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  #1  
Old 08-23-2011, 09:56 PM
Tabbycat Tabbycat is offline
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Default So whats your story?

Hi Everyone and thank you for reading.

I have noticed that this forum does not get alot of new threads, I'm thinking that people need to speak and talk more about what they are or have gone through regarding addiction. I have been INSPIRED by many stories on PTO and have gained a stronger sense of HOPE. Lets embrace this opportunity knowing theres no judgement as this side of my life has always been judged. I would like others to share thier encourage words, lets get inspired!

So what's your story?

Thank you for sharing xo
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Old 08-24-2011, 10:23 PM
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My husband is an alcoholic. Nearly all of his legal problems are the result of him acting stupid while drunk, hungover, or trying to find a way to get drunk. Even though I'm an adult child of an alcoholic, it somehow took me a ridiculously long time to realize my husband was an addict (for a long time I thought he was just "immature" or "stuck in a party phase"). It has been a long road with me getting tough setting boundaries with him and not caving in (things like not giving him money or allowing alcohol in the house). I've filed for divorce 2x in the past , and we both tried dating other people during our separations, but I eventually withdrew my claims. When it comes down to it we both truly want things to work but just haven't quite figured out how to work together to help him achieve long term sobriety. Part of the problem has been his inconsistency with following treatment plans for add, depression, & anxiety (i.e., taking medication consistently and not skipping doses to drink instead).

In the past he was lucky enough to get what I'd consider short term sentences (under 18 months), but this time he's been sent away for about 2 yrs 4 mos to possibly 7 yrs 6 mos. I'm hoping because he's a nonviolent offender and because Michigan's economy majorly sucks that he will be home sooner vs later (esp. for our kids' sakes), but you never know which way the parole board will go...

Right now I'm trying to take things day by day but I do feel overwhelmed at times thinking about the possibility that he could be gone til we're almost in our 40's (early 30's now), and also how much of the kids' lives he will be missing out on. I also get anxious wondering what if I do wait for several years and he gets out and screws up again. I think if that happened I would end up being really resentful, because I've already spent 9 1/2 years with him being in & out of jail practically other year. (We've joked before that it's a good year if he doesn't get arrested---kinda funny but sad too!)
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Old 08-25-2011, 12:13 PM
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My husband is addicted to crack cocaine. He has been in and out of jail/prison for the last 22 years due to this addiction. Like some other stories you will hear, when he is not off on a binge that last 6-12 hours, he is a wonderful loving man. Sadly, that loving man turns in to a pod person that cares about nothing but crack when the bugs get to crawling.
I was with him from ages 14-16 and have been back with him for almost 2 years.I am 36 now.We were married in July. He went to jail in Jan and spent almost 6 months for driving without a license. When he was in there some changes came over him like I had never seen. He truly thought he had the monster beaten. He will tell you himself he became too confident. He thought his desire for crack had been taken away 100%.
About 6 weeks after he came home he got a case of beer, and drank 2. The following week he drank the other 10 and while I was in our room working(I work from home) he disappeared. 8 hours later he called me from the convenience store 20 minutes away wanting to come home. I call this store The walk of shame store". I went to get him and he had no cell phone, no watch, and no wedding band. He realized at this point he could not drink without it leading to other things. A couple weeks later a guy stops by here that is needing someone to help move a car trailer, so he went to help. 6 hours later he calls me wanting me to bring him $30 to pay the dope man or he will get the crap beat out of him. I figured he was simply wanting more money for drugs and refused. My dad, also a former addict was here, and talked to him. He told him he knew what he was going through and he also knew the desperate things one would do for more drugs. He walked home. 5 days after that we were cleaning up our property and we had a lot of copper that needed to be hauled off so he and my dad went to town to sell it. That evening while I was working he, my dad, and brother were watching a movie. Hubby goes outside to get the garbage cans and takes off. I had not had a chance to get the $100 from him when he came home so he went and bought drugs and lost another wedding band and his state id. I am still stunned that dope dealers will take wallets as "collateral". He again walked home.
The following day we went to town to try and get him in a rehab center, they would not help us. He is on probation and they said it needed to go through the court system. I even tried to put him in an emergency facility and they would not accept him. They gave him some pills and sent us home. In the meantime he was turned in to his probation officer anonymously and tested positive for crack. They did not arrest him because he is on misdemeanor probation but said he would probably be picked up within a week or 2. His PO is requesting in house drug rehab for him. He was arrested at our home Tuesday night. We have spent the past couple of weeks begging facilities to help him but we are in a very rural county and they want it all to go thru the court systems. I have never seen him so desperate begging for help as I have lately. He is afraid he is going to die if this keeps on. He is right.
He is now looking at 26 weeks of rehab or 6 months in the county jail. I love my husband and will support him thru his recovery but I will no longer enable him. I have told him that I love him but I hate the addiction and cannot trust an addict while they are using. My wallet, cell phone, and jewelry is placed in a safe at all times. He does not work due to there simply being no jobs in our area so he has no access to money. I will not hand him money for ANY reason other than to place quarters in a soda machine when I am present. I have told him to never ask me again to pay the dope man or buy him alcohol. He is not to bring one drop of alcohol on my property...period. I have had to become harsh with him in many areas. I will never go to a crack house again in my life. When you are ready to come home call me from a store or a well lit public area. If it is not well lit I will bring a deputy with me.
Now I just sit here and pray to God they get him in to a program and he actually works the program. He has never had rehab or drug counseling before and is desperate. I can actually see the fear and desperation in his eyes. His dad thinks he has finally hit rock bottom. I hope so, but he will need to realize it will be a long hard climb up to the light and he has to work for it. This is only something he can do for himself. I can love him, I can support him, but I can't walk the walk for him. If I could we would not be in this mess.
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Old 08-25-2011, 08:47 PM
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Mine and my husbands story is posted in the same forum as this thread...
"What I have to do now is carry on" its is a story that was started in here on PTO almost 6 yrs ago.. and I add to it and share what is going on in our lives.
Our story just did not start then though.. I have been going through this thing called addiction with my husband for 10 yrs.. Will it get any better I dont know?
Do I love him? Yes but I have learned so much since this all began. Its not easy and its not what I had wanted for either of us.. But it is this I love my husband as mad as he makes me, as much as he has put his self through and ater all these years .. I still have FAITH and HOPE and BELIEVE with GOD all things are POSSIBLE... the other thing I have learned that even though all that is true.. the want has to be there... and time will tell... we have alot in front of us.... if you havent read our story .. I hope u will at least browse though it...
Addiction is NASTY.. I hate it...
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Old 08-25-2011, 09:10 PM
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Thanx Tabbycat for this thread! I felt so alone bc others go thru my situation but are afraid to talk about it due to the backlash we get for lovn someone wit a disease/addiction. Well my story is alot like u guys! my guy would disappear for hours and always seem to have a gud excuse. then i started to think it was another woman, drugs nvr crossed my mind! then the day before school i sent him to winndixie to get some meat and he nvr returned! it was storming outside so i thought he was in an accident or the car was broke down. i call his fam and they spill the beans and offer no help! he has one aunt who helped me find my car. aftera week i went to find him and wen i saw his condition my heart broke! he was so high he didnt know who i was and he was sittn in the dirt in one of the worst areas of Orlando. I took him home and let him sleep it off. then we went to get help! he was going to steps program, got 2 jobs, everything seemed to be turned around for a few months. We took the 4 hour premarital course and started planning our wedding! then the day after my bday in feb of this year he took off wit my car and violated his probation. so they wer lookn for him and he got caught cashing stolen checks. he was sentenced to a year and a day and his PO recommend a program for him to attend upon release.
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Old 08-26-2011, 12:56 AM
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I think out of everything I have been through, the disappearing acts are the hardest. There is nothing like walking out in your yard and seeing that your husband has vanished. The first time it happened I had a panic attack now I just sit and calmly wait for the phone to ring. Maybe it is easier now because he only vanishes for hours instead of days, maybe I am just becoming desensitized to it. I don't know. What I do know is I love this man and would fight the devil himself to help him if I could. I have learned it is not my fight to fight, I am simply his support team. I do not coddle him and I do not make excuses for him contrary to what my family thinks. My mom has asked me why he does this, I told her he has a disease called addiction and she says that is just an excuse. No ma'am, it is not an excuse, there is no "excuse" for the behavior but it is the reason. There is a difference. He told me just a couple days ago he would let someone cut off his left leg just to feel like he was a "normal" person. The thing is for him, he will never be normal in some ways, he will have a life long journey of recovery. I just hope he is willing to take that journey. He will have to be the driver though. I can't do it for him but I will be the passenger helping him the best I can. I don't believe that providing love and encouragement is "enabling", I think it is a basic human need we all have from time to time.
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Old 08-26-2011, 12:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TZT4$ure4Life View Post
Mine and my husbands story is posted in the same forum as this thread...
"What I have to do now is carry on" its is a story that was started in here on PTO almost 6 yrs ago.. and I add to it and share what is going on in our lives.
Our story just did not start then though.. I have been going through this thing called addiction with my husband for 10 yrs.. Will it get any better I dont know?
Do I love him? Yes but I have learned so much since this all began. Its not easy and its not what I had wanted for either of us.. But it is this I love my husband as mad as he makes me, as much as he has put his self through and ater all these years .. I still have FAITH and HOPE and BELIEVE with GOD all things are POSSIBLE... the other thing I have learned that even though all that is true.. the want has to be there... and time will tell... we have alot in front of us.... if you havent read our story .. I hope u will at least browse though it...
Addiction is NASTY.. I hate it...
Just to let you know I read that whole thread.....thank you for sharing and continuing on with your strength and courage
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Old 08-26-2011, 12:47 PM
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Thanx Tabbycat for this thread! I felt so alone bc others go thru my situation but are afraid to talk about it due to the backlash we get for lovn someone wit a disease/addiction. Well my story is alot like u guys! my guy would disappear for hours and always seem to have a gud excuse. then i started to think it was another woman, drugs nvr crossed my mind! then the day before school i sent him to winndixie to get some meat and he nvr returned! it was storming outside so i thought he was in an accident or the car was broke down. i call his fam and they spill the beans and offer no help! he has one aunt who helped me find my car. aftera week i went to find him and wen i saw his condition my heart broke! he was so high he didnt know who i was and he was sittn in the dirt in one of the worst areas of Orlando. I took him home and let him sleep it off. then we went to get help! he was going to steps program, got 2 jobs, everything seemed to be turned around for a few months. We took the 4 hour premarital course and started planning our wedding! then the day after my bday in feb of this year he took off wit my car and violated his probation. so they wer lookn for him and he got caught cashing stolen checks. he was sentenced to a year and a day and his PO recommend a program for him to attend upon release.
I'm happy that you felt comfortable to post here, that's was basically the the point of this thread. To know your not alone and to be able to freely express and talk about how addiction has effected your life.

I wanted to quickly add in response to your at first thinking he was cheating on you with another woman. I thought in response to that is it would be easier if it were only another women.

Again thanks for sharing....be brave, be strong, have hope xo
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:41 PM
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Sometimes I too think it would be easier if it were another woman. Then I would just quit him for good and not look back. Yes, it would hurt me but that is a deal breaker in our marriage. With addiction it isn't like someone younger or prettier has come along and turned his head it is a whole different matter.
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:13 PM
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Sometimes I too think it would be easier if it were another woman. Then I would just quit him for good and not look back. Yes, it would hurt me but that is a deal breaker in our marriage. With addiction it isn't like someone younger or prettier has come along and turned his head it is a whole different matter.
Totally agree. It's hard for people to understand how a drug can cause a person to turn their back on everyone and everything they know and love. Continual munipulation and lies over and over and over....with cheating it's that initial sting, betray, and pain. But that's it each goes their own ways. But not so much with a addiciton....
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Old 08-27-2011, 06:06 PM
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Tabby.. I have to agree with yall. I always said it would be so much easier if it was another woman, that had taken my husband... I could at least confront her, kick her butt do something, than just feel so helpless.. Than to sit and wait and see what "Crystal Meth" had in store for us...
Has anyone ever heard that song "Why dont you stay?" sung by Jennifer Nettles.. the group is called Sugarland...
That song always reminds me of my husband when he is out on a binge... guess he cant binge for a while now... 12 more years to be exact...
I am thankful to have others that have gone through what I have but I hate that addiction does this to families and people...
I am glad u got a chance to read our story.. its a dang long one..
Thanks for this thread as well...
God Bless and its so nice to know we are not alone...even though I know we all feel it at times
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Old 08-27-2011, 06:50 PM
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I thought it might be good to post here. After all, my fiance is in treatment right now. When I asked him about his childhood, he told me his parents split, and his mom raised him, while his dad raised his sister. His mom let him run around and do whatever he wanted, and he started drinking at the age of 12. I was raised completely opposite of him, very sheltered. He did a lot of running around and got into trouble with the law some. I think the main reason he got the treatment was because when he went to jail for this new case he caught, they drug tested him and he tested positive for alcohol and weed. He liked to drink and party from what I understand. I really, really, REALLY hate this treatment. We never get to talk anymore. It has been a struggle because we don't get visits and now we don't get phone calls either. Not getting to talk to him is killing me. :-( I do think treatment is probably what he needed, though. They also have classes on relationships and stuff like that, and teach them how to deal with things when they get home. So it seems like it is helping him. I hope that things go okay when he gets home. I'm not sure what to expect, really, but I am sure it will work out fine....wish I knew what to expect, but I will just have to wait and see, and pray about it in the mean time.

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Old 08-28-2011, 07:48 PM
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tzt4$ure4life i just heard that Sugarland song and i love it!
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Old 08-29-2011, 05:33 AM
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What's my story? I am the addict. Now I'm a recovering addict, clean and sober for 4 and a bit years. April 2012 wil be my 5 year mark. I'm not proud of some of the things I did in my past, but I am proud of the peson I am today. I fought for my life back beacuse I wanted it.....here's my story....

As a child, I was raised in a loving, caring, safe home. I was an honor student, top of my class. I engaged in a wide range of athletics. I excelled at almost everything I tried. I was brought up with solid morals, honesty was huge. She always reminded about treating others as you would like to be treated. I was raised soley by my Mom (I'm blessed to have her) My Mom was an excellent role model for me, teaching me independence and working hard for the things you we/she owned. My Mom told me she loved me atleast (bare minimum) once a day how much she Loved Me. My father had many addictions, but I do not blame him for my own nor do I blame my addiction of the fact of not having a male role model in my growing up days.

When I was 13 (grade 7) we moved. Our old home was all I knew and all my friendships were estalishd there. New school, new friends. I was bullied by a group of 3 girls for the entire year. This had huge effects in my confiedence. They put the fear of god in me and this is something I wouldnt wish on any child, to be bullied. I was befriended by one of them who was inviting me to a party. I jumped all over it, anything to fit in and not be bullied anymore. No more humilliation and taking short cuts home out of being scared. Little did I know that this was a vicious attack planned and thier smiling faces was a ll a front. I was forced to drink alcohol to a point of unconsiouness. From there the 3 of them dragged me out to an open field where they shaved all my hair off my head and also my eyebows. They took turns kicking and punching me from my head to toes and when they were done, they left me there, alone, barely concious and battered.

That night changed everything...my whole life course changed. My hopes and dreams. I was robbed of so many things that night. Dignity, courage, my beauty, any and everything was lost....It still doesnt sit right in my tummy when I talk about them shaving my hair.

I didnt dare tell on them. I played it out that I was so drunk I had no idea who could of done this to me. I wanted revenge, a side of me that was even new to me. I started hanging out with "the bad kids" my appreance changed, I stopped all my extra ciricular activities and starting experimenting with drugs. Drugs at that point made me smile and made me feel good. I didnt have to deal with all those reality fears that I carried for so long. My grades became very poor, under passing. I was lipping off teachers, and my Mom. Sneaking out of the house and or running away. This was my to escape from the fear I faced daily....

I countinued through my teenage hood using drugs and by the time I was 19 I had a bad cocaine habit. I also I had my first born at the age of 16. I was good at being a liar, i was threatened by social services that my son would be pulled out of my care and placed in foster care until I was fit. i lied straight through my teeth. Being threated only made me strive for bigger lies and I had no intentions of getting clean.

My cocaine habit contined for many years secretly. I actually cut ties from my Mom, and refused to have a relationship with her for if I did she would be able to see through all my bullshit and I couldnt have her jepordize my drug addiction! That was my way of thinking.....by the time I turned 25 I had moved on up to crack cocaine and had a 200 dollar habit a day. I remember having barely any food, but MY needs were taken care of. What kind of a mother puts herself before her children?????? This is making me tear up just talking about it. I would have strange men over at the house, using me for sex so I could get my next fix as my son sit in the next room. A couple times after binging I would crash hard and I never even made it to pick my son up from daycare, no one could get ahold of me....I woke up 3 days later...I carrying so much guilt of the mother I WASNT. This time it was no joke, social services took my son out of my care and was now a ward of the court. I had no home, no food, no money, no son, and no family. I seen the depths of hell with my own eyes. The sad thing is, I thought well Ive lost fricking everything so whats the point? I should just die in this lifestyle.

2 weeks later, something came over me, I seen the light. Theres was no way in hell someone other than me was going to raise my son!!! I was getting HIM and my LIFE back! The courts gave me lists of things that they needed changed and done for them to even consider him back in my care. I enrolled into what I call heaven but a live in treatment centre for women. That was a 3 month live in process. I cried many tears and shouted many angry words as coming off a 10+ years of drug addicition.

I have been very blessed with so many wonderful people who crossed my path during recovery. It's amazing when you want and ask for help to see that's exactly what you get. 6 months later my son was order by the courts back to my care. I have never looked backed since. I went on to school and have a really good job today that I've held for 3 years!!!! I could never hold a job not longer than a month when I was an addict.

I also now am a foster Mom, I provide a safe, caring, loving, home for other children who are going through what I once was. I LOVE MYSELF AND THE PERSON I HAVE BECOME TODAY. LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND I CHERISH AND LOVE EVERYDAY THAT I HAVE.

My son and I are super close, and I also have another child, a little girl this time. THERE IS HOPE, I AM LIVING POOF THAT IF A PERSON WANT TO TURN THIER LIFE AROUND, THEY CAN!!!!!

Two hardest things I have ever done in my life was get sober and stay sober, and get my Son out of the systems BUT THE 2 MOST REWARDING.

I URGE ANY ADDICT TO JUMP ON THE THOUGHT OF RECOVERY, EVEN IF ITS A SPLIT SECOND....START LIVING YOUR LIFE, I DID!!!1

Thanks for reading, I'm balling by the way xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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Old 08-29-2011, 11:37 AM
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What's my story? I am the addict. Now I'm a recovering addict, clean and sober for 4 and a bit years. April 2012 wil be my 5 year mark. I'm not proud of some of the things I did in my past, but I am proud of the peson I am today. I fought for my life back beacuse I wanted it.....here's my story....

As a child, I was raised in a loving, caring, safe home. I was an honor student, top of my class. I engaged in a wide range of athletics. I excelled at almost everything I tried. I was brought up with solid morals, honesty was huge. She always reminded about treating others as you would like to be treated. I was raised soley by my Mom (I'm blessed to have her) My Mom was an excellent role model for me, teaching me independence and working hard for the things you we/she owned. My Mom told me she loved me atleast (bare minimum) once a day how much she Loved Me. My father had many addictions, but I do not blame him for my own nor do I blame my addiction of the fact of not having a male role model in my growing up days.

When I was 13 (grade 7) we moved. Our old home was all I knew and all my friendships were estalishd there. New school, new friends. I was bullied by a group of 3 girls for the entire year. This had huge effects in my confiedence. They put the fear of god in me and this is something I wouldnt wish on any child, to be bullied. I was befriended by one of them who was inviting me to a party. I jumped all over it, anything to fit in and not be bullied anymore. No more humilliation and taking short cuts home out of being scared. Little did I know that this was a vicious attack planned and thier smiling faces was a ll a front. I was forced to drink alcohol to a point of unconsiouness. From there the 3 of them dragged me out to an open field where they shaved all my hair off my head and also my eyebows. They took turns kicking and punching me from my head to toes and when they were done, they left me there, alone, barely concious and battered.

That night changed everything...my whole life course changed. My hopes and dreams. I was robbed of so many things that night. Dignity, courage, my beauty, any and everything was lost....It still doesnt sit right in my tummy when I talk about them shaving my hair.

I didnt dare tell on them. I played it out that I was so drunk I had no idea who could of done this to me. I wanted revenge, a side of me that was even new to me. I started hanging out with "the bad kids" my appreance changed, I stopped all my extra ciricular activities and starting experimenting with drugs. Drugs at that point made me smile and made me feel good. I didnt have to deal with all those reality fears that I carried for so long. My grades became very poor, under passing. I was lipping off teachers, and my Mom. Sneaking out of the house and or running away. This was my to escape from the fear I faced daily....

I countinued through my teenage hood using drugs and by the time I was 19 I had a bad cocaine habit. I also I had my first born at the age of 16. I was good at being a liar, i was threatened by social services that my son would be pulled out of my care and placed in foster care until I was fit. i lied straight through my teeth. Being threated only made me strive for bigger lies and I had no intentions of getting clean.

My cocaine habit contined for many years secretly. I actually cut ties from my Mom, and refused to have a relationship with her for if I did she would be able to see through all my bullshit and I couldnt have her jepordize my drug addiction! That was my way of thinking.....by the time I turned 25 I had moved on up to crack cocaine and had a 200 dollar habit a day. I remember having barely any food, but MY needs were taken care of. What kind of a mother puts herself before her children?????? This is making me tear up just talking about it. I would have strange men over at the house, using me for sex so I could get my next fix as my son sit in the next room. A couple times after binging I would crash hard and I never even made it to pick my son up from daycare, no one could get ahold of me....I woke up 3 days later...I carrying so much guilt of the mother I WASNT. This time it was no joke, social services took my son out of my care and was now a ward of the court. I had no home, no food, no money, no son, and no family. I seen the depths of hell with my own eyes. The sad thing is, I thought well Ive lost fricking everything so whats the point? I should just die in this lifestyle.

2 weeks later, something came over me, I seen the light. Theres was no way in hell someone other than me was going to raise my son!!! I was getting HIM and my LIFE back! The courts gave me lists of things that they needed changed and done for them to even consider him back in my care. I enrolled into what I call heaven but a live in treatment centre for women. That was a 3 month live in process. I cried many tears and shouted many angry words as coming off a 10+ years of drug addicition.

I have been very blessed with so many wonderful people who crossed my path during recovery. It's amazing when you want and ask for help to see that's exactly what you get. 6 months later my son was order by the courts back to my care. I have never looked backed since. I went on to school and have a really good job today that I've held for 3 years!!!! I could never hold a job not longer than a month when I was an addict.

I also now am a foster Mom, I provide a safe, caring, loving, home for other children who are going through what I once was. I LOVE MYSELF AND THE PERSON I HAVE BECOME TODAY. LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND I CHERISH AND LOVE EVERYDAY THAT I HAVE.

My son and I are super close, and I also have another child, a little girl this time. THERE IS HOPE, I AM LIVING POOF THAT IF A PERSON WANT TO TURN THIER LIFE AROUND, THEY CAN!!!!!

Two hardest things I have ever done in my life was get sober and stay sober, and get my Son out of the systems BUT THE 2 MOST REWARDING.

I URGE ANY ADDICT TO JUMP ON THE THOUGHT OF RECOVERY, EVEN IF ITS A SPLIT SECOND....START LIVING YOUR LIFE, I DID!!!1

Thanks for reading, I'm balling by the way xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Thank you so much for posting. You don't know how much hope you have offered that some day, some how, my husband just may be able to conquer his addiction. You should be very proud of what you have accomplished, not only have you fought your way back from hell to make a life for you and your children, you are helping other children. Your children are very lucky to have you as their mother.
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Old 08-29-2011, 04:42 PM
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Thank you so much for posting. You don't know how much hope you have offered that some day, some how, my husband just may be able to conquer his addiction. You should be very proud of what you have accomplished, not only have you fought your way back from hell to make a life for you and your children, you are helping other children. Your children are very lucky to have you as their mother.
Thank you so much, that really means a lot to me. There is HOPE, never lose sight of it, never. Knowing that the change can only come from the addict is what hurt my friends and family the most because they lost hope in me. If I touch just one person, posting this was worth it.

xoxoxo
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Old 08-30-2011, 01:20 AM
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Thank you for sharing your story. Your strength and courage really moved me. You are an amazing person. Congratulations on all your achievements





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Originally Posted by Tabbycat View Post
What's my story? I am the addict. Now I'm a recovering addict, clean and sober for 4 and a bit years. April 2012 wil be my 5 year mark. I'm not proud of some of the things I did in my past, but I am proud of the peson I am today. I fought for my life back beacuse I wanted it.....here's my story....

As a child, I was raised in a loving, caring, safe home. I was an honor student, top of my class. I engaged in a wide range of athletics. I excelled at almost everything I tried. I was brought up with solid morals, honesty was huge. She always reminded about treating others as you would like to be treated. I was raised soley by my Mom (I'm blessed to have her) My Mom was an excellent role model for me, teaching me independence and working hard for the things you we/she owned. My Mom told me she loved me atleast (bare minimum) once a day how much she Loved Me. My father had many addictions, but I do not blame him for my own nor do I blame my addiction of the fact of not having a male role model in my growing up days.

When I was 13 (grade 7) we moved. Our old home was all I knew and all my friendships were estalishd there. New school, new friends. I was bullied by a group of 3 girls for the entire year. This had huge effects in my confiedence. They put the fear of god in me and this is something I wouldnt wish on any child, to be bullied. I was befriended by one of them who was inviting me to a party. I jumped all over it, anything to fit in and not be bullied anymore. No more humilliation and taking short cuts home out of being scared. Little did I know that this was a vicious attack planned and thier smiling faces was a ll a front. I was forced to drink alcohol to a point of unconsiouness. From there the 3 of them dragged me out to an open field where they shaved all my hair off my head and also my eyebows. They took turns kicking and punching me from my head to toes and when they were done, they left me there, alone, barely concious and battered.

That night changed everything...my whole life course changed. My hopes and dreams. I was robbed of so many things that night. Dignity, courage, my beauty, any and everything was lost....It still doesnt sit right in my tummy when I talk about them shaving my hair.

I didnt dare tell on them. I played it out that I was so drunk I had no idea who could of done this to me. I wanted revenge, a side of me that was even new to me. I started hanging out with "the bad kids" my appreance changed, I stopped all my extra ciricular activities and starting experimenting with drugs. Drugs at that point made me smile and made me feel good. I didnt have to deal with all those reality fears that I carried for so long. My grades became very poor, under passing. I was lipping off teachers, and my Mom. Sneaking out of the house and or running away. This was my to escape from the fear I faced daily....

I countinued through my teenage hood using drugs and by the time I was 19 I had a bad cocaine habit. I also I had my first born at the age of 16. I was good at being a liar, i was threatened by social services that my son would be pulled out of my care and placed in foster care until I was fit. i lied straight through my teeth. Being threated only made me strive for bigger lies and I had no intentions of getting clean.

My cocaine habit contined for many years secretly. I actually cut ties from my Mom, and refused to have a relationship with her for if I did she would be able to see through all my bullshit and I couldnt have her jepordize my drug addiction! That was my way of thinking.....by the time I turned 25 I had moved on up to crack cocaine and had a 200 dollar habit a day. I remember having barely any food, but MY needs were taken care of. What kind of a mother puts herself before her children?????? This is making me tear up just talking about it. I would have strange men over at the house, using me for sex so I could get my next fix as my son sit in the next room. A couple times after binging I would crash hard and I never even made it to pick my son up from daycare, no one could get ahold of me....I woke up 3 days later...I carrying so much guilt of the mother I WASNT. This time it was no joke, social services took my son out of my care and was now a ward of the court. I had no home, no food, no money, no son, and no family. I seen the depths of hell with my own eyes. The sad thing is, I thought well Ive lost fricking everything so whats the point? I should just die in this lifestyle.

2 weeks later, something came over me, I seen the light. Theres was no way in hell someone other than me was going to raise my son!!! I was getting HIM and my LIFE back! The courts gave me lists of things that they needed changed and done for them to even consider him back in my care. I enrolled into what I call heaven but a live in treatment centre for women. That was a 3 month live in process. I cried many tears and shouted many angry words as coming off a 10+ years of drug addicition.

I have been very blessed with so many wonderful people who crossed my path during recovery. It's amazing when you want and ask for help to see that's exactly what you get. 6 months later my son was order by the courts back to my care. I have never looked backed since. I went on to school and have a really good job today that I've held for 3 years!!!! I could never hold a job not longer than a month when I was an addict.

I also now am a foster Mom, I provide a safe, caring, loving, home for other children who are going through what I once was. I LOVE MYSELF AND THE PERSON I HAVE BECOME TODAY. LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND I CHERISH AND LOVE EVERYDAY THAT I HAVE.

My son and I are super close, and I also have another child, a little girl this time. THERE IS HOPE, I AM LIVING POOF THAT IF A PERSON WANT TO TURN THIER LIFE AROUND, THEY CAN!!!!!

Two hardest things I have ever done in my life was get sober and stay sober, and get my Son out of the systems BUT THE 2 MOST REWARDING.

I URGE ANY ADDICT TO JUMP ON THE THOUGHT OF RECOVERY, EVEN IF ITS A SPLIT SECOND....START LIVING YOUR LIFE, I DID!!!1

Thanks for reading, I'm balling by the way xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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Old 08-30-2011, 06:34 AM
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Thank you for sharing your story. Your strength and courage really moved me. You are an amazing person. Congratulations on all your achievements
Thank you very much for your kind words. I love the way this thread is turning out and thank everyone who has contributed. xoxoxo
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:16 PM
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tzt4$ure4life i just heard that Sugarland song and i love it!

Shonda .. I am glad you got to hear it.. it is a really sad but special song...
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:24 PM
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Thank you Tabby for sharing your story with us all. You should be so very proud of yourself. I wish you the best and I can only pray that my husband someday will turn his life around as well...
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Old 09-04-2011, 12:07 AM
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I've read some of the stories here, and now that I have the time, I will tell you mine.

My mother was an alcoholic. (Was because she is now deceased) I also have a beloved brother who is an alcoholic, along with a few other family members.

My mother was a closet alcoholic. She didn't believe that she had a problem, yet she constantly hid, or tried to hide, the fact that she was drinking. As a young kid, I didn't have a clue what was really going on. When my siblings and I were younger, she managed to remain a functional drunk. We knew something was off, but we couldn't quite put a finger on it.

After we all grew up and went out in the world on our own, she became worse. She left my father after 25 years of marriage because it interfered with her drinking. It wasn't that he tried to make her quit drinking or anything. She just had it in her head that it interfered with her drinking.

I could go on an on with some of the things that she did when she was drinking, but that would take a book. After she left my father, some kind of way, she wound up living with me for four years. Those had to be four of the worst years of my life!! I was grown then with two children of my own.

Had it not been for Al-Anon and some pretty hefty therapy, I think I would have lost my sanity.

The bottom line is that she eventually got sober and into a program of her own. Our relationship was rocky for many years, but in the end of things, we were blessed. She even apologized to me for all the rotten stuff she pulled on me in her drinking years. I forgave her, and we were able to mend our relationship before she passed away.

Alcoholism and addiction are insidious diseases that can destroy families. However, with the right tools, they can be overcome.
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Old 09-04-2011, 12:25 AM
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I've read some of the stories here, and now that I have the time, I will tell you mine.

My mother was an alcoholic. (Was because she is now deceased) I also have a beloved brother who is an alcoholic, along with a few other family members.

My mother was a closet alcoholic. She didn't believe that she had a problem, yet she constantly hid, or tried to hide, the fact that she was drinking. As a young kid, I didn't have a clue what was really going on. When my siblings and I were younger, she managed to remain a functional drunk. We knew something was off, but we couldn't quite put a finger on it.

After we all grew up and went out in the world on our own, she became worse. She left my father after 25 years of marriage because it interfered with her drinking. It wasn't that he tried to make her quit drinking or anything. She just had it in her head that it interfered with her drinking.

I could go on an on with some of the things that she did when she was drinking, but that would take a book. After she left my father, some kind of way, she wound up living with me for four years. Those had to be four of the worst years of my life!! I was grown then with two children of my own.

Had it not been for Al-Anon and some pretty hefty therapy, I think I would have lost my sanity.

The bottom line is that she eventually got sober and into a program of her own. Our relationship was rocky for many years, but in the end of things, we were blessed. She even apologized to me for all the rotten stuff she pulled on me in her drinking years. I forgave her, and we were able to mend our relationship before she passed away.

Alcoholism and addiction are insidious diseases that can destroy families. However, with the right tools, they can be overcome.
Thank you for your story, I really appreciate you sharing with us all.
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Old 09-04-2011, 06:57 AM
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I have debated whther to share my story but I think its time. I have a 21 year old son. He adopted me when he was 16 and had always spent a lot of time around my house ( he is my other sons friend ) . He moved in with me and I soon began to understand that he had had a very abusive childhood. His parents had beaten him and told him he was useless all his life. I knew none of this until he came to live here, he had always kept it quiet despite being a regular visitor at my home since he was about 11.

As he has grown up he has become a binge drinker, he still works hard and has full time job. He never misses day off work but at weekends he will start to drink at maybe 7 or 8am in the morning and continue throughout the day and night. Every night when he comes home from work he drinks, and most of his salary is spent on alcohol. When he first lived here he would drink a lot and then self harm himself. He has stopped the self harming but the drinking continues. He knows he drinks too much and he even know why he drinks, to blot out the painful memories of his childhood but he cant stop. I have tried to help him, I have read books, spoke to people at Al- Anon but the answer is always the same. Nobody can stop him but himself. I hate to see him fighting the demons all the time but I know all I can do is to continue to love him and support him.
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Old 09-04-2011, 07:49 AM
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Okay my story
I met Johnny at age 16 I'm now 39.
It was at first sight, for both of us. We spent every waking moment together, Johnny had always had drugs in his life, came from the family. He smoked pot when we met and continued that for years after we married, he always worked and support me. We got pregnant with twins at age 28 , it kind of went downhill from there, he couldnt hold a job, would lie, steal, and dissapear for days. After our daughters were born i got a job at a nursing home, i started at the bottom. Things didn't get better we lost our house and he continued to choose the drugs and started to get in trouble with the law,eventually in and out of Jail finally getting probation, i continued to work. He straightend out while on probation and started a tree service business. Life got better we purchased a house kids were happy everything was great, i moved up in my position at work.

Chapter 2:
Well Johnny slowly got into drugs again, his business was failing , he got caught dirty UA and probation became even harder, he also was diagnosed w an illness microscopic polyangiits, some days impossible to move, through this time treatment was in place his business was on hold and probation had him by the balls.! He got depressed and decided to pick up the ol crack pipe, it was here n there his useage but he got a surprise visit from po and they hauled him off to Jail again and that is where he is now with no more chances and waiting for sentencing.

Iv been by his side through thick n thin. Johnny has a huge heart would give a stranger his shirt off his back, he is so unbelievably funny makes u laugh so hard till u pee ur pants! !! He is the best father to our daughters its inreal! We r a strong family and GOD is our foundation. All things r possible through him.

Well that's my story and it felt so good to get it out! !!!!!!
Thank u pto
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Old 09-04-2011, 08:38 PM
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I have debated whther to share my story but I think its time. I have a 21 year old son. He adopted me when he was 16 and had always spent a lot of time around my house ( he is my other sons friend ) . He moved in with me and I soon began to understand that he had had a very abusive childhood. His parents had beaten him and told him he was useless all his life. I knew none of this until he came to live here, he had always kept it quiet despite being a regular visitor at my home since he was about 11.

As he has grown up he has become a binge drinker, he still works hard and has full time job. He never misses day off work but at weekends he will start to drink at maybe 7 or 8am in the morning and continue throughout the day and night. Every night when he comes home from work he drinks, and most of his salary is spent on alcohol. When he first lived here he would drink a lot and then self harm himself. He has stopped the self harming but the drinking continues. He knows he drinks too much and he even know why he drinks, to blot out the painful memories of his childhood but he cant stop. I have tried to help him, I have read books, spoke to people at Al- Anon but the answer is always the same. Nobody can stop him but himself. I hate to see him fighting the demons all the time but I know all I can do is to continue to love him and support him.

Im glad you decided to share your story, thank you.
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