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  #51  
Old 12-27-2009, 08:36 AM
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Let me make a point here.

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Trust that you are one of the rare ones who's life improves after incarceration. Most of us have to wear that badge of shame, that can and does hinder one's life upon release. But, if I need to type about sugardrops and rainbows so that I don't offend anyone... I can start.
As an ex-con myself I strongly disagree with Damon and his point of view.

For one thing - does your past haunt you and follow you for life? Hell yes.

However it has made me a better person, and my life is 10 times better than it ever was.

I have had OUTSTANDING jobs since my release, my past is not held over my head, and I have worked hard to make my life that way.

Life is just like prison - you get out of it what you make of it. If you set your mind to it, you can accomplish any task. And that isn't bullshit or fucking rainbows - that is the God honest truth.

Now - do some men play games on the inside, and lead their loved ones on emotional roller coasters or guilt tripping? YES.

I also believe that MOST inmates do it at one time or another during their incarceration. MAYBE NOT intentionally - but in some form. Hell they are bored, have little to do, and so many hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and ambitions, and no way to accomplish them many times.

Now - do some men use that to their advantage? YES

However I also believe there are many who have wonderful relationships - and MANY whose lives improve upon release, and that it makes them stronger and more successful.

As Director of Mississippi CURE and the hundreds of inmates that I worked/dealt with during that time - I can only thing of a handful whose lives were worse or didn't improve after release. So to say that someone is a RARE case is extreme.
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  #52  
Old 12-27-2009, 08:39 AM
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BTW - I noticed a comment about the language in this thread:

You are allowed to use curse words on PTO - if it is EXCESSIVE we will remove the thread/post.

Many post in this thread ARE boderline - but being allowed to stay by me due to the fact it is the Straight Talk forum - if it were ANY other forum, it would be gone by now.

However this doesn't mean anyone reading this can go around this forum or PTO cursing a storm - and let this serve as a warning/reminder - minimal use is ok - excessive is not. We are not a Rated G or PG forum - but more a PG13 forum. If it gets R rated it won't stay very long.

Anyone with problems with that, please read PTO policy again - which you all agreed to follow and had to read upon joining.
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  #53  
Old 12-28-2009, 03:11 AM
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You do have a valid point in my opinion. But you could express it a little more delicately. The fact is that what you said does happen, I spent a few years inside myself. But even when it happens, it is not always to the extent that you described. But than again, sometimes it is.
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  #54  
Old 12-28-2009, 09:12 PM
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What i got from this thread is one person's opinion. I appreciate his reality, and his experience. I think that we should be open to know the good, the bad, and the ugly from all directions. I do believe that this forum, and others like it, just wants the good part of this situation. Many don't want to be realistic of it is what it is. Many people want to ignore the harsh reality of this situation. I completely understand where he is coming from. Real talk. Now, does this apply to me. No Am i offended Hell No. I don't know how can people come on here and tell this man, that he's wrong for what he experienced. Because what he went through doesn't dicate what others will/have been through. His journey isn't mine, or my loved ones. No two experiences are the same. Many guys come home and stay out of trouble. Many guys come home and find jobs, and take care of the woman that supported them, and be good role models, fathers and citizens of the community. And, in every case and situation there are the bad apples, the ones that society thrive off, because they can say i told you so. So, thank Damon for your reality. I appreciate your ensight on how prison affected you. I will take your advice, and store it in the back of my head. Will i need it? The world may never know
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  #55  
Old 12-29-2009, 06:49 AM
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Originally Posted by NuNu10 View Post
What i got from this thread is one person's opinion. I appreciate his reality, and his experience. I think that we should be open to know the good, the bad, and the ugly from all directions. I do believe that this forum, and others like it, just wants the good part of this situation. Many don't want to be realistic of it is what it is. Many people want to ignore the harsh reality of this situation. I completely understand where he is coming from. Real talk. Now, does this apply to me. No Am i offended Hell No. I don't know how can people come on here and tell this man, that he's wrong for what he experienced. Because what he went through doesn't dicate what others will/have been through. His journey isn't mine, or my loved ones. No two experiences are the same. Many guys come home and stay out of trouble. Many guys come home and find jobs, and take care of the woman that supported them, and be good role models, fathers and citizens of the community. And, in every case and situation there are the bad apples, the ones that society thrive off, because they can say i told you so. So, thank Damon for your reality. I appreciate your ensight on how prison affected you. I will take your advice, and store it in the back of my head. Will i need it? The world may never know
I absolutely agree!!!! everyone's experience is different and no,it isn't always pretty.it is what it is!! that's life!!
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  #56  
Old 01-16-2010, 09:41 PM
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I very seriously doubt that hes gone, this isnt the first post hes had going along the sames line as this OP. I find his out look while it may be him just being "real", cynical, and very negative. I think we all have enough of that in our day to day lives. I agreed with his post up until his second one. This is a straight talk forum, and please by all means rant away if you chose, but lets not lump every inmate together and say most are worthless in a nut shell.
But hey this is just one womans opinion
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  #57  
Old 02-17-2010, 06:06 AM
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I agree. My man told me he sees mess like this too. Now some women will just it ans then complain about it after and others won't except it. I would not except none of that and my man knows better.
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  #58  
Old 04-08-2010, 03:58 PM
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For those that loved this thread , i am proud ! Why is because wemon hate understanding that punishment is given to them cause they did something . They probably didnt but yhey were there o be in prison they found someones prints ,they hit someone,theystabed dragged , shot someone . But why get mad when someone tells the truth . He/she is right ok . WE choose to love them but they did it or they were there so stop acting all mushy . Live in reality then there will be less stress.
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  #59  
Old 04-11-2010, 05:34 PM
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As a formally abused partner I want to thank you Damon. Maybe one day I will tell you guys my story. PTO was a huge part of me leaving my relationship. It was post like Damon's that helped me realize I deserved more. I came on here every day for two months reading horror stories that were exactly like mine. Eventually I had to accept that his abuse was a trait that many men share. It was not my fault and I was not alone.

So what if his post came off as a little harsh. We need balance. Everyone can't run around talking about trust him everything will be ok. Sometimes you have to stop and let a man know. "Who exactly do you think you are treating me this way." Too many women and men have low self esteem and stay around for treatment like that.

I broke up with my ex when he started treating me the way Damon described. He had the nerve to curse me out hang up on me because I asked him what do you want. He had the nerve to ask me to put money on his books after everything he did to me.

Leaving him was one of the best things I ever did for myself. No amount of positivity or encouragement was going to help. I needed people telling me I deserved better. That is exactly what Damon was getting across in his post.

Thank you fr your courage and service Damon.
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  #60  
Old 04-12-2010, 11:29 AM
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I think ppl should stop being sensitive to others opinions, he has freedom of speech! and before we jump down someones throat about something we dont like, we should just move on if its not directly directed at us, has no one ever heard "theres an exception to every rule" ???? of course this doesnt apply to all of us, but anyone can take anything said by anyone at anytime and argue it! its called HAVING DIFFERENT OPINIONS! IF SOMETHING SAID DOESNT APPLY TO YOU MOVE ON, is it really that serious to go back and forth over something youre not experiancing? maybe im wrong, but then again its just MY OPINION
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  #61  
Old 04-13-2010, 12:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowbaby62 View Post
Personally I want to thank Damon and Abe for having the guts to come on here and voice their differing opinions in the name of helping us women out. Thanks guys.
I neither found the posts negative or positive, I just found them somebody's opinions and because they didn't effect my life directly I didn't need to judge them as so.
I can deal with real talk, even it it's something I don't necessarily want to hear, I always deal on that level, so I say keep it up guys because negative or positive it's nice to hear from your perspectives Damon from you because you are a guy who has been incarcerated and have found your way out...it seems like you are still finding your way out here but we're here for you too.
Abe, as a man in general who admits to making some bad decisions who is aware they will effect more than himself. Good luck to you brother in your impending judgement day.

Staci
Amen!!! I'm with Staci on this. I was not offended in anyway. Opinions are there to help those that may be in the situation. Both side showed a view and even though I'm not in the situation right now maybe down the road awhile I will be and now can reflect back on this post. Keep it coming!
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  #62  
Old 04-23-2010, 11:59 PM
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I personly think that Damons post are good. They may be the bad side of this life style but from a lot of threads and post I read I think thoses women need to read up on homeboys stuff. I don't think that his post are offensive. They are truth, and real. I find them to be helpful, helps weed out some of the "jail talk" so many of us hear all the time. Luckly I don't have a relationship like the aboved mentioned but I know many who do.
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  #63  
Old 05-31-2010, 05:24 PM
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I also think that damon view is pretty accurate and i thank you for keepin it raw and uncut! I dont think your being negative your just being real!
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  #64  
Old 06-05-2010, 01:01 PM
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Tho being a "prison wife" has it's negative sides, it also has positive ones. I know where he is. I know he is ok, I know he is relatively "safe". I am the type that would NEVER "allow" anyone to treat me the way you have described. No one gets to disrespect me that way, especially the one person in my life who claims to love me so much. No, my name is NOT on his prison form, I had NOTHING to do with why he is there, BUT, I love him. He is my other half "for better or worse" Most of the time this IS the worst. It is not always negative tho.

I truly believe that if he hadn't went to prison this time, he would be dead by now. He would have either OD'd or someone would have killed him. So, in a REAL sense, this bid saved his life!

We get along well, we actually TALK a lot, more than most "free" couples. He has changed and matured a LOT over the years. He is tired of doing time and I see this as a positive, maybe when he gets out, having done every single day of 20 years, he will keep those years in mind when contemplating his decisions out here. He KNOWS that just one wrong decision can put him back in for the rest of his life (he is on his 2nd strike).

He doesn't ask me for money, I have none to give and he has a job. He doesn't "blame" me for anything. He totally appreciates me and everything I do for him. I CHOSE to stand by him, and he knows I can CHOOSE to walk away at any time. He never forgets this.

I understand that to some, prison is nothing but negative, it is all in the way you look at it. Think of it this way.............he is still alive isn't he?
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  #65  
Old 06-20-2010, 09:40 PM
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Just wanted to say Thank You Damon, my hubs has said the same thing many times that he can't understand why women put up with the guy screaming at her on the phone about money. In turn they don't understand why he doesn't get more control of me...I don't send him anything cept at Christmas birthday and tax time and then its not much. I do feel bad about it b/c I know it would make it easier on him but he doesn't make me feel bad and has even sent me money for my birthday to use on me b/c he know I use all the money on the kids, bills and calls. But thank you..
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  #66  
Old 06-20-2010, 10:20 PM
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Oooooo yesss my kinda thread! I love the realness and the rawness of it . Now, I have heard of these stories too my husband has told me some stories. Does that mean there's no one that's locked up having a healthy relationship? No bc I have a very healthy one. But even here on pto I hear a lot of similar stories to lesson 102

Good looks Damon keep em comin
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Old 06-20-2010, 10:23 PM
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Originally Posted by mikeswifey730 View Post
Oooooo yesss my kinda thread! I love the realness and the rawness of it . Now, I have heard of these stories too my husband has told me some stories. Does that mean there's no one that's locked up having a healthy relationship? No bc I have a very healthy one. But even here on pto I hear a lot of similar stories to lesson 102

Good looks Damon keep em comin
Lol ok maybe I could have said stories one more time ugh I need some sleep clearly lol
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  #68  
Old 06-20-2010, 10:29 PM
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Ooohhh! Controversy!! Well, my man does not get mad when I can't send him money. He understands that its hard out here. If the guy is ANY kind of man, he will understand when his woman can't do certain things like that for him. My man encourages me to do things to better myself. There are good AND bad in every relationship whether its on the outside or not. If the guy cusses out the woman, then she doesn't deserve him. If she is standing by his side thru everything, and he has the nerve to disrespect her then she needs someone that won't treat her that way. If he treats you bad..no matter if he's locked up or not..LEAVE!! LEAVE LEAVE!! If he demands something and gets mad because you don't do it, then that sounds like you are being used. Plain and simple.
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Old 07-09-2010, 10:41 PM
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Originally Posted by aba_in_elpaso View Post
Hey Damon don't be so defensive. If you're here contributing, reading, or lurking on PTO chances are your life is not butterflies and rainbows. Mine isn't either, and my post doesn't imply that it is. All it says is that I'm trying to make lemonade out of lemons. What other choice do I/we have?

People who commit crimes and live and deal with the shame are the people who have a conscious and want to make changes and live right. And we come here to help us stay on the right path because it's a support group. It's a community founded on the ideal that people facing the most severe forms of adversity have a place to come where they can see the glass as half full and not half empty. That's a far cry from butterflies and rainbows. And maybe at the end of my road there will be a happy ending. I sure as hell hope so. That would be a lot better then some of the tragic endings we read about that our fellow members have experienced. And my heart bleeds for those people. My guilt and shame is manifest in those tragic endings.

I saw on your profile that you're an ex-inmate. I have yet to get to the end of my road in the criminal justice system but it is quite possible that I will one day be an inmate. I feel that I will do everything I can to prepare myself to come OUT of that experience without such trauma that my life is hindered to the extent you allude to upon release. Again, I'm not saying it's you go to prison, get out, and there's a pot of gold at the other side of the rainbow. But I'm not so bitter either. Keep going with your 'Real Talk' brother.....there's plenty of people here who probably agree and relate to what you're saying and identify with it. The rest can take what they want from it and move on. My REAL TALK to you is that a positive attitude is not a fairy tale. A positive attitude will help you deal with that guilt and shame you alluded to. A positive attitude will hopefully one day lead you to a life that if not butterflies and rainbows, then perhaps at the very least, as you posted above.....a happy ending. I wish you all the best, sincerely and whole-heartedly.
attitude can make or break you....a negative one will make you bitter, time to start squeezing them lemons !!
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  #70  
Old 11-17-2010, 01:23 PM
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Seems like sometimes "real talk" can be negative. Or positive, for that matter.

I'm comfortable with that.
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Old 11-17-2010, 01:47 PM
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i appreciate the "real" talk...i do not come here for fantasy or fluff...
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Old 11-17-2010, 03:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Damon View Post
I apologize to all who I "offended" by my posts. I thought that if things didn't apply to you, they shouldn't bother you. I guess you can only voice your opinion, or tell a story on here, if it involves butterlies, rainbows, and happy endings.

I so agree with you on this one very much. I noticed in life
even on a messg board people don't want to hear truth.
Another poster put a powerful post up under the now
that he is home forum. Not many people wanted to
respond due to the truthfulness of it or if they did respond
it was almost like a back lashing....if you will. I say it time
n time again in my post always respect someones point
of view. Just because it is rainbows and gum drops in
your world doesn't mean that is the flavor of my rainbow.
Speak your mind and vent if you need to no apologies needed.
We are all big girls and men on this site and people need to
understand that if it doesn't apply to you move on to the next post.
Get all the benefits you can out of all the resources on here.
After all that is what we are here for.

Blessings to you and thanks for the honesty.
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  #73  
Old 11-17-2010, 09:17 PM
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I don't think that Damon was trying to be negative in the starting of his 2 threads about this situation. I think his intent was to not sugar coat the situation that a lot of women go through. I believe that Damon wanted to let women know that it's not their fault that their loved one's are incarcerated. I constantly feel terrible about not being able to send money or write every day and I do get upset that I had to raise our 4 week old (who is now 22 months) on my own, pay all the bills, lost all my family, and all he did was yell that I broke his heart by leaving him and in the beginning never treated me well over the situation. It's nice to see that Damon was just trying to put this out there that ITS NOT OUR FAULTS that our loved ones are incarcerated and a lot of women / men always feel like it is their fault and it shouldn't be that way. And while the PTO family is very incredible and supporting, a lot of people that respond to my threads and posts seem to sugar coat everything and I like seeing the blunt emotion and the harsh reality sometimes seems better than the pain of keeping my hopes up for a sugar coated way of life....
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Old 11-17-2010, 10:21 PM
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Like I said in the first post of Real Talk 101: THERE IS A REASON THIS WAS PUT ON THE FORUM OF STRAIGHT TALK!!!!!!!! It is supposed to be Straight Talk not sugar coated mush...not to offend anyone, but that's it plain and simple...
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  #75  
Old 12-14-2010, 11:06 AM
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I have to commend Damon for these posts. I have read them all and believe he is right. Those who are seeing it as negativity are most likely those whom this does not apply to. For example, my husband is guilty, he admits he's guilty, he didn't run or cry, he called me told me what he did and then took me down to turn himself in. He sat there for four hours with the detectives with me in the room and told us everything. He has a concious, he had guilt for his actions. Did he hurt anyone in his crime? No, well if you count himself, me, and our children, but no. But the point is he admitted it. He knows it's his fault that he is where he is and therefore doesn't complain about it. I have sent him money, he sent it back. He has asked me for nothing. He always says "get what you and the boys need, I don't need anything, things were hard before I came in so I can imagine there a lot harder now". So my point is, you shouldn't coddle people in prison, you should support them, let them acknowledge that they're wrong, and move on. You should support them in making themselves better. If you don't have the money, don't send it. And any inmate that truly loves you/cares about you wouldn't expect you to do anything you couldn't afford to do. You're not offensive to me Damon, I get it. It's like shock therapy, the majority of people in this world don't want to hear somethings, but it's a reality, and it needs to be recognized. Thanks Damon.
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