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Straight Talk The general Ex-Offender discussion forum. If you have done time, this forum is for you.

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  #1  
Old 01-01-2003, 05:04 PM
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B-Ray B-Ray is offline
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Question How long does it take, to feel free

A lot depends on each person and how much time they have been down I know, but there is a time period of confusion of how a person is suppost to act, react and interact in Society.

There are many dreams made on the inside and when on the street, they fall flat, don't turn out as planed.

I hope this thread will bring out some of the pit falls, what "could" happen, what "might" happen and so forth.

The idea is to get some of this information flowing, so those on the outside can get there loved ones thinking about what "might be", when there are released.

So, share you experiences and how they effected you with family, friends, job and Society in general.
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Old 01-21-2003, 11:05 PM
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Freedom is a state of mind. I was incarcerated for 14 months and what kept me going was the knowledge that although I was inside a human warehouse, only I could allow myself to be imprisoned. Therefore, when I was finally released, it wasnt that hard of a transition to return to society. The harsh defenses I had up while away were dropped as soon as I saw my beautiful children. The biggest problem is the insecurities that creep in when interacting with old friends and co workers. But my believe in God gave me the strength to remember that the only perfect one is God himself ! When properly motivated to prove your worth (to yourself) you can overcome the negative connotations that are associated with being an Ex Offender. I cetainly didnt include that info on my resume, but I was blessed to have an opportunity fall into my lap that put me in an Administrative position at a local Church. Once I got hired and worked my you know what off for the first two weeks, I confided in the Pastor and told him about my past. He appreciated my honesty and has kept my secret to this day.
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Don't let anyone define your your future.
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Old 01-22-2003, 12:42 AM
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Thank you sky! I hope others will add some insight also.
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Old 01-22-2003, 08:51 AM
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This is a really great thread...thanks for starting it BRay. I hope others do add to it. I'd really appreciate reading everyone's experiences.
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Old 01-22-2003, 10:30 PM
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I honestly believe freedom after incarceration means healing and recovery. I believe each person heals in their own time. I think the biggest pitfall is not remebering the feelings we have during incarceration. The feelings thoughts and beliefs we have about never returning to incarceration. Whenever, I am offered a deal that could send me back, I remeber the fears, lonliness, deprevation. It keeps me free mentally and physically free. I would never want to lose my freedom again.
I also try to remeber it easier to change the screwed up penal system from outside not inside!
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Old 01-23-2003, 03:04 PM
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okay, ya'll bare with me... my shift key keeps sticking so i'm gonna type in all lower case letters...hehehe

how long does it take to feel free? that's a good question...

i served right at 3 years in prison... when it came time to be released, i was a mixture of excitement and fear. i think most of it was excitement though.
once out, it was like i had forgotten how to live in the real world. the first thing we did, me and my mom, was go to a steak house... i wanted some real food. i actually had to get my mom to cut my steak for me... i couldn't quite get the steak knife to work right. then there's other little things, like forgetting to close the bathroom door, always being on guard when anyone tried to do something nice for me, and things of that nature.
once back in 'society', things were so different. i think my biggest problem with 'feeling free' again, was the readjusting period.... relearning what it was like to pay bills, to leave enough driving time to get to work, to go out somewhere without having to ask...
i guess it took me a couple months or so... but it's so much more than that. even once you start feeling the freedom, it's still not the same. i came out on intense probation, and am actually still on supervised now... so there's a part of me that still doesn't feel completely free, and i've been out since nov. of 98. once someone hear's that you done prison time, they look at you differently, they treat you differently. people won't trust you, they'll cut you cross looks, and then there's always the gossip.
i guess that feeling of freedom comes to everybody differently. for me personally, i still haven't had the opportunity to feel completely free, so i really can't answer this question completely.

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Old 01-23-2003, 03:08 PM
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(((((hugs))))) to all of you.

thank you for sharing.

xo,
em
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Old 01-23-2003, 06:08 PM
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Thanks for this post guys! I'm still waiting on the other side of the wall and wondering what it will be like for my baby when he gets home. He's pretty "free spirited" and is still young. I hope he's okay when he gets home.
My son gets out in 5 months and we are all pretty neverous. He'll have 4 years "on paper" once he's out. He's talking about going back to high school. I'm not sure if that's a good choice or not that's if we can get a school to take him. I'm not sure he'd be able to adjust to that type of situation agian. He's been in for 2 yrs. He went in at 16 missed 11th,12th grades. He wants to play football and go to his Senior Prom, etc. He has enough credits to go 1 year and do it. But I'm not sure. We want to support him and are trying to find some type of support groups in Florida but aren't having much luck. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places?! If anyone knows where I can find help it would be great!!
Thanks agian! I learn so much from you. Your all great!
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Old 01-24-2003, 01:04 PM
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Jody, I hear you....


I have several friends who were incarcerated and the fears they had after comming home were tremendous. One of them jumped each time a phone would ring. One could not stand for a TV to be on... One could not tolerate noise of anykind when sleeping.... (That was because in a dorm there is so very much noise and they really did not sleep at all.)

Just driving on the highway is a fear.... Going into a store or restaurant and seeing the prices now compared to when they were incarcerated.

Feeling secure that they can support themselves.

There are so very many things. Every single area in the US needs an Inmate Support Group that will help inmates to re-adjust to freedom..

My Love
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Old 01-24-2003, 02:33 PM
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I totally agree Donna.....
and it's especially hard for those who don't have any family or friends waiting on them when they get out.
I have one friend that always seems to fall back into the system... when I asked her why she always goes back, she replied , "Jody, it's just too hard. I've been in the system so long, I don't know how to live in your world anymore."
She was recently paroled out 'again'... and i tried to get her to move to texas with me, but she wouldn't come.


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Old 01-24-2003, 04:11 PM
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This is on topic but not directly...

From the reading and research that I have done I think that one of the best things that we can do is help these men and women plan for release. We need to set up a support group inside of our own families and relationships to help them with the challenge of coming back home. 2 years or 20 years inside will be handled differently by each Prisoner and each one of them will have different challenges. I personally think that just being aware of the challenges is half the battle.

We most of all have to be there for them.

I really like the idea of this thead and look forward to more actual experinece and advice shared here! Thanks B-Ray!
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Old 01-24-2003, 04:19 PM
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This is very interesting. My son is going to be released from Folsom next Friday morning. He has been in for a little over 13 months.

I know that is not a long time compared to some, but I have been wondering what it will be like for him. Suddenly he will be back in the real world. Thirteen months ago he was suddenly thrust into the world inside. That would be tough.

He certainly has a better problem facing him beginning next Friday.
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Old 01-27-2003, 07:20 AM
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Jodygirl,
I know what you are talking about. It seems like my husband does the same thing, But before, it was always a few months here and there, then the time before this, it was a very "easy" 18 months in State Jail which I totally spoiled him so he had no reason to be "afraid" of going back. But when he was arrested this time and the charges he was facing could have gotten him 25 to life, (they were dropped because they were bullshit), but he still had to wait until he was sentenced and it was hell. He was sentenced to 8 years TDC, 1st time in a "real" penitentary, and his story has now changed. He is actually doing things to change and be a better man and a better husband, which he never cared about before. So I think that unless they are really ready to give up that life and grow up, they just keep going back. But also, I am ALL he has now. No family, although he does have a sister and a mother, but they havent even called to see if he was still alive (he ran from the police and wrecked at 90mph). It's true that it does help to have people who dont give up on you and I know I will never give up on him. As long as he tries, i'll be here.
I guess its al in "if and when" they WANT to stop returning, and whether or not they have a reason not to.
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Old 01-27-2003, 02:12 PM
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These are some of the questions I have been asking myself. What will life be like for us when he is out? How will he adjust? I do not really have a fear of him going back in because he does not have a substance abuse problem, I hope I am not fooling myself.
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Old 02-07-2003, 07:49 PM
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B-RAY I THINK YOU CAN HEAL AND MOVE ON BUT SOCIATY IS VERY UNFORGIVEN HOW UNFAIR.
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Old 02-16-2003, 11:22 PM
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Well being an ex myself though quite a while back and having James on the verge of his parole hearing, I have to say recently he talks quite a bit about his fears of not getting parole. But what I hear him say that worries me is his dreams of when he comes out. I know so well from my own experience that most of those dreams and plans you can have can fall apart when you get out. I truly believe that if you dont have someone that will support you and be there for you, the road will be very tough. I had plenty of dreams and plans, when I did get out, I faced a world that was completely different then the one that I had before I went in. I couldnt go back to where I had come from since it was a world of trouble, I was in a new world when I came out that I couldnt quite grasp or trust. But prison can teach you to cope with almost anything and fake your way threw the rest just to survive sanely. So what I learned in prison is what gave me strength to keep trying, no matter how many walls I hit, which were plenty. I dont think James really has a perspective of this right now, its been too long and the world he was last with as a free man wont know him now. I am worried like hell that he wont be paroled yet again, but what worries me most is when he gets out. Even though we are going to get married, I live pretty far away and will have to only visit him and he wont be able to visit me, though he tells me he has a plan to do this when he gets out. I wont let him since he would be violating his parole rules. I know its so hard for him to realize so much of what he will face when he gets out. He has plans of buying this and that for his son, going here and there, and getting certain jobs. This wont come easy for him and he will of course have a financial situation when he gets out, as in no money. This will probably be a big reality check for him, it was for me and found myself coming close to crossing a line again a few times. I think when he gets out it will be very hard for him at first. He is a strong guy though and I know that if he can get himself threw a couple of months and get a job, he will be ok. He has spent years learning to do what it takes to hold his head high in prison, and with some adjustments, he will find out that in some ways, real life can be sort of the same except when it comes to someone you trust. The ones that come out that dont have someone they trust are worse off I think, that was me for sure, hey I didnt trust anyone for years and I certainly didnt have a support system when I got out. I think often the friends you think you might still have when you get out will be different, time kind of carries on when you are in there, and you forget people change, they also dont always want to trust you when you have been inside, no matter what it was for, its funny how your senses can be fine tuned to pick up stuff like that. Life on the outside can sometimes be like a prison without walls. Rules, schedules, headtrips, etc. But like I said if you have someone that will be there for you it can make all the difference in the world.

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Old 03-13-2003, 11:33 AM
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Hello Everyone, I just saw this Post and decided that I should write in hopes of helping someone who has just recently been released or someone who has been out for awhile and is still having trouble. I am going to try to touch base with the most important things because if I dont, This could turn out to be way to long!! First of all, I want to say that when I got arrested I was charged with quite a few felonies, and it was the first time in my entire life that I had ever been in trouble with the law!!! I was facing a Mandatory Minimum Sentence of 25 years and a 5000,000 fine!!! No, I didnt hurt anyone, just myself, but what I did and got caught carried a Mandatory Minimum Sentence of 25 years. It took a year of going back and forth with my Attorney and the States Attorneys office to get the 25 years dropped to 1 year, and that Only Happened by THE GRACE OF GOD!!!!!!!!! I KNOW THAT GOD INTERVENED IN MY SENTENCE AND THAT IS WHY IT WAS REDUCED!!!! FROM DAY ONE I HAVE ALWAYS GAVE GOD ALL THE GLORY AMD PRAISE FOR ME ONLY HAVING TO DO A YEAR!!!!!! AND HERE COMES THE BEST PART, I WAS RELEASED ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! I have been home 5 years last october, will be 6 this comming October on my Birthday!!! It was very hard on me being locked up and away from my family for that year, I had never been away from them!! But GOD WAS WITH ME THE ENTIRE TIME AND KEPT ME SAFE AND BROUGHT ME CLOSER TO HIM!!!! When I was first released for about 2 years, I had very bad Nightmares all the time about being locked up. Little things would set me off, sounds of keys rattling, any thing Stainless Steel, etc. Finally one day I cried out to God and ask him to Take away the bad memories out of my mind. He didnt, but he did ease them to where I had Peace. I am glad that he didnt take them completely away because that is what has and is helping me to still stay on the straight and Narrow today!! I know one thing, If I would not have got caught, I would not be alive today!!! I hope that this helps someone here, because it is still hard to relive my Past!!!!! Thank You
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Old 05-01-2003, 06:18 AM
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I am an ex-offender..6 years in a state prison in Florida (Santa Rosa) I am almost 30 and spent most of my life either in a cell or on parole. You cant imagine how tough it is when you get out. I went in at 18...had not lived at all. I had troub le using a knife, dressing myself and a million other things. Being outside at night freaked me out at first. Even now..weird things still throw me off..i don'tknwo that you ever get over doing that much time..but you can learn to deal.
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Old 05-01-2003, 07:34 AM
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My son has been in prison since he was 24... He actually served 2 years at 18, released at 20 and back in at 24, so most of his adult life has been in prison also... His max out date is 2011. So, as you can see, it will be awhile unless something happens with Parole or appeal.... I worry so much about this very situation, because he will come home... He is not a bad man, He got into a situation that he could not handle. May God Bless you and keep you.... Remember, he is your only answer. Turn yourself over to him and he will carry you through this situation....

My prayers are with you

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Old 05-04-2003, 04:53 PM
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hi all
my soon to be husband has served 13 years in jail of a 12/2-25 year sentance. He has a CR date set for 2006 and parole next April...Weare hopeful and dream and we are positive and strong, we do not want to waste time thinking of the bad, although we both realize the obstacles ahead....I feel for him and worry for him. He is so hopeful and determined and mentally strong. He has been in theraputic and or positive constructive programs almost his whole time inside, and he has been am ART facilitator for 5 years now. He is capable, more than capble and I do not doubt him but I still worry and I am scared to death-yet I have faith, and believe in him, is that fooling myself? Are we in for a rude awakening?
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Old 05-23-2003, 09:24 AM
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Hopefully my James will get out next april. When he does come home, he will have served 8 of a 10 year sentence. He has been in his whole adult life. It worry's me as to how he will adjust. I know he is a strong man, but everything is going to be a challenge. What if anything can I do to help him with the transition? How can I make it a little easier for him? What should I expect? I must say that this is one of the most helpful post! Thank you in advance for any help that you can give...

Lisa

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Old 05-24-2003, 11:03 PM
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I remember after my release of feeling "out of place." Like people were looking at me and knowing I was in prison. I didn't carry any bad memories from prison but I didn't feel good about myself. It is difficult to talk to others about prison life if they have never been thro it. After my second release I noticed all these responsibilities were back in my life. In prison you worry only about staying out of trouble. Now I have to work, feed myself, clothes, be nice to my neighbors...etc. It was easier to get back into the role of being an inmate than to straighten up and become a model citizen. Who ever figures this one out will stop this high return rate. God bless that one, amen.

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Old 05-27-2003, 12:40 PM
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rtee... wow, you made a powerful statement there... about how it was easier to get back into the role of being an inmate rather then to become a model citizen!

I had been in and out of jail several times, but only once did I go and do prison time. I know when I was released, I felt the same way you did... thinking that everyone just knew I was in prison! This November marks my 5th year of being out of prison, (and will finally come off of probation... wooohooo), but I still have that same 'feeling' from time to time.
It really makes me wonder... will I ever be able to totally put those 3 years I spent in prison behind me? Hmmm... I just don't know!~ I think it will always be there, somehow, someway!

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Old 05-27-2003, 01:07 PM
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I can´t say anything, but want to thank you !!! All this post are really helpful , to learn in everyway...I newver got in trouble or saw a prison from the inside...I try to learn so much about the system, and since I met Eddie , how I can help him, if he get out ...it´s his second time there..the first he war 6 years, 6 month outside, now 6 years again..I always was try to understand why you do the same thing, if you know , you go back...??? All this post here, Eddie´s letter I really can understand the situation...but be honesty...after this long time, you can really help to stay without trouble after he get out??? How you can help? Is love enough ?
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Old 05-29-2003, 02:07 AM
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your words break my heart. Guys like me get locked up and complain how bad it is. How much we want to come home. And promise we never do that again. How awful it must be on you people who love us. The feelings of helplessness, lonelyness... etc. I am so sorry that I've put anyone thro this. I was 17 the first time I went to prison and it must have been pure hell on my mother. I can only imagine the tears that you all shed for aholes like me. You and my mother didn't deserve to go thro this hurt. Whether your loved one says it or not, I'd like for you all to know that we are sorry for this pain we put you thro.

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