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GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions Please post topics or discussions here that do not fit in the appropriate state or federal forums.

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  #1  
Old 06-12-2006, 01:55 PM
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Default How To Deal When He Cries?

i went to see my man yesterday, took my 3 year old son with me for the first time. they really hit it off so it was great.
at the end of visit we were talking about hiring a lawyer and so forth
He welled up and said baby i promise if we can get my sentences running concurrent and I can get transferred to another facility, I promise I will not get in any trouble, I will do anything it takes, anything, I will swallow my pride and take whatever comes my way to get home to you. OMG ya'll i almost lost it, I stayed as calm as I could with tears in my eyes and said ok baby, don't be sad, it is all gonna work out i promise. i love you. Has your man ever cried at a visit and how did you deal with it? I was afraid to cry in front of him cause I wanted to be strong for him, so he could feel like he could let it out without feeling guilty for breaking down. Should I have went ahead and cried with him? We only had like 10 minutes left and I didn't want either of us to leave upset. I would really appreciate ya'll input.
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Old 06-12-2006, 11:04 PM
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It's hard on them too. My hubby and I cry alot during and after visits. As how I deal, I start cryin right along side him. Everyone in the visitation room is in the same situation so they understand what we are going though.
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Old 06-12-2006, 11:06 PM
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he hasn't YET!! But i beleive sooner or later he will....one time i thought he was...but then i think he held it back....the first time i cried like the WHOLE time!!! plus it was because it had been 4 yrs since we'd seen eachother....and i cried once last time...it's just so damn emotional!! LMAO
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Old 06-13-2006, 09:39 AM
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The very first time I went to see him in county, I teared up when I saw him but he was all smiles. He was happy to see me and I couldnt understand how he was smiles but he told me that everything would be ok and he would be back home to me before both of us even knew it, he said that was what kept him from crying...He did tell me that he layed in his bunk at night thought about me and two tears rolled down his check....I thought it was kinda cute actually...I miss him so much
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Old 06-13-2006, 10:48 AM
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My man has been conditioned his whole life NOT to cry. To this day I have not seen him shed a single tear (unless you count the ones cause by wind in the winter) but he'll get that look like he wants to cry. I cry all the time... I'm an emotional nut case when it comes to him and where he is... All we can do is hug and tell each other it's gonna be ok. I woulda thought that after visiting a couple times it would be easier to handle and I wouldn't cry so much, but no. If anything it gets harder... But since everyone else at visitation is in the same situation I don't really see a reason not to cry and show him how much I do care and miss him...
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Old 06-13-2006, 10:57 AM
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I have never seen Maurice cry in person, but I have heard him on the phone and he has said in letters that he has teared up when he read my letters. I have told him I don't want him to cry alone and I always try to make him laugh when I hear he is about to break down, but you did the right thing, and you kept it real when it was the end of your visit..you did not want to leave upset..and I am sure you did not want him to feel any pain either..Good Move!
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Old 06-13-2006, 11:12 AM
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My husband has never cried at a visit or on the phone. I think he's been conditioned over the years not to cry. In fact, I know he has. He told me not that long ago that he couldn't show any weakness where he was, or it would be the end of him.
When I cry, it tears him up, but I am who I am, and I learned a long time ago that holding things inside just make me sick. I'm strong most of the time, but when it has to come out, it just has to come out.
Your instincts will probably tell you how to handle any given situation. Mine do, and they've never let me down yet.
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Old 06-13-2006, 11:14 AM
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Sometimes he cries at visits because he's sad and sometimes he cries tears of joy just because he's happy to see me. Either way, I might let tears roll down my cheeks, too. If he's sad or worried, I let him vent. Then, I try to say the most reassuring words I can think of and ask him to think of ways to improve things. Sometimes the solutions are things I can help him with, other times they're things he has to do alone. It helps him to talk it through and get my feedback. I make sure he goes back to his cell on a positive note with a good memory of the visit, positive steps to act on, and the date of our next visit so he can enjoy the anticipation. Don't be embarrassed to cry in the visiting room. In my experience, everyone understands.
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Old 06-13-2006, 11:24 AM
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Yes, my man cried at a visit we had about 2 months ago. We were talking about how the two of us can now be there for each other. And he just got silent and his eyes started welling up with tears. So I just continued to tell him how I felt about him and how I have always felt about him. I just continued to talk...that's how I dealt with it. Then after he said "now that you've seen me cry you better marry me!!". He had asked me a few months before that.

I think are conditioned not to cry when they have feelings and emotions just like anyone else. I never want him to feel like he can't express himself however he needs to in front of me.
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Old 06-13-2006, 11:46 AM
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No, and I'm glad. If I see him cry it will get me going and I'm a mess when I cry. So far, visits have been a blast, we just have a lot of fun being around each other.
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Old 06-13-2006, 11:55 AM
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my husband cried the first visit we ever had because i took our children and he didnt want them to see him like that. i only brought them to show him what it was doing to his family for him messing up.
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Old 06-13-2006, 12:50 PM
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My man did we are no longer together
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  #13  
Old 06-13-2006, 01:17 PM
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I have seen it in his eyes but he always stops himself because he doesn't want me to see it.. I am fairly sure that when I see him again (haven't seen him since he's been at NKSP reception 5/3/06) he will.. I know that I will!!
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Old 06-16-2006, 07:44 PM
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my man is sensitive so he shows emotions when he feels them so we cried togethr i hate crying but i cant help it i am so sentimental and tears always come out
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Old 06-17-2006, 06:16 PM
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when he cries, we cry together. he is sensitive and emotional, and i wipe his tears and he wipes mine. today after visit, my daughter started to cry really hard...saying that she didn't want him to go back to jail anymore. and it upset me so much that I cried. some days are harder than others, but when it's time to cry, i try not to hold it in. it's better when you let it all out.
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Old 06-17-2006, 06:23 PM
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I have cried several times when visiting him.He has never actually cried,but he did start to one time.I dont know how i would react.
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Old 06-18-2006, 08:29 AM
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aww thats so sweet...of your man with you......
no need to try to be strong and fight tears...
just call it tear out of love.... which means TOOL..... once u have the tool..u know that it will work out for the best because the love is in it...

my man wanted to cry when they pulled him away..time for me to leave...but i just kissed him and told him it will be okay...so that made it all better.
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Old 06-18-2006, 08:46 AM
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it definitely is realli hard...my man always holds my hand n wipes da tears away telling me everythin is gonna b ok...he cries alone tho...dats how we work..he stays strong for me n wont cry if im cryin n vice versa...
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Old 06-21-2006, 09:53 PM
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I Really Wish I Would Have Read A Similar Thread Like This One Before My Last Visit. It Was Very Hard To See My Fiance Cry, Especially Due To The Visitation Restrictions. I Died In Side, But I Tried To Console Him With Words, But There Is Nothing More Soothing Than Touch. I Did Tell Him That He Looks Cute When He Cry, But I Felt Soooooo Helpless.
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Old 06-21-2006, 10:08 PM
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Default when he cries

when i visited my son in jail right after he was sentenced to life...i cried my eyes out. he also cried. he was only 30 then and i cried because his freedom was taken away from him. he is a very free spirited person. so to me it was like a death sentence for him.........we don't cry anymore, and that was 10 yrs. ago. now we make the best of the time that we have together. the trip back home is still very quiet.
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  #21  
Old 06-23-2006, 11:51 AM
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My husband and I cried together the first few visits when he was in county, but once he got moved to the TDCJ he had to hold it in because he said any signs of crying showed weakness.
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Old 06-23-2006, 12:38 PM
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The only time I saw Kris break was when he FINALLY agreed to see pictures of his home (he lost EVERYTHING-25 years there was a fire, his mom, dad and son got out ok. But just the fact that he couldn't be there and looking at them on pics, he got emotional. I am glad I stood firm and told him I would bring them with me and we could look together, I knew one thing, I didn't want him to see them ALONE!
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Old 06-23-2006, 12:51 PM
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My man hasn't yet cried when I have come so see him, but I know somewhere in that gut of his he can cry. We have talked about the whole situation of him crying, and he said that he couldn't do it because then the people in there would know that he is weak. I told him that he couldn't consider himself weak because he is actually letting go some of the feelings that are welled up inside of him. I personally try not to cry whenever I see him or talk to him on the phone. i know that it is very hard at times, but I grew up in a very stron house hold that didn't allow me to express my feelings. If and when I do crack, my husband gets very upset and nervouse because he can't be there to console me.
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Old 06-23-2006, 01:40 PM
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We'll cry later- happy tears. It's probably not the healthiest way to handle it but neither of us likes "them" (the authorities) to see us, either of us, break.
I did once beat the s#$% out of my steering wheel and absolutely cry and scream and howl in the parking lot of the prison though.
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Old 06-25-2006, 08:41 AM
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Ive only ever seen my honey cry once! When he did, i wanted to cry also, but i held it in to try and keep strong. I just rubbed his hand and reassured him that everything was gonna be okay and work out. We tend to hold it in and cry once out of sight of the other.
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