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North Carolina General Prison Talk, News, Introductions & Chit Chat Topics & Discussions relating to Prison & the Criminal Justice System in North Carolina that do not fit into any other North Carolina sub-forum category. Please feel free to also introduce yourself to other members in the state and talk about whatever topics come to mind that may not have anything to do with prison.

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  #1  
Old 12-27-2018, 08:50 AM
Emotional Emotional is offline
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Default First time jail Mom

I'm nervous about doing this. My emotions are all over the place. Sad, embarrassed, confused, angry. I have an adult son who still lives with us and has had a few DUI's, but nothing any more serious. He's sweet, kind hearted, gentle, smart. Just can't leave the beer alone. Can't hold a job. Was just getting into flipping cars. He can fix anything. 4 days before Christmas he got mixed up with a girl in the area. She is 15. She started texting him and sending him pictures of herself of a pornographic nature. Of course he's a red blooded male and took the bait, knowing her age. He's the adult and should have stopped it first contact. That's his fault and I'm not trying to defend that. She has been sleeping around since she was 12, and has already had a pregnancy scare, and drinks, and lies to her parents about where she is and what she's doing. Her Mom goes to bike rallies and pole dances topless, wet t shirt contests and gets drunk. Just want to explain why I feel this is only 1/2 his fault. The parents were friends to my son and suddenly 2 weeks before they quit contacting him and the daughter started contacting him. I think they wanted to "catch" him. Detectives said they had been looking into it for a couple weeks also. Like I said, he should have notified her parents from the beginning. Now he's facing statutory rape charges and they only "did it" once. But since she's a minor, she'll get away with it. He is in county right now. Probably facing 18 months to 2 years. My worries are his future. Housing, job, etc. I want him to get help for drinking and his attraction to a young girl. He feels so ashamed and is kicking himself for lack of self control. He says he's doing fine, but I know he's worried too. Every time we go out, we feel all eyes are on us. Though I don't think too many people know. It was not on TV or in newspapers. People could find it if they really look though. Our families live out of town and state so we are just saying he is working with friends out of town. My youngest son and his wife know, but are very supportive of us and pray that he gets the help he needs. I've been looking online for resources for him when he gets out. We do not want him back home, simply because he needs to stand on his own two feet. We will not live forever. We are 67 and 63 years old now. He's got to learn. I feel like there's been a death. The cops said he cannot come home due to being too close to her home. That day I packed his stuff up, put it in his closet, so he can move when he gets out. I didn't tell him about that yet. Want him to keep his hopes up for the future. We are going to talk to the court appointed lawyer and see if he can insist that he seek psychological help and help for drinking. I am writing him every week including a positive quote or prayer at the end of the letter. He is a spiritual person. I guess I just need to vent sometimes and to know we aren't the only ones going thru this. Thank you for indulging me in such a long letter!
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Old 12-27-2018, 10:00 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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I moved your post to the North Carolina forums. PTO rules allow each message to only be posted once (cross posting) with one exception, an introduction can be placed in the "Introduce yourself" forum and also in your State's prison forum.
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Old 12-27-2018, 01:36 PM
Osugirl Osugirl is offline
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This might sound rude and I'm sorry I'm not trying to sound rude at all. Her sleeping with people and a pregnancy scare and what her parents do in their personal life has nothing to do it. Your son is 100% at fault for his actions. He is an adult and knew better. Dome of your post is victim blaming. Yes she contacted him first but he should have not responded and taking it to her parents or even the police.
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Old 12-27-2018, 02:52 PM
KiwiPP KiwiPP is offline
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I completely understand what the OP is saying, and up to probably a few years ago even I would have agreed with her. I was sexually active at a very young age, 14, and was fully consenting and responsible (or so I thought). Even after getting raped at the age of 16, I still saw nothing wrong with what I was doing. I was young, dumb, full of BEEP and nobody could tell me otherwise. Now I’m in my 30s and my sexual activity as a teenager horrifies me. I was SO young, SO naive and SO suggestible. You do not have the maturity, knowledge or experience at that age to safely consent and navigate sex or adult relationships, regardless of whether you think you do or not. The pre frontal cortex isn’t developed at that age, leading to unstable identity, lack of impulse control and poor decision making. So regardless of her personal history, she is not fully responsible for her actions. This is also exactly why the death penalty and mandatory LWOP has been abolished for juveniles, they have diminished responsibility. I know it seems unfair but juveniles cannot consent, the law is in place to protect children.

That being said, I feel for you mum. Regardless of the situation that landed your son in prison, it’s still hard for you. This is a great place for support for families, with heaps of information on how to navigate the nuances of being a prison mum.

I really hope my reply doesn’t come across as judgemental because I’m not at all. I just wanted to explain why I understand her thought process, and how I’ve come to understand as I’ve gotten older why this is a flawed way of thinking and why these laws exis due to my own personal experiences.
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Old 12-28-2018, 11:43 AM
Emotional Emotional is offline
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No one is being rude. We realize he is the adult and should have stopped it before it started. I appreciate the honesty. We are just hurting for his future. He needs help and we hope N. C. has some resources for him as we do not have the money to do anything ourselves. We are going to contact his appointed lawyer and see if he can suggest some things for us to try. Thank you for listening.
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Old 12-28-2018, 06:54 PM
Osugirl Osugirl is offline
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He will be able to get sex offenders classes, and therapy. I pray he gets the help he needs.
Just please know none of this is your fault.
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Originally Posted by Emotional View Post
No one is being rude. We realize he is the adult and should have stopped it before it started. I appreciate the honesty. We are just hurting for his future. He needs help and we hope N. C. has some resources for him as we do not have the money to do anything ourselves. We are going to contact his appointed lawyer and see if he can suggest some things for us to try. Thank you for listening.
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Old 12-29-2018, 09:33 AM
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Hi Emotional......totally get where you are coming from.
Youmight try the LASO forums (be sure to scroll all the way down to see the whole section, its a glitch)
http://prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=101


I also totally understand how you feel regarding the girl and her family.
Its not right but I get it. Been there, done that.


You will find a gentle place to land in the laso forums.
Glad you found us, sorry you have a need to be here.
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