Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation > Friends & Families of Addicts
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-18-2011, 09:43 AM
delapenakl's Avatar
delapenakl delapenakl is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ridgway, Colorado
Posts: 489
Thanks: 0
Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts
Default How do I help my husband ?

I met my amazing husband while he was in the county jail. We hit it off immediately. It was like I'd known him for years. He is such a sweet person. He really is. He was in prison for DWIs and drug use. He promised me while he was in prison that he was done with all that stuff. And...for a while, he was. We just recently moved to Colorado and he started drinking again. Then, the other day, he came home from work and he had weed on his breath. He finally told me, after lying to me for 30 minutes, that he in fact took hits from whatever they call those things. Then, he promised me he would NEVER do that again. I guess, before I met him, he was knee-deep in drugs AND alcohol. That's why I told him that it's not even good for him to drink ONE beer. Hell, I know it's just a beer, but with someone like Jr, he won't know when to stop. I don't want him to end up like before. I know a lot of people don't mind weed and whatnot...but I've never done it. I wouldn't even know how and I DO NOT allow it anywhere near me. He knows that and he still chose to do it. We moved from NM to get away from the bad influences!! What did we move TO!!?? I just don't know how I should handle his behavior. I know that you can't change the MWIs, but.....does every promise that they made when they were inside not matter on the outside?????? I bring that up to him and all he says is that he didn't expect to work "this" hard for his family. I am just beside myself. Since his drinking, we have been fighting worse and worse every day. We have taken off our wedding rings and yelled at each other. But, after the fight, we tell each other that we REFUSE to give up and that we will NEVER stop working for this relationship. I don't feel like I've wasted my time with this MWI, I really don't. I just think we need a mediator...but guess who's not for that one bit!? UGH Sorry to vent, you guys. Does anyone have any ideas?
__________________
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 09-18-2011, 10:07 AM
Ashmari3 Ashmari3 is offline
Ashmari3
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ohio usa
Posts: 153
Thanks: 0
Thanked 65 Times in 45 Posts
Default

He needs AA if he is an alcoholic and it will only work if he truely wants to stop. You cant love someone sober. My kids dad is an alcoholic. He was very maniplulative and emotionally abusive sometimes physically. It took me over 9 yrs to figure out that its up to him not me. I think you need to talk to someone by yourself if he wont go with you.
__________________
*~im not so niave my sorry eyes can see~*
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Ashmari3 For This Useful Post:
kari05 (09-27-2011)
  #3  
Old 09-18-2011, 04:48 PM
FastCarGirl's Avatar
FastCarGirl FastCarGirl is offline
Onto the next hurdle
 

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Playing Secret Squirrel
Posts: 4,047
Thanks: 4,482
Thanked 4,504 Times in 2,068 Posts
Default

I would also recommend Al-Anon, which is support for familys. He needs to snap out of the denial he's in about his problem and seek help. But you need to educate yourself as well.
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-26-2011, 10:30 PM
Kelann Kelann is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 10
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Default

I don't know what I would do if I didn't go to al-anon (and I go to AA too) the more you "talk" to others the more you (I) know that you (I'm) not alone!!! good luck
__________________
We'll walk this world together through the storm whatever weather cold or warm - eminem
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-27-2011, 08:39 PM
kari05's Avatar
kari05 kari05 is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: May 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,287
Thanks: 46
Thanked 53 Times in 44 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashmari3 View Post
He needs AA if he is an alcoholic and it will only work if he truely wants to stop. You cant love someone sober. My kids dad is an alcoholic. He was very maniplulative and emotionally abusive sometimes physically. It took me over 9 yrs to figure out that its up to him not me. I think you need to talk to someone by yourself if he wont go with you.

I read this and wasnt going to post but had to as it hits home with me. You dont know how much I appreciate that statement. Ive tried and Lord knows Ive had to realize the same thing myself. It deff is/was a struggle.

I agree with the fellower posters. He does need some type of program/counseling. I also believe that if he doesnt want to go you can still attend ones for family members. Keep your head up I know its hard.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-30-2011, 10:08 AM
Ashmari3 Ashmari3 is offline
Ashmari3
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ohio usa
Posts: 153
Thanks: 0
Thanked 65 Times in 45 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kari05


I read this and wasnt going to post but had to as it hits home with me. You dont know how much I appreciate that statement. Ive tried and Lord knows Ive had to realize the same thing myself. It deff is/was a struggle.

I agree with the fellower posters. He does need some type of program/counseling. I also believe that if he doesnt want to go you can still attend ones for family members. Keep your head up I know its hard.
You always feel very alone in those situations. I know I did. Especially when they purposely isolate you. Im here if ya ever wanna talk.
__________________
*~im not so niave my sorry eyes can see~*
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-30-2011, 11:57 AM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is online now
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 24,630
Thanks: 7,099
Thanked 30,552 Times in 11,004 Posts
Default

One more vote for the AA/Alanon, NA/NarAnon! And while you're at it, get yourself a backbone that will help you hold whatever line you need to draw here. If you drink/smoke, don't come home. If you're not going to meetings, don't come home. If you involve me in any of this ghastly behavior, this relationship has to end. Stick to it. You're not going to save him by giving in. You may save yourself by standing strong . . . he may or may not benefit.

It's a horrible, horrible situation. I had to do an intervention with my partner of 13 years, and one of the requirements given by the leader was that we all had to remove ourselves from his life as a consequence if he would not get to rehab and meetings. It failed. We had to stop being together. His lying, sneaking - it was tearing me apart. I had to get healthy, even if he didn't.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
lisainengland (10-03-2011)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:48 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics