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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Have you slipped?
Yes, once 100 9.21%
Yes, several times 160 14.73%
Nope, never 645 59.39%
I've thought about it 181 16.67%
Voters: 1086. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 05-15-2006, 09:41 AM
wench wench is offline
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Hi MelMag28,

WOW, what an incredible story. These experiences surely have affected you. I'm so sorry......but happy that you have a happy ending. I'd like to re-read your story and comment if ........well I don't know what IF. LOL

Your story is real....it's raw....... and has a life of it's own. That's ok.... and you ended up ok. How did your X end up.... maybe you don't know.

Either way, I'm glad you posted....... I'm glad you're here.

Blessings,

Doni
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  #77  
Old 05-15-2006, 12:17 PM
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Hi Doni Thank you for commenting on my life story. I couldnt even begin to tell you how it has affected me. It affected me on so many different levels. For most my trust in another male as a partner. That time alone without him gave me the chance to be on my own with out him to be around and to continuously worry what he was doing with this girl. My life was hell dealing with that. I couldnt function fully at work cause i was worried about him being with her. I was so stressed out everyday and night. I was at the time fighting hard to keep him with me when i should of just let go and let him come to me when he got his issues resolved. After he went in i felt relief from that whole mess and was sad and happy at the same time that he was gone. I said to myself so many times well now he cant ever have her now so i have no reason to leave him. But as time went on i heard many things about them two and i started just having these thoughts well how to i know that when he gets out theres not going to be another woman and he i have wasted 20 yrs of my life for nothing.


I wrote to him about everything i was feeling. Once he told about what he had done i couldnt take it anymore. So i started living my own life and making me happy for once.

When i first started seeing the man im with now it took me along time to open my whole heart to him even though i knew he wouldnt do anything to hurt me, but i was hurt so bad that i didnt even want to put myself out there again and i pushed myself away at times, he stayed with me threw all this and understood me and how i felt he had been there to but his was 4 yrs before me so he knew i needed time. I only got a seperation at that time cause i figured that if it went anywhere then i will pay for a divorce.

My ex is just now hearing about me making the seperation final within the last few weeks. Im staying with my new man. My ex and i are still friends and are willing to remain friends. I can forgive him as a friend but not as a wife. We were always great friends but just werent meant to be together. I love him as a friend and will always be there for someone to talk to since he is my sons father. Im great friends with my other sons father and his new wife we keep the peace going so i know it can work out for the best.

My ex thinks my reasons for letting go are excuses to get out of our marriage and that my new man has more to do with it. That is not at all true cause my so called excuses were there before my new man came into the picture. Not to mention i didnt really want another man in my life when i decided to let go. Some people just dont understand how it makes the other feel when they do things like this and the affect it has on them.

I came to PTO back in 2003 just a few months after he went in. Here i felt better and i'm still here even though things are over but it feels great to just be able to talk about things and feelings and enjoy each any everyones company on here. Everytime i tell my story i feel better and learn more and more from it and thank god for giving the great man i have now. I dont think i could ever stop coming here to PTO i ve learned alot from some of the stories and it helps me unwinded and reminds me of that there are people out there that care no matter what and dont judge at all. This place is great.
Good luck to you on your quest for your loved one.

HUGS
Melissa
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  #78  
Old 05-16-2006, 08:40 PM
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Quote:
I can forgive him as a friend but not as a wife. We were always great friends but just werent meant to be together.

My ex thinks my reasons for letting go are excuses to get out of our marriage and that my new man has more to do with it. That is not at all true cause my so called excuses were there before my new man came into the picture. Not to mention i didnt really want another man in my life when i decided to let go. Some people just dont understand how it makes the other feel when they do things like this and the affect it has on them.


I'm hearing you on this. I cannot "forgive" as a "wife" either. I know my own shortcomings in this marriage and myself....well many of them anyway... still....it's just not the same thing.

As far as MY own soon-to-be-X.....yup, same thing. He blames J and any other man that is my friend. It's sad really.

I don't wanna derail this thread...so I'll close......and wish you all the best. Why not open a new thread and let me know where it is. You can PM me if you'd like and tell me......or talk if you want to.

Blessings, many blessings,

Doni
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  #79  
Old 05-19-2006, 07:43 PM
Randy40 Randy40 is offline
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Default Doing time together

I do not have a wife in prison nor did I have a girlfriend before she went to prison, but I have developed a relationship with a woman in prison and have been writing her since early march of this year. In another thread I shared my experience with my 1st contact visit and then followed up with my second visit.

I have found it to be amazing how writing someone in prison can lead to such an intimate relationship without the physical touching associated with most relationships outside of prison.

After reading these posts, I have come to the conclusion that a lot of us have trouble expressing ourselves when we are face to face with the one we love. But, when put in a situation beyond our control and or separated from one another we some how obtain the ability to really express ourselves on paper.

I have never really thought I was a great poet, but have always liked poetry and had stopped for a while. Since I have been writing my girlfriend, I have began writing poetry once in a while. I think the expressing of my feelings and everyday things to my girlfriend on paper has led me to open up a side of my brain that had been so closed off for a while.

What my girlfriend has told me that makes a difference when we write is that I answer the majority of her questions. She says that when her family responds to her letters they very rarely answer her questions. It is almost like a one sided conversation. Knowing that this is important to her, I do my best to answer her questions, then I let her know what is going on in my life and also ask her questions. This type of focusing really makes a difference especially when you are apart from each other.

If we could only be this focused when we are with our partners on the same side of the bars. If you want an intimate relationship with your partner whether inside of prison or outside of prison just focus on them, you will see a side you probably never thought you would ever see.

Attention to detail. Get rid of the TV, Video Games, and take more walks with the one you love, even if it means you just putting this image in your mind (for those with partners in prison), it might make you not think so much about the sex part of it so much.

Not the best poem I have ever written but explains how I began to write my girlfriend.

“The Letter” For you Brandi.

There are many days when there is no mail at all,
Most of the time there are just bills and advertisements from the stores at the local mall,

On one special day, a letter came my way,
I opened the envelope so surprised I didn’t know what to say,

Within the letter, lied the handwriting of a young and charming woman,
Her words neatly written and a message well planned like a preacher with his sermon,

She requested only friendship and a little of my time,
She wanted no money not even a dime,

As she reached out for simple conversation,
She wasn’t sure if I would have any reservation,

She said it would be my loss if I didn’t reply,
So, I said what the heck and gave it a try,

As time went on, letter after letter,
Things became a whole lot better,

I saw this woman in a different light,
I thought about her all day and all night,

She told me her life story,
And how she had been saved by God’s great glory,

This woman has become very special to me,
My heart now beats a different beat for her to see,

I want to be her friend, but I think it has to be more,
I look forward to what the future has in store.

A relationship has grown between two people wanting something better,
How I think the good Lord for her sending that first letter.

Taker Care
Randy
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  #80  
Old 05-20-2006, 05:05 AM
JoyceRooni JoyceRooni is offline
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this is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. it's not like someone dying that happens and the funeral and all the shit is over in a month or something, it's this sustained crapperlife that i can't cope with at the moment.

sorry, it might be the wrong thread at the wrong time, but i just need something to mop up the tears. thanks
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  #81  
Old 05-20-2006, 06:59 PM
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joyce hugs and i think we all have been there!!!!! Glad you are here the ppl here do care
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  #82  
Old 05-20-2006, 07:37 PM
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Randy,

That was truly special. Did you give this to Brandi? I KNOW she would understand this......oh so well.

I liked what you had to say...turn off the t.v. and such. Yes, we MUST pay special attention......and listen.

I find it difficult when I ASK questions......not overly personal ones...yet questions....they rarely get answered. If they're important to me, I do ask again...and sometimes ask J if he can pls. answer me...or give an opinion, etc. SOMETIMES he does. I don't know why this is. So I guess I understand what Brandi is saying. How does SHE deal w/ this? It's frustrating..... pls. tell Brandi "I Hear Ya Girl!"

As far as the sex stuff....... well..... we KNOW we can't if they're where they're at......and we are where we are at. So sometimes discussion or other ways come naturally....... communication is so essential in THIS area too.

Back to your poem...... and about getting THAT letter in the mail. For me...and I'm sure so many others.....the JOY of seeing a letter in the box is a Godsend. I wonder, sometimes, for ME....... if J feels the same way seeing my letters to him? I was JUST discussing this with another friend. It seems TO ME... I put out a lot more than I receive lately. J asked me to keep him company w/ letters and such.... and ONCE told me how special he felt that I "took care of him" in such a SPECIAL way. The thought I put into letters...etc. However... I get MAYBE one a week. Yeah, I've told him of the JOY of receiving his gift of words and thoughts... so ...... I dunno.......

I'm as clear as mud tonight....... (it hasn't been a very good 24 hours, week, month, year so far). Sorry.

Anyway Randy...... I am GLAD you're finding MORE of yourself and sharing it with Brandi. Way to GO~ I JUST KNOW she appreciates it! The feelings are so real...... what person wouldn't want to share in a positive way?!

JOYCE........ 'sup? Why the tears? You BET this is hard. We only know one side of this too...... I wonder what it's like for the ones behind the wall......how THEY (in general) feel....... how they can express themselves...or CAN they FULLY express themselves? They know trustees or others CAN read the mail (that's what J tells me).... so I UNDERSTAND sometimes they don't put down what they're really feeling.

I hope things get better for you. I really do. (for me too......and others too).

Blessings to all,

Doni
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  #83  
Old 05-21-2006, 07:46 AM
Randy40 Randy40 is offline
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Doni,
Thank you for your positive comments about my post. I hope that you will strart getting more letters from your man. I know how important that is. There is a lot of heartache out there. I never really thought much about it until I came to this prison community at prison talk. I told my mom that I don't know if I could penpal ever again, other than the two people I correspond with now, because they become a part of your life, and there is so much hidden pain, and then they open up to you and you have to take a step back, because what they tell you, a lot of us have never experienced. It makes you really appreciate what you have and pushes you to want to find someway of helping them not only with prison but how to cope with their past.

It could easily be us on the other side of the bars. I wouldn't want to be forgotten.
Take Care,
Randy
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  #84  
Old 05-22-2006, 01:03 PM
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Very very cool poem Randy!!!!
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  #85  
Old 05-23-2006, 06:41 PM
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"If we could only be this focused when we are with our partners on the same side of the bars."

Randy, I plan to, I just hope he does too.
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  #86  
Old 05-28-2006, 12:17 AM
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I don't understand society today because people don't respect a relationship or marriage. when i say i love someone or that I am faithful to them, that is exactly what I am. I have refrained from any sexual contact with anyone but my fiance. I love him and want to be with no one but him. I treat him how I hope he would treat me if I got locked up for years and years. I love him how I would like to be loved. that seems to be working for me so far.
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  #87  
Old 05-30-2006, 08:48 PM
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As a woman i did slip...majorly and it was the biggest mistake that i ever made. I was engaged to be married to the greatest guy and the only thing was that he was locked up. I was 17 and yound but i did love him...but along came this good looking charming guy on the outside that i could physically be with...and after weeks of him manipulating me and telling me that i needed better and being with me everyday i eventually found myself writing my love a letter telling him that I could no longer be in the relationship. I broke his heart. Now here I am 3 years later... The guy that I left Josh for put me through 3 years of hell... I have been through soooo much... I lost a child... I was physically and mentally abused...I was lied to,cheated on, and used beyond belief. I really eventually fell inlove with this person but I fi had of stuck by word and stuck by his side i wouldnt be heart broken now. I dont trust anyone and i dont think that I ever will. But on a better note....even after all that I put Joshua through he is still there he wants us to write and talk. I did sneak off to see him one time and I wrote as often as I could. But hopefully we will be able to pick up where we left off. He says no hard feelings and that he totally forgives me. Thats my Joshua!! but Slipping can be truly detrimental to your life because when karma bites it bites hard!!!
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  #88  
Old 05-30-2006, 09:15 PM
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No Ihave Not Slipped! Ihave Been Faithful For Three In A Half Years! And I Am Still Going! I Have Other Things To Take Care Of Me Until He Comes Home. Come On We Are Women We Can Please Our Selves Until Our Men Come Home. Plus I Took A Valuel To Be Faithful. And That Means Alot To Me.
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  #89  
Old 05-31-2006, 01:28 PM
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I can't phatom why are all these women in this forum commenting????? I want to hear from the men pleaseeeee!
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  #90  
Old 05-31-2006, 01:58 PM
bunnyrun5 bunnyrun5 is offline
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No harm intended!
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  #91  
Old 05-31-2006, 06:45 PM
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nope and never will i love him to much
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  #92  
Old 05-31-2006, 06:53 PM
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Default There are a few men out here.

I am a man. Bunnyrun5

My comment for the day is: When you feel lonely and angry and you want to shout, When you are depressed and want to pout, just imagine the joy when they finally get out.

That is the best I can do on short notice.

Ok how about this:
Don't slip get a grip.

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  #93  
Old 05-31-2006, 07:32 PM
haswtch haswtch is offline
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Women have either the courage to speak up or the inability to shut up, depending on your perspective I guess
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  #94  
Old 05-31-2006, 08:30 PM
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I thought this forum is for the men to speak out about their wives or girlfriends who incarcerated. I don't know. Ok I'll just look for the mens comment because I already know what most of the women think who frequent this website. Or at least so they say. Just thought I hear things from a males point of view so to speak. I guess not.
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  #95  
Old 06-01-2006, 12:11 PM
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I just know this people that cheat make it hard for others that are not. because it becomes a trust issue when a man or a woman has been with someone and that someone cheats on. so they distrust everyone that comes into there life. i love my man dearly i would never do that i am very committed to him.
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  #96  
Old 06-12-2006, 06:06 PM
JoyceRooni JoyceRooni is offline
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randy, i gave you credit, but i sent your poem to matt today on a postcard.

haswtch, i really like that quote too and i'll work that in. thanks to you both.
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Old 06-13-2006, 10:26 AM
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It has crossed my mind only once. But I will NEVER. I love him too much and don't look at anyone else. When I dream @ night it's always him!!!
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  #98  
Old 07-10-2006, 06:32 PM
bunnyrun5 bunnyrun5 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IKEsBabyGIrl
I just know this people that cheat make it hard for others that are not. because it becomes a trust issue when a man or a woman has been with someone and that someone cheats on. so they distrust everyone that comes into there life. i love my man dearly i would never do that i am very committed to him.

I beg to differ on that statement. People should have a mind of their and not be influenced by what others do or have done to them. If a person is that gullable then maybe they have other underlying issues too. No relationship is perfect and one should not define the next relationship due to the last one.
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Old 07-12-2006, 02:47 PM
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My gf is in prison in the UK and I can't imagine being with anyone else.
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Old 07-14-2006, 10:24 AM
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I think what everyone has to remember is that we are all different and all our relationships are different. I am so tired of people saying that if you are not "faithful" you don't "love" your husband or wife, or if you don't beleive just like they do you couldn't possibly love your mate, blah, blah, blah! Everyone is different. I didn't put my husband in prison, he did. Why should I have to suffer? Was he thinking about others when he did what he did? Obviously not!! So why do we forgive them so easily for their actions but we are judged so harshly for ours? I'm so tired of those who judge and then cover it by saying "Just my opinion." It's okay for them to voice theirs but others cannot?? We're wrong??? I don't blame people for not posting alot of times. The "moral majority" will try their hardest to make you feel like s*@t! Why? To make themselves feel superior. For those who are honest, I commend you. Honesty is more valuable then judgement anyday. "Just my opinion"
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