Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation > Friends & Families of Addicts
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #26  
Old 09-05-2011, 04:16 PM
MeganK13 MeganK13 is offline
**Worried as can be**
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 3
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 1 Post
Default

I stayed with my husband because I thought I could help/save him, I left when I realized I never could. It was not helping me or my children being in that situation. When we first started dating, he was sober....or actually he was recovering. I thought he would stay that way forever but I knew little about addiction then. As he got worse, our lives got worse. Eviction, repossession, all the fights and tears I shed...I kept going because I felt he would die without me, or maybe I would die without him. After he turned to heroin, he got his first felony. I stayed for another six months and two more arrests and I finally left him. I even tried to repair things over the last year and give him goals hoping he would love me and our kids enough to get clean, but his love for drugs outweighs his love for his family. After my last failed attempt to fix things, I ended up dealing with social services and lost my kids for a few months while they investigated me (I guess if he is an addict, they assumed I am too) and when I was finally cleared and given my babies back, I left the state. I couldn't be around him or else I would lose my kids again. They told me having my kids around an addict is "failing to protect them". I moved away in June, and I finally moved on with someone else (I have known him for over 12 years..) who loves and supports us, works hard, and is sober. I am happy with him, I love him very much...and my husband, since the day I moved away, got back into the heroin worse than ever and I didn't hear much until he was arrested for all kinds of bad choices he made in the beginning of August. He was sent to prison for the first time a few days ago. Since his arrest, I have found myself conflicted and worried for him. I didn't leave him because I stopped loving and caring for him, I just couldn't hurt anymore. I write him and he does the same. I just find myself asking if he ever has a chance at staying clean. He is clean right now, and a constant in my mind. I guess I just have a lot of questions I need to ask myself. But this seemed like a good place to start venting...
__________________
**Mom of three, confused as can be...**

Last edited by MeganK13; 09-05-2011 at 04:17 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MeganK13 For This Useful Post:
lisainengland (09-06-2011), rockyaddiction52585 (09-26-2011), Tabbycat (09-05-2011)
Sponsored Links
  #27  
Old 09-05-2011, 11:50 PM
out_here out_here is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: California, USA
Posts: 4
Thanks: 0
Thanked 8 Times in 2 Posts
Default

just want to say: I met my husband while I was homeless, playing guitar on the street for money ... 2 years later when we met again in an abandoned building we were both strung-out on crack & heroin running from the law & shoplifting to support our habits.

we decided we had to get clean if we wanted a chance at a future together.

we kicked, i went to tell my folks, they were on vacation, i took their car to the store, got pickedup on a petty theft ... the detectives told them to press charges so Id go to rehab & snitch on my (not-yet) husband. so they did. I took my time instead of going to rehab.

when i got out my (not-yet) husband turned himself in for absconding, got 4 months. during those 4 months got caught with a shank; got another 4 months. during those extra 4 months stabbed somebody; got another 36 months. he did 44 months on a 4 month violation he turned himself in for. when he got the 3 extra years I started shooting junk again.

fast forward 3 years: Im strung out, I get him from prison, we get high & decide (again) we got to get clean if we want a future together.
I kick. I go to 12-step meetings. I get a sponsor. I get a god. a support group. a commitment. he does some of this but has a harder time asking for help than i do...

my clean date is the day after he got out of prison last time (08-07-10). he started drinking after our wedding in june this year; he was in a bar fight 3 days later and is now doing 120 days at DVI. staying clean thru this has been the hardest thing Ive ever done in my life. people change. it takes a lot of work. a LOT of work. the biggest thing for me was being around people who I respected & liked who weren't using drugs. its so difficult to be around people who drink/use and stay clean - not impossible, if yr right with yr god, but super-difficult.

be supportive dont judge encourage honesty SUPPORT THEM GOING TO 12-STEP MEETINGS ... some partners get jealous of commitments to 12-step meetings like NA & AA ... these meetings are the only thing that keeps me reminded of what it was like, what happened & what its like now. Im happy. my husband is in prison but Ive got hope. cause if I can do this he can.

Last edited by out_here; 09-05-2011 at 11:52 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to out_here For This Useful Post:
LifeTraveler (09-06-2011), lisainengland (09-06-2011), Tabbycat (09-06-2011)
  #28  
Old 09-06-2011, 11:00 AM
Tabbycat Tabbycat is offline
Shoesgirl
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 138
Thanks: 150
Thanked 99 Times in 55 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by out_here View Post
just want to say: I met my husband while I was homeless, playing guitar on the street for money ... 2 years later when we met again in an abandoned building we were both strung-out on crack & heroin running from the law & shoplifting to support our habits.

we decided we had to get clean if we wanted a chance at a future together.

we kicked, i went to tell my folks, they were on vacation, i took their car to the store, got pickedup on a petty theft ... the detectives told them to press charges so Id go to rehab & snitch on my (not-yet) husband. so they did. I took my time instead of going to rehab.

when i got out my (not-yet) husband turned himself in for absconding, got 4 months. during those 4 months got caught with a shank; got another 4 months. during those extra 4 months stabbed somebody; got another 36 months. he did 44 months on a 4 month violation he turned himself in for. when he got the 3 extra years I started shooting junk again.

fast forward 3 years: Im strung out, I get him from prison, we get high & decide (again) we got to get clean if we want a future together.
I kick. I go to 12-step meetings. I get a sponsor. I get a god. a support group. a commitment. he does some of this but has a harder time asking for help than i do...

my clean date is the day after he got out of prison last time (08-07-10). he started drinking after our wedding in june this year; he was in a bar fight 3 days later and is now doing 120 days at DVI. staying clean thru this has been the hardest thing Ive ever done in my life. people change. it takes a lot of work. a LOT of work. the biggest thing for me was being around people who I respected & liked who weren't using drugs. its so difficult to be around people who drink/use and stay clean - not impossible, if yr right with yr god, but super-difficult.

be supportive dont judge encourage honesty SUPPORT THEM GOING TO 12-STEP MEETINGS ... some partners get jealous of commitments to 12-step meetings like NA & AA ... these meetings are the only thing that keeps me reminded of what it was like, what happened & what its like now. Im happy. my husband is in prison but Ive got hope. cause if I can do this he can.
Thank you for sharing your story. I would also like to acknowledge your fight for sobriety and your acheivements to be where you are today. Hats off to you for wanting your life back!!! I wish you all the best, in the best days to come
__________________
I promise to love you for two days past forever in every lifetime our souls occupy.

Last edited by Tabbycat; 09-06-2011 at 11:02 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 09-06-2011, 12:35 PM
Tabbycat Tabbycat is offline
Shoesgirl
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 138
Thanks: 150
Thanked 99 Times in 55 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeganK13 View Post
I stayed with my husband because I thought I could help/save him, I left when I realized I never could. It was not helping me or my children being in that situation. When we first started dating, he was sober....or actually he was recovering. I thought he would stay that way forever but I knew little about addiction then. As he got worse, our lives got worse. Eviction, repossession, all the fights and tears I shed...I kept going because I felt he would die without me, or maybe I would die without him. After he turned to heroin, he got his first felony. I stayed for another six months and two more arrests and I finally left him. I even tried to repair things over the last year and give him goals hoping he would love me and our kids enough to get clean, but his love for drugs outweighs his love for his family. After my last failed attempt to fix things, I ended up dealing with social services and lost my kids for a few months while they investigated me (I guess if he is an addict, they assumed I am too) and when I was finally cleared and given my babies back, I left the state. I couldn't be around him or else I would lose my kids again. They told me having my kids around an addict is "failing to protect them". I moved away in June, and I finally moved on with someone else (I have known him for over 12 years..) who loves and supports us, works hard, and is sober. I am happy with him, I love him very much...and my husband, since the day I moved away, got back into the heroin worse than ever and I didn't hear much until he was arrested for all kinds of bad choices he made in the beginning of August. He was sent to prison for the first time a few days ago. Since his arrest, I have found myself conflicted and worried for him. I didn't leave him because I stopped loving and caring for him, I just couldn't hurt anymore. I write him and he does the same. I just find myself asking if he ever has a chance at staying clean. He is clean right now, and a constant in my mind. I guess I just have a lot of questions I need to ask myself. But this seemed like a good place to start venting...
Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds as tho you still carry the weight of his addiction. If it's any consolation, I believe you did the right thing by leaving. But you are still wounded after all these years. The pain has embedded deep into your heart and the first glimpse of hope for him being sober has resurfaced this pain. This is only my opinion and I give it to you because you asked for my insight on your post. I think I will PM you with the rest. I want you to know that I am truly honoured that you value my opinion.
__________________
I promise to love you for two days past forever in every lifetime our souls occupy.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:32 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics