to her. She was so humiliated, I havent heard from her since. lol.
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:48 PM
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next time you talk to him, tell him to send you the letters and tell him that you will send them back to her. that will get rid of her. can you call her?
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treyswifey
Sheyrey - WELL SAID!

I were you summerssand24, I would ask him to just put these letters back in the mail with return to sender on them. Can he do that in prison?

When my husband was first arrested, the mother of his daughter sent him love letters and a half naked picture of herself. I couldnt believe it! I had him send them to me, I politely called her and told her she was out of line (which she though she has a right to send naked pictures because they have a child together regardless of the fact WE are married ). Her response was "if he doesnt want them, he can send them back." I (trying to stay polite as can be) explained that I had the pictures and I would be sending them back. My husband sent me the pictures and I sent them back to her. She was so humiliated, I havent heard from her since. lol.

Way to Go!!! That is so funny because I know you wanted to say some real choice words to her, some nerve.
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:03 PM
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Default i found out this girl is writing him everyday

First off you don't know for sure that his is true or not.Also,just because she's writing him does not mean that he's writing her,so try not to let those thoughts stress you out even more.As far as "why" is she doing this?Don't even drive yourself crazy trying to figure that one out.That's just her.Some people don't have any respect or boundaries when it comes to wanting other another woman's man.I think that JJsPenPal has a good idea.For me personally the only thing I'd be really upset about is that your fiance didn't tell you about it,if in fact it's even true.Good luck!
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:14 PM
summerssand24 summerssand24 is offline
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first of all..thank you very much for your replies. Well you see....she is a long time friend of his...and it's not so easy for him to tell her to stop writing him. I don't know what is in these letters...I don't know if they are just pen pal letters or anything. But...she went to his Mom's house and now HER voicemail is on my fiances' cell phone saying to call his house number....and she is barging in. I live in NC and I only met her once. she is a friend that is a girl and she is over stepping her boundaries. I have no way to contact her and I don't want to. I just don't like that she is moving in on my fiance and he is in prison!!~!???/ And she is married with 2 children??!!! I hear she cheats and she is no good. Even herself has been to prison for 3 years.... I am very opposite from her. I am a 26 year old professional and Ive never been in trouble....I am pretty tame...and I am a christian. She's a little wacky I know.... I am hoping that she will get bored and stop writing him. She just makes me feel like I am in competition. Im still so sad...I just dont' know why...
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:36 PM
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Again, I'm sorry you're hurting. It doesn't matter if she has been a long time friend, if it makes you feel bad and you are his woman & you plan to stay with him through this, they owe you some respect.

Try taking a long candle lit bubble bath and relax. Say a prayer and get some rest and I pray you'll feel better tomorrow.

I'll say a prayer for you too!
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:40 PM
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you should contact her directly. call her. be really nice. explain what you need and want and don't need or don't want from her. don't accuse her of anything.

my best friend is a guy.we have been best friends since we were 11 years old. we're like brother and sister to each other. i'm in my mid-40s now. i would do anything for him.

we are both married to other people. our relationship is purely "family." our spouses are friendly. we include them sometimes and sometimes we don't. it's purely platonic. it does and can happen. not all male/female relationships are shady. i hug him and kiss him. but it's nothing. it's just family.

maybe she doesn't realize you and your man are so serious. you said you only met her ONCE. maybe she can be your friend too once you set the rules.

she does need to keep her body away from your man, for sure. she may be a real shady beast also but if you talk to her, she should have the decency to back off. hell, if she doesn't back off AFTER you've discussed it with her, talk to her husband?

anyway, you should be talking to your man pretty soon. it will all be okay.

Last edited by JJsPenPal; 06-26-2006 at 08:04 PM..
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Old 06-26-2006, 10:52 PM
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Default Dump him now.

I am really angry tonight over being used, so let me say dump him now.
He will lie anyway if she was doing it right in front of you and he didn't care.Benn there.
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Old 06-27-2006, 04:39 AM
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First of all, shes not hurting you at all. He is by allowing you to be worried. Why didn't he check her or put her in her place for disrespecting you the night before he went in. Why does he not send back her letters? Why is he allowing you to be hurt??? I like men who protect me from all that drama. Sounds like he's more worried about himself then you.
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Old 06-27-2006, 07:13 AM
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Until we got to the part about HER voice on HIS cell, I was gonna say "Leave it alone, she'll buy a clue someday, until then, don't let her rattle you" but the cell phone thing is over even my very tolerant line.... Have a chat with mom, explain that you're worried about this girl, you know she just wants to be a supportive friend but that you think she may be getting too involved and you'd hate to see her get hurt by wanting something she can't have (You can leave out the part about the exact nature or cause of her pain) Record a new cell message and ask you man to set her straight.... maybe by sending YOU a letter to forward to her.
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Old 06-27-2006, 09:00 AM
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I am having the same promblem right now with my fiance and his ex so I can really understand your pain and frustration. His mother gave his ex the address when he first went in and she wrote and supposedly he wrote her "one" letter telling her that he was with me and he was happy and we were getting married and he didnt want to ruin what we had so for her not to write him again. Now yesterday he tells me that she wrote him again talking about why he hasnt written to her. I love him and I want to be with him but I have to much on my plate right now to be dealing with drama that I dont need so I told him to send me the letters instead of him writing her again and I would send them back to her from me. But whos to say he is not or has not been writing her and anyone else the whole time and gives me bits and pieces so that if I ever hear anything he can be like but I told you this and that. I am just real stressed and this is the last thing I needed and my insecurities are in full swing but I will tell you this I may let him know and I am writing here about my insecurities but the one person that wont ever find out is her becuase that would be an advantage for her. Hang in there and pray for the best because right now we have no gurantees until they can actually come home and show us they mean what they say.
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Old 06-27-2006, 09:07 AM
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How did she get on the voicemail? Letters would bother me a little, but my husband is the type who would send them to me. Matter of fact he has sent some home with me when I go to see him. They are just friend letters. But...if someone tried to take my visits or was on the answering machine, that would be the time I would say something. I trust him completely, we have been together forever, but I would not stand for anyone else sticking their noses in. Good luck!
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Old 06-27-2006, 12:18 PM
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Don't sweat it, it seems to happen a lot when they first go in. When my man went back on a violation, I heard from his PO that an ex-girlfriend had called asking about him. I said don't worry about it, I'd call her. I called was very friendly and offered up any information that I had. She knew he lived with me but not that we were a couple so when she asked I gave it to her straight, just the facts. The very next day she shoots off a love letter to him wanting to know how she can get him back. I was very nice to this woman and went out of my way to let her know how he'd love to get mail from a friend and she never let on that she still had feelings for him. She swore in her letter (which he sent me) that she would be writing every day. About a week later she calls and asks, are you getting mail? I said of course and finally just had to say that he might not write to her because of his feelings toward me. That stopped it but people seem to pop back up at the end of the bid so I suspect that I haven't heard the last of her yet. As long as your man does the right thing, don't worry about her. And he can tell her to quit writing if she is wanting to be more than a friend. Even friends shouldn't be allowed to disrespect you and your relationship.
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