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  #151  
Old 03-20-2013, 12:29 PM
leannag11 leannag11 is offline
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Default Amen!

Amen! my husband was recently sentenced and I could not put into words what you just expressed! but thank you. Some "family" were expecting me to divorce him or run the other way. but yes our situation does not define our relationship/marriage. We have become so much stronger and closer in these past few months that people don't understand MY strength. And I always say "don't feel pity/sorry for me/us. especially because I am not the one that is literally behind bars. also HE is the strong one, facing the reality of the silliness of some inmates in there behind those walls. I said pray for us, don't talk about us or give us pity.
I'm that ride or die wife. I will defend and protect my husband no matter what. Keep going!

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Originally Posted by Patty View Post
... then this thread is for you. This is my answer to all the PMs asking for me to thread again for the positivity seekers. Sorry, time gets in the way and the needs of this community can be overwhelming for staff. But here goes for all those that are seeking a drama-free thread.

I don't get down with all that oh me oh my he's in prison, whatever shall I do, "stuff"? It's just not me. We don't allow the DOC to dictate the terms of our relationship because the ONLY thing they can do is put physical distance between us.

He's not in prison because he doesn't love me enough. For me, (keywords: For me) the alleged crime and our relationship are separate. This man puts joy and love up on me every single, dingle day whether he's sittin' on the couch next to me or anywhere else, yes including the joint.

Once in a great while he is unable to call me at the usual time. Never once has that been by his own accord. Shtuff happens in prison, I get that. If he can call me he will call me and knowing that I never feel the need to become paranoid about what it means. FYI - it usually means nothing in the larger scheme of things, really, truly, I swear.

There are decisions to be made that ultimately affect both of us. In some regards I must bare the "actualness" of that on my own but fortunately I am not without his shared confidences, opinions, desires. We are close and we make it a priority to stay relevant as individuals and as a couple.

I suppose the bottom line is that he attends to ALL of my needs and as much as I wish he were home with me right this second, his actual physical presence is truly the only thing I am lacking for and we can deal with that through phone dates because we are so in sync.

My life is rich because I make the effort. My life is richer because he makes the effort. Our lives are richest because we choose to enrich ourselves and one another. Wallowing in self pity is not a party we choose to attend.

So if you are NOT caught up in when he may or may not call or write or how he acts at visits or some facebook drama or issues with his child's mother ("babymama" to the less enlightened) talk to us. If you are not contemplating having sex with someone else because he will be gone for so long or you already messed up and if life's little tragedies are just obstacles that become opportunities for growth tell us about it.

Listen, we've got plenty of threads filled with negativity - if you empathize with those who are dealing with difficult issues but do not share the same problems and don't always feel free to post about the joy that your relationship brings you - then this is the thread for you. No negativity!

Share the positivity that is your relationship....
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  #152  
Old 03-21-2013, 09:23 AM
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I love the idea for this! I am a very positive person (thats not to say I dont get down sometimes!) but I tell him everyday I am with you, and you sir have my heart... therefore if I break yours, I in turn break my own! Never has a man loved me the way mine does (Im sure you guys understand that feeling) and I hold not even an itsy bitsy bit of resentment for him being away. Instead I am planning, saving, and preparing for our incredible life together after this mess is over! I completely agree that the justice system cannot harm my relationship, it can only add some extra obstacles. Its times like these that either make or break a couple, and personally I think our struggle will have us that much closer in the end! Ladies and Gents my hats off to us all! Im sure our men and women know that they are special and loved, and what better feeling is there than that???
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  #153  
Old 03-21-2013, 11:32 AM
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Default “For myself I am an optimist...

it does not seem to be much use being anything else” ~Winston Churchill

I believe strongly in the law of attraction and that we attract into our lives what we emit. Based on that premise, I plainly refuse to be anything but positive. I don't begrudge the people who choose to wallow in the perceived misfortune of their situations, but I do feel sorry for them. They are bringing themselves more sorrow in the long run.

My boyfriend is doing time in Michigan and I live in California. He was my first love, my high school sweetheart. We broke up when we were almost 20 because I couldn't handle his substance abuse anymore. We were separated for 23 years. In that time, I've been married and divorced, I have 5 kids (4 bio, 1 step) and 3 grandkids. He has 1 daughter. I've been single now for 7 years and I've thought about him often, wondering what happened to him, wondering if he ever thought about me. I googled his name a thousand times, but never found anything.

I always figured he may have returned to MI, where he was born. Last fall, it occurred to me to check the "system" in MI, thinking that maybe there would at least be a paper trail. Based on how things were when we parted, I had to imagine that he had at least been in the system at some point. And that's when I found him through an inmate search. I'll never be able to describe the rush of emotion when I saw his picture on that website. I wrote him a simple letter, not knowing if he was with someone or if he even gave a damn. He wrote back and basically said that he had never gotten over me and that, even though he had moved on in life, not a day had gone by that he hadn't thought of me in 20+ years.

We've been writing and talking on the phone ever since. It's like no time has passed at all except that things are a million times more intense than ever before. He was always good to me and good for me, when he wasn't on drugs. Now that he is in recovery (been down for 4 years, in recovery for 6), he is perfect for me in every way conceivable. He is loving, compassionate, emotionally intelligent, spiritual...just amazing. When he speaks, it is so clear that he has made the most of all the therapy and programs he's been a part of. He chose to heal his life this time and we both believe that is what led us back to this point. We were always meant to be together, but we had to do some growing first, and now here we are.

Interestingly, he was supposed to get out last May, but it was conditional on completing a program that he got kicked out of over a (truly ridiculous) rule violation. We both believe with all our hearts that fate stepped in because, had he been released, I would not have found him there in October. Currently, he is scheduled to go back before the parole board the first week of April. If all goes well, he'll parole to my house in California (his mom and brothers still live here). We plan to get married at the beginning of 2014, if we can stand to wait that long.

He has begun building relationships with my kids through letters and telephone calls and really gives a damn about each one of them. My older kids know everything. My younger two know he's in MI, but not that he's in prison. I haven't shared all of this with the rest of my family because I don't care to get mired down in the negativity. We'll deal with it when he gets home and they can witness who he is before getting all caught up in what he's done.

Anyway, it's nice to have somewhere to air out my joy. I know the circumstances aren't ideal, but this man is the love of my life, my soul mate, and I've finally been reunited with him. I've been through years of abuse and mistreatment at the hands of other men and having this amazing man back in my life is a dream come true for me. But, most people can't get beyond the stigma of his inmate status to see how truly good for me he is.

It's sad that the reason we supposedly incarcerate people for wrongdoing is to rehabilitate them, but that the vast majority of society has absolutely no hope or belief in that actually happening. My man has made mistakes and those mistakes have allowed him to build the character that makes him who is is today. They do not define him.
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  #154  
Old 03-21-2013, 12:55 PM
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My story has a lot of ups, and dealing with prison has brought some downs.

But today - today I am at ease with everything.
It's a happy day, and I'm happy enough to share that on this thread.

Hooray for good days!
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  #155  
Old 03-23-2013, 09:34 PM
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Thank you so much for this thread. I am new to this situation, but am dealing with it as best as I can. It is rough being seperated from my fiancee, but our relationship is stronger than ever. When he was out here we were both so busy with work, and the daily goings on of life, that we rarely made the time to sit down and talk. Now, through our phone calls, letters and emails, we communicate so much better than we ever did, and now we know that once this is over, and he is out here with me again, that we will have the strongest relationship. It is nice to hear positive talk about this situation. It is negative enough on it's own without the added negativity of people being on a "pity Pot". it is what it is, and we can't change things, but we can refuse to let the "system" destroy our relationships and our families. Thanks again.
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  #156  
Old 03-30-2013, 07:21 AM
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I'm so thankful for this post!! We have so much negativity to face with this whole situation (all of us here) that having a positive place is the much needed comfort. I've learned to shut out negativity: don't allow it in my own head and certainly won't take it from others. So when those thoughts start to creep in I quickly find something to change my thoughts.

So today I'm thankful that my love is finally out of the box, AND they finally approved my number, AND they didn't take away his visitation, AND that I found the link on here for prison weddings in Texas and learned how to do a marriage by proxy. YEAHyer!!! He agreed to do it that way and sent me all the info!! Now I just have to find a proxy person, a little hard since I don't really know anyone here, but praying for it!!

Yay! Thanks ladies for sharing your positives, it's so encouraging and allows me to wait for moments like these
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  #157  
Old 03-30-2013, 04:56 PM
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I'm feeling great We are making huge future plans, and it feels just right and natural. I love this feeling of calmness he brings to my heart, or maybe I should say our love does. It's a wonderful feeling knowing everything is right and I can just enjoy our life together, even physically separated, but it's still our life together, no matter what.

I also wanna thank you all wonderful ladies, gentleman and everyone else for your input on the PTO, making it a huge support net for everyone who needs it.
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  #158  
Old 03-30-2013, 08:00 PM
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Talked to my fiance tonight... I'm always soooo happy about this relationship! He's a teachers' asst & works in the law library & he's the Imam there, and he is always there to give to those in need. I definitely wouldn't trade this man in for NOTHING in the world. He has street smart as well as book smart, can communicate on many different levels... He's a KEEPER for LIFE! YES, I LOVE HIM with all my heart.
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  #159  
Old 04-12-2013, 04:29 PM
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I haven't visited here in a while and decided to stop by for a pick me up. Reading all the positivity has a way of putting everything into perspective and reminding me we're not the only ones doing this. Love this thread!!!
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  #160  
Old 04-13-2013, 04:03 AM
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WE'RE IN LOVE! It's a freaking AMAZING feeling to be in love!
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  #161  
Old 04-23-2013, 12:09 PM
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I used to be sad, I used to think it was all my fault or that there was something different I could have done. But that is not the case, he made his decisions, he has to pay the consequences. Yup, we are separated by those gates, but I am never alone!!! Living this life is not for everyone but I am doing it, to be with the man I love! I have learned to live life one day at a time, never take anything for granted, and accept that I cannot change him. So with that being said, this thread just makes me happy! I love reading how everyone handles it differently, but at the end of the day, it is all with the same goal, to be the support system for the one we love!

I love him with all my heart, and even though we have not said our vows yet, till death do us part. I will now get off my "lovey dovey soap box" and go back to my spring cleaning Just needed to say that I feel great, we are amazing and nothing can stop us from loving each other!!!!!!
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  #162  
Old 04-23-2013, 12:28 PM
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Default Enjoy every moment..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patty View Post
... then this thread is for you. This is my answer to all the PMs asking for me to thread again for the positivity seekers. Sorry, time gets in the way and the needs of this community can be overwhelming for staff. But here goes for all those that are seeking a drama-free thread.

I don't get down with all that oh me oh my he's in prison, whatever shall I do, "stuff"? It's just not me. We don't allow the DOC to dictate the terms of our relationship because the ONLY thing they can do is put physical distance between us.

He's not in prison because he doesn't love me enough. For me, (keywords: For me) the alleged crime and our relationship are separate. This man puts joy and love up on me every single, dingle day whether he's sittin' on the couch next to me or anywhere else, yes including the joint.

Once in a great while he is unable to call me at the usual time. Never once has that been by his own accord. Shtuff happens in prison, I get that. If he can call me he will call me and knowing that I never feel the need to become paranoid about what it means. FYI - it usually means nothing in the larger scheme of things, really, truly, I swear.

There are decisions to be made that ultimately affect both of us. In some regards I must bare the "actualness" of that on my own but fortunately I am not without his shared confidences, opinions, desires. We are close and we make it a priority to stay relevant as individuals and as a couple.

I suppose the bottom line is that he attends to ALL of my needs and as much as I wish he were home with me right this second, his actual physical presence is truly the only thing I am lacking for and we can deal with that through phone dates because we are so in sync.

My life is rich because I make the effort. My life is richer because he makes the effort. Our lives are richest because we choose to enrich ourselves and one another. Wallowing in self pity is not a party we choose to attend.

So if you are NOT caught up in when he may or may not call or write or how he acts at visits or some facebook drama or issues with his child's mother ("babymama" to the less enlightened) talk to us. If you are not contemplating having sex with someone else because he will be gone for so long or you already messed up and if life's little tragedies are just obstacles that become opportunities for growth tell us about it.

Listen, we've got plenty of threads filled with negativity - if you empathize with those who are dealing with difficult issues but do not share the same problems and don't always feel free to post about the joy that your relationship brings you - then this is the thread for you. No negativity!

Share the positivity that is your relationship....
Although I no longer belong in this forum (my ex was paroled and we broke up), I still enjoy coming here as it became a second home while he was inside. I just wanted to say that you truly should enjoy this experience, because you should be so proud of yourselves for the support you are giving your men. I would never admit to most people that I enjoyed the prison experience, but for the most part I did. I met some of the most courageous women I had ever met in my life. I am a lawyer and met my man when I came to talk to him about an appeal. If you had told me years ago in law school, that I would be a prison wife someday, I would have sued you!(bad lawyer joke).

Listen to your hearts and don't ever feel any sense of shame for the situation you find yourself in. Their crimes have nothing to do with their love for you, which still doesn't mean you can't be angry that they turned your lives upside down. Keep the drama to a minimum, up the ante on the romance. Most importantly, take care of yourself. Happy wife, happy inmate!
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  #163  
Old 04-24-2013, 06:36 AM
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We have never met in person he is in Nevada in prison and I am in Illinois, I hope to visit him this year tho. He has become my world and I have decided to embark on this ten year journey with him. No, it's not going to always be easy but we are in tune with each other.Letters and phone calls get me thru my day. He always seem to know when I am down.I have had five marriages and none of them cared as much as my man and he is so worth my wait, just knowing someday my Prince warrior is going to come home. I love him so much.
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  #164  
Old 04-24-2013, 01:02 PM
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This is a great thread! Thanks ladies for sharing your stories of positivity. No it's not easy (no relationship is) but our loves are worth the commitment. I'm just beginning this journey with my heart. I appreciate the camaraderie of women going through similar experiences. Good luck ladies
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  #165  
Old 04-27-2013, 03:42 PM
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I love this thread! I was just telling my man in a letter today that even in this current situation there are still way more positives in our marriage than negatives. DOC just moved him clear across the state from me, and he's apologizing for being so far away (like it's within his control or something), and for "putting me through this". Putting me through what? I CHOOSE to be here, I choose to wait, because my life is richer with him than without him. The time he has left to serve is a drop in the bucket compared to forever. Prison sucks, of course it does, but being a prison wife doesn't. You put one foot in front of the other, live life on life's terms, and put in the work to keep the love strong. Proverbs 31 still applies.
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  #166  
Old 04-27-2013, 04:58 PM
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This thread is awesome. My man and I have been reunited after being apart for 28 years. Prison is a temporary place. He is so positive for doing so much time. We love each other without conditions. Some days are great, some no so, but every day that passes, is one day closer to us being together for the rest of our lives!!

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Old 04-28-2013, 05:20 PM
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My Man called me just to tell me he loves me!!!
34 years strong!!!

God is Great!!
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Old 05-12-2013, 09:36 AM
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I love this thread! This has definitely been a journey with ups and downs. I have to admit though even though it is a hard situation there are more ups. I have the love of my life. I feel so blessed that I've been able to find a love this strong that cannot be broken, even by the worst of circumstances. Some people search an entire lifetime for the type of love that I am lucky enough to have and never find it
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Old 05-23-2013, 08:19 AM
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Again, I thank you for this wonderful thread. I so needed this pick me up today! You all are wonderful and strong and these posts help me keep my focus and perspective. It's not as bad as it feels and it's only temporary!! We'll be better and stronger down the line
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  #170  
Old 05-23-2013, 04:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss_Understood View Post
I love the idea for this! I am a very positive person (thats not to say I dont get down sometimes!) but I tell him everyday I am with you, and you sir have my heart... therefore if I break yours, I in turn break my own! Never has a man loved me the way mine does (Im sure you guys understand that feeling) and I hold not even an itsy bitsy bit of resentment for him being away. Instead I am planning, saving, and preparing for our incredible life together after this mess is over! I completely agree that the justice system cannot harm my relationship, it can only add some extra obstacles. Its times like these that either make or break a couple, and personally I think our struggle will have us that much closer in the end! Ladies and Gents my hats off to us all! Im sure our men and women know that they are special and loved, and what better feeling is there than that???

Along with Patty's statement, I love this one as well
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Old 05-23-2013, 05:18 PM
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I have been feeling nothing but pure happiness since I found my Boyfriend. I am truly happy about this thread, I so want to express my joy and happiness, not only my fears/concerns/ and frustrations.

I'm back with my very first boyfriend, and I (We) feel all giddy, and smiles, like were 12 and 13 all over again. Were still both well aware that were not 12 and 13 anymore though lol. I'm not necessarily new to the "Prison" Life, I am new to the whole "dating" a prisoner thing though, but I must say, I am so happy that he is in my life. In such a short time he has managed to put a smile on my face, make my heart seem just a tad bit lighter, Ever since my first visit 3 weekends ago, I've gone to see him every weekend since and prepping to see him this weekend. The wait for the bus, the 5 hour bus ride, then the 4 hour wait before visits start once I get there, none of that discourages me. I put myself in this frame of mind where I make him a priority. He's part of my routine. Eventually I may do bi weekly visits (until he is transferred) But for now, in this imperfect situation, everything is PERFECT.

...... I'm going to stop now before I start reciting poetry lol
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Old 05-31-2013, 06:02 AM
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I can't share the details, but I am so happy today

I know I have a lot of faith on my hubster, and I know it gets annoying for some, sometimes. My faith was put in test, and I refused to believe the worst and I was proven to be right about it, and about him. By believing in him I saved myself from many tears and sleepless nights!

I know my life is a roller coaster, but I am still in control of my feelings and emotions.
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Old 06-07-2013, 11:42 PM
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Got to visit my love today and it was wonderful! Our visits are always great! I love him more every day and I just needed to let someone know! Thanks for a great thread !
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:22 AM
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I actually printed of the first post and sent it to my man when he first away, I could not find the words to express to him how I felt and this post said it all. So thank you!
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Old 06-30-2013, 06:49 PM
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I can't tell you how much this post means to me. It's so refreshing to see that there are people who feel exactly like me. I'm relatively new to this whole thing....we haven't been officially together for too long, but we've know each other forever. He means the absolute world to me and I cannot imagine my life without him. He always fusses over not being able to be by my side when things are getting rough out here...but I just reassure him that he does more for me than he realizes. He does an amazing job doing what he does for me. I miss him like crazy, every day a little more, but everyday it gets a little bit easier. I can't stand to see or hear women complaining about how long their man's got or how far away he is. MY mans got 15...12 left to go. But you don't see me complaining. I don't because there's always someone who's in a tougher spot than you. I honestly appreciate this whole experience, because without it, he'd still be on the wrong road. He'd still be doing wrong. He'd still be in the streets instead of coming home to my arms. He's more of a man behind those fences and walls than he was before he went in. This is what he needed....and this is what our relationship needs. I love him with everything I have and everyday of this sentence brings more joy to my heart to know I'm doing his time right by his side. We appreciate every moment...wether it's on the phone, a letter or those precious contact visits. It gets hard and I have my bad days....but it's all enough because HE is enough.
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to an23 For This Useful Post:
Deirdre13 (07-06-2013), mrsnolasaints9 (08-13-2013)
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