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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 10-22-2011, 10:09 PM
Heliba Heliba is offline
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Default He wants to stay clean, and I want to help him...but I need help!

I was never around my bf when he was using. He had been addicted to crack for many years. We have only been back in contact for a year and a half, and right now he has been clean for over 3 years, and he is incarcerated for something that happened in 2008, although he just went in 5 months ago.
I never really knew anything at all about addiction, but I am slowly learning a lot.
Today we had a long discussion about what will happen when he comes out. He told me that the he has already decided - long ago - that he is DONE with drugs. He knows that if he gets caught doing anything again, he will absolutely get the maximum sentence, and he doesn't want that. He also knows if he ever uses again, he will never be allowed to see his daughter again...not to mention the fact that she will never WANT to see him again. And he realizes how this whole lifestyle has ruined his life so far, and he wants that to change, and he wants it to turn around.
A few years ago, he checked HIMSELF into a very reputable drug rehab centre and was there for 6 months (I think). He wanted to continue attending meetings there every week, but his ex would never take him (he couldn't go himself because it was in another city, and he was not allowed to leave his city without her..plus he didn't have a car of his own to be able to travel without her).
He told me today, that even though he has been clean for so long, and he has it in his head that he wants to STAY clean, he still wants the support of going to these meetings when he is out. He also wants to see a therapist about some other issues he is dealing with.
He asked me if I would be supportive of any of that, and of course I said yes!! I can't see why his ex wouldn't have been supportive of any of that if she really wanted him to stay clean and get better. But I am totally willing to do whatever it takes.
I have no experience with any of this, so I don't know how hard it is going to be, but if what he is saying is completely sincere, then it's definitely worth it.
He is such a great guy and the drugs have really messed him up for a long time, and he deserves a second chance.
Thank you for hearing me out, and if anyone has any advice on what I should be doing to help him...I am all ears!!
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  #2  
Old 10-23-2011, 03:00 PM
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You can go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings on your own. The best thing you can do to help him is to educate yourself. Start now while he is still incarcerated. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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  #3  
Old 10-23-2011, 05:15 PM
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I so agree with LifesTraveler.. Start now.. it will only help you learn to deal with what he will be facing apon his release. And also help you as well.
From what you post he sounds like he means what he says.
He may also what to check and see if where he housed has any program such as AA or NA or any other support groups he might attend.
Life is hard in prison, but sometimes its safe also.. and by that I mean
they are supervised and have to watch what they become in volved with in there. So it seems easier to stay away from the drugs ..
And yes I know they get them in there as well. The hard part is when he is in the free world and theres no one watching over him.
Remember one thing .. You cant do it for him, he has to do it.. You loving him and wanting good for him . Isnt going to change things, it may help.. but in the end the choice is all his...
I think its wonderful that you want to go with him to meeting and learn so much hes a very lucky man.. and thats says alot just the support sometimes mean everything.. to an addict..
My best wishes to you both and let us know how it is going ...

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Old 10-23-2011, 09:21 PM
Heliba Heliba is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeTraveler View Post
You can go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings on your own. The best thing you can do to help him is to educate yourself. Start now while he is still incarcerated. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Yes, I have thought about that. I am self-educating myself at the moment just to get an idea of what I am dealing with, and the next step will probably be to find an NA meeting.
Thanks!!
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Old 10-23-2011, 09:26 PM
Heliba Heliba is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TZT4$ure4Life View Post
I so agree with LifesTraveler.. Start now.. it will only help you learn to deal with what he will be facing apon his release. And also help you as well.
From what you post he sounds like he means what he says.
He may also what to check and see if where he housed has any program such as AA or NA or any other support groups he might attend.
Life is hard in prison, but sometimes its safe also.. and by that I mean
they are supervised and have to watch what they become in volved with in there. So it seems easier to stay away from the drugs ..
And yes I know they get them in there as well. The hard part is when he is in the free world and theres no one watching over him.
Remember one thing .. You cant do it for him, he has to do it.. You loving him and wanting good for him . Isnt going to change things, it may help.. but in the end the choice is all his...
I think its wonderful that you want to go with him to meeting and learn so much hes a very lucky man.. and thats says alot just the support sometimes mean everything.. to an addict..
My best wishes to you both and let us know how it is going ...

Blessing
Tina
Yes, I really, really want him to get past this addiction and move on with his life, and I love him so much that I want to be right by his side helping him. He told me that when he was with his ex, and he would tell her that he was having a temptation to use again, she would just say 'Well..don't!" which obviously is not very supportive...but probably what I would have said too, before learning all that I have learned about addiction in the past few months! I now know that is soooo the wrong way to handle the situation, and I want to make sure I learn the right way, and follow it to a 'T'! Hopefully, I am strong enough!
Thanks for your advice and kind words!
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  #6  
Old 10-24-2011, 09:16 PM
Heliba Heliba is offline
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Any other advice for me??
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